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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Conflict Between Family And Career. (7861 Views)
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Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 5:01pm On Jan 08, 2013 |
Lol, stay there you never begin hear things. Sorry to say with some Nigerians nothing you no go hear. I ask the married women and mothers who are fond of the "my child is sick" excuse if they think they are fair to their colleagues piling up work for them yet still coming to collect salary and not sharing with the ones saddled with performing their duties. The Church one nko? Someone will come late and tell you its because they went for night vigil ON A WEEK DAY. I wonder if na the same God me too dey worship who commands me to be deligent with work of my hands. I refused to permit office fellowship already you come late to work with various excuses then you still want to spend one hour of paid time shouting and screaming without consideration to Moslems and Aethiests in the office. I also stopped tract sharing because the Christains from certain churches fall short of flogging the aethiests in the office and with bomb blasts now sending the moslems to hell directly. They argue that Moslems get to pray and I asked them if it was part of Christainity as it is in Islam to pray at specific times? Are we not asked to pray witthout ceasing and at all times too? In silence and sober reflection? While I work I pray one not obstructing other. Believe me I have been called all sorts on this issue. Thankfully I always pick up the slack, run my place in some level of discipline and never deliver late so all the gossips and pettitions get thrown out. One wrote that I infringe on her religious rights of expression, unfortunately she got queried for not reading terms of her contracts that clearly states that she respects the faith of others and keep it out of working hours. Yet, you will think the most religious ones are most productive, for where? They feel everyone is against them, smallest gesture is a spiritual attack, one said she couldn't go on a trip because her pastor told her the road is not clear, so I asked who in the office she wants to die in her place. Plenty issues make I stop here for now |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by greatgod2012(f): 5:08pm On Jan 08, 2013 |
To every one who has contributed to this thread, i say a very big thank you, im really learning, now, i know better,and im sure im not going to be d only one who will learn from this hread, im sure there are host of others who will learn here. Again, i say , thank you and keep d responses coming. |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 5:27pm On Jan 08, 2013 |
My sister, You see many young busy millionaires that are weary to marry ....cos they want women that's capable of taking over and manage the home when he's on a business trip.... My brothers , when they visit they are like; omo you be machine o...lol ![]() ![]() Hehehe I remembered this thread( you're a woman now..) .... so what? Does that make you less of a person cos you're domestic ? Does that make me not achieve my dream in life? We are nurturing in nature and its nothing to be ashamed of.... taking care of our home is our primary duty and this requires effective planing . So I really don't see how this should cause any commotion . |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by JeSoul(f): 5:43pm On Jan 08, 2013 |
jidegirl12: My sister,This is a very key point in all this. Which is why I don't so much take 'offense' that women sacrifice that careers more - it is simply in our nature to do so. I think men enjoy the dignity of working and 'providing for their family' so why not let them while we hold down the fort and have their back fully so they can be successful - afterall his success is my success abi ![]() ![]() |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by biolabee(m): 11:00pm On Jan 08, 2013 |
greatgod for me i see it this way Make a decision based on the mitigating factors this includes salary, distance to and from work etc Evryones circumstance is different and solutions have to be customised based on this I advise people should work in child friendly companies such as schools, NGOs or some professional firms which easily prefer to absorb ex - staff rather than retrain new hires. The pay is not as much as the banks but allows you flexi working Also forgotten are the manufacturing companies like Nestle, PG and Unilever which have good packages (live on the mainland so not much traffic stress) Living on the mainland means cost of living (creche, day care, schools, food is lower which also means on a smaller income you save more Also child spacing is also key Dependin on the age of the woman though The better the spacing the more time the woman has to acclimatise and less body ravages 2.5 - 3 years spacing is good This will also help in the future to avoid a case where you have three or more kids in secondary school or university for prolonged times people look down on working outside lagos but these cities at times are best for family life though u dont make as much as in Lagos Land is cheaper you can thus easily build a bungalow and live rent free Eg Enugu, Calabar, Ibadan, Jos ![]() The major thing to me though is commitment think one has to make conscious decisions and stick to it God help us all Just a thot there is no one size fits all |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 11:26pm On Jan 08, 2013 |
greatgod2012: @Debrief.....lol at "my God is greater than my work" Is your boss on crack? How does he expect her to make herself available when the child is admitted to the hospital and there's no one else to watch the child there? So she should abandon her child in the hospital to go to work right? Or she should get the child discharged, haul the poor thing with her to work and then drive back to the hospital to get readmitted? Someone already has called in sick, taking a sick day o, but you want them to make themselves available? People should not abuse their sick day privileges agreed but when a real situation arises, then you must allow then to take their contractually allowed sick time! |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by baby124: 11:52pm On Jan 08, 2013 |
Simple, Nigerian women should be more assertive about their Labor rights. All this story will continue till they do. The female politicians we have are totally useless asahw*os with male genita8ls. shior ![]() |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 12:05am On Jan 09, 2013 |
baby_123: Simple, Nigerian women should be more assertive about their Labor rights. All this story will continue till they do. The female politicians we have are totally useless asahw*os with male genita8ls. shior Women's labor rights is the true koko of the OP's example. Thank you. |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 12:25am On Jan 09, 2013 |
baby_123: Simple, Nigerian women should be more assertive about their Labor rights. All this story will continue till they do. The female politicians we have are totally useless asahw*os with male genita8ls. shior Like debrief already wrote..there's more to that story... In my world it's considered a 'No Show' and I can fire you for that( labor law says so too) ..... But if the employee is a hard working person and has good work ethic ( like Damiso) then that's another story and the boss's call.... a day suspension without pay or query whatever... You just can't call me suddenly when your service is desperately needed( esp when you've done it several times before) .... It's your duty/role to plan ahead for your emergencies , or disciplinary action will follow .period. |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 1:00am On Jan 09, 2013 |
greatgod2012: she should use her vacation time. |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by coogar: 1:32am On Jan 09, 2013 |
baby_123: Simple, Nigerian women should be more assertive about their Labor rights. All this story will continue till they do. The female politicians we have are totally useless asahw*os with male genita8ls. shior females with male genitåls? i am still wondering how you managed to discover this...... greatgod2012: your boss is hypersensitive..... this is a minor issue. if any worker does not show up for 2 days because of a flimsy excuse without a prior notice, divide her salary by the number of working days and deduct the number of days of her absence from her monthly wages. this is why i like contract jobs. you get paid for the number of hours you clock. no sentiments, no megedefegede! |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 1:50am On Jan 09, 2013 |
coogar: this does not work for salaried employees. |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by greatgod2012(f): 5:30am On Jan 09, 2013 |
jidegirl12: My sister, all i can say here is....... May God help us all. |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by greatgod2012(f): 5:32am On Jan 09, 2013 |
biolabee: greatgod yes, its a thought, but makes a lot of sense.......thanks alot |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by greatgod2012(f): 5:36am On Jan 09, 2013 |
ileobatojo: confused! i tell you, yesterday, we even went to pay her a visit in d hspital, and i can tell you, its damn serious, i can see confusion written all over d woman's face, i tell you. |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by greatgod2012(f): 5:40am On Jan 09, 2013 |
baby_123: Simple, Nigerian women should be more assertive about their Labor rights. All this story will continue till they do. The female politicians we have are totally useless asahw*os with male genita8ls. shior may God help us! |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by greatgod2012(f): 5:44am On Jan 09, 2013 |
jidegirl12: my sister, you go hard small o! ![]() but what if d call was actually sincere, like d case of this woman? |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by greatgod2012(f): 5:45am On Jan 09, 2013 |
davidylan: but d little girl started d sickness after d vacation. |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 5:45am On Jan 09, 2013 |
ileobatojo: Unfortunately, business is business ma'am. No one wants to be paying an employee to spend all her time with a sick child. |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 5:46am On Jan 09, 2013 |
greatgod2012: So if the child is sick for 6 weeks the boss should allow madam to stay off work while expecting to draw a full salary? |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by greatgod2012(f): 5:56am On Jan 09, 2013 |
coogar: its govt salary-paid job, though, he had done that b4 for a male colleague, who absconded for almost two weeks without informing anyone. Dont know why he treated dis woman differently. |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 5:56am On Jan 09, 2013 |
Every organization wants productivity. Some don't like employing married women with kids because of this, some will politely tell you they prefer single ladies because of the job description(traveling and all). It's left for you that want a career and the same time a family to effectively plan your time. some companies have a secret policy that for female field engineers/operator will work for them at least 2 yrs before having kids and applying for maternity leave. This is usually not stated but discussed with the person involved. This 2 yrs, they send you to all sort of training and field operation..... They make sure they use you because by the time this 2 yrs elapse, your productivity to the company is utilized. Now if kids start arriving, you can sometimes take maternity leave as long as 6 months, they change your department to maybe business development etc. For married ladies with little kids age 2-4 yrs, the type of job should be limited to a more flexible job, no employer will be happy when you take most time out attending to your sick little ones especially when you are still on probation. If you want to combine your career and family, you have to sit and plan that with your family involved before jumping on any job offer. |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 6:02am On Jan 09, 2013 |
Like Jide said every working Mother must make planss for situations like this. The Boss didn't ask her to come and work, he asked her to show up probably write formally and go. Greatgod, see my problem again, confusion, too much emotions, can't she control herself? Your child is sick you get into panic mood and scare the child more, same thing with child birth and so much drama. Haba, if she lived abroad no body go look her side oh. I pray her child gets better but let us as mothers and wives learn lessons in planning, composure and dealing with stressing situations like Jide said. Maybe it is because I am from the North or the time I spent abroad I try to compose my self and deal with every situation. Even if I am in pain, I look for what to do and how to get help instead of the drama I see some women do raising their hands on their heads and shouting componding the issue. If you want to combine mother hood and a career you should lay out the issues realistically and have a back up plan for eventualities. We don't plan, we don't follow right chanels and we find our selves in messy situations. If she had writen a mail and copied other officers, believe me the query will not arise as others will rise to her defense. Even as a superior officer if I leave for 1 hour on personal business I write and copy everybody so it won't be "Madam just left without telling anyone", because work place is very competitive, if you tell someone by mouth or on phone they can deny or frustrate you but more than one person there will be different oppinions. Again if she is someone who cries wolf wolf all the time and doesn't show up for work or doesn't work well it will be hard to bellieve here when there is actually a real wolf like now. Build credilbility. Maybe we should open a thread for healthy work place practices for mothers. If you are the type that 3.30 you are picking your bag harrassing other workers with "my husband and my kids" pusjing your work on them remember a day like this will come when you will need back up. Work hard, always meet your target, minimize your excuses, put in some free extra time if your work is not done during working hours so you can complete it. When I need to step out or be away for personal business, I alredy get a colleague to step in and do the things I need done so when I am writing to my superiors I will suggest that so and so person knows the gaps in my work and is ready to fill it in. I also do the same for them. Going to work is not only about collecting salary at the end of the month, I always ask my people, make sure at the end of each day you can tell yourself I achieved something today not just sitting, gossiping and facebooking then 4.30 I close. We need reorientation |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by biolabee(m): 6:33am On Jan 09, 2013 |
^^^ good point sorry about the lady but If there is a sick leave she should request for it If not she should use her annual vacation if she has exhausted it, she should request for a month off work (unpaid) The favor is she still has her job @greatgod God will help us |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 6:56am On Jan 09, 2013 |
greatgod2012: and we wonder why Nigeria is in a quagmire. See how we justify a lackadaisical approach to work... afterall it is govt salary-paid. Would she have tried such in a private multinational? |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 7:03am On Jan 09, 2013 |
debrief08: Like Jide said every working Mother must make planss for situations like this. thank you! I got tired with the sentiments on this thread that was largely trying to blame the poor boss. The man is within his rights to issue the lady in question a query. Sorry but unless your company is family-owned, it exists primarily to make a profit not to pay you to raise a family. Married couples need to plan for eventualities... even as a single man, i dont just take vacations frivolously because you just never know when you will need to be out of work on an emergency... it doesnt hurt to always save at least 5 vacation days for unforseen circumstances. You can always take it at the end of the year or carry them over if your job allows this. She skips out of work because her child is sick... all well and good but put yourself in the shoes of those who now have to pull double duty to cover her spot while she calmly collects salary to go read bedtime stories to her little baby. |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 7:12am On Jan 09, 2013 |
Even with your quick vacation days request.... I need your request in at least 6weeks ahead OR you're ready to fill in that spot till you come back from your supposedly vaca or whatever..... Right now,There's a memo out to all managers and their staff to hand in their request for summer vaca before the Jan25/13.... I'm not gonna scramble my family for anybody that's not organized when I'm supposed to be in Jamaica tanning and sipping coconut milk ![]() |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 7:24am On Jan 09, 2013 |
greatgod2012: No be small thing my sister.... It's better to step up your game and your attitude for these people or they'll take you for a ride .... How am I supposed to know its sincere? For her to get a reprimand ; she must have done this before and not her first time... Debrief have listed gazillion protocols /ideal steps she was supposed to follow... Instead if unnecessary noise bout malaria/ flu. |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 7:25am On Jan 09, 2013 |
davidylan: Do they have allowable sick time off work in the company policy? If not, why not? These are the labor issues in Nigeria that needs to be addressed. If she is allowed sick time, then the time off work to care for her child should be applied towards that, simple. That's how it's done in civilized countries! If there is no sick policy, then dock her pay for the time gone. I never said it is by force to pay her for the time. To query her for caring for her hospitalized child after making a ridiculous, unrealistic demand is quite heartless. davidylan: Who ever said she has to draw a full salary? If it's reasonably outside of the time allowed for sick leave, then he can even fire her if he wants. But what is the difficulty in giving her even the one day off to care for her child? He was notified a day in advance but that was not enough, he still wanted her to come in to kiss his a*ss the next day abi? What nonsense. In larger companies in the US, such a woman can even take family, medical leave (FMLA) for which she can be off work for 3 months to address serious illness. The pay is usually graduated down over time. Like I said, there has to be allowance in work places for people who are genuinely sick to have some job security for some time. Painful as it is for the employer to have someone out, people (and their families) do get sick! davidylan: My reason for blaming the boss is not necessarily for giving her a query, but for the reason for the query despite the fact he was notified the day before. If he is legally allowed to have a work place without employees having any recourse when sick, then he is not to blame for that. (that is an issue that needs to be addressed like I said). He was already notified the day before of a hospitalized child and her situation having no other help. How exactly did he expect her to make herself available for work? Why is he so dismissive of her situation? He should have asked for a doctor's note to be able to excuse her. That's what a reasonable boss should have done. I can't imaging calling in sick and be told to make myself available on the said sick day. What manner of rubbish is that? If he had asked her to find her own coverage, that would be a different thing. |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 7:39am On Jan 09, 2013 |
ileobatojo: I'm sure it was mentioned somewhere on this thread that she had just exhausted her vacation time when her child got sick. And frankly i dont like the use of the term "civilized countries"... yeah we are not as developed but it doesnt make our country an uncivilized den of animals either. Having worked briefly for the federal govt back home, i know they have one of the most flexible vacation policies i have ever seen! So much for the "civilized countries". That this woman is getting a query cannot be solely down to her taking time off to see her sick child. the problem is our own culture of flippantly treating our responsibilities with utmost levity. I doubt our madam here even bothered to inform her superiors of the situation of things or even bothered to make sure her duties would be covered in her absence. She probably just didnt show up for work and assumed it was business as usual. ileobatojo: If he had docked her pay you would have complained. If he fired her you all would have screamed discrimination. Our dear oga is damned if he does and damned if he doesnt... he really cant please you all. Why should he give her a day off? If he lays that precedent then on what basis will he deny the next woman who trots over to say she needs the week off because her son has colic? Is she the only person with a child? why doesnt she have a back up plan? Has her husband also exhausted his vacation time too? So between the 2 of them they cannot find 2-3 vacation days to take care of their child and now they have to infringe on company time? She's lucky, in foreign companies she would be lucky to still have a job. ileobatojo: Most companies HATE the FMLA. It only exists because it is government law... It has become routinely abused now... and believe me i know people who have thoroughly abused it to stay home for frivolous excuses like "my child couldnt sleep last night". ileobatojo: There is already plenty of allowance. It is called vacation time. Use it judiciously not just to go sun yourself on the beach in Jamaica. |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 7:51am On Jan 09, 2013 |
davidylan: Where did the OP mention this? If she had run out of vacation time, what about sick time, paid or unpaid? Why should he give her a day off? If he lays that precedent then on what basis will he deny the next woman who trots over to say she needs the week off because her son has colic? If the next woman has a valid reason then she should not be denied. Simple! I s she the only person with a child? Smh. why doesnt she have a back up plan? This whole back up plan gist is quite fascinating to me. So you all have back up plans for a very sick, hospitalized child good and ready to go at a moment's notice. Very funny. Has her husband also exhausted his vacation time too? So between the 2 of them they cannot find 2-3 vacation days to take care of their child and now they have to infringe on company time? Did you read the original post? She's lucky, in foreign companies she would be lucky to still have a job. I disagree. And i'm fairly certain she would have recourse to the court of law if she got fired frivolously. Most companies HATE the FMLA. It only exists because it is government law... It has become routinely abused now... and believe me i know people who have thoroughly abused it to stay home for frivolous excuses like "my child couldnt sleep last night". I don't doubt the companies hate it. But there is a reason the government put such a law in place! |
Re: Conflict Between Family And Career. by Nobody: 7:55am On Jan 09, 2013 |
ileobatojo: She's free to go to court and waste her money there. ileobatojo: She should try being a stay at home mom. To work is not by force. |
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