ileobatojo: I really hope the mods will do the right thing and delete the troll posts here so the sensible discussion can continue.

Guitarlife: You mean your mum took all the shyte and today they are both happily married ? C'mon, now that's the kinda stories we want to read here. Maybe if cotton had tarried a lil longer, just maybe she'd have gotten to her marital eldorado now.
I hope peeps will learn from your mom. Please buy her a bucket of pop corn for me. She deserves even more.

Sisi_Kill: Ah! All hail the power of the pestle.

Of course one can't help but wonder what woulda happened to the kiddies if mom and dad had died.

Oh hush Sisi, now is not the time for morbid thoughts. The pestle on the head worked and that's all that matters.

Ishilove:
Jesus who is this guy?? ?

Rukemi291: Uhmmm. This women have gone through a lot, thank God it didn't break them.

I and my fiance have plans of getting married in 6 months time and this post got me so scared to my marrow until Guitarlife came and wrote some useful things too.

Anyway, thank God i have a well paying job...incase Mr. Husband turns Mike Tyson...

cotton101: yes its always the victims fault

so in the case above of the man who killed his baby i guess it was the baby's fault abi? no my daughter didn't cook the egusi soup in time thats why her father shows no interest or responsibility - i tire for certain mentalities sometimes

debrief08: Hmmm, Jenny, this early morning. Lol
Anyway, your husband is right, however before I start, believe me most Nigerian women by upbringing and socialisation and not taught to have any esteem. Our worth is measured in terms of your ability to grab and keep a man, a metality we have to break.
We married quiet young and at first it was heaven because he had just landed his dream job a few months after the wedding.
As I have said he started hanging out with his dad more, then we would still talk and laugh but soon I couldn't talk with him, I didn't want to tell anyone that my young fairy tale wedding was already having troubles, and I was told that "a real woman builds her home", load of crap I must say, designed to keep women foolish.
Anyway, when I started noticing lipsticks, condoms and texts messages, strange calls, I confronted him, then I could still do that. He was a little sorry, apologised and said he will "try" to stop. He went back and spoke to his dad because we talked and he decided to reduce his hanging out, well his dad said I was silly and ungreteful, I should shut up and be thankful I have a husband and not demand too much.
At that point I reported to his mom and my parents. My mom said I should pray, fast, be more patient, accomodative and not ask questions, that I should ignore cheating signs, his mom said the same, but called him and cried to him.
My Dad didn't find it funny, called him to talk and he started shouting at my dad accusing him of wanting to control him.
That was when the first slap came up.
I took the advice of see and hear no evil, it just became worse and more daring.
With wach case of cheating something died, so much that I stopped crying or caring, I just stayed because everyone made me think I must be doing something wrong and prayer is the key. Sometimes I told myself I actually deserve better but when I said aloud that I want to leave I was discouraged.
My dad after his first experience was slow to interfere till I left.
The feeling of finding out the first time can best be imagined, anger, betrayal, pain, and hurt, I cried for days, but I was told not to cry that crying or reacting will push him away further.
So I just stayed numb, trying to please and beg a husband to love me

Efemena_xy:

Aren't you a teeny-weeny bit angry her heart is elsewhere?

Anyway, not to worry. All you need to do, to get Sisi back on track...to "know her place" as a woman is for you to:

~ Just "endure" it. Ignore her. She go tire.

~ Dress s/e/x/y. Get those tight, black leather jeans on. Also buy the leather thongs too. It's guaranteed to get her to cloud 9

~ Improve your cooking. Make sure when she gets back from work, you rush to open the front gate for her to drive in. Open the car door for her. Take her brief case in, and kiss the floor she walks on. When you serve her her dinner, make sure you kneel down. Arrange her drinking glass on the table in such a way that it doesn't block her view of the latest Nollywood movie on African Magic...

I'll come back with some more helpful hints. But in the meantime, just manage these ones.

Oh, and make sure you fast, fast, and fast some more too.

I LOVE U FOR THIS POST, I F*UCKING LOVE U MEHN!!!

Guitarlife: His name I heard is Guitarlife.

Guitarlife: You mean your mum took all the shyte and today they are both happily married ? C'mon, now that's the kinda stories we want to read here. Maybe if cotton had tarried a lil longer, just maybe she'd have gotten to her marital eldorado now.
I hope peeps will learn from your mom. Please buy her a bucket of pop corn for me. She deserves even more.

Tgirl4real:

Guitarlyf, are u causing some trouble in my section?


Goodmorning y'all

Kayyy: @ Debrief your story was unbelievable, telling it evem more, i admire your strength and am happy you found your self a great man now, looking at the greater picture and putting objectivity into this whole abuse issue, this section is called the family section for a reason, i believe it is about discussing all that is going on in thye family, the man, the woman, the children, extended family, etc, the amount of posts and long thread that come here discussing issues relating to sympathy to the woman is not telling the reality in most nigerian marriages, of course i've got two sisters and wouldnt pray physical abuse on them, but the when during discussing problems in the family , we are all sumpathetic to the women folks, then we are missing the bigger picture, judging from the many realities i've seen in niigerian marriages, i would speak from my tribe (Yoruba), a fact is MOST WOMEN ARE NOT SAINTS IN MARRIAGE, the sad reality is both man and woman are contributing to a failed marriage, they are both contributing to abuse in marriage, the many people that are posting here do have one close or far friend either man/woman abusing their spouse in their marriage, it could be emotional abuse, physical abuse, as a result of finances, cheating, etc, everyone is guilty.

pampering the most affected in a marital failure isnt the solution, being sympathetic to them is not the solution

i actually woke up this morning after several tales of ladies/guys cheating in marriage in lagos and was going to start a thread on it not blaming ladies alone and not accusing them as i dont know what went wrong in such marriages but was going to ask how two people who claim they are married are both cheating on each other, they both know this and yet still remain in such marriage, the thought of a married partner cheating with another married partner, the idea of continuing a marriage where you know somebody if having a field day with your partner, the thought that some spouses dont desrve this and have actually been faithful but issues like sleeping with exs contiuing to destroy marriages,

Shollypopz: I had to erase the long note I wrote cos I was too emotional. Lol, it doesn't match my Nairaland personality

I have a question and I'm sorry it's not related to the topic of this thread. For those that have both male and female kids, how do you delegate household chores between the two gender?? Are u more concerned about teaching ur female kids how to cook and clean the house than ur male kids?? What effect do you think this have on your children later on (in respect to ur reply). I will ask further questions that would lead to what my main issue is?? I've been thinking of this lately.