Mowire:
Didn't the op infer that?

Mowire:
If he is, then this op may just die (God forbids) of high BP soon!
Seriously, if he is unrepentant then @OP has to weigh the options available to her: Her health's become critical consideration.
Are you happy now @kobo?

sadeiyare: Have a mutual promise in place, not forced though, to tell each other everything without shame or guilt. Truth is all you need to enjoy your marriage.

Decryptor: @berem, continue castigating men while ur juniors get married every saturday. no be wedding u wan go attend? i'm sure d lady weddin in question was in primary sch when u were writing JAMB! And btw, y go by dis time 4 a wedding? u wan go wen dem dey share food 4 reception abi? **SMH**

Johndoe100: Actually I have adifferent opinion. I think you should divorce your husband. What does he mean!!! The insult. He had the guts to have an affair then come and tell you? Does he think you are a woman who has no self esteem? As the real witches here like Jennykadry aka "iya aje" and "woe is me" debrief08 will tell you, no woman should stand for such nonsense.
Call your husband and make him understand that you are not such a doormat. Even if you don't divorce him at once , you must pack out for at least 6 to 8 months to teach the blighter a lesson. What nonsense, I am really upset at his behavior.

coogar:

you didn't fail as a wife - your husband is just more hyper-sexual!!! increase his dosage and all would be well! the fact that he cheated on you does not mean he loves the other woman more than he loves you!

berem: na who tell you say I neva marry? Bros abeg face the topic at hand! Na una de[/b]y make women they get high blood pressure [b]because of una [/b]extra marital affair! [b]You men can't keep to one woman.see what the poster is going thru now because of her husband's infidelity! Upon everything she go do to make im husband happy,whosai! The man still chook eye for outside.na God go save una!

Kobojunkie: Where?

Don't worry about my happiness, worry more about the validity of your statements. I read what the @Op typed and still wondering where you get your inferences from.

Mowire:

May be you need to go read the op again, patiently.

Kobojunkie:

I read that post and don't see where you get your repentance from, especially since the story is not being told by the man but the woman. I don't see anywhere in there where the man tells us he has repented. Please be kind enough to show me.

scribble:

Is Una an Ibo or Calabar name? What is Una? Dont come out here generalizing and male bashing, its not intelligent!
Perpetually paranoid women will always get their heartbroken because they just expect every man to be bad news. Goodluck!

freecocoa: I know who this OP is but ayam not telling.

shhh. . .

Adeolu60:

Thank you cc and yes we went for I think 7 sessions of therapy with a registered phycologist. And this is not a script or something, it's part of my life that I'm not very proud of.

And yes I told him it will take a while for me to get back to normal cos he is like a stranger to me right now, ohh I just can't stand him esp when he talks sometimes, I know it's harsh but he always plays this role of mr perfect anytime we talk about infidelities.

We go out once a week for coffee/ ice cream just to talk and have alone time(as per professional advice) but half of the time we argue and just go back home early to jack janiels on the rocks(scotch on the rocks).

I really just need a third party advice, and i think this place is the only place I'll get answers (just have to be smart about whose to follow).

my best friend is white and the first thing she said was just leave him, he's a jerk! And I can't tell my family cos they thought we have the perfect marriage and always use me as an example for my sister.

and the last time I called my Daddy and told him about my hubby's late nights ( that was last year) you know what he said? Just leave him be and take care of your children, boys will be boys, I just said ok Dad and since then I never told him bad stuff about my family.

And thank you for all your advice and suggestions, I'm trying my very best to make this work. It means so much to me.

berem: LMAO! Abeg make I dey go wedding wey I wan go jare! Una no go suffocate me with laugh for NL!

look at the time you are going to wedding. 2:13pm? SMH

Just say na rice you wan go chop for there. Don't lie!

berem: hellooo! Am not male bashing here! The truth needs to be told.most marriages are on the verge of collapsing due to infidelity on the men's side. The poster is even lucky her husband told her.some men wouldn't dare tell their wives until they find out for themselves making it more hurting!infidelity rate is on the rise with the men dominating the statistics.

debrief08: Let me borrow MrJaybrowns 3 Cs; You didn't Cause it, You don't have the power to control it and you can't change it.
It hurts a lot, but first step, realise that it wasn't your fault. You didn't fail in anyway and "push" him to cheat. Whatever problem you had could have been worked out.
Secondly recognise that you can't change or erase what happened, you have to live with it
Third step, you didn't catch him, he confessed because he knew he made a mistake and is willing to stop and focus on your marriage.its hard to forgive and I know people expect you to "just get over it" but trust betrayed is hard to get back.
My advice is first stop blaming yourself, stop seeking for answers, it happened, if you are willing to let go then start with his help to rebuild love and trust. See why I have a problem with women who do things solely for the benefit of the man, if you had gotten the implants because you felt like it and not because you wanted to please him you wouldn't feel as bad as you do now.
People make mistakes, but when they are mature enough to own up and seek for a way forward I say they deserve a chance, you also hurt God everyday but God still causes sun and rain to fall on you, don't be like the servant whose debt was forgiven yet put his own debtors in jail for less.
Where I would have had a problem was if he was an unrepentant cheat but he is not, please pray to God for Grace and a forgiving spirit, its hard but its possible, also don't suppress your emotions, if you need to lash out, go somewhere quiet and lash out, if you need to cry go and cry. What you are doing is avoiding your emotions, you are scared of reacting so you won't do something that will aggregative the issue.
But when you react, if you are like me then the issue is over and done with and you can start rebuilding your relationship.
Best wishes

Decryptor: @berem, continue castigating men while ur juniors get married every saturday. no be wedding u wan go attend? i'm sure d lady weddin in question was in primary sch when u were writing JAMB! And btw, y go by dis time 4 a wedding? u wan go wen dem dey share food 4 reception abi? **SMH**

i swear i didn't see your comment before I posted mine. Gosh, the power of human reasoning. Don't mind that berem gal. Immediately I saw the time she said she is going to wedding, I was like 'Dang!' Na her type go iron N20 put for envelope come queue for line dey expect breakables (ceramics) as wedding gift from the bride!

Kobojunkie: @Poster,

a) You need to tell your parents at least -- as you can see, hiding the information(probably out of shame) is not helping you. You need the input of others, and family is the best place to start. If they choose to no longer respect him, it is not your fault but his. But you need to open up -- that bursting feeling you have their is because you are trying to carry his guilt for him. It is not yours to bear. Speak to your family please. Let them know what is going on with you so they can continue to provide you the support they have been doing all your life(even before this man showed up in the picture).
Another reason you need to tell them is should an issue like this arise again in the future, it is likely your family that will keep you from falling deeper down the hole than you need to.

b) You are doing the right thing by going to counseling and all. And I urge that you continue. At least for your own sake.

c) He confessed to you DOES NOT then imply that he realized he was wrong. There are so many reasons why he would do that so do not simply assume your man has suddenly had a change of heart or seen his wrong ways. It could be that he was dumped, and he needed someone to talk to about it, and you were it. Or that he felt it right to announce this just in case the other woman has something up her sleeves, like blackmail. Whatever the reason is, please do not take that as a sign that your man is done with this behaviour. Not saying you become paranoid either. But bear this in mind as you continue with therapy and counselling.

d) Even a man who gets sex 24 hours a day will still find a way to cheat if he wants to cheat. Men cheat for different reasons, so NO, it is not your fault that you are not SUPER WOMAN in bed, in the kitchen, in business etc. No woman is made that way and no sensible counselor or therapist will advice you to turn yourself into one of those either. Your husband cheated because he wanted to cheat, and that is that!! Even women who are acrobats in bed can still end up with men who cheat on them more than half of their marriage. There are so many examples of those sort of cases all over the place. Very beautiful women get cheated on too. Very Sexual women get cheated on too. Great housekeepers get cheated on too . . even those women who have it all in one package get cheated on too. So please, do not go changing yourself as a result of this. This man cheated on you, not you on him.

e) As to your main question, yes it is possible but it will depend on you. You will need to work on forgiving him(best done at your own pace though), and accepting him back into your life.

2mch: Not trying to break you further, but I think you were told before the other girl told you. A one year relationship is a deeply committed relationship. Maybe she was making demands he could not meet and he broke it. Then she threatened to tell you, and he decided to tell you first. I think your biggest issue here is how he told you and how he is going on about it, you don't feel the remorse. Although you have skipped that part. Well I think with the way you are going it will end, if you both cannot talk about it outside of the therapist. He also has to show deep remorse and a willingness not to repeat it for you to start moving on. My 10cents.

jackpot: i swear i didn't see your comment before I posted mine. Gosh, the power of human reasoning. Don't mind that berem gal. Immediately I saw the time she said she is going to wedding, I was like 'Dang!' Na her type go iron N20 put for envelope come queue for line dey expect breakables (ceramics) as wedding gift from the bride!

Adeolu60:

Thanks kobo, na wa for these men o, there's nothing you can do to satisfy most Nigerian men! You know I checked the last 6 months cell phone bills, the least amount of duration they spoke on the phone was 60 minutes! What are they talking about?! he must have enjoyed that gal's company to stay for that long, and I also stalked her to know what he saw in her

I read this post about checking text messages of spouses here,

he cuddles his stupid phone like a baby everytime, I tried to check it one night he already slept and you know I accidentally cleaned out his blackberry memory because I tried all the possible passwords I thot,

I felt terrible , all his important contacts gone! So I know the implications of snooping!

And I had a feeling something was going on cos the wasn't like that at least early last year but I just chilled until I got the shock of my life, the rest of our vacation was like a bitter lime, we just pretended for the kids to have a good time. It wasn't pretty atall.