EgunMogaji:


Where's the heat?

Attachment disorder. You cannot muster the heat so stop crying over it.

Butterflyleo:


Attachment disorder. You cannot muster the heat so stop crying over it.

Where's the heat?

Am a mediator also in law school, how can i help.

EgunMogaji:


Where's my heat?

Its gone dude. Took the 8:45 out of Louisville

Butterflyleo:


Its gone dude. Took the 8:45 out of Louisville

Where's the heat?

Lexusgs430:


They really do..... They simply add petrol to the burning fire, rather than look at burning issues, they start quoting scriptures and expect the woman to succumb.......

Succum to their own lust abi? Lolz! Pastors are fuckinggg useless!

doreto:
We are presently separated for 4 months with no contact/communication.The separation was not related to trust issues,but miscommunication,insults and the likes,no violence.

While I am in a great place emotionally,I want to attempt to reconcile our relationship.

I need ideas.Is it possible? If it is,has any one here seen a case of reconciliation after a deep marital separation? Please share with me.

Thanks.

Just pray she had not slept with another man. Because, that would make reconciliation difficult. It is a good thing that you want to reconcile with your wife.

Pipedreams:


African mentality...U care about your image to society I doubt you really love ur wife..Fake smiles to the public eyes then die inside the house...shior. I'm sure your from Anambra. Nmayi si

This is a horrible line

Even 4month small self,I have seen cases of 1 year - 19 years of separation,what will be will be,I read the 19 years separation through my church handbill(winners) and that of one year happens to a close relative of which the two were willing to come back after they had a serious quarrel but the groom mums insist no more marriage and the wife mum too raises curses on the husband and his entire family for ruining their daughter life and bringing shame to them when the guy insisted he was no longer interested in marriage after just few months of staying together.
@op,don't listen to advice from some people here to discontinue,else you will always give up on your subsequent marriage and you will realise none of them was even better than the first.

Ishilove:
'Miscommunication' and boom! Separation. Smh

People of nowadays don't know the meaning of marriage. They just jump in and jump out like they are playing jump rope. It is no longer sacred or till death do part.

They just like the razzmatazz of pre-wedding pictures and the glitz and glamour of weddings, which is why when storm hits the so-called marriage it collapses like a pack of cards because of faulty foundation. 80% of people getting married nowadays are not emotionally ready for the rigours of marriage

Na you I go marry.... you no be indomie generation

Pipedreams:
bro move on with ur life

Good morning Sir,

I have read many of your posts concerning your failed marriage. Although it may not be your fault, but icant fail to notice how you choose to drag others with same problem as yours to make the decisions you made. Don't ask him to move on, like you did.The fact your marriage is hopelessly dead andgone doesn't mean others cannot be revived. I'm a Catholic, to people like me, marriage is a sacrament and must be respected by all means possible. Be careful with your ill advice here to couples going through similar crises.


@doreto

Be very careful with the advice you get here. Your marriage of course, like every other marriages have it's ups and downs. The first few years is usually like this;marriage sustainability isn't about love but companionship. I'm happy you are beginning to feel your need for her, your reconciliation is a testimony to the fact that you need her as your companion and not basically what you feel about her and her attitude. Reach out to her, there are ladies with stone cold heart at first.My wife is like that. She rather cry everytime and keep having swollen eyes than to let her guard down to say she is sorry. When bring her close and pets her, she breaks down and the heaps of apologies begins to pour in. There are women like that.


Please contact her. Bear your mind and make your rules about your dos and don't. Listen to hers as well. If she is willing, she will come back. And I know she will. Good luck

doreto:
We are presently separated for 4 months with no contact/communication.The separation was not related to trust issues,but miscommunication,insults and the likes,no violence.

While I am in a great place emotionally,I want to attempt to reconcile our relationship.

I need ideas.Is it possible? If it is,has any one here seen a case of reconciliation after a deep marital separation? Please share with me.

Thanks.

simply drop ur ego and be a fool!

frenzyduchess:
i tire o, I even thought it was bf and gf sef . What's even funny is the fact that monikers that visit ashawo threads that can't even keep a steady relationship for one month are the ones telling the OP to forget about reconciling with his wife

cc @ doreto, just thought you should know ,so you don't go listening to people who want you to be just like them, because they too can't keep a relationship so they want yours to fail too.

No man who has a good relationship will advice another man to throw his own away, it is never too late to do the right thing.

If you want your marriage back go after it, if she has moved on, no problem, you too move on,but you will never know if she too wants to come back if you don't reach out to know the state of things. I wish you goodluck.

Pipedreams:
SO many self righteous, religious, two-timing, manipulative pigs on this thread. Very quick to quote scriptures. Baba if u had a kid ur trapped and u must go beg cos of that baby. Its not working out niyen...Just focus on ur hustle. The beautiful ones that would be good to you and respect you arent born!! Divorce will be harder on ur wife cos many african families frown at ladies not able to keep there home. Regrets will finally be hers. She will ask her self why she didnt grab u with her two hands when she had the chance. Pls dont be weak. Sometimes I get lonely too but I step out and rev up the streets!! Nothing do man. You can pick a wife at anytime so far you get the raba!

This guy you never heal at all. The irreparable loss of your marriage is clearly driving you nuts!!!! You're still very bitter.

missyadorable:


Rantings of a very fooooolish man.
Your mates would have married a new wife now
Or got a sexx doll.
But you are here,disgracing men

Abeg give me that thing wen u dey smoke. I need some.

InvertedHammer:


/
That marriage is over. Any reunion will be based on pretense or ulterior motives and tend not to end well especially for young couples. The wife has moved on but OP is still reminiscing of old times. Once another lady enters his life and fills the void, he will be doing thanksgiving in a church for being liberated from the machinations of the ex-wife and her family.
/

So 4 months of non communication is enough to state that marriage is over? Una funny o.

Don't assume anything...
Get her contact, go to her house..
And tell her what u think..
I pray it works out fine for u

doreto:
We are presently separated for 4 months with no contact/communication.The separation was not related to trust issues,but miscommunication,insults and the likes,no violence.

While I am in a great place emotionally,I want to attempt to reconcile our relationship.

I need ideas.Is it possible? If it is,has any one here seen a case of reconciliation after a deep marital separation? Please share with me.

Thanks.

Do all you can to get your woman back! Great start you have here. Re-establish communication and bring back love ignition into the union. God hate divorce

Don't get tired of reconciling with her, play ur part by showing how much u need her back. Talk to her parents, possibly involve ur parents as well there is no problem without a solution. Let heaven and nature know that u've tried ur best. It's too early to move on.

doreto:
We are presently separated for 4 months with no contact/communication.The separation was not related to trust issues,but miscommunication,insults and the likes,no violence.

While I am in a great place emotionally,I want to attempt to reconcile our relationship.

I need ideas.Is it possible? If it is,has any one here seen a case of reconciliation after a deep marital separation? Please share with me.

Thanks.

Its clear you two lost it at some point, it happens in every relationship. It could be worked on.

'' You being in a great place emotionally'' almost says it all, sounds like you fraustrated her out of the marriage and you are cool with the separation. If your wife is aware of this your " comfort zone'' I bet you she will never return.

You married her, she agreed to spend the rest of her life with you. And if you wake up one day and see no use for her, the message you are getting across is that she can leave.

Women are very sensitive and emotional being, im sure she is crying her heart out wherever she is just waiting for your call.

Since there was no violence, no mistrust you can still save your marriage. Leave your emotional great place and call your wife. If she is still adamant, involve her family then if theres no positive result, bounce. But just do your part, for judgement day sake.

And please, prepare your mind to accept her before you embark on this mission.

EgunMogaji:


You've finally cracked

With all your ambitious threats, I finished your weak and pathetic life inside of 15 minutes.

You're babbling like a drunk baboon.

Enough already! give up...... you've been served

Pipedreams brother.. It is quite obvious that you love your wife so much but pride won't let you ask her back. I wouldn't be surprised if you go back crawling on your broken knees to beg her to come back.

Take time to heal....damn it and stop polluting this thread with your bitterness.

doreto:
Answers to your questions:
We've not communicated since the incidents,I do not know her state of mind in terms of reconciling.I guess I want to discover that as well if I finally implement your ideas.No kids yet,so no need for family support.

I had taken the decision,on my part,not to contact her all this while.Apparently,that feeling was mutual.The separation was a confusing scenario to me and I hoped to understand it better if given time and patience.I believe there were third party movers for it,based on lies against me on her part.

I also advised some who wanted to make peace initially to shelve the ideas while I get the bearing on the issues emotionally.I am there now.

I am thinking - this is really difficult,it's been a painful period for me - that contacting and communicating with her will be the test of whether those ingredients as you mentioned are now present.I haven't talked to any counsellors about the issues or my thoughts yet.

you can't say you're no more emotional until you're into the relationship again. Try to lower your ego by taking the first step on reconciliation. Don't expect results immediately and don't be temperamental at the rxns from her. work better on yourself cos even if you decide to marry another wife, you may end up the same way

Women are attracted to words...Bro...Start by sending her sweet late night texts about her having a good night or a great day the next day...Do this every night everyday no matter if she replies or not..I repeat everyday..Don't call till she calls you..Then send her airtime n sub card once or twice a week for 2 weeks...If she doesn't contact you...Buy her gifts..Start with small ones like clothes,bags,perfumes,etc..Use someone that she listens to to deliver the gifts..If its not possible..No wahala..Don't go personally..U can attached nice words to the gifts..If she doesn't respond..Buy bigger gifts but not so big or expensive ones...If she responds and u guys are little bit cool...Knack her alert..Like 100k or 200k,etc depending on you what can spare..Dont bring the fights topics till she brings it up or till she's home with u..Even when you talk bout it..Dont blame her too much...Blame yourself..U can insult yourself to the core...She will be yours bro...I have tried...Goodluck bro...

MrBottle:
Pipedreams brother.. It is quite obvious that you love your wife so much but pride won't let you ask her back. I wouldn't be surprised if you go back crawling on your broken knees to beg her to come back.

Take time to heal....damn it and stop polluting this thread with your bitterness.

Its pitiable to see someone so scarred by a failed relationship. The bile in him is shocking.
Instead of him to learn here or at least contribute meaningfully, he want so drag the OP down into his hopeless abyss with him
Pipedreams, you have decided not to reconcile with your partner, Bravo! Good and fine! Your choice!
I can see how well that has worked out for you
Please leave those that want to make reconciliation efforts to actually do so.

EgunMogaji:


Seriously!

4 months separation and he’s still talking about reconciliation

You guys give men a bad rap with women.

Move on already, use the experience here to make sure that your next relationship is based on solid foundation.

LOL

You have been "Americanized".

It is my believe that Nigerians who are not overly xposed to western marriage do take a lot of shiit from their spouses. We get married and stick to it for better for worst.

Besides, divorce has a stigma over here, people tend to choose marrying a second wife than divorce. A divorcee carries a red flag on the head that alerts other suitors while families consider them weak.

BellaElla:


Its pitiable to see someone so scarred by a failed relationship. The bile in him is shocking.
Instead of him to learn here or at least contribute meaningfully, he want so drag the OP down into his hopeless abyss with him
Pipedreams, you have decided not to reconcile with your partner, Bravo! Good and fine! Your choice!
I can see how well that has worked out for you
Please leave those that want to make reconciliation efforts to actually do so.

It is truly pitiable. Initially i wanted to ignore his posts but....goddamnit. Dude is drowning and hurting but he hates to admit it.

Ishilove:

that's the fact, even going through this thread a discerning person can smell the bitterness and frustration in their comments. They are too emotionally immature to handle a relationship, they crawl on threads where they can discourage others from fixing their relationship after all they too don't have any,so it makes sense that you find their comments on ashawo thread

Sulukag:
Mr Man,just speak to your relative and friends and if possible her own relative too. Let it look as if they are the ones trying to settle the quarrel and reconcile you guys. I think that's very okay so that it will not look as if you are the weaker vessel. Shalom

@ doreto, this could also be another way.

Lexusgs430:


Is she willing to reconcile? Has any of you stretched out the olive branch previously? Do you have any kids? Has any external family members/3rd party person tried to intervene? Have you supported your kids or her during this period (assuming you have and they are with her)? Has either of you worked on your communication skills and inter-personal relationship skills? Have you/her sought counselling (not from a pastor or imam, but a professional councellor)?

Omo

Praktikals:

Dont make it obvious that you want a reconciliation or she will always rub it in your face, that sebi you were the one begging me to come back. Involve an elder in your family or your pastor. The elder will be the one to call the two of you. Pls dont call her directly.

Please don't take this advice here. There is nothing as romantic as a man shelving his pride to reach out or even seduce his wife after a fight. She will forgive you everything even if you were in the wrong .

BlueScholar:


Omo

Nah all this jamb questions go determine if road close or open nah, Oga mi...........