sadeiyare: She started dating u when she had a job abi ? She didn't see you as an opportunist. She liked you even when you have a not too good job. She is not unemployable, she is a graduate and can even get a job in any food company. Her experience is an asset. She is matured enough for marriage. Guy make you marry the girl, I wonder which girl dem born out there with Mrs right boldly written on her fore head. Is your jude married ? Don't mind jude, follow your heart. Marriage is sacrifice; we all get to marry because of one thing or the other,you have been a bachelor since birth, don't be an unrepentant bachelor lol. Godspeed

soloyes: i totally agree with him because for her to have been with U when she was still a banker is one sign that she truly loves U. From her promise of a job from her brother AFTER U marry her should let U know that she wants to be sure U are not going to disappoint.

horny4u: Why will she want to marry a man whose friend controls his mind

All this forward girls proposing to a men about ( now he thinks she has ulterior motives)

Sijo01: Not employable, yet she has 4yrs banking experience.......is jude am employer......what did he based his conclusion on

mrkels: Poster ask yourself this one question, would she had settled for you if she didn't loose her job? I just think she's looking for security and an excuse not to go to the east!

freeamie: I met this girl last year September at a cousin’s wedding reception and we exchanged contacts.
We had a first date and I discovered that she is a banker and she discovered (to her disappointment) that I am a School teacher. She said she likes my personality but doesn’t like my job.

Honestly, I have been looking for a better job but U know Naija now. E no easy.
Somehow, we pulled along but no much intimacy as we only meet on weekends and maybe like once a month or so.

Anytime she comes around, she tells me stories of her colleagues, suitors etc etc and of course every one of them has a car and is richer than myself. She pings and answers phone calls of pple I suspect to be her toasters or so, she was just in control. I just played cool. She never asked me for anything and I never asked her too.

YOU ARE A FOOL IF U DONT MARRY HER.YOU WANNA TIE DOWN YOUR LIFE WITH ALL THESE I NEVER CHOP BABES

Last March, she lost her job. So, she became more available at my place. Last month, she started asking me to define our relationship, my plans for her and future, etc. But, somehow I discovered what I believe is the problem: Her elder bros she’s been staying with will be relocating to east by October when his rent expires.

My girl say she CANNOT leave lagos. With the kind of family she’s from, she won’t be allowed to rent an apartment here especially as she’s got no job.

So, she wants me to marry her before then, she says if money is my problem, that she’ll support me with 350K from her savings. She even said her bros (who works in the oil rig) can help me get a better job (since I studied Engineering), but, that’ll be after our marriage.

This came as a surprise to me cos I thought she’s the Madam here. Besides, I’ll want to marry when I’m ready and to Mrs right. I know I like her very much, but, Jude (my guy) says I should use my brain and NOT my heart.

Jude says she’s not employable again as she studied Food Science tech and has been in the bank for 4 years and that she needs marriage to secure her life and future. He says she’s turned to a liability and that she doesn’t love me.

Now, What do I do ?? What do I tell her ? Jude can’t be right, is he ?

burning_spear: When I was sharing a little room with someone, I was also written off same way by this lady I had wanted to marry then, after her parents said they had prayed and found out that I wont make it in life. Imagine liars from the pit of hell!

fresh_dude: @Freeamie, bros I hail o.

I think the babe is manipulative. She's dangled what she thinks is enough bait for you to take the plunge. So I ask, is it? Isn't it strange that for the past ten months she doesn't broacch the subject of a career improvement for you until she wants something from you. I think that all the while she was employed you were her last resort, her bossy attitude confirms this.

Where are those her 'toasters' now? I doubt they are still around because they don't 'get' the encouragement from her as they used to.

And it beats me how you guys dont communicate because she ''prefers bbm,'' that's just lame.

Jude is right about not falling for her tricks. And oh, please think about this, ''what kind of woman proposes to her bf(NOTE: not fiance) to avoid relocating?''

acidtalk: Rarely respond to threads if I can't relate to the message 100%. As for this, I can relate to it 101%.

I have found out most people than render advice here are not mature enough and only do it for the sake of 'make me sef talk'.

@Poster, your message is a very serious and deep thinking one.

From what I can see (based on your explanation);

* the ex banker friend of yours likes you but never liked your job. That's very understandable. Which woman wouldn't want her man to earn 6 digit figures? It is only normal.

* she lost her job during the downsizing period as as such the fear that she might not get another job for the fear of her kind of course is what is bothering you.

* you assume she wants to marry you to save herself the shame of returning to the East with her family.

Questions I will ask you are;

* while this girl had her banking job was she rude, bossy, and being in control all the time? Because you mentioned something like being 'oga'. If the answer is yes. Then I will let you know she can never change as if she gets a better job or flowing business tomorrow, she will certainly do worse. But if the answer is No! Then I will let you know you just had a complex and felt inferior to her.

* prior to when she discovered her uncle was relocating, has she ever mentioned marriage plans between you both? If the answer is No! Then I suggest you need to tell her to give you more time to prepare yourself first psychologically and financially as the news just came too sudden. And if the answer is Yes! You still need more time though.

* do you love her enough to live with her flaws? If it is yes! Then you can consider her for marriage, if the answer is No! Let he go as partners only get worse in most cases after marriage.

As for her putting you under a condition of her getting you a job after marriage, don't fall for the bait. Let her know you will ONLY marry her when you get a better job. If she can really help get a job, she will put pressure on that her under to get you the Oil and Gas Job as she won't be able to wait.

I see both of you getting to understand yourself better rathan that just rushing to tie the knot due to circumstances.

Jeezy: If he really loved her he wont be posting this here. He would be at the registry right now...

lari03: The kind that will dump him immediately she sorts herself out. he obviously has a crib she wont mind using until she can do better, check the fact that after 4 years of a job in a bank, she is not responsible for her own accommodation,not like its bad sha, but i.m.o she is a leech.
@OP hope she does not visit nairaland or else when she reads some of this comments,she's gonna fry your azz...

Stallion77: Minus ur friends opinion....Wetin u want? Must u always double check wit ur friends? Guys sef...

chaircover: There are a lot of alarm bells in this story that many people are missing.

The poster is not this girls first choice, and she is only reacting to the circumstances that she finds herself today.

The poster too obviously isnt perfect and he too must have his own flaws, but marriage is a lifelong decision and you must take the plunge only for the right reasons.

maclatunji:

Madame, you have not said anything that will help OP here.

maclatunji:

Madame, you have not said anything that will help OP here.

bendazum:

DULL BRAIN!! CAN'T YOU READ IN BETWEEN THE LINES?