Poster, My Mother in Law once told me that you will never find happy people judging or making fun of others when they are down. People who delight in Judging and Saying "You caused it" or "you should have stayed miserable" are miserable them selves. They live pathetic lives and wish the have the kind of courage you have to take the bold step in regaining your life and sanity.
People who are genuienly happily married would not go around harassing single or divorced people, they know the work marriage takes and are willing to put in the effort and so when they see single or divorced people they understand and not Judge.
Ignore the people making snide remarks, and you will face many of them even in real life, take your time, the sun will shine again, rediscover your self. It will happen gradually. Life is a marathon not a 100 meters not a hundred metres dash, sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are behind, what matters is that you run your own race in your own lane, dont be distracted by those ahead or behind, keep your eyes on your own lane and finish your own race

From your previous postings, I know that a divorce has not taken place yet. Before you make any hasty decisions, think about the pressure that you and your husband have endured for the past few months. I am definitely not condoning his behavior, but we all become confused and cope with stress in different ways. You admit to almost having a nervous breakdown because of your difficulty conceiving. Please understand that he is emotionally damaged as well. In marriage trials will come, but for those who endure, they often have valuable lessons to teach the younger generations. Think about your husband's good qualities. Think about the course of your marriage. Over all, Does he support you in your times of need? Is he kind to you? Is he considerate of your needs and desires? Does he do his best to provide for you? Does he make a genuine attempt to seek God? Of course, no person is without faults. If we were perfect, there would be no need for Jesus. I'm not saying that all divorce is wrong. I've gone through one due to severe physical violence that almost took my life. I'm grateful that divorce was allowed, because I'm happier now. Abeg sister, remember that you were able to talk to him and everyone here on NL about your feelings during the conception procedures, but who could he turn to? If he is willing to cut off the extramarital affair and move forward, be willing to give him a chance. Make una shine your eyes well well, so that you do not make a mistake.

pslm23: Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. This is indeed a road i never thought i'd walk! When i said "I Do" to him, i fully intended to stay married forever. What this has taught me though is that we as humans might have our own pre-conceived ideas on how we want our lives to turn out but in the long run,God has the ultimate say so!

I will not entirely lay the blame on him because yes, this IVF thing really took its toll on me but that does not warrant what he did, how he did it, putting me, my health and everything i have ever worked for at such great risk. Not knowing if i was going to be told i had contracted some horrible disease that will kill me and to cap it all, he was unapologetic. The ultimate betrayal is telling your wife, that you intentionally took that male birth control measure because you never really wanted any more children cos you have grown children from your first marriage! All these years of IUI, IVF and trying to be a mommy, and it took catching him with a street walker for the truth to come out! I thought i had a happy fulfilled marriage that was only lacking one thing, a child!
This is why i asked, how do i learn to breathe again in a normal way? how can i remove this heaviness from my heart? How will i ever trust anybody again, man or woman!
I am still in therapy, i have travelled to be with my sister and her kids, but the pain is still there. I loved that man with all my heart! I really did! One day, i will stand strong again but i doubt if i ever will love again like i did!
God bless you all for your responses!

Oh my God, when I started reading this thread I was speechless out of sympathy and wondered where others got the strength to talk because I knew about the other thread of this lady where she was struggling with IVF and birthing issues, I do remember her sometimes wondering how she is making out. I was so sad and unhappy that she had to go through this unhappiness then I read this post above and was like "What?!!!!".

Did he get Vasectomy or what without telling his wife and the poor woman was running to the moon and back trying to make babies for them? Jesus Christ! This is wicked but somehow somehow it's for the best that you found out in time and not when you are past child bearing age. If you are still in the age to swing child bearing start wiping your tears and be thanking God that you only have to meet a better person and you are hugging your babies. You should be giving thanksgiving that you've been freed from the devil (I know that you love him and won't want anybody to call him that but he is wicked please) you have been living with. He played with your life, your happiness.

Girl a little good came out of this after all, wipe your tears Sweetie. It is not easy to be this broken hearted but I can't wait for you to get through this and be on your way to joy lane. Haba! Why did he treat you this heartlessly? that is too much------I haven't heard of anybody being this deceiving to a spouse. He is more wicked than the devil, watching you going through the delicate IVF treatment, acting up and praying with you that God will grant you kids when he knew that he took a measure that will not let him make babies with you.

Oh no!d headin and d poster didn't make sense until I read d content.I am a silent follower of ur ttc hurdles.I admire ur vim and resilience.hmmn,wat can I say?
That u will weather dis storm,I'm not in doubt.
Only pray to be around when u share d story.meanwhile my heart goes to u and I'll remember u in prayer.#cheers.

From previous posts, it seems he took Androgel. I've never met a man who took that for birth control measures. They usually take it to improve their libido. This is especially true of older men who don't feel like their younger selves. I am wondering if he responded to her 'catching him' out of anger, and tried to deflect the attention from what he did. I don't believe he was aware of the side effects until the doctors told both of them. As for the streetwalker, was she really a 'runs' girl, or just some lady he was having a good time with on the side? All I'm trying to say is that the two of you have been through a difficult time, and both of you need to talk and think about having a trial separation before you make a serious life mistake.

@kobojunkie.
Yes, you're right.
Could it be the poster don't know how to win a man's heart on bed?. Thereby waranting her Ex to cheat on her?.

By-the-way, have you heard her Ex's side of the story?.

Sometimes it just flies over some people's head.

It can't be helped! It really can't.

mrrock: @kobojunkie.
Yes, you're right.
Could it be the poster don't know how to win a man's heart on bed?. Thereby waranting her Ex to cheat on her?.

By-the-way, have you heard her Ex's side of the story?.

huh??

mrrock: @kobojunkie.
Yes, you're right.
Could it be the poster don't know how to win a man's heart on bed?. Thereby waranting her Ex to cheat on her?.

By-the-way, have you heard her Ex's side of the story?.

How the heck did you deduce this from Kobojunkie, hehehehe, Cant wait for kobo to catch you, lecture go kill you today

Sisi_Kill: Sometimes it just flies over some people's head.

It can't be helped! It really can't.

My sister I taya i swear.

@Poster

Repent! Repent! Repent! And beg for forgiveness.

What a world!! . . Someone who was urging another woman to divorce her husband because of a flimsy marital problem is now seeking help on how to cope with her own divorce.

In fact, all evil women who have helped in destabilizing other peoples home should repent or else . . . . .

@ pslm23
There is no quick way out!

You will experiences pains, however after darkness comes morning!

Find and read this book "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie"

If you want i can send you the audio copy of same title!

Also you can search internet for the same title!

Just download it unto you mobile phone and listen while you go about your daily activities.

Also send a copy to your (ex)husband! It pays to be nice to people you dont get along very well with...

FlowerPower: From previous posts, it seems he took Androgel. I've never met a man who took that for birth control measures. They usually take it to improve their libido. This is especially true of older men who don't feel like their younger selves. I am wondering if he responded to her 'catching him' out of anger, and tried to deflect the attention from what he did. I don't believe he was aware of the side effects until the doctors told both of them. As for the streetwalker, was she really a 'runs' girl, or just some lady he was having a good time with on the side? All I'm trying to say is that the two of you have been through a difficult time, and both of you need to talk and think about having a trial separation before you make a serious life mistake.

@Flowerpoint
I just read that Androgel cream part in the IVF thread, the way she said it in the post here sounded like the man took a very serious-close to irreversible birth control measure. If it is only a cream then it can be stopped but then what the heck is that part about him not wanting to have kids as he already has grown up kids in his former marriage? Why didn't he go for a woman that does not want to have kids instead of tying down a young lady that wants a family and playing wicked trick on her?

If they can still find their way through his betrayal, shouldn't he be considerate and stop using the cream so that she can make her own kids (hoping that the Androgel cream will have no effects on s-perms when he stops using it)? How can she be going through near-trauma to have babies and he is working against all her heavily-risky efforts? He is being unfeeling and heartless. Plenty hugs to you Miss Psm23.

mrrock: @kobojunkie.
Yes, you're right.
Could it be the poster don't know how to win a man's heart on bed?. Thereby waranting her Ex to cheat on her?.
By-the-way, have you heard her Ex's side of the story?.

[size=15pt]Jesus is LORD[/size]!!!
When I tell people to LEARN TO READ . . . . they think I am the problem. ugh!!

Kobojunkie:


[size=15pt]Jesus is LORD[/size]!!!
When I tell people to LEARN TO READ . . . . they think I am the problem. ugh!!

. That smiley is so bloody priceless!

It's hard pslm23 but you will have to accept it and move on. You left for a reason, remmeber that reason. Remember that you deserve better. Pray for strength and you'll be alright.

Ivynwa:

@Flowerpoint
I just read that Androgel cream part in the IVF thread, the way she said it in the post here sounded like the man took a very serious-close to irreversible birth control measure. If it is only a cream then it can be stopped but then what the heck is that part about him not wanting to have kids as he already has grown up kids in his former marriage? Why didn't he go for a woman that does not want to have kids instead of tying down a young lady that wants a family and playing wicked trick on her?

If they can still find their way through his betrayal, shouldn't he be considerate and stop using the cream so that she can make her own kids (hoping that the Androgel cream will have no effects on s-perms when he stops using it)? How can she be going through near-trauma to have babies and he is working against all her heavily-risky efforts? He is being unfeeling and heartless. Plenty hugs to you Miss Psm23.

^^^^That is why I think he said it out of anger. If he was intentionally taking it to stop the pregnancy, he would have never told the doctors he was using it. We don't even know if he is still using it. I truly believe he said this out of anger, so he could diminish the severity of his affair. KOMOT! Why would he waste all that money on IVF treatments? She said her husband is American. Is he oyinbo? Is he black? I don't know how long you have been in the states OP, but that may make a difference in how you approach saving your marriage if that is your desire. Also be careful with your decision because different states have different required periods of separation. In some states it has to be 1 year, while in others it only has to be between one to 3 months. Please don't be hasty in your decision until the two of you have a chance sort this out.

What can l say?
* I dont look at issues "on face value". I would rather ask "probing questions"!
* I dont believe one spouse's story, until l hear from the other spouse!
* I am very blunt and would say it as l feel it!
* At times, saying the truth to someone, might hurt their feelings
* I would have used the "word of God" as a healing balm but then l remember the first two post of this thread!
..and when l hear that "the man has other children from a previous marriage" (divorcee! )


I think l should sip a "coke" than engage my fingers, in tune with my mind right now.

No Comment on this one.
But l sympathize with the lady or anyone for that matter, who is hurting right now and l wish you to be strong.
Make a lemonade out of this lemon, that 'life" has thrown at you!

Lastpage!

See Mr. 'no comment'! After a whole page!

@Post

This too shall pass. Just take each day one step at a time. The Lord is your strength.

As for all the insensitive nairalanders talking trash to the poster, God is watching you. Just because this is an online forum does not mean you have to display your heartlessness here. Then again, I have long known that most Nigerians can be so insensitive. Why do you think I keep most Nigerians at bay? Mtshew!

dasparrow: @Post

This too shall pass. Just take each day one step at a time. The Lord is your strength.

As for all the insensitive nairalanders talking trash to the poster, God is watching you. Just because this is an online forum does not mean you have to display your heartlessness here. Then again, I have long known that most Nigerians can be so insensitive. Why do you think I keep most Nigerians at bay? Mtshew!

Not insensitive, some of them just 'holy pass holies of holies'

@ OP, again just give yourself time and don't make any rash decisions.

---that is the ugly side of the coin people get thrown at when they come baring their soul and hurt here sometimes. The insensitive ones will want to hurl jagged edges at your bloody injury. Now isn't the time to laugh at this lady or tell her that she is being punished for her sin or remind her that she married a divorcee because you yourself married a prim and perfect singlee. Abegii!

This lady is one amazing lady, she had the courage to bring together Nigerian women that are seeking babies through the IVF methods. People (that would have hidden behind facades with fear of our ever judgemental pips laughing at their quest) got inspired and relaxed and shared problems with her. Here she is again opening up shamelessly, she doesn't deserve for anybody to start making fun of her. Where do they get the heart to do these things and laugh at hurting persons?

FlowerPower:

^^^^That is why I think he said it out of anger. If he was intentionally taking it to stop the pregnancy, he would have never told the doctors he was using it. We don't even know if he is still using it. I truly believe he said this out of anger, so he could diminish the severity of his affair. KOMOT! Why would he waste all that money on IVF treatments? She said her husband is American. Is he oyinbo? Is he black? I don't know how long you have been in the states OP, but that may make a difference in how you approach saving your marriage if that is your desire.------------.

Somehow I knew that that won't come from a Nigerian man....all in all I don't think that the nitty gritties one encounter in marriage should be shared here from the way things always go down here and however much a faceless forum this is----some things are better not shared here. We all have one thing or the other that went on in our family that we don't go close to sharing in a forum and some parts of this experience is one of such that should only be shared with close friends. Seriously!

Amazing Lady my foot!! . . . That she is seeking the fruit of the womb doesn't make her an amazing lady. Wicked women also seek the fruit of the womb.



It didn't take me a second to remember that she was the same lady orchestrating the destruction of another man's home. She had the temerity to compare her so called lovely American husband to the bad Nigerian men. In her mind, she thought she had a perfect marriage,now the lovely American hubby has shown her pepper. https://www.nairaland.com/529710/nigerian-mothers-gave-birth-abroad


She better go beg that man and other families she might have helped in destroying their marriage for forgiveness.

after patiently going through the IVF thread, i got to understand what the OP has gone through, it actually made me sober., my main advice is to get close to Jesus, He'll teach you how to go about it& He 'll tell you what to do..., also share your burdens, cry out the pain & shed the tears, the more you do this, the more you get relieved...shalom

Metalgoong: Amazing Lady my foot!! . . . That she is seeking the fruit of the womb doesn't make her an amazing lady. Wicked women also seek the fruit of the womb.

It didn't take me a second to remember that she was the same lady orchestrating the destruction of another man's home. She had the temerity to compare her so called lovely American husband to the bad Nigerian men. In her mind, she thought she had a perfect marriage,now the lovely American hubby has shown her pepper. https://www.nairaland.com/529710/nigerian-mothers-gave-birth-abroad

She better go beg that man and other families she might have helped in destroying their marriage for forgiveness.

Enters the room and kneels...You are not going to stop posting about that old thread until someone acknowledges you. Since there was never any followup, you don't know what the outcome of the situation was. HABA!

I only got on nairaland a week or two ago. I clicked on this post & from reading a comment about whether you are the same person from an ivf post, I clicked on your name, found the post & i just spent the last one hour reading through it. I cried.
What can I say to you? How do the words of a faceless stranger comfort you? Dear, you have been through a lot. Yes you have. I have been married for over 3 years. No kids yet. Suffered a miscarriage early this year, due to stress. I'm in my mid-late 30's. My husband was very ill, hospitalized for several months & the psychological trauma, bills, in law issues, my family asking me to leave the marriage and all, left me devastated. In the end, I lost a 4 month pregnancy. Here I am today, hoping to have a baby ASAP, but nothing yet. We are both trusting on God.
You have your health, you have family, and you have many praying for you. All will be well dear. Count your blessings. I have learnt to count mine. Hard as it may seem, do not dwell on your trials. For that is what they are. Count your blessings. All will be well. Xoxo

When

USAMarshal:

After reading this ladies story about ivf, her previous post and 9 years childlessnes, I feel like I know who she is. For readers wanting to know what happened this time, I will say read between the lines. The hubby was getting sperm from a street walker for the IVF ( IVF involves artificial fertilization of the egg with male sperm).I will advice her to leave him and also sue his ass. He is a devil in human form!!!How could he do that if not that he is horrible.

What do you mean by "getting fluid from a street Walker for the IVF"?

Kobojunkie:

What do you mean by "getting fluid from a street Walker for the IVF"?

good question

USAMarshal:

After reading this ladies story about ivf, her previous post and 9 years childlessnes, I feel like I know who she is. For readers wanting to know what happened this time, I will say read between the lines. The hubby was getting sperm from a street walker for the IVF ( IVF involves artificial fertilization of the egg with male sperm).I will advice her to leave him and also sue his ass. He is a devil in human form!!!How could he do that if not that he is horrible.

I hope you are mistaken. If that is really what she meant sha... forget my previous advice. Pray, Fast, and RUN!!!