Three friends decided to go to China for vacation. Since they were new at the place, they had to stay in a hotel... And they ended up being on the 60th floor. D policy of the hotel was that, at midnight, the elevator ll be shut down. The next day, the friends rented a car and explored the city. They enjoyed themselves and arrived at the hotel past midnight. The elevators was shut down. There's was
no other way to get to their room than to take the stairs all the way to the 60th floor. 1st friend: For the 1st 20th floor, I ll tell jokes to keep us going, then another cud say wise stories for the next 20th floor; then we ll cover the final 20th floors with sad stories. So he started with jokes, with laughs & joy, they reached the 20th floor. Another friend started saying stories full of wisdom. They learned a lot while reaching the 40th floor. Now it's time for the sad stories, so the 3rd friend said, "My 1st sad story is dat, I left the keys of the room in the car...

ROTFL..dats d ultimate sad story

hahahahhahahahahahhaha dats a very sad story. Me likey

I laugh sotey I press my brother wife br.east

forgive me for this but i have to say it
4 miracles of a woman
*Getting wet without taking a
shower
*Bleeding without getting hurt
*Giving milk without eating grass
*Making boneless meat hard

One couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually. So, t

he mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open. The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"

Here is a list of naija made simile compiled to make u smile..
.Feel free to add yours

**As shoeless as GEJ before he became president

**As clueless as GEJ now dat he is president

**As medalless as team Nigeria in d just concluded olympics
**As nutritious and satisfying as GEJ's cassava bread
***As white-washed as D' tigers against USA in the just concluded olympics
**As crook as Farook Lawan
**As cacographical as Patience Jonathan's speech
***As merciless/fearless/ambitious as boko haram
**As white as Bankole's brocade when he was speaker
**As yey.yey-yey.yey as Wizkid in all his songs
Add your own...

Let's give Honest answers please...A girl
mistakenly sent an sms meant for her bf
to her dad saying; Sweetheart I don't
want to abort this pregnancy because I
might damage my womb,don't forget
this would be the 17th pregnancy I will be aborting for you,don't worry am
preparing my parents food,I will poison
them both so we can acquire their
property for ourselves alone.I love you
dear!!! Question: What will you do if you
were her Dad.

Akpors and Gideon entered a
chocolate store. As they were busy
looking, Gideon steals 3 chocolate
bars and put them in his pocket. After leaving the store,
Gideon says to Akpors: "Man I'm
the best thief ever, I stole 3
chocolates and no one saw me, u
cant beat that". Akpors replies:
"You want to see something
better, lets go back to the shop
and I'll show you real stealing." So
they went to the counter and
Akpors says to the Shop keeper:
"Do you want to see magic?" Shop
keeper replies:"Yes." Akpors says:
"Give me one chocolate bar." The
shopkeeper gave him one, and he
eats it. He asks for the second, and
he eats that as well. He asks for the
third, and finishes that one too.
The shop keeper asks: "But
where's the magic?" Akpors
replies: "Check in my friend's
pocket, and you'll find them

larride: I laugh sotey I press my brother wife br.east

which one? The smaller one or the bigger one?

larride: I laugh sotey I press my brother wife br.east

so how the thing be? i believe its still dey kakaraka

OPEYEMI AD: forgive me for this but i have to say it
4 miracles of a woman
*Getting wet without taking a
shower
*Bleeding without getting hurt
*Giving milk without eating grass
*Making boneless meat hard

Now this is a very serious statement!
Anywhichway, make I laugh...especially @ the meat part!

A man ordered for a voice
automated robot car that does
anything he tells it to do correctly
without any error.
He got the car and started
sending it on errands. He was do
proud of what the car cando
without mistakes.
He was not able to go out on a
day, his wife told him to tell the
car to go and pick the children
from school because she was so
tired.
...
The man agreed.
Man: Car, go and bring my
children from school.
The car went and didn't return in
time as expected, they knew
something must be wrong.
Several hours later and no car, so
the man became apprehensive,
dressed up, ready to lodge a
report at the police station.
He and his wife just stepped
outside when they saw the car
coming with an overload of
children.
The car parked right in front of
them and said"These are your
children sir"
In the car was their Landlady's
two daughters, their choir
mistress two sons, his wife's best
friend's daughter, their pastor's
son and their neighbours two
sons"
Wife: Don't tell me all these ones
are your children?
The husband, nonplussed, calmly
replied...
CAN YOU TELL ME WHY YOUR OWN
CHILDREN ARE NOT IN THE CAR?

Gold and BB I have none but take
ye these veggies as a testament of
my love for you

A man and hiz wife were in court for divorce the problem is who get the custody of the child The wife jump up and say, I BROUGHT THIS CHILD IN PAIN AND LABOUR HE shuld be in my custody the judge turn to the husband and ask what he has to say the man said calmly YOUr HONor IF I PUT MY ATM CARD IN AND ATM MaCHIN AND THE CASH COMES OUT...WHOSE CASH IS IT? The machine or mine?

In 1979, Bamanga Tukur was the Governor of the defunct Gongola State (now Adamawa & Taraba) and 33 years after he is today the Chairman of the ruling Party PDP; Dr. Bello Halliru was commissioner in the Old Sokoto State (now Sokoto, Kebbi & Zamfara) and 33 years after he is today Minister of Defence; Major General David Mark (rtd) was the military governor of Niger State in 1984 and 28 years after
he is today the Senate President; Gov. Murtala Nyako was the governor of Niger State in 1976 and 36 years after he is today the Governor of Adamawa State; Ogbonnaya Onu was governor of Abia State in 1992 and 20 years after he is today the National Chairman of ANPP; Gov. David Jonah Jang was the governor of Benue State in 1985 and 27 years after he is today the governor of plateau state; and Marti
ns Elechi the Ebonyi State Governor is over 80 years old! Only in Nigeria is this possible, meaning the youth of today have no hope into the future! Where do we go from here?
People Deceive People (PDP), 1985, IBB was the president of Nigeria and Buhari was the former Head of state., IBB and Buhari are still contesting for President..is tomorrow yet to come?
Nigerian judge said ibori and akingbola and Daniel have no case to answer,while UK judge said they are guilty of all d offences against them Who's fooling who?.Let's stand and fight for our right cos we are d leaders of Today... Pls let all d youth form an alliance and fight for the unborn. We can't continue like this.

One day a man came back early
from his office. He was shocked to
see his wife with another guy.
He told his wife to go out of the
room.
Then he said to the guy,
"what are you doing here?" the
guy replied "I love your wife & she
loves me too.”
To this the man said "I know that
my wife loves me & not you." After
a long conversation they decided
"we'll lets hold our guns & fire at
each other & pretend to be dead.
She will mourn for the guy she
loves the most & the other person
will get out of their lives."
The wife heard the gunshots, she
came into the room, shocked and
surprised, stood staring at both
the dead bodies. Suddenly she
started laughing out loudly,
rejoicing and shouted
"Bob get out of that wardrobe,
these 2 idiots are dead now!”

i dont know wether this game will work here but it work well on my facebook page
https://www.facebook.com/OPEYEMIADEMON
Just Imagine, you broke up wit ur
lover. After10years you see him/
her. If u say ♥
"HEY, I LOVE YOU " ♥
What would be his/her reply?
To know, ♥ >Copy ANY ONE of the
the lines below. ♥
@+[145480518867077:0]
@+[227988461157:0]
@+[207496440029:0]
@+[250786013666:0]
@+[109640345768180:0]
@+[105641799525521:0]
@+[192333250788571:0]
@+[113119318702609:0]
@+[164867980269754:0]
@+[174723254561:0]
=> paste it In comment box,
delete '+' symbol & then post it.
> You can see what's her/his
reply....! ♥
Lets See What Is Your Ans

@[105641799525521:0]it doesnt work try it on facebook and see

Guy u try wella

ikechukz: Guy u try wella

na baba God ooo

A psychiatrist wanted to know how many of his
patients have been cured of madness, so he
assembled them in a classroom and drew a big door
on the board.
He then told the class that if anyone could open the
door on the board, that person would receive a gift of N20,000 and would be free to
go home. On hearing this, they all rushed to the board
to open the door except one young lady who remained
in
her seat at the back smiling. The psychiatrist with
joy and excitement on his face seeing that somebody
has been cured of madness went to her and asked, Ngozi why didn’t u join your mates to open the door?
She replied "no mind those mad people, they are just
fooling themselves hahahaha dem no know say the
key dey my pocket…..

could dis be true?

‎"Na wao for all these rich people ooo. I went wit a friend to visit his babe frm a very rich family. De maid approached me&asked MAID: what would u lyk to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?
ME: tea pls.
MAID: Ceylon tea, Indian tea, herbal tea, kericho gold tea,bush tea or green tea?
ME: Ceylon tea pls. MAID: how do u want it, black or white?
ME: white.
...
MAID: milk or fresh cream?
ME: with milk.
MAID: goat milk or cow
ME: cow’s milk.
MAID: freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?
ME: umm, lemme go with d freezeland cow.
MAID: would u lyk it with sweetner, sugar or honey?
ME: sugar.
MAID: bee sugar or cane sugar?
ME: cane sugar
MAID: white, brown or yellow sugar?
ME: abeg, forget abt d tea, jst give me a glass of water.
MAID: mineral, tap or distilled water?
ME: mineral water.MAID: flavored or non flavored?
ME: infact get me an empty glass!
MAID: do u want a tumbler, wine glass, champagne flute or a beer mug?
ME: abeg, free me, i go swallow my spit..."

is naija in trouble true?

A naked lady ran into an Igbo man's taxi. She told the driver where she was going. The lgboman didn't start the car but he was just staring at the girl over & over again. The lady saw him and said: what's ur problem man?? Haven't u seen a naked lady before Igbo man replied: l am not looking at ur unclothedness, I was just wondering where U kept the money u are going to pay me.

gone are those days, how many of you remember this

Texas vs NY
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.
He thinks that he is smarter thanthe deputy because he is a lawyer
from New York and is certain thathe has a better education than any
cop from Texas . He decides to prove this to himself and have some
fun at the Texas deputy's expense.
The deputy says, "License and registration, please."
"What for?" says the lawyer.
The deputy says, "You didn't cometo a complete stop at the stop
sign."
Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
"You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License
and registration, please."
The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
"The difference is you have to come to acomplete stop, that's the
law. License and registration, please!" the Deputy says.
Lawyer says, "If you can show methe legal difference between slow
down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you
give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the
ticket."
"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says.
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts
beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to
stop, or just slow down?" lol

If you never received letters like
these, or you no send am to
person dt means u no follow you
know nothing
Classic...
Dear Sugar
Time and ability plus double
capacity has forced my pen to
dance automatically on this
benedicted sheet of paper. Pls dnt
b flabergast at ds time, jst kn dt i v
told my mum not 2 kil cockroach
again bcs u r d cockroach in my
cupboard and d sugar in my tea
Why
this miraculous thing happened is
because honey I love you
spontaneously and as I stand
horizontal to the wall and
perpendicular to the ground I
only think of you, since you are a
fantastic and fabulous girl Darling
please Stop haranguing with the
feelings in my heart because I love
you more than a snake loves rat.
To me each day starts by thinking
of you and ends by dreaming of
you. Each time I see you my
metabolism suddenly stops and
my peristalsis goes in reverse
gear. My medular-oblangata also
stops functioning.
Crazy crazy crazy you may say but
this is true. If only you knew what
is going on in my encephalon you
would understand. That's why I
need to see you face to face with
you, soon. I think I have to pen-off
here because I still haven't
finished studying electrolysis and
polymerization. Catch you later.
Sleep tight and don't let those bed
bugs bite you coz you are too
sweet for them.
Yourz Ever

larride: I laugh sotey I press my brother wife br.east

u dey always dey press press ..........

Are you a joke freak. One long post for one thread or many short jokes for one thread. How the mess do u expect this to be funny.

speeder: Are you a joke freak. One long post for one thread or many short jokes for one thread. How the mess do u expect this to be funny.

the subject of this thread has give you the answer.... get rib crack thats all.... check my short short thread out like this must be a miracle, you know its your funeral and many more