Eze Promoe:
@ bolded
She gave birth to him at the age of 11+?
And her husband married her at the age of 31+?

*puts on 3D glass*

come again please.

Stop making fun of people when they tell stories here.

The woman could be 39, that is 20yrs older than her first son.

*puts on 4D glasses* and slaps your head.

Batam:
30 plus may be 31-39. wake up bro.

GBAM!

Batam:
30 plus may be 31-39. wake up bro.

GBAM! He ate his school fees.

Konji is a bassstttaarrd

You said you are a christian, so I don't see why you'd marry her. As to sending her packing, don't. It's your brother's and her late husband house, so i don't think u have a right to do that. Just keep assisting her any way you can.

olawole oladipo: Dear Colleagues,

Unfortunately, I lost my senior brother (the same mother the same father) three years ago at age of 50, my brother left one wife with five children. My brother's wife still young (thirty years) plus. She so interest on me after the burial/outing service or some months later, she always calling me on the phone that I abandoned her. In fact, I try my best for her by sending money to her through bank account to take herself because I'm leaving at Ajah, My brother did not complete his house project before his untimely death, myself with support of family member complete the building and she is living there at Ogijo Ikorodu. Also her first son (19 years old)stay with me and caring for him. There was a day she told me on the phone that "Did i think she will marry another person after 5 children to my brother" and everything is not money, she want to see me, Infact I feel somehow that day.

In conclusion, as a christian I don't want to cheat my own "housewife" or look like I'm commiting adultery or fornication. What Can I do? to marry her, OR to tell her to leave my brother's house to go and marry another person with five children.

Please I need your Help.

From Safejourney, Ajah, Lagos

My friend, under no circumstances must you be tempted to marry her! Women are expert at keeping men in captivity, particularly when they are cornered!! run, run 4 your dear life my friend!!!!!!!!!!

geekinthelead:

My friend, under no circumstances must you be tempted to marry her! Women are expert at keeping men in captivity, particularly when they are cornered!! run, run 4 your dear life my friend!!!!!!!!!!

LOL

From your comment you seem to be a kind man, and God fearing too, it is not bad to take care of your late brother's wife, but thinking of having an affair with her or remarrying her is never good and advisable.

I don't know what a woman with 5 children and a grown up man, as son is looking for in marriage again. My advice to you is to try to raise some fund for her to start any business which she can handle, so that she will not be more dependent on you as you have your own family too.

She can have a male friend which all of you her family members should know about, but remarrying is not the best option. She has sacrificed a lot for the family. If she really love her dead husband , she should honor him by staying behind and take care of their children. Your family members should encourage and support her to stay. Marriage is never the solution as she do not know what she will meet at her new matrimonial home.

My father's junior brother died and left a very pretty young and educated woman, what my father did after she finished mourning her late husband was to call her and asked her what she wanted to do then, my father began his words by first letting her to know that God had made her a member of our family, never mind that death had put asunder in her marriage. My father made her to know that all of us love her and are very ready to have her as our sister in law.My father told her that anything she decided then would be accepted by all the family members. Then she had a son and 2 daughters.

When my father finished talking to her, she fell down and held my father's feet and swore that she will never leave our family to any where, till death take her away. We all busted into tears and hugged her, and reassured her of our everlasting love for her.

Today she is still with us, her daughters are all married, his son is married with 3 kids now, my father sold some of our lands and raised some money for her to start business. She is doing greatly. She has a male friend which all the family members know and respect so much. If your family love that woman, then don't let her leave.She need you all now.

Almubaraq Sadara: Many pipl have tried any way but shy face from any distractive advice pls marry her i could see many christian did same here only what u left 2do is to convince ur wife and avoid being partial and always uptimistic in ur behaviours

Boko haram

karizmanigeria: The question remains: can I marry my late senior brother's wife? I think you have already been carrying out late night visits, that's why she keeps calling you, maybe to tell you she is carrying your baby. Now, you, Jesus Christ of widows, saviour of all dead people's wives have twisted that ya mouth to shape it like you are 'helping' her. Is that your priority in life? Good samaritan. Why can't you just be sending her money every month to take care of her children. Must you marry her? Hopeless man!

Lmfaooo! Oh my!

gbosaa: In conclusion, as a christian I don't want to cheat my own "housewife" or look like I'm commiting adultery or fornication. What Can I do? to marry her, OR to tell her to leave my brother's house to go and marry another person with five children.

Please I need your Help.




Why would you evict them from their own house,the house was started by her late husband[your brother]so should be for her and her children even though you and your family helped to complete.did you do that to help his widow and kids or as a plan to take over ownership...some things are not quite right here,im not in support of polygamy but if you,your wife and kids,your late brothers wife and kids are ok with that,why not give it a go.

The idea of sending them away from a house initiated by their husband and dad isnt nice..something tells me your late brothers account might,ve been accessed by your family,what happened to his business if he had one,money in the bank and other assets??

and why are you trying to foster what you believe or do not believe on him. who cares about what you believe or not. you could have done the worst if you were in his shoe. nonesense, see as he dey talk like say him be saint

OP my advice for you is simple. Keep caring for her but do not get yourself emotionally involved with her. Think with your head OP, not, your heart.

COOLDUN: From your comment you seem to be a kind man, and God fearing too, it is not bad to take care of your late brother's wife, but thinking of having an affair with her or remarrying her is never good and advisable.

I don't know what a woman with 5 children and a grown up man, as son is looking for in marriage again. My advice to you is to try to raise some fund for her to start any business which she can handle, so that she will not be more dependent on you as you have your own family too.

She can have a male friend which all of you her family members should know about, but remarrying is not the best option. She has sacrificed a lot for the family. If she really love her dead husband , she should honor him by staying behind and take care of their children. Your family members should encourage and support her to stay. Marriage is never the solution as she do not know what she will meet at her new matrimonial home.

My father's junior brother died and left a very pretty young and educated woman, what my father did after she finished mourning her late husband was to call her and asked her what she wanted to do then, my father began his words by first letting her to know that God had made her a member of our family, never mind that death had put asunder in her marriage. My father made her to know that all of us love her and are very ready to have her as our sister in law.My father told her that anything she decided then would be accepted by all the family members. Then she had a son and 2 daughters.

When my father finished talking to her, she fell down and held my father's feet and swore that she will never leave our family to any where, till death take her away. We all busted into tears and hugged her, and reassured her of our everlasting love for her.

Today she is still with us, her daughters are all married, his son is married with 3 kids now, my father sold some of our lands and raised some money for her to start business. She is doing greatly. She has a male friend which all the family members know and respect so much. If your family love that woman, then don't let her leave.She need you all now.

i think we should ask this man his tribe before advising him or what to do or what not to do.

if he is a yoruba man of the south-west extract, there is nothing bad, societally, about him remarrying his late brother's wife. infact, that is the norm, and it is not by compulsion. the woman is given a choice to choose between still staying in the family to remarry someone from the family, preferably a younger person to the deceased, or she 'get married' to her children or she goes out and marry someone else.

in the event that she marries someone else, she cease to have any right to the husband's property or estate.

but come to think of it. wouldn't it have been better for this man to remarry this women than for another man to be snicking into the woman's apartment at odd hours? remember he said she's 30something years old, and a woman of that age, as a matter of fact, still needs a man.

i'm somehow in that dilemma too. the only difference between me and him is that i can't get married to the woman in my own case because i have elder ones who will first be given the first right of refusal. but i'm taking care of her within my resources even though i'm still single. i just wonder how she's been coping for the past two years

olawole oladipo: Dear Colleagues,

Unfortunately, I lost my senior brother (the same mother the same father) three years ago at age of 50, my brother left one wife with five children. My brother's wife still young (thirty years) plus. She so interest on me after the burial/outing service or some months later, she always calling me on the phone that I abandoned her. In fact, I try my best for her by sending money to her through bank account to take herself because I'm leaving at Ajah, My brother did not complete his house project before his untimely death, myself with support of family member complete the building and she is living there at Ogijo Ikorodu. Also her first son (19 years old)stay with me and caring for him. There was a day she told me on the phone that "Did i think she will marry another person after 5 children to my brother" and everything is not money, she want to see me, Infact I feel somehow that day.

In conclusion, as a christian I don't want to cheat my own "housewife" or look like I'm commiting adultery or fornication. What Can I do? to marry her, OR to tell her to leave my brother's house to go and marry another person with five children.




Please I need your Help.

From Safejourney, Ajah, Lagos

actually you can its part of our culture, that is why a woman is called "our wife" and not just your brother's wife. Maybe am letting my igbo side take over in thinking, but in igboland a man is allowed to marry his elder bros wife if she agrees after she has mourned him and the young son will then become the man's responsibility, bascially you must raise him like your child, never cheating him of his father's wealth.

mymadam:

I'm sure that you have not told us 'the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth'. However, your rant, ..."OR to tell her to leave my brother's house?" is unbelievable garbage! You want to evict her from her home? This is simply adding insult to her injury. Repent, buddy, repent! Shikena. God bless Nigeria.

That angle makes him a bad man. The guy is already thick in the groin asking us for conscience lubrication.

Poster, if you are dead and your wife and kids get evicted from your house, how would you feel?
Because ur widow refused advances from your broda. Nigerians bad ooo.

Nooooooooooo .... I think this thread should be moved to the Islamic Section! I believe it was started for the purpose of promoting the '4 wives' allowance

maclatunji:

You are right. However, there has to be a lot of caution. I would prefer if the widow waived most of the rights a typical second wife would demand be met and be satisfied with the man's care and a reasonable amount of affection that can keep her focused on her 5 children who are her primary constituency. She keeps the house with her kids and has the man's ear when she needs it. So far, I think she has been decent, let us hope things work out well.

The man should never sleep with her if he has not married her. That would be a betrayal of his own family, neices and nephews and his late brother.

If he marries her, he can go ahead. His own wife will be very upset if she is clingy but if she is a wise woman won't object overly and only demand that her position and that of her kids be respected.

I keep reading slowly to make sure i am reading right but my eyes are not deceiving me. Is there any woman that will willingly accept this? And then i remember again the Islamic reasoning behind this. Wow

That would make for one heck of a family reunion and family holidays, i'ld love to be a fly on the wall for that.

Gosh I hope you don't have any kids with her . . .I can see it now . . Well my Dad is my Uncle as well . . . lol

My kinda advice...... This woman in question don't need you as husband, she just needed ”{¤sex¤}“ and only ”{¤sex¤}“ from you, hence she's still 30s and young. Go and shine her congo or tell her to look 4 another bobo to do so

@Poster
The woman saying that money is not everything and that she wants to see you does not mean that she is trying to seduce you into her laps or something unless she has made it obvious to you that she wants to start an intimate relationship with you which I don't think is the best for both of you. She may simply be missing that male figure and needing that you come and be present sometimes in the life of her children through visitations in order for the kids to still have a feel of a male presence so don't trip all over the place and think that your brother's wife wants to bed you down badly because she wants you to visit her and the children unless she has spelt it out.
There isn't a law that said that when a spouse dies that living and enjoying love and life should die along with the partner. When the mourning is over such women should be encouraged to find happiness and her happiness doesn't have to come from putting hands in one pot with you and your wife. The fact that she already believed that no man will want to marry her with her 5 kids shows that she has some beliefs stuck up in her which may not allow her be open minded to finding a new partner. There is nothing wrong if she finds another man to get along with, there is nothing disrespectful or abominable or disgusting about her marrying another man. The world is open out there please. Thanks.

COOLDUN: From your comment you seem to be a kind man, and God fearing too, it is not bad to take care of your late brother's wife, but thinking of having an affair with her or remarrying her is never good and advisable.

I don't know what a woman with 5 children and a grown up man, as son is looking for in marriage again. My advice to you is to try to raise some fund for her to start any business which she can handle, so that she will not be more dependent on you as you have your own family too.

She can have a male friend which all of you her family members should know about, but remarrying is not the best option. She has sacrificed a lot for the family. If she really love her dead husband , she should honor him by staying behind and take care of their children. Your family members should encourage and support her to stay. Marriage is never the solution as she do not know what she will meet at her new matrimonial home.

My father's junior brother died and left a very pretty young and educated woman, what my father did after she finished mourning her late husband was to call her and asked her what she wanted to do then, my father began his words by first letting her to know that God had made her a member of our family, never mind that death had put asunder in her marriage. My father made her to know that all of us love her and are very ready to have her as our sister in law.My father told her that anything she decided then would be accepted by all the family members. Then she had a son and 2 daughters.

When my father finished talking to her, she fell down and held my father's feet and swore that she will never leave our family to any where, till death take her away. We all busted into tears and hugged her, and reassured her of our everlasting love for her.

Today she is still with us, her daughters are all married, his son is married with 3 kids now, my father sold some of our lands and raised some money for her to start business. She is doing greatly. She has a male friend which all the family members know and respect so much. If your family love that woman, then don't let her leave.She need you all now.

In as much as your post is heartwarming there's no fast rules for you to say that poster shouldn't let the woman leave his extended family. It's her life and it's her choice. Just like your uncle's wife chose to remain unmarried so do other women have the rights to how they want to live their lives after the death of their spouse.

maclatunji: Eyah. If you were a Muslim, I would have said consider marrying her. She wants a man and has set her eyes on you. No woman would like a co-wife so I understand your wife's position too.

To be honest marrying her sorts out many problems. If we say she should go and look for her own man, what will happen to your neices and nephews?

Talk to your wife about it, who knows she may have the heart of a saint. However, is your ex-brother's wife a decent woman? Can she relate with your wife with respect?

Your story is one of the reasons I can't claim 100% that polygamy is out of the question for me even if I prefer monogamy.

It is a tough call.

Tunji "I ga egbokwa ogu ma okpotuwa" (Will you separate the polygamous wifey wifey fights when it starts?" ).
Why insinuate that he bring her into his household? What problems does that solve? It can create more problems than you can imagine.
So what happens to the nieces and nephews? If their mama gets married to somebody else it does not mean that the children are lost to their father's family, don't children leave their families to go as far as across the atlantic and other countries to go and school and live so that has no weight at all. It is a woman's choice to decide whether she wants to remarry or not biko.

babyosisi:

First of all,my condolences on the untimely loss of your brother

This story is quite touching and you sound like a genuine guy but please keep your emotions in check and don't have anything romantic to do with your late brother's wife
Polygamy should not be for you first of all then secondly
She is family to you and cannot be your wife
Assist her financially when you can,I am glad you are already helping take care of your nephew but don't mess with her heart
It doesn't end well and when the chips are down,you would have a lot of people hurt including this young widow
If you have a friend you can introduce her ,do so
Take care
Why would you want her out of her husband'd house? That last line sounds very odd
I hope you don't mean it the way it came out.

@Babyosisi

The part poster said "Should I tell her to leave my brother's house to go and marry another person with five children"----
caught my eye too but I didn't comment on that because he didn't say all that he meant. I mean that phrase means a lot of things to a lot of people and the way he said it is not very defined.

mbhs139:

i think we should ask this man his tribe before advising him or what to do or what not to do.

if he is a yoruba man of the south-west extract, there is nothing bad, societally, about him remarrying his late brother's wife. infact, that is the norm, and it is not by compulsion. the woman is given a choice to choose between still staying in the family to remarry someone from the family, preferably a younger person to the deceased, or she 'get married' to her children or she goes out and marry someone else.

in the event that she marries someone else, she cease to have any right to the husband's property or estate.

but come to think of it. wouldn't it have been better for this man to remarry this women than for another man to be snicking into the woman's apartment at odd hours? remember he said she's 30something years old, and a woman of that age, as a matter of fact, still needs a man.

i'm somehow in that dilemma too. the only difference between me and him is that i can't get married to the woman in my own case because i have elder ones who will first be given the first right of refusal. but i'm taking care of her within my resources even though i'm still single. i just wonder how she's been coping for the past two years

Are you saying it is common in Yorubaland for men to inherit their late brother's wives?
Tufiakwa
y'all do have some strange customs

Ivynwa:

@Babyosisi

The part poster said "Should I tell her to leave my brother's house to go and marry another person with five children"----
caught my eye too but I didn't comment on that because he didn't say all that he meant. I mean that phrase means a lot of things to a lot of people and the way he said it is not very defined.

I also have a feeling he didn't mean it that way
At least I hope so

babyosisi:

I also have a feeling he didn't mean it that way
At least I hope so

Yeah I think so too. How are you Babes? Hope good?

Ivynwa:

Yeah I think so too. How are you Babes? Hope good?

I am doing just fine,thanks for asking
Kicking azz hia and dia as usual
I hope you're good too

babyosisi:

I am doing just fine,thanks for asking
Kicking azz hia and dia as usual
I hope you're good too

Just where the heck were you when you were needed to kick one or two good looking a**es days ago? Lol
Sometimes I want to kick some a**es in NL but just can't lift my legs to kick em. Hahaha.
Now if I ever come across an a** that needs some good kicking, Imma call on you.
Do have a good day.

Even if you stop helping her she will stil survive(God is the husband of the widow)so if you dont mrry her you cant ssist her?I need to get something clear here,GOOD NAME IS BETTER THAN RICHES,IF YOU TAKE HER 4 A WIFE 2DAY UR NAME IS GONE 4EVER,

Are you Musiwa?

Why you dey talk like this naw.

Greatken007: Even if you stop helping her she will stil survive(God is the husband of the widow)so if you dont mrry her you cant ssist her?I need to get something clear here,GOOD NAME IS BETTER THAN RICHES,IF YOU TAKE HER 4 A WIFE 2DAY UR NAME IS GONE 4EVER,

COOLDUN: From your comment you seem to be a kind man, and God fearing too, it is not bad to take care of your late brother's wife, but thinking of having an affair with her or remarrying her is never good and advisable.

I don't know what a woman with 5 children and a grown up man, as son is looking for in marriage again. My advice to you is to try to raise some fund for her to start any business which she can handle, so that she will not be more dependent on you as you have your own family too.

She can have a male friend which all of you her family members should know about, but remarrying is not the best option. She has sacrificed a lot for the family. If she really love her dead husband , she should honor him by staying behind and take care of their children. Your family members should encourage and support her to stay. Marriage is never the solution as she do not know what she will meet at her new matrimonial home.

My father's junior brother died and left a very pretty young and educated woman, what my father did after she finished mourning her late husband was to call her and asked her what she wanted to do then, my father began his words by first letting her to know that God had made her a member of our family, never mind that death had put asunder in her marriage. My father made her to know that all of us love her and are very ready to have her as our sister in law.My father told her that anything she decided then would be accepted by all the family members. Then she had a son and 2 daughters.

When my father finished talking to her, she fell down and held my father's feet and swore that she will never leave our family to any where, till death take her away. We all busted into tears and hugged her, and reassured her of our everlasting love for her.

Today she is still with us, her daughters are all married, his son is married with 3 kids now, my father sold some of our lands and raised some money for her to start business. She is doing greatly. She has a male friend which all the family members know and respect so much. If your family love that woman, then don't let her leave.She need you all now.

This is infact the best advice I have ever read on NL!!!Maturity/discipline well blended together.NMH(nodding my head)

from the qoute " My brother's wife still young (thirty years) plus" it shows you like her beyond ...the care ! i advice you resist the DEVIL immediately to save your marriage...she is free to re-marry but bros....NO THINK AM.,it shouldnt be you..she just likes you for you have helped her problems so far....this is my view, except you still have more to add that you dnt want us to knw.