@ Topic

I'm sorry bout your loss but you have really done it.

First of all, You really screwed up big. That said, I think all you can do for now is be there for him. Do not appologize now atleast not immediately. A lot of stuffs are going through his mind right now. All you can do is be there for him. I dont know how long both of you have been togerther but I'm sure you know how to cheer him up.

Be remorseful, show him love, be there for him, drop hints from time to time of how sorry you are, let him know also feel his pain, if his sister understands the situation, use her as a mediator, wait for the perfect time and then remorsefully tell him what happened and then let him know how you are feeling about his attitude towards you.

Remember we guys can be babies at times like this, especially if he was really close to his mum.

It all good, if he really loves you, he'll come around.

I wish you the best in your marriage.

davidylan:

If a woman isnt free within the 4 walls of her husbands house to make mistakes then where will she be free to do so?

The problem i see is a long term one. She is only 27, has no kids for this man and she has to beg for weeks and get family and friends to calm her husband for something so trivial? What happens when they both reach 45 and she mistakenly puts too much salt in the rice? Will he take a koboko to her?

I wonder.

I'm not saying her husband is a horrible person adeboo. I'm just saying he's going overboard with the anger. What I personally hate is that his family is seeing this and if she's smart and actually does follow him to Nigeria for the funeral, you'll see how they will treat her because from the way he's acting now, I wont be surprised if he lets the entire family in on everything.

Considering the fight that happened when the mom was in England, lord knows the kind of name she has been given back in Nigeria then for them to find out about this crap too? I'm already feel immense pity for her right now because I assure you, she will go through hell in Nigeria. She can only pray her husband wakes up before he travels and that he keeps his mouth shut too

@ adeboo, you have a good point but for how long do you beg a man?
Look at the big picture . . . this is a marriage that is just starting and the man already finds it so easy to keep malice for so long.  na wa o for peace in that home o.

D-reloaded:

If a guy can move out over something like that, then he never loved her in the first place and the marriage was a sham.

Girl u may not find it easy to believe but Men can be that bad - the marriage wasnt a sham. He is hurting now and the situation will get better.

@Poster, girl just keep praying and being nice to him around the man - (just make sure u keep looking good around the house- wear those sexy lingerie u used to wear and cook his food as normal) it may take a while though - but he will come around.

D-Loaded and Davidylan, i know what u mean but i know what am saying - she just has to keep him sweet for the sake of peace.
D-Loaded, i understand what i mean, have been in this kinda madness before and it was totally not my fault but i had to apologise seriously sha

I think the sister in law is a witch sef.

Instead of her constantly telling the OP things that will make her feel worse like "oh guess what, brother brought chinese, he doesnt want your food", shouldnt she be talking to her brother about his current behavior?

That's what a sane person who isnt looking to destroy a home would do.

D-reloaded:

I think the sister in law is a witch sef.

Instead of her constantly telling the OP things that will make her feel worse like "oh guess what, brother brought chinese, he doesnt want your food", shouldnt she be talking to her brother about his current behavior?

That's what a sane person who isnt looking to destroy a home would do.

lol. . .that's mean!

Then again maybe she should get pregnant now.

Poster

i guess iv got not nothin to contribute here as i think all have already been said!

wish u Good luck. . . . . errthin' is goin' to be iight

D-reloaded:

I think the sister in law is a witch sef.

Instead of her constantly telling the OP things that will make her feel worse like "oh guess what, brother brought chinese, he doesnt want your food", shouldnt she be talking to her brother about his current behavior?

That's what a sane person who isnt looking to destroy a home would do.

They usually are.
They are the worst group straight after Monster sorry i mean Mothers-in-laws.

I have had experiences with them, they are horrible.

this is more than sexy lingerie honestly.the guy i invited to come and beg just left.he called my hubby and spoke to him.i heard his friend telling him he should not take it as far as he has,and he has to cool down.he replied that he said i laughed on purpose and he sees it like i'm so excited his mom died.after the guy left i went to beg again for the umpteenth time.he just stood up and went away.
i have just got a BAticket online for myself.i went to him and told him was going to nigeria even if he does not put me in the plan.i also begged him to forget about everything so we do not disgrace ourselves further in nigeria.i know he heard me but he did not respond.
i dont know what my sister in law has up her sleeves now.i hate that i ever told my husband to let her stay with us.she told me' why have you not even had a baby?at least my mother would have been happier if she had seen her son's child' i think she'll cause trouble for me in nigeria.she has been making all sorts of comments and going to talk to her brother in their language-efik.i dont understand cos i'm ibo.she does not usually speak efik cos her brother warned her not to since i dont understand it.
one thing i know is if things get okay b/w my hubby and i,she'll leave.

What?

Oh girl am so sorry.
I can't imagine livin in the same house as a man and not talking to him (especially when i want a little sometin, sometin during the night).
But never let any family member stay with u if u can help it- they add to the strain.
Just go to nija girl and do the duties u supposed to and pray girl.
You need serious spiritual intervention, this is the time to get people praying for u.

Have u told your Mum, what did she say?

Am sure he will come round or girl is there more to this story than this?

shapey:

this is more than sexy lingerie honestly.the guy i invited to come and beg just left.he called my hubby and spoke to him.i heard his friend telling him he should not take it as far as he has,and he has to cool down.he replied that he said i laughed on purpose and he sees it like i'm so excited his mom died.after the guy left i went to beg again for the umpteenth time.he just stood up and went away.
i have just got a BAticket online for myself.i went to him and told him was going to nigeria even if he does not put me in the plan.i also begged him to forget about everything so we do not disgrace ourselves further in nigeria.i know he heard me but he did not respond.
i don't know what my sister in law has up her sleeves now.i hate that i ever told my husband to let her stay with us.she told me' why have you not even had a baby?at least my mother would have been happier if she had seen her son's child' i think she'll cause trouble for me in nigeria.[b]she has been making all sorts of comments and going to talk to her brother in their language-efik.[/b]i don't understand because i'm ibo.she does not usually speak efik because her brother warned her not to since i don't understand it.
one thing i know is if things get okay b/w my hubby and i,she'll leave.

After all the pleading and stuff, he still thinks you're excited over the death of his mom? Does he really think you ENJOY this situation?

Like I said I knew that sister in law of yours was a homewrecking tart, instead of trying to make her brother see reason, she's making matters worse> Then again this is your husband's fault. It's one thing to fight with your spouse, it's another to let the whole world in on it. She sees the way he's treating you so she is now taking the liberty to disrespect you. That's always how it goes.

I sincerely hope this matter is settled before you two go to Nigeria cos like I said if your husband talks about this situation at all over there, you are in trouble. You also better hope that he tells his sister to shut up too. You might want to ask your mom or whomever from your side for advice.

Oga o D-Loaded girl i hear u on the sister in law issue o.
She is like a thorn in ur side.
What does she want - ur blood?

Girl pray hard o cause this girl has smelt the blood and she is coming in for the kill.

I feel so sorry for shapey girl u are gonna be alright.
Just hang in there e go better.

I just pray that u can have some peace in nija o, cause its gonna be hell for u. Just make sure u have someone from ur end there for moral support.

Look shapey, don't open your mouth and beg again. I know how it is. The more you beg the worse it will get. Just watch him. Your laughter was sort of involuntary because of the exaggerated comment in the message sent to your husband. Just keep cool and watch.

Wish you all the best.

pannyman:

Look shapey, don't open your mouth and beg again. I know how it is. The more you beg the worse it will get. Just watch him. Your laughter was sort of involuntary because of the exaggerated comment in the message sent to your husband. Just keep cool and watch.

Wish you all the best.

But what is she watching out for?

pannyman:

Look shapey, don't open your mouth and beg again. I know how it is. The more you beg the worse it will get. Just watch him. Your laughter was sort of involuntary because of the exaggerated comment in the message sent to your husband. Just keep cool and watch.

Wish you all the best.

she's caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. If she doesnt beg it will only get worse and the husband only use it as more ammunition against her.
He will come around very soon . . . it must hurt very bad to lose his mother but he is forgetting that the next person to him after her is his wife not his little sister.

av spoken to my mom about it and she is not happy.she said like you all did to settle things b4 leaving for nigeria.she said to go into the room,lock the door,put the key in my bra and tell him we just have ther to settle or else nobody is stepping out of the room.he booked his flight to nigeria for sunday.i also have a seat on that flight too,and i've told him that much.i'll keep trying and i know he'll give in,albeit gradually.my sister in law is a small fry to me.when this blows over,i'll show her who's boss i promise.she has really hurt my feelings. i thought we were closer than this.when my husband did not want her to stay with us,i fought for her to stay,so she'll be able to save some money to finish up her education.when she has no money,i'm always there for her. i know i've been there for her when all seems down and she knows it.i just pray to make things right with my man,then i'll ask her why she was so cruel.this is a mess  created i know,but i'll come out of it a better fellow.
his freind calle dme saying he is deeply shaken by his mom's passing and i should keep talking to him.he told me he cried.i feel so sad becos all was well befor the answering machine episode, he's been making calls to nigeria for things to start taking shape before he gets back-he's the 1st son. the phonecard got finished and he still had other calls to make.i called a friend of mine to send me a card PIN by text and she did.i copied it down and gave it to him.the guy took it and said 'thankx'.i hope this is the beginning of a break through.i've known my man for 5 yrs and he has never done this.
i hope this blows over really soon.thanks d re-loaded,adeboo,sly,busta et al.you guys are the best.

shapey,pack to my house ok---some men dont deserve good guurls.Joe----good girls

shapey you are just so lucky to have all this varied advise all to save your marrage.but you too should not have forgotten our culture now! you should know that the closest person to a man is the 'mother'.
Just like your mom advise lock yourselves inside  and continue to beg,if he refuse to yield make trouble with him and any other thing just to draw even a slight smile from him.i can bet you that ends it.But never let him return to Nigeria without settling the matter.
to all you ladies the two worst things you can do that will annoy your man the most is to in any way do anything in the negative toward the mother and catching you in bed with another man.we are not OYINBOs' we are Africans who value our 'women'

d. p.

Girl u are welcome.
Thats what i said, u know him and what he can do and how good he has been to u in the past so u know the best thing to do is maybe try what ur Mum said.
I know that he is hurting and he will get over it - like i said, go to nija and do all the wifey things required for u to do.
But let him know that if he isnt talking to ya you are gonna stay in ur family home o.

Girl, maybe u should try and do what ur mum suggests and see if that works.

I hope he comes round quick time before it gets too late.

shapey:

av spoken to my mom about it and she is not happy.she said like you all did to settle things before leaving for nigeria.she said to go into the room,lock the door,put the key in my bra and tell him we just have ther to settle or else nobody is stepping out of the room.he booked his flight to nigeria for sunday.i also have a seat on that flight too,and i've told him that much.i'll keep trying and i know he'll give in,albeit gradually.my sister in law is a small fry to me.when this blows over,i'll show her who's boss i promise.she has really hurt my feelings. i thought we were closer than this.when my husband did not want her to stay with us,i fought for her to stay,so she'll be able to save some money to finish up her education.when she has no money,i'm always there for her. i know i've been there for her when all seems down and she knows it.i just pray to make things right with my man,then i'll ask her why she was so cruel.this is a mess  created i know,but i'll come out of it a better fellow.
his freind calle dme saying he is deeply shaken by his mom's passing and i should keep talking to him.he told me he cried.i feel so sad because all was well befor the answering machine episode, he's been making calls to nigeria for things to start taking shape before he gets back-he's the 1st son. the phonecard got finished and he still had other calls to make.i called a friend of mine to send me a card PIN by text and she did.i copied it down and gave it to him.the guy took it and said 'thankx'.i hope this is the beginning of a break through.i've known my man for 5 years and he has never done this.
i hope this blows over really soon.thanks d re-loaded,adeboo,sly,busta et al.you guys are the best.

Lol I hope you've learned your lesson in regards to this whole "letting family stay with you" epsiode. ASs you can see the little brat has forgotten all the times you've helped her out. She's dangerous, just keep that in mind

Anyway the whole situation with the pin card, job well done. Helping him with stuff like that is the best way to go. Groveling and weeping at his feet is gonna help matters much anymore. Just try to be there and let him know that you are around and continue doing your own then. Hopefully before Sunday everything will be fine. The only problem is making sure that it wont start up again once you two get to Nigeria

Lol, was it a coincedence you two ended up getting the same plane?

shapey:


i hope this blows over really soon.thanks d re-loaded,adeboo,sly,busta et al.you guys are the best.

u r most welcome!

@ Poster, I dont need to tell you the error of your ways - you know this already. But I do have to ask you 'what the hell were you thinking of when you decided to go to work the same morning he found out this tragic news' M&S for that matter! Wow.   No disprespect but omo, come better than that.

I think your oko has every right to be angry with you. You are the last person who he feels should have laughed at such news. However, I'm starting to think that his level of anger towards you may have a lot to do with what his mother has informed him about you in the past. She has (imo) obviously spoken things that he is seeing in you now.   This is a big shame and I am praying on your behalf that his heart softens towards you once again.

I also agree that you  MUST, at all cost go home and support him, even if M&S want to sack you for it, let them go to places.  

Good luck and the Almighty Lords blessings.

now lets talk,
@poster,
when i was in school(uni.), i had a girlfriend who didnt show emotions,she wasnt cared if anything happened,it wasnt as if she was a bad girl,she was juz like that.Now, i realised that,i didnt hold it up against that.If i was told she did something,i will be able to say, yes,she can or no,she cant.I wanna suspect your husband found out you are not like that and you might have picked something against his mum.He can never be happy with that.
In Nigeria,when you loose someone,you dont go to work for a week,if you go,your boss will send you back home!
so,that was a big error,why go to work? anyway,lot has been said.
all the best o.

cute9jaguy:


In Nigeria,when you loose someone,you don't go to work for a week,if you go,your boss will send you back home!
so,that was a big error,why go to work? anyway,lot has been said.
all the best o.

Obviously she doesnt live in Nigeria.

D-reloaded:

Obviously she doesnt live in Nigeria.

sure i know,i said IN NIGERIA ,telling her what happens in Nigeria,ok i didnt say she was living there.

@Poster: people wey owe you never pay; you dey halla say you no want your money in coins!

Any wise girl in your position will focus on how to get things str8 with her husband yet you're here claiming to be first lady and raking on what you'll do to his sister! How are you sure you won't finally be the one to leave the house?

Anyman in your husband's shoe will do the same and some guys here already told you they'll even do worse! my only advice to you is to go on your kneel and tell God about your problem. Your husband might not see your heart but God does! and God alone can only bring you out of this mess you got yourself into.

As for going to Nigeria with them, I'll advise you not to go unless you get things sort out with your husband and just pray that his people back home don't know about what you, him, and his sister are going through in UK.

No go anywhere Oh! if una no settle the whole thing for UK!
two people speak Efik you dey panic! when him whole relatives and family speak am for naija, na stone go dey fly from all angle land for your head!              

Nothing is above prayer/God! just pray about the whole thing! GOOD LUCK!

Iyanlax:

@ Poster, I don't need to tell you the error of your ways - you know this already. But I do have to ask you 'what the hell were you thinking of when you decided to go to work the same morning he found out this tragic news' M&S for that matter! Wow.   No disprespect but omo, come better than that.

apparently a lot of you assume everywhere else is like Nigeria where you can make up rules for urself without any regard for constituted authority.
You cant decide not to come to work without prior advanced notice simply because your father's great grand uncle died.

seems to me that no matter how much she begs the guy'll never soften. The only thing she can do is to trust in God to settle things and continue in her wifely duties until he forgives her or throws her out. Her fate is sealed and only God can change things now

tuneh

shapey:

.my sister in law is a small fry to me.when this blows over,i'll show her who's boss i promise.she has really hurt my feelings. i thought we were closer than this.when my husband did not want her to stay with us,i fought for her to stay,so she'll be able to save some money to finish up her education.when she has no money,i'm always there for her. i know i've been there for her when all seems down and she knows it.i just pray to make things right with my man,then i'll ask her why she was so cruel.

another mistake!!!
In Nigeria,your inlaws are first.
@poster
will you ever learn?haba,on top all dis talk

@davidylan: I disagree with you on that. Employers know very well about emergencies like this and thats what sick days and call-off are for! Its not wise going to work less than 24hrs someone very close to you lost his mum or you lost your mother-inlaw unless you're a slave at your job! no make am look like say na God write this US/UK so called laws!