jennykadry:

Stay there na. I know a lot of Nigerian women in our family church back In Nigeria that are all graduates and not working. Not because they can't get a job, but because they are married to these rich ALABA INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS MEN that are worth millions of Naira. Tell me how they will survive if those men abandon them? Every Sunday you see them competing for the best dressed in church, that is what they are good at.

Do you remember the story of that politician that threw his wife out of his house in America? she was homeless and couldn't afford a house just because she was married to a wealthy man and never thought for a second to look for a job.

The wife of ex-Kogi state governor, Abubakar Audu. The woman was very foolish and I have no iota of sympathy for her. Its just the innocent kids caught in the middle that I feel sorry for. They were thrown out in the middle of freezing winter with nary a cent to their name

jennykadry:

You f**ked up. Why didn't you forget that star bottle on her own head?

My sister me wey stand one corner dey cry as I see heavily pregnant woman dey bleed from nose, it was after we cleaned her up, administered first aid and was about driving her to the hospital that she started begging to be allowed to go back home say julius go kill her if she doesn't go back, that was when I concluded she was mad and my aunt use vex tell her to go and never near her door again.

Ok thanks. I met the guy in University. We were actually classmates and best of friends. (Maybe dating a classmate isn't a very good idea afterall) When we progressed into dating, it seemed quite blissful, perfect couple of the year. Then I noticed he was becoming extremely possessive, controlling, suspicious, violent and authoritative. At first I chalked it down to 'natural' male behaviour. But isn't there a difference between a loving jealousy and bitter obsession? I had to explain every call I answered, every message I received, every contact on my phone; A guy couldn't smile at me because he would get jealous; and of course I had to start greeting friends with a straight face to avoid trouble. What really scared me at this point were his tales of juju, of how his father was deep into it, and he too supported it (he's a devout catholic btw!); and if I ever did anything 'wrong' he would find out from his mediums blablabla. I often wonder why I didn't leave at this point, I really can't say. He started making me do his assignments, with the argument that do I want to finish with a 2:1 while he a 2:2. I would do all the assignments, the term papers and seminars, and then have to sit with him during exams so I could help him out. If results came out and I had a grade higher than him, I had to listen to him whine... He was always afraid of me being popular, of me answering questions in class, of me taking part and being successful in competitions (except I would spend the money on him). We spent the whole day together, after lecture hours we would stay back to 'iron' out issues, then evenings he would come to my hostel till 9 pm. But he would still harass me that I'm seeing other people! when do I even have the time?... Sorry I'm not finished and this is getting so long. I always say one day I would write a superstory script about that experience...

freecocoa: My sister me wey stand one corner dey cry as I see heavily pregnant woman dey bleed from nose, it was after we cleaned her up, administered first aid and was about driving her to the hospital that she started begging to be allowed to go back home say julius go kill her if she doesn't go back, that was when I concluded she was mad and my aunt use vex tell her to go and never near her door again.

This beggars belief.

And where is she now? Is she still with Mr Julius? Or she's 6 feet under??

Wow Debrief's case is extraordinary

A loving man suddenly starts misbehaving because he has money (this mostly happens to folks wen never see money and power before)
And for us xtians, I always say this. We need to be careful with churchy things. There is a big distiction between men and God

She has moved on which is great....but
If a man can turn 180 degrees so easily, he apparently has some demons (childhood issues etc still lurking)
Isn't Debrief's continous association with him risky?
I mean he has said he's not marrying again because of Debrief

Is this not a warning sign?
Can we play with fire and expect not to get burnt?

Apparently,IMO Debrief has her own issues of being tooooo caring and trusting (Debrief, I hope u'r not trying to live out the gospel of forgiving by doing ths?)
I just dey tok sha

Efemena_xy:

This beggars belief.

And where is she now? Is she still with Mr Julius? Or she's 6 feet under??

My sister I won't blame you if you can't or don't believe it, I probably won't believe if told but I was there.
As at when I left she was still with him and my aunt moved from that area so na only Ekaette know what her fate is now,I guess she's still alive cos I never hear say she don die.

deepwaters :
Ok thanks. I met the guy in University. We were actually classmates and best of friends. (Maybe dating a classmate isn't a very good idea afterall) When we progressed into dating, it seemed quite blissful, perfect couple of the year. Then I noticed he was becoming extremely possessive, controlling, suspicious, violent and authoritative. At first I chalked it down to 'natural' male behaviour. But isn't there a difference between a loving jealousy and bitter obsession? I had to explain every call I answered, every message I received, every contact on my phone; A guy couldn't smile at me because he would get jealous; and of course I had to start greeting friends with a straight face to avoid trouble. What really scared me at this point were his tales of juju, of how his father was deep into it, and he too supported it (he's a devout catholic btw!); and if I ever did anything 'wrong' he would find out from his mediums blablabla. I often wonder why I didn't leave at this point, I really can't say. He started making me do his assignments, with the argument that do I want to finish with a 2:1 while he a 2:2. I would do all the assignments, the term papers and seminars, and then have to sit with him during exams so I could help him out. If results came out and I had a grade higher than him, I had to listen to him whine... He was always afraid of me being popular, of me answering questions in class, of me taking part and being successful in competitions (except I would spend the money on him). We spent the whole day together, after lecture hours we would stay back to 'iron' out issues, then evenings he would come to my hostel till 9 pm. But he would still harass me that I'm seeing other people! when do I even have the time?... Sorry I'm not finished and this is getting so long. I always say one day I would write a superstory script about that experience...

Wow. The stay back and iron out issues really got me, and the whinning part, it is always somehow your fault or someone else if something goes wrong, not him. I feel you

freecocoa: My sister me wey stand one corner dey cry as I see heavily pregnant woman dey bleed from nose, it was after we cleaned her up, administered first aid and was about driving her to the hospital that she started begging to be allowed to go back home say julius go kill her if she doesn't go back, that was when I concluded she was mad and my aunt use vex tell her to go and never near her door again.

So freecocoa, where is she now? Is she still with him or has she come back to her senses?

Ishilove:
So freecocoa, where is she now? Is she still with him or has she come back to her senses?

I don't know my dear, when I left, she was still with him, this was six years ago.

I wish i could like all the comments in this thread a thousand times over [Excepting that ogre in the first two pages, of course].

I've never been able to understand the mind of women who are convinced that it is their duty to be brutalized and be grateful for it. But then i've never been able to understand women at all.

@Deepwaters

Did you confide in any friend of yours when he was doing all that to you?

Nickydrake: I wish i could like all the comments in this thread a thousand times over [Excepting that ogre in the first two pages, of course].

I've never been able to understand the mind of women who are convinced that it is their duty to be brutalized and be grateful for it. But then i've never been able to understand women at all.

It's a pity that a lot of men that think like you are already taken

deepwaters :
Ok thanks. I met the guy in University. We were actually classmates and best of friends. (Maybe dating a classmate isn't a very good idea afterall) When we progressed into dating, it seemed quite blissful, perfect couple of the year. Then I noticed he was becoming extremely possessive, controlling, suspicious, violent and authoritative. At first I chalked it down to 'natural' male behaviour. But isn't there a difference between a loving jealousy and bitter obsession? I had to explain every call I answered, every message I received, every contact on my phone; A guy couldn't smile at me because he would get jealous; and of course I had to start greeting friends with a straight face to avoid trouble. What really scared me at this point were his tales of juju, of how his father was deep into it, and he too supported it (he's a devout catholic btw!); and if I ever did anything 'wrong' he would find out from his mediums blablabla. I often wonder why I didn't leave at this point, I really can't say. He started making me do his assignments, with the argument that do I want to finish with a 2:1 while he a 2:2. I would do all the assignments, the term papers and seminars, and then have to sit with him during exams so I could help him out. If results came out and I had a grade higher than him, I had to listen to him whine... He was always afraid of me being popular, of me answering questions in class, of me taking part and being successful in competitions (except I would spend the money on him). We spent the whole day together, after lecture hours we would stay back to 'iron' out issues, then evenings he would come to my hostel till 9 pm. But he would still harass me that I'm seeing other people! when do I even have the time?... Sorry I'm not finished and this is getting so long. I always say one day I would write a superstory script about that experience...

I bet you can imagine what it would be like if you marry him, I have a friend who's boyfriend threw her phone at and broke her lips because she was chatting with an old secondary school mate, he called her a slut and really verbally abused her, I told her that is how it starts o but she said it was just a one time thing that it won't happen again, now she deletes all her chat history so he won't see anything whether harmless or not, well I just hope it doesn't happen again like she said.

very sad stories here

Jenny I don't want to say too much as I may reveal who my ex is and I did say to myself that I wouldn't do that because of my daughter (he has been discussed in another section here so people know him).

All I can say is I had savings and my own property, he knew I was leaving I said I wanted proper maternity care and left - his mum was holding her face like why am I leaving - his mum gosh I can't stand that woman.

debrief - i can't do what you did - if my ex called me today and said he was seriously ill I personally would not give a rats arse - maybe then I would stop getting texts every 2 or 3 months telling me I am worthless and no man will want me. (yes I still get them as of September 2012)

^The man must be sick in the head, what rubbish

Ishilove:
The wife of ex-Kogi state governor, Abubakar Audu. The woman was very foolish and I have no iota of sympathy for her. Its just the innocent kids caught in the middle that I feel sorry for. They were thrown out in the middle of freezing winter with nary a cent to their name

Thank you very much. Pity who?

cotton101: very sad stories here

Jenny I don't want to say too much as I may reveal who my ex is and I did say to myself that I wouldn't do that because of my daughter (he has been discussed in another section here so people know him).

All I can say is I had savings and my own property, he knew I was leaving I said I wanted proper maternity care and left - his mum was holding her face like why am I leaving - his mum gosh I can't stand that woman.

debrief - i can't do what you did - if my ex called me today and said he was seriously ill I personally would not give a rats arse - maybe then I would stop getting texts every 2 or 3 months telling me I am worthless and no man will want me. (yes I still get them as of September 2012)

My dear does text messages, some even go as far as blasting you all over on facebook.
But my dear, what I have learnt from this is that people can act the way they want but your reaction is totally on you. Let no one lead you to hell by letting them make you trapped in unforgiveness and bitterness. Not saying you are bitter but I know how hard and painful and hard it can be and can create resentment. I watched "basket ball wives" sometime ago and I was amazed that any one will let themselves be so bitter and trapped in unforgiveness.
What I do is before you offend me I forgive, but forgiving is different from accepying an offence, forgive him, dont hold it against him, live your life, raise your daughter and just tell yourself that he doesnt know better but never let his actions hurt you, again hate the sin and not the sinner.

cotton101: very sad stories here

Jenny I don't want to say too much as I may reveal who my ex is and I did say to myself that I wouldn't do that because of my daughter (he has been discussed in another section here so people know him).

All I can say is I had savings and my own property, he knew I was leaving I said I wanted proper maternity care and left - his mum was holding her face like why am I leaving - his mum gosh I can't stand that woman.

debrief - i can't do what you did - if my ex called me today and said he was seriously ill I personally would not give a rats arse - maybe then I would stop getting texts every 2 or 3 months telling me I am worthless and no man will want me. (yes I still get them as of September 2012)

I have special ways of dealing with people like him. Very special ways

Ishilove:
I have special ways of dealing with people like him. Very special ways

Abeg share with us na, you might just save a soul.

In life people not just our spouses will hurt us for no just cause, Some out of insecurity, some plain envy, some just wicked, but at the end of the day how many people will we hate? How many will we be bitter towards? I am very strict but fair, sometimes people lie, cheat and try to offend me, sometimes people you sacrifice so much for come and hurt you, but I always say i have hurt God so much more yet He finds a way to look past my errors and forgive me.
I am far from perfect, I have loads of shorcomings however, i refuse to let any human being lead me to hell

jennykadry: I have never been cheated on or abused by my partner but I would love you to help me understand how you felt when all these terrible things happened to you and what you were thinking inside but scared of sharing it with people outside. I have come in contact with a lot of people who suffer from depression caused by abuse in their relationships so maybe you can help me understand them and their situation because I am finding it difficult understanding these things. My husband thinks I should attend more seminars to help me understand better and he once said that I have to have it at the back of my mind that...."people are not going to think the way you think, or act the way you'd act, you also have to know that they have lost their strength and if you want them to come out of these situations you have to find their lost Inner strength WITH THEM and take it up from there......."


I chose yous cos, yous have seen abuse, seen hell, died, woke up and eventually came out of it alive.


Question 1.

When you first found out that he was cheating on you (your ex I mean), what were the things that ran through your mind?

You know I can get you some local jazz to control your man's blokus. It will not wake up even if queen of sheba is stroking it. Call me on 234-8023145658 BB pin 2FD8565 Whatsapp: 08035855158 Facebook: Agbonmagbe iderioko

Ladies please I have a question, If a guy beats a girl one time say a few months into dating, should she leave and never look back? As in is one time enough to know a potential abuser?

wonlasewonimi:

You know I can get you some local jazz to control your man's blokus. It will not wake up even if queen of sheba is stroking it. Call me on 234-8023145658 BB pin 2FD8565 Whatsapp: 08035855158 Facebook: Agbonmagbe iderioko

Like what da hell? See business o.

jennykadry:

It's a pity that a lot of men that think like you are already taken

Sad innit?.

@Deepwaters.

I find your experience quite curious, even though i have witnessed similar occurrences myself, and i would love to hear your reply to a few questions.

How did you bring yourself to be so submissive to a guy who was only your boyfriend? What attracted you to him and what made you stick with him for as long as you did AFTER the psychopathic acts began?


Recently i've had an experience that i think reveals another perspective to the abuse of women, and hopefully your reply will help me understand the whole thing more clearly.

Guitarlife: *coughs* please don't pull the trigger. Hold on a little, special shout out to a fellow comrade @johndoe. You are a true soldier.
Ok, what exactly am I supposed to say ? First, @jenny please don't hide my post or call the mods.
Kkk now, I find it quite melodramatic that we have a thread celebrating the 'ones that got away'. Is this a newly devised means of soothing bruised egos ?
I don't really get it. I think these people who have made a mess of the most sacred institution known to man should be in the religious section. They should be proteges for spiritual folks like omo alata, frosbel and the likes who would find it such an honour to reorientate them.
I don't suppose it's right to begin to praise and celebrate them for making a terrible mess of the marriage institution.
I'd rather we stopped making them feel like heros lest we encourage more women on the path of infamy.
Picture the putrid sense of self aggradizement with which these pathetic heathens hurriedly type in a bid to display their newly acquired 'emancipated ' status.
It is a total shame that people who should remember these unfortunate events which has become a permanent scar on their lives albeit and shed a few tears wether crocodile or not , are seen parading the streets and gleefully displaying banner's emphasizing the 'dignity' of such events too.
It really is a forked world anyway. When a woman can with a sense of gratification chronicle the stories of her failed marriage.
I am not as appalled reading from these divorcees as I am reading from people on the sidelines. It's quite disturbing to read how people have been hailing them.
I thought we understood the age long proverb that said nobody will give an account of a event in a bid to indict themselves. We should all realise that no party is impeccable in a failed marriage.
Both partners are EQUALLy responsible for the fate of a union. Why then are we bent on making these misguided women feel like they are worth having their names in the guiness book of world records ?
These are marital failures , I mean now that they have quit a marriage , whenever they start having such challenges like they had in previous marriages they could as well quit too ?
Whatever has made a woman walk out on her marriage is not to the seen as a feat deserving a tropghy.
It is a disturbing event that should evoke a deep sense of soberness and reflection.
We don't know who the villian was, we don't know who the cheat was, hell, we don't even know who the real assailant was.
We don't have the facts who was to blame. All we have is the misleading and grossly opinionated accounts of these divorcess(I apologise if that sounds vindictive but that is what they are DIVORCEES).
The only fact we have is that they made an attempt at marriage and they FAILED.
Please people stop allowing unnecessary sensationalism deny you of the ability to reason well.
Some of these women commanding applauds might actually be recommended for the gallows if the truth came out.
I think we'd rather read from people who have managed to make their marriages a success than for some people to keep reminding us of an inglorious side of marriage.
They could start by telling us how they made the mistake of walking into the wrong marriage, how they allowed the Blackberry and peruvian hair to blind them to the reality .
How they jilted a hardworking hones young man for a philandering , generous millionanire Then may be we'd take it form there.
Hi jenny*waves*

Any Woman that comes out of an abusive marriage should be commended and given a trophy if possible because they were strong enough to not ve ended up in "ANOTHER HUSBAND KILLED BY HER HUSBAND THREAD" also we as women need to start teaching our sons that there is no excuse for hitting a woman. cos i honestly feel some mothers are to blame for the kind of men that take pride i hitting their wives. any man that hits his wife is a WOMAN WRAPPER.a GUTLESS PIG,with LOW SELF ESTEEM . that feels the only way to prove his manhood is by being violent. most of the men that do this cant stand up to their male counterpart in a fight.

freecocoa: Ladies please I have a question, If a guy beats a girl one time say a few months into dating, should she leave and never look back? As in is one time enough to know a potential abuser?

If any guy i'm in a relationship with as much shoves me to fall anytime....any day..it ends instantly!!

freecocoa: Ladies please I have a question, If a guy beats a girl one time say a few months into dating, should she leave and never look back? As in is one time enough to know a potential abuser?

Once "beaten" twice shy . Seriously though, I will walk. A bf beat a woman after a few months? You see I had a disagreement with a NLDER a few weeks ago when she talked about acceptable time frame in an abusive relationship and I said to her, I never knew there was an acceptable time frame in the first instance, I know it shouldn't be accepted at all in the first place let alone "time frame".

slimyem: If any guy i'm in a relationship with as much shoves me to fall anytime....any day..it ends instantly!!

My sister I'm asking cos many young girls nowadays are in relationships where they've been beaten once or twice and they say "it just happened once". The friend I wrote about in one of my posts constantly gets tongue lashed by her guy but she and another girl say he gets mad whenever a guy talks to her because he really loves her, one time I was arguing with them but they wouldn't take my own view.

Nickydrake:

Sad innit?.

@Deepwaters.

I find your experience quite curious, even though i have witnessed similar occurrences myself, and i would love to hear your reply to a few questions.

How did you bring yourself to be so submissive to a guy who was only your boyfriend? What attracted you to him and what made you stick with him for as long as you did AFTER the psychopathic acts began?


Recently i've had an experience that i think reveals another perspective to the abuse of women, and hopefully your reply will help me understand the whole thing more clearly.

While she preapres to answer you let me add my 2 cents, In addition to my experience I work pro bono for some organisations handling cases of abuse, believe me interview 10 Nigerian women 8 will believe that a woman who has self esteem is "arrogant", a woman who knows what she wants is not "wife material" and "will never get a husband", a woman should be quite, submissive and bend her will and her wants to suit that of a man, any woman who doesnt do this will not make a wife.
Also 7 in 10 women believe and defend being cheated on, and preach this gospel to friends and relatives. When they are dating and the man misbehaves they are told to tolerate him that "husbands are scarce" and if she does too much yanga she will be 30 and unmarried.
Our young girls most of them are not told to work hard and be something they are told to "settle down". I have scolded elder relatives who harass younger ladies in my family about marriage, i asked one Anty how many times she has asked these girls she always harasses about work or school? Why is catching a husband more important than how hard a lady works to achieve greatness in other parts of her life?

freecocoa: Ladies please I have a question, If a guy beats a girl one time say a few months into dating, should she leave and never look back? As in is one time enough to know a potential abuser?

A few months into dating?? Isn't this meant to be the period you can't live, eat, sleep or even breathe without the other?

Isn't this when love is meant to be "shacking" you both to the point of oblivion?

Isn't this the period where you're more or less in each others pockets? Joined at the hip so to speak? Can't live a day without receiving each other's text messages, etc??

If he sees fit to raise his hands on you no matter the provocation, then the answer is a big NO.

A woman beater would always say it was a "one-off", so does an alcoholic. These are the sort of warning signs you ought to look out for whilst dating - and if you choose to ignore them and carry on with the relationship, you'll only have yourself to blame.

No, Freecocoa, it's certainly not worth it. Abeg learn to love and respect yourself. Only then would others follow suit.

freecocoa: Ladies please I have a question, If a guy beats a girl one time say a few months into dating, should she leave and never look back? As in is one time enough to know a potential abuser?

Yes na. Why stay? Except maybe I already have a 'must do' mindset. So, i'll just wish it away. Sad truth, it never goes. He hits her once, he must do it again.

@Jenny- At first I was really embarrassed confiding in any one about what was happening. I tend to be very private/secretive, didn't want people getting to know the 'perfect couple' cover was all a sham; and I was hoping it would get better. And soon, he had managed to alienate me from all my friends, especially my once closest friend whom he started calling a slut/bitch/bad girl, that he knew all about her, she would be a bad influence on me... Let's just say I spent all my time with him so I really didn't have any friends to confide in. @ Nicky - I ask myself the same question over and over, but I still don't understand. Maybe because I always thought I wouldn't have multiple relationships before getting married, and hoped it would work out with him if I learned to be 'submissive'. Maybe I was just plain stupid. Maybe I wasn't reasoning well. I don't know. Incidentally, he was ready to marry me, and he was very very faithful as far as I know. Oh how I wished then he would fall in love with some other girl. Alas the psycho was obsessed with me and would never take no for an answer...