OPEYEMI AD: the subject of this thread has give you the answer.... get rib crack thats all.... check my short short thread out like this must be a miracle, you know its your funeral and many more

I will b generous enough to make it ur funeral. Lol

speeder:
I will b generous enough to make it ur funeral. Lol

hmmmmmmm i reserve my coment till next you post

A three year old girl sat at the dinner table having dinner with her dad, his cellphone rang, he said excuse me and went outside. He talked for a few minutes, comes back and continued his meal. The three year old girl said; "daddy I have something to tell you. Her Dad yelled at her; how many times have i told you not to talk while eating?. Ten minutes later, they finished eating, and her dad asked; what were trying to say?. The 3 year old girl said; while you were on the phone, the cat pissed on your food.

JOKE GRADING:


REMARKS: SPEEDER IS NOW YOUR NEW HOUSEBOY

Trust м̤̈э if I'm one of †ђξ other two guyz, I mite faint oh....imagine after crossin †ђξ 40th floor...OMG dats a scene U̶̲̥̅̊ wldnt wana get into.....

swizz01: Trust м̤̈э if I'm one of †ђξ other two guyz, I mite faint oh....imagine after crossin †ђξ 40th floor...OMG dats a scene U̶̲̥̅̊ wldnt wana get into.....

wrong posting

~vicky~:
JOKE GRADING:


REMARKS: SPEEDER IS NOW YOUR NEW HOUSEBOY

hey cun.t, hw u doing.
Are u trying to get my attention?
Sorry to inform u, you ain't getting one.
@OP, nice joke but I've hard it like a thousand times. But it got me laughing though

swizz01: Trust м̤̈э if I'm one of †ђξ other two guyz, I mite faint oh....imagine after crossin †ђξ 40th floor...OMG dats a scene U̶̲̥̅̊ wldnt wana get into.....

you dont mean it

~vicky~:
JOKE GRADING:


REMARKS: SPEEDER IS NOW YOUR NEW HOUSEBOY

he is welcome, i hope he wil nt behave like dat calabar man that cary my money run

@OP, nice joke but I've hard it like a thousand times. But it got me laughing though[/quote]i hope is not from nairaland? And i hear dat u are d new house boy, hw true is dat

Do you know dat you can have a MINI hearth attack, if sumeone says guess whats! I have heard about you....

OPEYEMI AD: And i hear dat u are d new house boy, hw true is dat

very true. Ur mom asked me to say hi.
Guess what i saw her doing?

speeder:
very true. Ur mom asked me to say hi.
Guess what i saw her doing?

dont mention, just mind your work in this house if you want ur complete salary or u got expel

OPEYEMI AD: dont mention, just mind your work in this house if you want ur complete salary or u got expel

i knew u would say that. I want us to be friends. I hope u don't mind

speeder:
i knew u would say that. I want us to be friends. I hope u don't mind

you are welcome, hope you wil not thief my money and run back to ur village

OPEYEMI AD: you are welcome, hope you wil not thief my money and run back to ur village

as an Igbo man, if I see the money carelessly I'll help u keep it save

more jokes please

Hausa new tragedy of escaping at lagos
A Fulani man was arrested in Lagos, by a group of LASTMA officials for driving on the BRT lane and his car was fined #50,000.

Despite all begging and pleadings, the LASTMA officials refused to release the car.

"Okay, may I know where you are towing my car to?" the Fulani man asked.

"We re taking it to Alausa" replied one of d LASTMA officials.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha" the Fulani bursted into laughter.

All d LASTMA officials were surprised and paid attention to him, wanting to know why he's laughing.

Immediately, the Fulani man brought out his phone began to speak this way"

"Abu Qaqa, Ina kwana? (Good morning in Hausa)

"No sir?

"Not less than 30min before it will explode"

"The car has been arrested...

"Only 20 out of those new bombs inside the car...

"They are taking the car to the targeted destination...Alausa!

"I am coming back to Yobe alive now.

"Thank you sir. Greet other faithfuls for me.

He rounded off his imaginary call.

The LASTMA officials made a GOLD MEDAL in marathon.

He entered his car and sped off,

"Shege, dan burouba...".

Akpors enters Supermarket
to buy himself orange juice and
sugar.
He paid for the orange juice and
walked out with the sugar under
his arm, unpaid. At the door he was arrested and
locked up.

During the court hearing, the
judge asked him why he paid for
the juice only and stole the sugar? He replied "I
do not steal. At the back of the
juice bottle is said:
SUGAR FREE! You think I am
stupid or what?

to be serious imagine your grand father was sick and called you to bless you and after d blessing he said son, i have 20m dollars for you in in in in in in innnnnnn...... And he died. Wat will you do?

Am hapily engagd 2 my girlfrnd, we both love each orda. Bt dere is sumthn dat disturbs me nd dat is my fiance beautiful yunga sister. She always wear short skirt weneva am around nd she always bend 4 me 2 get a beta view but she dnt bhave dat way if sum 1 else is around. 1 wik b4 my wedin she cald me nd ask me 2 cm ova her ouse. Wen i got dere she told me she had feelins 4 me nd if i want one hot
last fling b4 i get maried 2 her sis, i should folow her upstairs. She went upstairs xpectin me 2 folo bt i sat der confusd. Few minutes lata i went out, lo nd behold i saw my entire future inlaws outside. Den ma fada inlaw hugd me wit tears in hs eyes he said' u just pasd our test, we couldnt wish 4 a beta husband 4 our daughter. Now guess the Moral of the story

OPEYEMI AD: Am hapily engagd 2 my girlfrnd, we both love each orda. Bt dere is sumthn dat disturbs me nd dat is my fiance beautiful yunga sister. She always wear short skirt weneva am around nd she always bend 4 me 2 get a beta view but she dnt bhave dat way if sum 1 else is around. 1 wik b4 my wedin she cald me nd ask me 2 cm ova her ouse. Wen i got dere she told me she had feelins 4 me nd if i want one hot
last fling b4 i get maried 2 her sis, i should folow her upstairs. She went upstairs xpectin me 2 folo bt i sat der confusd. Few minutes lata i went out, lo nd behold i saw my entire future inlaws outside. Den ma fada inlaw hugd me wit tears in hs eyes he said' u just pasd our test, we couldnt wish 4 a beta husband 4 our daughter. Now guess the Moral of the story

Always keep your condom in your car

OPEYEMI AD: Am hapily engagd 2 my girlfrnd, we both love each orda. Bt dere is sumthn dat disturbs me nd dat is my fiance beautiful yunga sister. She always wear short skirt weneva am around nd she always bend 4 me 2 get a beta view but she dnt bhave dat way if sum 1 else is around. 1 wik b4 my wedin she cald me nd ask me 2 cm ova her ouse. Wen i got dere she told me she had feelins 4 me nd if i want one hot
last fling b4 i get maried 2 her sis, i should folow her upstairs. She went upstairs xpectin me 2 folo bt i sat der confusd. Few minutes lata i went out, lo nd behold i saw my entire future inlaws outside. Den ma fada inlaw hugd me wit tears in hs eyes he said' u just pasd our test, we couldnt wish 4 a beta husband 4 our daughter. Now guess the Moral of the story

i love this

speeder:
as an Igbo man, if I see the money carelessly I'll help u keep it save

Nna men keep wating, jst leave it as it dey okay. I dnt want wahala o

i have been a Nairaland Member for long time but never meet this article before in fact the writer is a genius
https://www.nairaland.com/1018759/phcn-love

11 people were hanging on a rope
unda an helicopter,10 men and 1
woman. The rope was not strong
enough to carry them all, so they
decided that 1 has to drop off,
otherwise they were all goingto
fall.. . They were not able 2 choose
daat person, but then the woman
made a very touching speech. She
said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman
she was used to giving up
everything for her husband and
kids, and for men in general,
without ever getting anything in
return. As soon as she finished her
speech, all the men started
clapping their hands..

One Rainy Night, Akpors was
walking down a Muddy
road, when a Slow moving car
came and stopped
near Him, without Hesitation, akpors opened its door and Sat on the Co-Driver's seat..

The Car started Moving Slowly,
looking at The Driver's Seat, there was No driver, Akpors became Soo afraid.. Just as He was trying to recover from the shock, A hand pooped from Outside and
Started controling
the steer
ing wheel, Akpors Became Really afraid, And Frozed on His Seat,, he started Praying for His Life..
Just as he was praying, the slow
Moving car
approached a Corner, wondering
What will happen,
again the Hand pooped in from
outside And
Steered the Car Round the Corner....

Now Akpors became Really
afraid, Gathered all his strength, opened the Door, and Fell outside, woke up, Ran to a Late night Restuarant and Ordered a Hot Drink, sat on one Corner and Try to recover From the shock..

As He was having His Drink, two
guys with mud all
over entered the Restuarant and
Ordered a Drink..

One Of them said,
"Look at that
Idiot in the Corner,
He Is the One who Entered In the
Car While we
were Pushing it...

OPEYEMI AD: i have been a Nairaland Member for long time but never meet this article before in fact the writer is a genius
https://www.nairaland.com/1018759/phcn-love

yes he is a real genius..very amazing

There were three men living together in London. An Afro-
American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They were all starving
because they didn't have money to buy food.
However upon coming close to a posh London restaurant in this
classy neighborhood, they decided to come up with a plan.

The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a
three course meal with white wine. When he had fi
nished the
meal, the waiter came by with the bill. "LISTEN MY MAN, I
ALREADY PAID YOU!" - the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was
very confused because he could not remember being paid. But
because he did not want to cause any trouble, he let the brother
leave.

Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When
he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money
for the food. "HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CROSSES. BUT AH PAID YOU ALREADY!" - the West Indian shouted. This time the manager
came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let the guy go.

Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. And you know how we
are. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Beer. After he
had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal,
But before the Nigerian could say anything, the waiter spoke to
him."Sir, I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I
can't understand it. Two other people like you came in earlier
and ate, and they say that they paid me but I don't remember
getting any money from them so, " Before he could finish, the
Nigerian interrupted, rather emphatically, "I'M SORRY FOR YOU
OOOO. BUT DAT UR PROBLEM, JUST GIVE ME MY CHANGE (balance) SO I CAN GET GOING"

Akpors updated his facebook status? thank you lord for making my boss to pay me my salary today, i'm very happy, soon gonna buy my chrismas shoe'... After updating his status, 32 seconds later he recieved a notification dat his landlord just liked his status...
what do you think.....

So now, if you were akpors what will you do

Musa father joins facebook

Musa updated his status: Dad now on Facebook, WTF!

Dad commented: thats my son, what does WTF stands for?

Musa: (shocked 2 see a notification dat his father jst commented on his status) he replied; WTF stands for WELCOME TO FACEBOOK

~vicky~:


yes he is a real genius..very amazing

am kinda surprise laugh and fall down from stair case