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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair (19019 Views)
I’m Sad! Mum Is Having An Affair Six Month’s After Dad’s Death’ / His Friend And His Wife Are Having An Affair! / Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by Kobojunkie: 6:03am On Sep 17, 2012 |
Gracious10: Very well put! Gracious10: Good advice! |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by Nobody: 6:08am On Sep 17, 2012 |
Please Gracious, learn to quote people correctly, where did I ever state that my Dad cheated on my mum or that she should move on without sorting through her feelings? To the best of my knowledge in over 40 years my Dad hasn't cheated on my Mum. So abeg no talk wetin I no talk |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by ogr01: 6:34am On Sep 17, 2012 |
I understand exactly what you are saying.it has happen,and he had told.Is a sign of remorse,forgive him - looking at him as your husband,or your father,or your son,or even your brother.Refuse to allow this to take your joy away.forget about what is past,press towards the future with excitement. |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by Gracious10: 6:44am On Sep 17, 2012 |
debrief08: Please Gracious, learn to quote people correctly, where did I ever state that my Dad cheated on my mum or that she should move on without sorting through her feelings? To the best of my knowledge in over 40 years my Dad hasn't cheated on my Mum. So abeg no talk wetin I no talk I am sorry, was going to quote "infolekan" and wrongly quoted you. No vex abeg. |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by Nobody: 7:25am On Sep 17, 2012 |
Lol, I no vex oh, just wondering when I talk all that one. Hehehehe, started to think lack of kpepus don dey affect my brian function |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by coogar: 9:54am On Sep 17, 2012 |
Gracious10: a woman cannot love her husband and cheat because women are mostly emotional beasts. a woman must have weighed the consequences of her action before carrying it out. she must have thought it through - women don't just act instinctively and are less adventurous than men.
stop double-speaking. you are not advising she leaves but you are fuelling her to leave cos her husband has rejected her and blah blah blah. it's not in anyone's place to tell a married woman to leave her husband - unless you want to move in there after she leaves. it's not only about her - the kids have to be considered as well. 1 Like |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by SisiKill1: 3:53pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
Gracious10: Brilliant!!!!!! |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by jerusalem101: 4:02pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
debrief08: Let me borrow MrJaybrowns 3 Cs; You didn't Cause it, You don't have the power to control it and you can't change it. Well spoken and I see a lot of maturity in what ur saying,It's hurt,but since we r not perfect being and we do offend pple too,we should learn to 4give.And secondly,, He came out to confess which mean he has acknowledge his Sin and has repented of his sin so give him a chance and make the best out of it dear...... 1 Like |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by bukatyne(f): 5:07pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
coogar:she has to consider the kids the same way the husband considered them by sleeping wit another woman for one year! |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by Kobojunkie: 5:17pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
bukatyne: she has to consider the kids the same way the husband considered them by sleeping wit another woman for one year! Good one!! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by SisiKill1: 5:34pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
Yeah. . .the guy does all the misbehavin' and the woman does all the considerin' Equation Balance! ![]() |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by coogar: 5:50pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
bukatyne: she has to consider the kids the same way the husband considered them by sleeping wit another woman for one year! except that the husband didn't leave his kids when he was doing the deed - why should the woman leave? |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by Adeolu60: 6:12pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
I read a post that said we should talk about it, and like I stated before that he doesn't want to talk about it and he's uncomfortable blah blah, so I actually told him he needs to tell me how it went down for a year and he was reluctant at first but after 24hrs of ignoring him and not feeding him home cooked meal and already packing for the mini vaca without him included, he now started like Question: (me)why did you do it, (him) answer: I don't know but I guess you not paying attention to me is part of it, you work too much and I just felt forgotten, but I'm not saying not entirely , just part of it but I was just stupid , it was not okay and I'm sorry. Qn: is there something she's doing for you that I'm not doing/giving you? Ans; no Qn: so where does she live and how do you guys meet and when do you get to see her cos you are way too busy with work and kids? Ans:She lives out of town and I go over once in a while to see her. Qn: for a year! Ans: mute Qn: what do you guys talk about on the phone for 70mins! Ans: mute So my qn to married men here? What is your problem and why do you go hunting when you have at home? |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by coogar: 6:35pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
Adeolu60: -variety is the spice of life -man cannot live by bread alone -no 2 women are the same even if they are identical twins -abnormally high testosterone levels -adventuresome -and so on and so forth! |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by Kobojunkie: 6:38pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
@Poster, please leave other men out of this and focus on your own man there oo. You have enough of a job there to handle and I say you stay on it rather than trying to figure out all men. |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by 2mch(m): 6:47pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
Kobojunkie: @Poster, please leave other men out of this and focus on your own man there oo. You have enough of a job there to handle and I say you stay on it rather than trying to figure out all men. LOL, transferred aggression. The only way she can come to terms with the issue, and shift blame from the spouse. Its not men, its your husband |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by ekoboy: 6:55pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
Adeolu60: I read a post that said we should talk about it, and like I stated before that he doesn't want to talk about it and he's uncomfortable blah blah, so I actually told him he needs to tell me how it went down for a year and he was reluctant at first but after 24hrs of ignoring him and not feeding him home cooked meal and already packing for the mini vaca without him included, he now started like |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by ekoboy: 6:59pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
Adeolu60: I read a post that said we should talk about it, and like I stated before that he doesn't want to talk about it and he's uncomfortable blah blah, so I actually told him he needs to tell me how it went down for a year and he was reluctant at first but after 24hrs of ignoring him and not feeding him home cooked meal and already packing for the mini vaca without him included, he now started likeYou know there is no right answer here. Getting details of the affair is only going to make it hurt more. You have to find a way of understanding that thats how men are and you feeling hurt is only because the society has made you see his behaviour as bad,thats why you are feeling cheated. Am sure if this was only fifty years ago, this conversation wouldn't have happened. You would see nothing unnatural about his behaviour. Unfortunately thats the make of men. No matter how the society wants to change men, they cannot really change. All that will happen is men either making concious effort to behave or making concious effort to hide their misbehaviour. I'll advise all women here that their husband have remained faithfully to appreciate them a little bit more. I tell you, it is with some effort. |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by SisiKill1: 7:09pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
ekoboy: Lawd-a-mercy!! ![]() ![]() |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by ekoboy: 7:15pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
![]() ![]() Sisi_Kill:Hard to swallow i guess |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by Kobojunkie: 7:16pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
2mch: Yep! @Poster, your husband is the problem here,not all men. |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by Adeolu60: 7:54pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
Kobo & 2much, sorry I guess I hit some button there, I guess I should have said 'some men', if you read all my post all along I've always said 'some men' not all men. I'm neither being aggressive or transferring any(what for?), it's my cross and I'm gonna carry it until I figure out what's next . Ekoboy; thanks a lot, I appreciate your honesty. Sisikill; I know it's tough cc; thank you for everything, you know talking to him and getting something out of him gives me some kind of relieve. Debrief; thanks a lot, I like your tough love but I'm happy to know he's just a knucklehead and it's not my fault and I didn't fail in any way. I'm still going away tho but just for a week so it won't hurt the kids academics. I'm out.(oops I almost signed my name there) ![]() |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by Nobody: 7:55pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
Adeolu60: I read a post that said we should talk about it, and like I stated before that he doesn't want to talk about it and he's uncomfortable blah blah, so I actually told him he needs to tell me how it went down for a year and he was reluctant at first but after 24hrs of ignoring him and not feeding him home cooked meal and already packing for the mini vaca without him included, he now started likeYou insist on finding a way to blame yourself for the decision of a grown adult, so now that he has said its because he felt neglected am sure you will consider quitting and staying 24/7 and petting your big baby. He cheated, his decision, if he felt neglected he as the head of the home should have spoken with you and you both work out something. Now you are asking nairaland me, what do you want to hear? That it is your fault? That you failed as a woman? That you are a bad wife? Enjoy your pity party. |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by SisiKill1: 8:24pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
Adeolu60: Kobo & 2much, sorry I guess I hit some button there, I guess I should have said 'some men', if you read all my post all along I've always said 'some men' not all men. Awwww!! You will be fine! You are a strong woman. . .trust me, now I know! Like everyone has said, it is NOT your fault. . .if nothing else don't forget that. While I totally understand the need to remain anonymous, please remember there is nothing. . .absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You have done nothing wrong, you trusted somebody, who by all accounts you should be able trust and you talked about things based on that trust. He failed YOU! That's on HIM. . .not you. Besides, how many of us can say we've never experienced such?!! Yeah, that's what I thought!! Like grandma would say "When people say we have never seen this before, they are just trying to scare the other person" (Mehn, it sounds sooo much clever in Yoruba. . .which by the way, I am surprised you are ![]() Anyhoo, Remain STRONG. . .this too shall surely pass. Cyber Hug!!! ![]() |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by Nobody: 8:33pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
Adeolu60: Kobo & 2much, sorry I guess I hit some button there, I guess I should have said 'some men', if you read all my post all along I've always said 'some men' not all men.Now thats the spirit, you go girl, take the time you need and get your head in one place. Sorry for the tough love, been there its very necessary, Pity parties dont do jack, a slap back to reality once in a while is good. I hope it all works out well. Huggssssssssssssssssss |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by maclatunji: 8:35pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
Gracious10: Nice stuff. |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by Kobojunkie: 8:45pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
Adeolu60: Kobo & 2much, sorry I guess I hit some button there, I guess I should have said 'some men', if you read all my post all along I've always said 'some men' not all men. Not saying you are wrong . . . just saying there is no need to visit some men when the man in this case is your man. Forget what other men are doing right now. .. you need answers from your man and you need it now. He owes you answers and no other man out there can give you the answers you need. |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by Adeolu60: 8:48pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
Debrief & sisikill ; I honestly feel your love, see why I don't need to wash my dirty laundry for my family? Thank you! Thank you!! Muah! |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by Nobody: 8:52pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
Adeolu60: Debrief & sisikill ; I honestly feel your love, see why I don't need to wash my dirty laundry for my family?Dirty laundry ke? We all have our baggages jare. Anyway, after all has calmed down at least tell your mom or one of your sisters. They may laugh or talk but at the end of the day na ya family, if shame enter e go affect una all. When you feel comfortable though, its good that they know. |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by Adeolu60: 8:57pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
debrief08: Okay, I'll do that after the storm is calm. But I hope my brother doesn't punch him on his face! Lol I'm not even kidding , my brothers are brutal! |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by maclatunji: 9:30pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
Adeolu60: Me, I no support this going to tell your siblings thingy O. Ok, your mom if you must but since you didn't tell your siblings at the beginning, why upset them when you're supposed to be at an advanced stage of healing in the future? Your mom would have seen enough of life to laugh about it. Those old people are full of secrets, it will amaze you what they know but hide from you. |
Re: Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair by TV01(m): 10:25pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
maclatunji: Only old people? (don't be surprised if they have'nt already sussed sef. Their paradigms and experience may have led to "seeming disinterest", but perhaps they are being kind in not letting you expose your unclothedness?). No matter how good it "may seem" to tell, it's always better to resolve things between you. If you get over this, are able to heal forgive and move on, you'll be surprised that "others" may not, and simply present yet another potential breach to your relationship The "brutal brothers" sef, are their lives open books? (A proclivity to "brutality" speaks volumes). I wish you all the best at in this trying time. Please don't let pride cloud your judgement. And be careful, there's been quite a bit of faulty reasoning and short-sighted advice on this thread. I'm late to the table so won't touch on everything. Be wise. Regards TV |
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