Hi All,

I'm in a kind of dilemma right now and don't know exactly what to do.

Shortly before I left Nigeria in 2004, I got engaged to my girlfriend of about 5years. She is a very sweet and caring lady. We agreed she 'll come over to Canada as soon as I settle down. My Uncle facilitated my coming to Canada by securing admission to do a professional engineering program. But two months after i arrived the man changed completely. He refused to pay my outstanding fees and so I had to cough out part of the remaining balance myself. In short, i was completely bankrupt in less than five months.

Then life became really hard. I always shuttle between work and classroom almost everyday and scared of going back home to avoid problems with my Uncle and his wife. I remember times I had bread and orange juice all day. Sometimes rice and chili (concoction). My reason for this modest lifestyle is to enable me to be able to save up for my fees.

After about 10months, I met this white lady. i must confess, this woman is a rear catch. She also studied in the same universityand from a very well to do home. Initially we were very good friends, we go see movies together and so on. I told her I don't want a relationship because of my financial situation but to my surprise, she offered to pay my fees balance. Before i knew what was happening I was living in her apartment. She provided EVERYTHING i needed. She got my car loan (for which I only pay the monthly installments). Later I met her parents, they mentioned their reservation about Africans, but they still accepted me. One of their family friends specifically commented that Nigerians are not reliable.

Her father helped me in securing a good job as a design engineer in a multinational company. Right now we've bought our own house. I went to Nigeria last year, bought a land and a car for my parents. They kept discussing about marriage to my fiancee. I know the girl has been very helpful and they really like her. I tried to hint my mum about the white lady but seems she doesn't want to be a party to it.

The lady in Nigeria is now pressurizing me that we must get married this year. Her family keep calling me everyday about my plans for their daughter.
To be candid, I had to change my lifestyle to suit Nigerian girl because of her family background. I had to give up drinking, friends, no partying talk less of clubbing and she always want this crowd thing. No privacy as such, we seldom go out alone which implies me spending a lot. The Canadian lady on the other hand is very understanding. I'm always myself with her and she accepted me for whom i am. She loves me naturally although I'm not disputing the love of my fiancee.

Please i need GOOD advice. who should I dump? I love the white lady more.

So u've been dating both of them all along?

@busta

of course


@poster

am sorry not to be sympathetic . . . . . . you don't need good advice rather you need a good beating!!!!!!


You have been leading on both women and now you have reached the climax of both relationships you come to nairaland to ask for help.

Make up you mind fast but you will need to go to God for forgiveness because you will break one lady's heart which i feel is really mean of you.

I won't be surprised if you pick the canadian lady . . . . . . . Nigerian's are after all unreliable. . . . shey?

If I was God I will take both women from you. You don't deserve any of them.

For years you fooled the naija lady into thinking that she was with you. Imagine all the guys she would have ignored because she thinks you are in the picture. You have ruined her life.

Come to think of it . . .if u leave or "dump" either one of these women, how and where do u expect them to start all over again. better marry one in naija and marry the other in canada.

The naija lady, u got engaged to her after 5years . . u came to canada and was still with her. u were prolly calling her, went back home to see her and the poor girl thinks she has a fiancee. If u leave her now . . at this age, where does she start searching for anotha fiancee again . . wasted years. SEE WHY I SAY DISTANCE DON"T WORK?

the canadian babe no easy, after wasting her money to pay ur school fees, her father found u a job, bought u a car and a house. . .and u dump her . . na naija get u be dat oh . . cos she will punish u die. besides . . where's will she start to pick up the remaining pieces of her life.

bro . . u're on ur own on this note.

Meh, almost five years of dating plus 4 yrs now since we r in 2008 and u r dere talking about loving the white lady, u love the white lady cuz you are scared of what will happen if u break it up but for da naija one, who kares, Remember Nemesis,

Am not surprised at all.
Put urself in ur fiancee position and just think of how you'll feel after all these years, so because u've found another one now that paid ur fees and all that, u think u are in love now and want to dump the one in naija. All of a sudden u love the white lady more now.
I smell a rat here, i feel u are just using this white lady to get all the things u can lay ur hands on. You do not deserve any of them cos u have been deceiving them and the naija one especially making her think u were coming back for her.
What are u going to say to her, sorry i cannot marry you again, i found someone else,
Nah wa oh

Marry the 2 of them naa !

@poster

your name should be Adechameleon instead of Adegorilla

d naija girl helped u stop your useless way of life

how many matured men of this days live such reckless life

d white woman u said took u for who you're,and u think her encouraging u to be useless makes her love u more?


my dear u deserve beating like naja haje said,but this time u should be beating and at d same time casterated,so that u will stop deceiving the two innocent women

anyway follow ur heart

Most people who post a threads on here about something like this, Honestly I knw you have desired what you want . You said d canadian girl is understanding, Your problem is not new , I've seen people with the same problem. Marry em both, Or sit the white girl down and explain everything to her . She's Understanding you say, Most of em are. But I will advice you not to try and tell d naija girl to move on. You will jus end up in Naija If you know what I am talkin about, Naija peeps can get mad on this and I advice you to take her, Because A jo o da b ile,

Sign Out

u cant say u are confused cos i believe u know what u are doing, u said u love the white girl more, i dont blame u, this is a typical naija boy, u love the white girl just because of her money isn't it, lazy man that cant fend for himself, u want to dump the poor naija girl, anywayz the white girl will dump u for a better guy when the time comes

i hope both of them dump your sawry ass.

You sold your shame for food. Its the white girl im sorry for. She only has your loyalty because of what she can provide.
Shame on you bro!

this look slike one of dem nigerian movies were ramson noah goes to london and leave genevieve in the village, he gets there and meet omotala jalade, who now buys him KFC n just becosue d chicken taste nice he 4gets all about genevieve and geneveive is at home suffering and hoping


dude do u want me 2 write u a script, any volunteer for genevive roll.
any fair guy for ramson noah role, holla d director acidrop

Guy! Follow your heart, forget about the naija gurl.

Quite alright, she might love you, but the Canadian lady helped more and from what you said, she's more understanding.

Don't let your heart control your head.

Think about this: If you leave the wite lady, what impression do you her family to have? That you're a GOLDDIGGER? Hell NO!

You should find a way of settling the Naija girl financially so she won't have much regrets, also explain the whole situation to her and ask her what she would have done if she was in your shoes.

thats bullshit.

@ all the ladies

make una kill the poster well well i'm very sure that if u were in his shoes,
i bet u would do worse ^{hope u know what i mean}

@poster

advice: choose one and settle hwere she stays. i mean, if u marry the white, stay with her in canada and be visitin naija, alternatively, if u marry the naija babe, stay in nigeria with her. period.

A

@poster
this issue is very sensitive but i have a solution to your problem.
Now i am only giving you this advice because u are already in deep shit and i understand ur plight but u should not have made that mistake in d first place, and to everybody out there they should learn that long distance relationships do not work.
step 1 U need to make up your mind about which of the 2 ladies u prefer.
step 2 wen u have done that now face the one u want to break up wit and start doing things that would break off the relationship.
she does not have to know that there is another woman.
remember a lot of relationships break up because both parties can no longer stand themselves.
if it is the naija girl then u know all the things she does not like like smoking, drinking , all u have to do is to indulge in it seriously among other things. if it is the white lady of course u know wat to do to break up with her.
Remember, none of the unlucky lady should know the actual reason why u are breaking up and if u play ur cards right she might even be the person to break it off, so it all depends on how u play ur cards.
cheers

@ all,

You all have your points but to me I don’t think any person should blame the Poster considering the condition that pushed him to that white lady. The guy needed help by all means and God provided help through the white lady. So, for the guy to dump the white lady after all her kindness to him means that the Poster is such a mean fellow.

It is not his intention to break the heart of the Nigerian girl neither it's his intention to break the heart of the white lady. So, what do you want the guy to do? Have two girls as wives? That is the silliest thing. Guy, please marry anyone your mind want, but if you dump the Nigerian girl, she must be compensated heavily and you must remain kind to her throughout your life. However, if you dump the white lady, still find a way to compensate her heavily. All the same, you must be careful with anyone you dump because your life may be at stake.

Marry both home and away

@poster
the worst thing a man can ever do is get involued with two women.
No good karma comes out of this kind of twist.

bros, my candid advice. Forget the Nigerian girl, she's history.
Marry the white chic and move on with ur life . . . the parents of the nigerian girl are only calling daily because u've now made it.

I'm not saying you didnt do wrong for leading her on for 4 yrs, if i were in ur shoes she'd have been out the window since.

Its unfortunate but its a harsh reality. Next time be honest!!! Dont lead two women on at the same time, choose one and let the other know she has to go for obvious reasons.

my dear let me break to you. there is not honest way you can resolve this. you cant leave the naija gurl seh might never find enybody else. lets face the older the harder it isto get a husband. asfor the whitie she will kill u. she will never trust another african man ever again.

you are caught in between. GAIN THER I SNO HONEST WAY TO RESOLVE THIS.

you can leave both of them: that wont chnage anything cos they will still both be hurt.

you can move back to naija and marry the niaja girl. when u marry her you can chnge the way she is afterall when people get maried they tend to calm down a bit. the whute gurl will never forgive you so dont bother begging cut her off completely and all her family and frnds too. she wont come to naija wats the worst she can do? its not like you have any real strings attached.

you can marry the whte one and hurt the one you have stringed on for so long specially leaving her with half the chances of the white gurl if it was the othr way around. also you have family ties you cant run away that easily werever you turn she will be there. the worst she can do is place a curse on you. you know its africa THAT CURES MUST WORK!

my suggestion:
MARRY THE NAIJA GURL she has been waiting too long. your families have already met each other. you have already promised marriage. you owe here more than just money.
but how do u discharge the white gurl? tell here you have been forced into marriage by your culture and family. and that your parents have threatened to disown u. that way you spare her feelings. she will be hurt but not as much as yiou saying u had a fiancee since.

i know my advice is dishonest but lets face it nobody here is righteous,
naralanders can be hypocrites and and we all know there is no honest way to resolve this. at least he was my frien dthat is what i will advice there is no bright side to look up too.
OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO GO TO CHURCH AND PRY FOR FORGIVENESS AFTER.

@ jassie but he is a gold digger!

4 Him:

bros, my candid advice. Forget the Nigerian girl, she's history.
Marry the white chic and move on with your life . . . the parents of the Nigerian girl are only calling daily because I've now made it.

I'm not saying you didn't do wrong for leading her on for 4 years, if i were in your shoes she'd have been out the window since.

Its unfortunate but its a harsh reality. Next time be honest!!! Don't lead two women on at the same time, choose one and let the other know she has to go for obvious reasons.

I kinda agree with the above insert they are calling you now because you stupidly went home to show off you new found wealth now they are already doing th juju to make sure that you don't forget their daughter.
I say don't break the Canadian girl's heart. In all honesty how many men has your Nigeria Fiancee dealt with while you were away (which is what you did too) If i were you i would just go home give her family a substantial amount of money and call off the engagement so that they wouldn't think of you as the jerk that you are ( that much anyway) give them money buy them a piece of land and let them know that you don't want to marry their daughter anymore and when you go back home to Canada don't mention anything. Also, if you ever want your mother or parents to meet your white chick make sure they come to Canada and not you taking her to Nigeria. Because we don't want the Canadian army destroying your village over their child.

This one na real hot soup.

I really wanna know how this will end!

waterworks:

my dear let me break to you. there is not honest way you can resolve this. you can't leave the naija girl seh might never find enybody else. lets face the older the harder it isto get a husband. asfor the whitie she will kill u. she will never trust another african man ever again.

Unbelievable! So the reason to marry a Nigerian girl now is because she wont find someone else? My dear, this is about a man's future not about whether a girl will marry or not.
The white girl wont kill him but i'd marry the white girl if i were him for the following STRONG reasons:
- this girl was there when he was absolutely NOTHING.
- Do you know what it means to get a car ON YOUR OWN credit history for someone else?
- She stuck with him through thick and thin, now that its time for her to reap what she sowed you want him to leave her for a girl who's just interested in a good life for herself and her family? Where was this Nigerian girl when he was drinking garri.

waterworks:

my suggestion:
MARRY THE NAIJA GURL she has been waiting too long. your families have already met each other. you have already promised marriage. you owe here more than just money.

he owes her nothing but an apology.

waterworks:

but how do u discharge the white girl? tell here you have been forced into marriage by your culture and family. and that your parents have threatened to disown u. that way you spare her feelings. she will be hurt but not as much as yiou saying u had a fiancee since.

how does he discharge the nigerian girl? Tell her you've found someone who loves you and truly cares for you in a way she's never done before.

waterworks:

i know my advice is dishonest but lets face it nobody here is righteous,

at least you know.

@busta

of course


@poster

am sorry not to be sympathetic . . . . . . you don't need good advice rather you need a good beating!!!!!!


You have been leading on both women and now you have reached the climax of both relationships you come to nairaland to ask for help.

Make up you mind fast but you will need to go to God for forgiveness because you will break one lady's heart which i feel is really mean of you.

I won't be surprised if you pick the canadian lady . . . . . . . Nigerian's are after all unreliable. . . . shey?

If I was God I will take both women from you. You don't deserve any of them.

For years you fooled the naija lady into thinking that she was with you. Imagine all the guys she would have ignored because she thinks you are in the picture. You have ruined her life.

ojigbi jigbi
the thing dey pain u? leave the boi joh!

@Poster
anyone u choose will do, i agree with u no be ur fault
marry the oyinbo at least u go don buy car for the 9ja gurrl
who tell u say the 9ja gurl no get bobo for 9ja when u dey der?
she sef go don cut show well well. . .no quote me o!

but, if this thing na story u go cut from Thrills and boom
i go swear for u bigtime

tkb417:



ojigbi jigbi
the thing dey pain u? leave the boi joh!

@Poster
[b]anyone u choose will do, i agree with u no be your fault
marry the oyinbo at least [/b]u go don buy car for the Nigeria gurrl
who tell u say the Nigeria girl no get bobo for Nigeria when u dey der?
she sef go don cut show well well. . .no quote me o!

but, if this thing na story u go cut from Thrills and boom
i go swear for u bigtime

mmmmmmmmm. . . . . . na so u be?

tkb417:



ojigbi jigbi
the thing dey pain u? leave the boi joh!

@Poster
anyone u choose will do, i agree with u no be your fault
marry the oyinbo at least u go don buy car for the Nigeria gurrl
who tell u say the Nigeria girl no get bobo for Nigeria when u dey der?
she sef go don cut show well well. . .no quote me o!

but, if this thing na story u go cut from Thrills and boom
i go swear for u bigtime

lmao