We are presently separated for 4 months with no contact/communication.The separation was not related to trust issues,but miscommunication,insults and the likes,no violence.

While I am in a great place emotionally,I want to attempt to reconcile our relationship.

I need ideas.Is it possible? If it is,has any one here seen a case of reconciliation after a deep marital separation? Please share with me.

Thanks.

doreto:
We are presently separated for 4 months with no contact/communication.The separation was not related to trust issues,but miscommunication,insults and the likes,no violence.

While I am in a great place emotionally,I want to attempt to reconcile our relationship.

I need ideas.Is it possible? If it is,has any one here seen a case of reconciliation after a deep marital separation? Please share with me.

Thanks.

Is she willing to reconcile? Has any of you stretched out the olive branch previously? Do you have any kids? Has any external family members/3rd party person tried to intervene? Have you supported your kids or her during this period (assuming you have and they are with her)? Has either of you worked on your communication skills and inter-personal relationship skills? Have you/her sought counselling (not from a pastor or imam, but a professional councellor)?

Answers to your questions:
We've not communicated since the incidents,I do not know her state of mind in terms of reconciling.I guess I want to discover that as well if I finally implement your ideas.No kids yet,so no need for family support.

I had taken the decision,on my part,not to contact her all this while.Apparently,that feeling was mutual.The separation was a confusing scenario to me and I hoped to understand it better if given time and patience.I believe there were third party movers for it,based on lies against me on her part.

I also advised some who wanted to make peace initially to shelve the ideas while I get the bearing on the issues emotionally.I am there now.

I am thinking - this is really difficult,it's been a painful period for me - that contacting and communicating with her will be the test of whether those ingredients as you mentioned are now present.I haven't talked to any counsellors about the issues or my thoughts yet.

doreto:
Answers to your questions:
We've not communicated since the incidents,I do not know her state of mind in terms of reconciling.I guess I want to discover that as well if I finally implement your ideas.No kids yet,so no need for family support.

I had taken the decision,on my part,not to contact her all this while.Apparently,that feeling was mutual.The separation was a confusing scenario to me and I hoped to understand it better if given time and patience.I believe there were third party movers for it,based on lies against me on her part.

I also advised some who wanted to make peace initially to shelve the ideas while I get the bearing on the issues emotionally.I am there now.

I am thinking - this is really difficult,it's been a painful period for me - that contacting and communicating with her will be the test of whether those ingredients as you mentioned are now present.I haven't talked to any counsellors about the issues or my thoughts yet.

What you need to do initially, send her a message or call her. Tell her about your wish for you guys meeting up for a reconciliation chat. Use her reply to gauze her initial reaction.

doreto:
Answers to your questions:
We've not communicated since the incidents,I do not know her state of mind in terms of reconciling.I guess I want to discover that as well if I finally implement your ideas.No kids yet,so no need for family support.

I had taken the decision,on my part,not to contact her all this while.Apparently,that feeling was mutual.The separation was a confusing scenario to me and I hoped to understand it better if given time and patience.I believe there were third party movers for it,based on lies against me on her part.

I also advised some who wanted to make peace initially to shelve the ideas while I get the bearing on the issues emotionally.I am there now.

I am thinking - this is really difficult,it's been a painful period for me - that contacting and communicating with her will be the test of whether those ingredients as you mentioned are now present.I haven't talked to any counsellors about the issues or my thoughts yet.

What caused the seperation initially?

doreto:
We are presently separated for 4 months with no contact/communication.The separation was not related to trust issues,but miscommunication,insults and the likes,no violence.

While I am in a great place emotionally,I want to attempt to reconcile our relationship.

I need ideas.Is it possible? If it is,has any one here seen a case of reconciliation after a deep marital separation? Please share with me.

Thanks.

We in the same shoes. I am seperated fro 3months. No one has called each other, No kid. I was grossly emotional abused by her and her family, lied against and mentally fcked. If she cares about me or the marriage she would have contacted me and begged with her family. But they forming island posh. Make dem go marry there pikin, make another woman run my race. Fia fia

Does she want to reconcile with you?

If so, start by reaching out to her to establish “the MUTUALLY-AGREED terms of reconciliation”.

If she does not want to reconcile with you, please . . . . MOVE ON!

Reconciliation is not a one-sided wish.

Lexusgs430:


Is she willing to reconcile? Has any of you stretched out the olive branch previously? Do you have any kids? Has any external family members/3rd party person tried to intervene? Do you have kids? Have you supported your kids or her during this period (assuming you have and they are with her)? Has either of you worked on your communication skills and inter-personal relationship skills? Have you/her sought counselling (not from a pastor or imam, but a professional councellor)?

I love the part where you said not from pastor or imam. These people destroy marriages

deliciousgeh:
I love the part where you said not from pastor or imam. These people destroy marriages

They really do..... They simply add petrol to the burning fire, rather than look at burning issues, they start quoting scriptures and expect the woman to succumb.......

Pipedreams:


We in the same shoes. I am seperated fro 3months. No one has called each other, No kid. I was grossly emotional abused by her and her family, lied against and mentally fcked. If she cares about me or the marriage she would have contacted me and begged with her family. But they forming island posh. Make dem go marry there pikin, make another woman run my race. Fia fia

Why don't you re-engage for the last time with your Ts & Cs?

do not do it, there's no point, be separated

@Pipedreams,let's connect,seeing that we have similar experience.I need to talk with someone who has been there.

It is really hard talking to family members as they know one has been independent since forever.

bukatyne:


What caused the seperation initially?

Please read my first post.

doreto:
@Pipedreams,let's connect,seeing that we have similar experience.I need to talk with someone who has been there.

It is really hard talking to family members as they know one has been independent since forever.

Ok

KanwuliaExtra:
Does she want to reconcile with you?

If so, start by reaching out to her to establish “the MUTUALLY-AGREED terms of reconciliation”.

If she does not want to reconcile with you, please . . . . MOVE ON!

Reconciliation is not a one-sided wish.

On point, as always.

@OP, thread/case open and closed. May the odds favor you, either ways.

Thank you.

lilmax:
do not do it, there's no point, be separated

Seriously!

4 months separation and he’s still talking about reconciliation

You guys give men a bad rap with women.

Move on already, use the experience here to make sure that your next relationship is based on solid foundation.

EgunMogaji:


Seriously!

4 months separation and he’s still talking about reconciliation

You guys give men a bad rap with women.

Move on already, use the experience here to make sure that your next relationship is based on solid foundation.

Wow! Wisdom in one post.

EgunMogaji,always succinct.

If you feel strongly that you want to reconcile, call her and clear your mind. If she’s not interested then move on. Always say what you need to say. We don’t always get 2nd or 3rd chances to speak our mind when we need to. Silence is not always the best in matters of the heart. You may always have the “what if” questions if you keep silent.

doreto:
We are presently separated for 4 months with no contact/communication.The separation was not related to trust issues,but miscommunication,insults and the likes,no violence.

While I am in a great place emotionally,I want to attempt to reconcile our relationship.

I need ideas.Is it possible? If it is,has any one here seen a case of reconciliation after a deep marital separation? Please share with me.

Thanks.

/
See as death dey hungry you.

Some people deserve to be left the f$@k alone.

/

Seems you still love your wife, but you've let this issue linger for long '4months separation' chai. Call and tell her about your decision for reconciliation, her response would determine if you should go ahead or not. But whatever the outcome, don't be desperate, if she doesn't want, let her go. Goodluck

doreto:
We are presently separated for 4 months with no contact/communication.The separation was not related to trust issues,but miscommunication,insults and the likes,no violence.

While I am in a great place emotionally,I want to attempt to reconcile our relationship.

I need ideas.Is it possible? If it is,has any one here seen a case of reconciliation after a deep marital separation? Please share with me.

Thanks.

4 months without any form of communication n no child in d marriage. Are you sure she has not moved on? Just call her then proceed to meet up for reconciliation if she is open to it.

4 months is a long time to leave any woman without any form of communication not to talk of ur darling wife u had some issues with, dts y children is impt to cement marriage if she had two kids for u there is no way u can stay one week without contacting her no matter d quarrel.

bro move on with ur life

Lexusgs430:



What you need to do initially, send her a message or call her. Tell her about your wish for you guys meeting up for a reconciliation chat. Use her reply to gauze her initial reaction.

See the above point, follow it OP. You mentioned you want to reconcile. Its your right and until your wife proves otherwise, no one should coax you into doing the opposite.

'Miscommunication' and boom! Separation. Smh

People of nowadays don't know the meaning of marriage. They just jump in and jump out like they are playing jump rope. It is no longer sacred or till death do part.

They just like the razzmatazz of pre-wedding pictures and the glitz and glamour of weddings, which is why when storm hits the so-called marriage it collapses like a pack of cards because of faulty foundation. 80% of people getting married nowadays are not emotionally ready for the rigours of marriage

Life is what it is. It knocks you down,your true measure is when you get up and keep moving.

Ishilove:
'Miscommunication' and boom! Separation. Smh

People of nowadays don't know the meaning of marriage. They just jump in and jump out like they are playing jump rope. It is no longer sacred or till death do part.

They just like the razzmatazz of pre-wedding pictures and the glitz and glamour of weddings, which is why when storm hits the so-called marriage it collapses like a pack of cards because of faulty foundation. 80% of people getting married nowadays are not emotionally ready for the rigours of marriage

It's crazy really, society has never been this bad.

Somatic:


See the above point, follow it OP. You mentioned you want to reconcile. Its your right and until your wife proves otherwise, no one should coax you into doing the opposite.

Very true Oga..... Reconciliation requires a dual approach, both parties must be willing to sit down and talk. No reconciliation if only one party is the only person stoking the fire........

ifyalways:

On point, as always.

@OP, thread/case open and closed. May the odds favor you, either ways.

May your sweetness never sour!
Iseeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Better to just stay one's lane after reading all these news of murders by spouses.I am so scared.

Op you have given very vague reasons for your split.
For a woman to agree to stay away for (damning society talks on broken marriages) she must have had her limit.
I expected you to give clear reasons for your break up , so that experienced people (there are lots of them on this forum) can advise you on the way forward.
Was there cheating involved? Family interference, what exactly?
If you were really serious about reconciliation talks, you will not be given these lukewarm, neither here-nor there answers.
You need to give us background info to work with, so that you can be advised accordingly.
Even if you two don't reconcile, you can also apply some of the advice garnered here going forward , so that you do not make the same mistakes in your subsequent relationship(s).

Ishilove:
'Miscommunication' and boom! Separation. Smh

People of nowadays don't know the meaning of marriage. They just jump in and jump out like they are playing jump rope. It is no longer sacred or till death do part.

They just like the razzmatazz of pre-wedding pictures and the glitz and glamour of weddings, which is why when storm hits the so-called marriage it collapses like a pack of cards because of faulty foundation. 80% of people getting married nowadays are not emotionally ready for the rigours of marriage

I tell you.
Wetin be miscommunication sef?
I no like the way wey you dey talk to me?
Abi You dey talk I no dey hear you?
Abi I dey talk you no dey hear me?
Abi you too talk?
Abi you no dey talk?
Abeg make person clear me biko.
Fickle people entering fickle marriages everywhere.