debrief08: Na wa oh! What a thread to be saved for future purposes. Op sorry for your situation, will come to you later on.
Imagiine my shck at this thread, see people throwing divorce up and down and very considerate of the OPs feelings, again na wa oh.
So adultery has suddenly becoome so painful that people foorget their bibles and "Gods hate divorce" "divorce is not an optin" verses today.
The is shocking for nairaland, if it were a woman who posted her her feelings will not even be addressed but for a man see clear differences;

1. No body blamed the Op and asked him "what were you doing wrong to push her to cheat, a woman satisfied at home won't go eating outside"

2. Ask him to make himself better, loose some weight, dress better, give her more money

3. No one asked him to go on his knees and fast and pray

Haba people see how divorce suddenly became 85 percent acceptable in this nairaland oh.
Thanks for TVC at least being consistent not minding the gender of the Poster.

My advice for the poster, take your time, see a couselor I recommed Jerome if you are in Lagos, not so you can get back but so you can figure out calmly what the next step you want is.
Adutery hurts, it opens feelings nothing else stirs so much pain and tears at once, so really people who are not ready to be faithful should stay off marriage, women feel this way all the time and still don't get e$pathy rather take the blame for their husbands cheating ways.
The kind of hurt many people bottle up from adultery is ammazing and sad.
I wish you the best what ever you decide$

Jman06: If that bitch remains in ur house,i bet even ur gateman wll have a taste of her honey pot.I wonder why some ppl think that a man should not get a divorce when it's necessary#4giveness my foot#

yoddy01:
I wont be surprised if you are not married. If our mothers or fathers left their marriage when their spouses cheated, I wonder how many married couples will remain today. Poster, this is one of the reasons why I said you should not discuss with family or friends. They will mislead you.

Jman06: 4get that trash u are talkn abt bible and divorce.A man is different from a woman,d ego of a man is totally rubished when his wife cheats on him,a woman can easily live with an infidel husband in our society,but a man can't withstand d shame,infact a cheatn wife reduces her husband 2 a nobody.this is africa 4 crying out loud.

biolabee:

dude,,,not cool
if everyone behaved like you, we would back in the days of babel

, pls anyone in the house can you translate what this is

Toks2008:

Who be this? Are you married?

emiye:

I am emiye and single.

Btw, who be you? i almost asked you if you are happily married.

I have made my point, i am certain the OP can not heal without separation, if at all he wants to keep her relationship

@Toks2008, i read your story, i wish you the best, your wife seems smart by separating from you for now, i will advice you cut communication with her temporarily, stop unsettling her with your calls and FB msgs, abscence makes the heart grow fonder, if she still loves you.

WhyMe222: Thanks everyone for your contributions. You have all spoken well. I love my wife and I love my daughter silly. I leave no stone unturned in taking care of my family cos that is the only reason I go out daily (To provide for them). Her friends are a testimony to my capability in taking care of her. Her colleagues in both her former work place and the present one all appreciate for her what she has in terms of her marriage and husband. So there is no gain saying I may not have been leaving up to my expectations as a hubby.

In the last 8 months I have tried to heal, I have tried to see how we can work around it, I have also tried living like it never happened. In all this, none seem to be working. I loved my wife and that is why I have made all these efforts but the torture I live through will never go away and for this singular reason I feel there is no need going on like this. At the moment, I am only tolerating her and that is not good for marriage; reason I said marriage is not meant to be endured. Can there ever be a time I will not remember the incident? Can there ever be a time I will laugh it off and not hurt instead? The sex is dead; No urge because she repulses me and there is no way I will think of S£X with her without remembering what they did. So how can one live in this manner?

God help me.

Toks2008:

I quite appreciate your contribution. Nevertheless i believe you are still in the theoretic stage, when you get to the practical session then you will be more justified to contribute.

emiye:

That is the fallacy some people operate with. I have seen an unmarried kid sister save her elders sisters marriage (a long story i wont go in to). Life is not simply black and white. Always open your mind to learn.

emiye:

I am emiye and single.

Btw, who be you? i almost asked you if you are happily married.

I have made my point, i am certain the OP can not heal without separation, if at all he wants to keep his relationship

@Toks2008, i read your story, i wish you the best,your wife seems smart by separating from you for now, i will advice you cut communication with her temporarily, stop unsettling her with your calls and FB msgs, abscence makes the heart grow fonder, if she still loves you.

Jman06: D earlier u get a divorce d better 4 u unless u want 2 die b4 ur time.There are many women out there who are ready 2 love nd make u happy 4 d rest of ur life.

yoddy01:
Please save the african rubbish. You think women do not have emotions? The hurt a man feels is the same as the hurt a woman feels when she is cheated on.

Toks2008:


I am sure this kid sister did not advice divorce.

WhyMe222: Thank you everyone for your kind words and suggestions. May God bless you all.

On the paternity of my daughter, I have no doubt she is my flesh and blood because of the striking resemblance. She is a replica of my mum.

I want to forgive her and move past this period and work on the marriage, this is the reason why we have stayed together till this moment. I had the chance of informing both parents last Christmas but I chose not to with the hope we will survive it and move on. Yeah my wife is remorseful. She has tried in her own way to make amends but truth be told, it is not easy. I cannot lƠ̴͡Ơ̴͡k at her and not wonder how she got to that hotel, took her clothes off, slept with her colleague/our family friend, left and I possibly went to pick her up when she got closer home in our usual fashion, she came back and carried my daughter, forming mother and wife, slept on the same bed with me (Oh Lord I must have been so foolish), and lƠ̴͡Ơ̴͡k me in the face to tell me she loves me. And then they repeated same thing few days later, and again and possibly again and again and again until I made the discovery. They claim it was just a few times cos I have spoken with the devil himself.

Before breaking the news to her after my discovery, I made her unlock her phone so I went straight to their BBM chats. Their BBM conversation and email correspondence lend credence to the fact that, they didn't just sleep with each other out of raging hormones, they were actually having an amorous affair. A supposed wife!

I wish there is a reset button so I can reset my memory and move on in my marriage cos I ĺOVƐ my wife and for the sake of our adorable daughter. But how will I cope in this misery she has put me in? Right now I don't feel anything for her anymore. I snap sometimes no matter how much I try not to. Even the way I relate with her. Our usual pet name "НONEY" is so heavy in mouth now that I just mumble it when I need to call her attention for anything.

I feel my best option is a dissolution. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured. Yes I know it has its up and downs and we have had our fare share and gone past through it. This one is bigger than me. I don wanna die young or age faster than I should cos I have noticed some rapid changes.

Meanwhile, I made her confess because she was trying to be economical with the details initially. Let me also mention that in all this, I never raised a finger at her. I am one with an absolute self control. I don't subscribe to violence in any form.

God help me.

emiye:

The situation is different, the bible accepts divorce in case of sexual immorality.

I recommend divorce for the OP not necessarily jst because his wife cheated on him, but the strings of circumstances surrounding the situation.

he is not happy with the wife for goodness sake,the lady also has emotional needs, they are now two strangers living together, and it wont get better if they continue to stay together. A temporary or permanent breakup is the way forward

Toks2008:


I am sure this kid sister did not advice divorce.

You even lack maturity and decorum in the way you address issues so can't you see that you don't have what it takes to contribute in a constructive manner? No offense intended but just wondering.

You can't and will never understand marital issues until you are married. This is the truth.

Danfo: OP,

Having examined all your comments thus far, I can tell you from John Street that she was not prepared to stop the infidelity, if not that you found out unexpectedly.

The implication of the above statement is that SHE WILL DO IT AGAIN under permitting circumstances.Take it or leave it alone.

The call is definitely yours bro... but know that if she stays SHE WILL DO IT AGAIN.

Best wishes to you in arriving at a wise decision on this very sensitive matter.

logica: As usual comparing male and female. Of course the possible result of a husband cheating is different from a wife cheating. With the husband cheating, it could lead to a child born out of wedlock and who may even go undiscovered by the wife till the husband's death. For a wife cheating, it could lead to the man raising another man's child as his. For a woman who thinks it's the same, I wish I could find a way to hypnotize you for 18 years to think the child you are raising is yours, then bring you down to earth (with a snap of a finger and out of the trance) by telling you the child is not yours.

I do not know the circumstances of the OP's marriage, but let's say I agree with what many women think: a cheat will always cheat again, and again and again. Or have our women suddenly forgotten this? Forgiving a cheat will only give her certificate to cheat again; after all she already knows she will be forgiven. Abi?

yoddy01:
Do you even make sense to yourself?

johnny handsom:


Ikpu gbawa nne gi there anumpama

logica: I am sure I make perfect sense to those with much more than 3 connected neurons.