jennykadry:

Then they are not ready to be married. If they cannot make things happen, then they are not ready to get married. Is the man in prison? Are they dead?can't they do it in whichever country where they are based? is it by force to do it in Nigeria? If it will take 10 years to make that convenient time then honestly i propose they just move on with their lives and with someone else.

You mean you havent heard of people stuck in Obodo oyinbo and cant travel for 10-15yrs?

I know some guys that havent been able to visit Nigeria since 1997. So you would say both parties shouldnt get married till then?

dayokanu:

You mean you havent heard of people stuck in Obodo oyinbo and cant travel for 10-15yrs?

I know some guys that havent been able to visit Nigeria since 1997. So you would say both parties shouldnt get married till then?

Then they should get married wherever they are. Picture marriages look pathetic however you try to cut it.

Bawss1:

Then they should get married wherever they are. Picture marriages look pathetic however you try to cut it.

What of the traditional part in Nigeria between both families? Different people have different peculiar circumstance in their lives and I wont go berate them for doing whatever they think its best given their circumstance

See wahala oo. Why una no just mind una business. All my past 4 weddings were conducted in absentia. Recently divorced hope to seal another one soon

I personally dont agree with sitting beside a picture. I believe you can have an introduction without having to 'take a picture with you sitting beside a picture'.

Having said that, I see nothing wrong with having an introduction in absentia...especially when both of you are together wherever you are and it's just your parents that are doing the introduction.

All is well that ends well

jennykadry:
For reasons I know we have no control over, the couple might not be able to travel down for the marriage proper , so why not postpone it to a more convenient day when both are present

chaircover:
My take on this is that if you cant meet for one reason or the other, then you just postpone it until both parties are available.

some people actually believe postponing a wedding is bad luck....i do too so rather than postpone it, picture wedding or a video conference can suffice! marriage is not a ceremony, it's the coming together of a man and a woman to live happily ever after!

so i say yes to picture wedding - although i understand why women wouldn't - wedding is a showboating day for them but to most men, it's......"can we get this over already?"

But Coogar, you'd have to be aware of your situation before setting a date to postpone. So if one of the parties knows they won't be able to make the wedding, why set a date that will be considered bad luck if postponed?!

Sisi_Kill: But Coogar, you'd have to be aware of your situation before setting a date to postpone. So if one of the parties knows they won't be able to make the wedding, why set a date that will be considered bad luck if postponed?!

sisikill, shyte happens now......
i know a couple that missed their wedding cos the home office lost their travel documents!
they weren't notified until after 14 weeks when the couple made enquiries.....shyte can happen!

Some places in Nigeria give very high regards to traditional wedding, In a case where both ppl cant travel to Nigeria due to Immigration issue which no one knows when it might be resolved, what do you suggest they do in such instance

dayokanu: Some places in Nigeria give very high regards to traditional wedding, In a case where both ppl cant travel to Nigeria due to Immigration issue which no one knows when it might be resolved, what do you suggest they do in such instance

send the statues of the couple---

coogar:

send the statues of the couple---

Statues are still not flesh and bone, maybe they should travel at all cost for the wedding and jeopardize the rest of their lives

dayokanu:

Statues are still not flesh and bone, maybe they should travel at all cost for the wedding and jeopardize the rest of their lives

sisikill would rather have the wedding in nigeria than wait for any british consulate to dictate her fate. you can always tell from her comments shes an "aso-ebi" lover.

coogar:

sisikill would rather have the wedding in nigeria than wait for any british consulate to dictate her fate. you can always tell from her comments shes an "aso-ebi" lover.

Yes with my shared goat meat. . .thank you very much!!

It's tacky, but I'd help them eat their jollof rice.
Can't do it, though. I mean, if he's paid the brideprice, both families have met, bla bla, must I tie gele and throw a ceremony to know I'm married?

dayokanu:

You mean you havent heard of people stuck in Obodo oyinbo and cant travel for 10-15yrs?

I know some guys that havent been able to visit Nigeria since 1997. So you would say both parties shouldnt get married till then?

I am confused. The guy is stuck in the Obodo Oyinbo and the girl is stuck in Nigeria. How is the marriage going to work?

Tgirl4real: I have heard about families conducting marriage ceremonies with the images (photos) of their children because they couldn't come down for the ceremony. I have also heard of situations where the woman gets married to the guy's pix or d guy's brother cos he couldn't make it.

I saw a pix of a wedding like dat yesterday. A traditional wedding picture of the bride with the photo of the suppossed husband. This really got to me. I doubt I can ever agree to do such. I can't even do such. Who signs the marriage Cert on behalf of the groom? Who does she exchange the marriage vows with? I can't just imagine me agreeing to do dat kinda thing.

I think it's somehow. What do you guys think?

One man's meat is another man's poison. Your opinion is not important as long as does involve are comfortable with it you can remain unmarried for all they care.. abi you get husband for the babe ni Oko won lode ooooo ...

I no sm1 dat did her traditional too with the hubby in abstencia. Marriage is abt two hearts............ Usually its nt the bride or groom dat bring abt the pix tin but majorly the family so evryone arnd can see wat dey luk like. N its high time pple realise dat wedding ceremonies r for the parents/ family in naija while the marriage is for the couple. If dey r okay wit it den wats oda pples biz? Alot who did it neva for once dey will until den".............so all u pple saying God forbid "NEVER SAY NEVER"!

No, the girl has greater chance to go and meet the guy,but the guy can't come home because he might not be able to travel back because he hasn't got residence permit or green card.In fact he is illegal in Obodo Oyibo.I have a friend in such a predicament now.

I know the girl in the recent picture that has been circulating. We used to be very close. The guy is a US naval officer who wont be able to come home for some years so the girl was just trying to please both families who feels the girl would travel to yankee without showing respect to them. That was her reason for doing the absentia thing. The guy should be like 5 years older than the girl.

I dont know if i can do such though cos i will simply tell the bagger to go to hell,i am a sucker for african traditions. But i am not in the girl's'shoes and neither are we. Whoever hasnt sinned should cast the first stone.

They actually did that for the introduction of my cousin, because her husband couldn't make it then (He was in abroad) it didn't feel weird, it was just like a normal introduction. We didn't even miss the husband at all .

Kobojunkie:

I am confused. The guy is stuck in the Obodo Oyinbo and the girl is stuck in Nigeria. How is the marriage going to work?

Both scenarios for those that believe traditional wedding is a must (Most nigerians actually)

Scenario 1. Guy stuck abroad, Girl can travel to meet him later

Scenario 2: Both girl and guy stuck abroad and the families think No marriage can go ahead without the trad wedding

It depends. in some naija cultures, it happens for many reasons.

One reason is for example a man and woman meet in USA and have just done white wedding there. Assuming the lady or man's status needs to be sorted (as one is a citizen there)and documents are with authorities. Meanwhile bride price has not been paid in Naija. Getting status sorted is more important in the short-term than traditional marriage.

Then the lady's dad dies in Naija.

The father-in-laws' family will not accept the man's contribution to the funeral (something no daughter wants to happen), except the traditional marriage is done quick. But both cannot go. The best option is to do it in absentia.
I have seen a few similar cases like that from South-South.

Yes if you are in Naija marrying your childhood sweetheart and your parents are all there, you may never know this.

Travelling abroad has thrown up many situations that require flexibility.

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Hell nah, na so person go marry mad man without knowing

Dlyna. . .is that you in the picture?

Ileke-IdI:
Hell nah, na so person go marry mad man without knowing

, I think you would have known the "Person"/Picture you are marrying before the marriage. Unless the marriage is arrangee ofcourse.

Tolaaaaannni:

, I think you would have known the "Person"/Picture you are marrying before the marriage. Unless the marriage is arrangee.

My sister, it may take 1 day to diagnose mental illness. It may take 1 day for a person to snap. Imagine if they havent seen each other for 2 years? They guy is talking mad on the phone while the woman go think say na Americanna he dey talk.

Ileke-IdI:


My sister, it may take 1 day to diagnose mental illness. It may take 1 day for a person to snap. Imagine if they havent seen each other for 2 years? They guy is talking mad on the phone while the woman go think say na Americanna he dey talk.

Lol so true. 2 years does make a difference.

This is an example

fellis:
Ididn't know that women had expiry dates for marriage.

now u knw. If u like play away with ur time

TCD: I think you people wrongly assume the act of marriage is the "ceremony". Its not. Its from the heart, a promise you make from the depths of your soul and spirit whether it be by phone, or telegraph. The ceremony is just for show, to let people know we're officially married, to have witnesses or for the legal system to issue certificate. so doesn't matter if its a stick that represents the bride or groom in that wedding party.

I doubt God cares about your marriage certificate or wedding ceremony. God does not need any signed witnesses, because he was right there with you two. Once two people "agree" to be married and exchange vows to that effect, weather by phone or email, undersea or in space, in jail or mortuary, they are seen by God as married. You don't need a priest, judge, lawyer or parents to be married in the sight of God. After all two people can agree in prayer, make vows or covenants with God in their basements and God takes it as valid.

If you need a ceremony and party to validate the connection you and your spouse have and bond you into marriage maybe you shouldn't be getting married. Most times, you know the heart of someone not by what they say in a public gathering, but what they say to you when you're all alone gazing deeply into each other's eyes.

Oga abi baby TDC, you have made a point about marriage being an agreement or exchange of vows between 2 people wether by mail or telegraph but where I disagree with u is in the area of being married to a stick or carrot on the day of the event.
Marriage to an African man like me will be a thing of joy and happiness seeing my daughter standing with the groom receiving prayers from me and not a stick, carrot or a photograph instead.
It also is an act of respect for the other family seeing the better half of their child standing and not a stick.
Abi na the guy go first travel go abroad?