A Little Advice Needed - Family - Nairaland
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Advice Needed: His Wife Will Not Allow Him Rest. / My Family Needs Little Advice. / My Little Advice To Young And Married Ladies. (2) (3) (4)
| A Little Advice Needed by UMadara: 9:54am On Aug 05, 2013 |
Good day, Am a young guy in my early twenties, currently working and dating a lady a year younger than me. Now considering my school of thought and plans, I intend to tie the knot in the next 2 to 3 years tops and as such when I go into a relationship, I go into it with the mindset of she might be the one and hence I see her in that light. Now the lady in question am currently dating graduated the same year and served with me in the same batch and was redeployed to the state I served at my persistence (was still wooing her then). She had a good degree but has been unable to get a good job owing to "failures" in the different tests she has written. Recently abt a month ago, we had a very tensed up argument where she said some terrible things to me, demoralising statements that made me reconsider cuz she has this negative outlook on things cuz things are not currently working out for her and I have always been encouraging her to keep on trying. She even refused to write an aptitude test for which I was very mad with her about. So during the said quarrel she brought up my trying to be positive about all things as signs of me being a loser and that I had no business being proud as I was not rich (she's from a rich background). I was hurt but I calmed down and forgave her and we moved on from it. Now cuz I had not being in touch for 4 days, she has started towing the line telling me last night that my replacement is on the way. I mean I was ill through out last week and have been attending to some personal family matters on my own turf of which she did not bother to find out even after telling her. Right now, I am tired cuz I dnt think I can deal with this kind of behaviour if things decide to become very serious cuz she's showing attitudes I dnt think I can cope with. Now she's not all that bad, but my biggest problem is the attitude and character. Now my question is, should I keep on trying to work things out and change her OR back out and have peace? Am readily available to drop as much info u might need to make an informed decision. Thanks. UM |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by bellong: 10:09am On Aug 05, 2013 |
For a relationship tending to marriage, if there is any attitude you cannot cope with, it is better you leave the girl than thinking she will change. Nobody is a superman to change anybody. She has refused to change since you started nor has she shown any sign of improvement with the attitude you detest so much, the probability that she will change is very low. Its left for you to decide if you can live with it and if not, it is time for you to leave. PS: Never ever marry someone with the intention that she will change, if she doesn't change now, she may never change but become worse. Habits die hard |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 10:12am On Aug 05, 2013 |
You have given all the needed info to make an informed decision. She herself told you your replacement is on the way so what are you waiting for? If she can do this while dating, it will get much worse when you get married. Gentle tell her you are no longer interested. |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by biolabee(m): 10:23am On Aug 05, 2013 |
I think you have a problem with her attitude She feels discouraged and is lashing out as things are not working as she envisaged Why don't you have a talk and share your visions to each other If you are not compatible that way, you can let her go But frankly from your write up I still can't see the issue |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 11:49am On Aug 05, 2013 |
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| Re: A Little Advice Needed by baby124: 12:33pm On Aug 05, 2013 |
Why are you with a girl who you can't plan with. You want things to go your way and they have obviously not worked out.look women can be mouthy and saucy. Ask those truly married. So you won't escape arguments and sometimes a misplaced comment here and there. She is lashing out because she is being judged by you and at the same time dealing with her failures. You say her parents have money. Can they set up a biz for her? You can also encourage her and stop criticizing or trying to make yourself seem better than her. She has obviously lost motivation. If you insist you want to leave because she is frustrated with her life circumstance, do her a big Favour and leave. I hope when you face challenges in life you are able to be dancing and singing kumbaya 1 Like |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 4:28pm On Aug 05, 2013 |
The sign is glaring, this is a woman who will belittle u. She will likely be domineering. I advice u to find ur level. We are tired of people complaining abt failed marriages. |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by UMadara: 4:58pm On Aug 05, 2013 |
baby_123: Why are you with a girl who you can't plan with. You want things to go your way and they have obviously not worked out.look women can be mouthy and saucy. Ask those truly married. So you won't escape arguments and sometimes a misplaced comment here and there. She is lashing out because she is being judged by you and at the same time dealing with her failures. You say her parents have money. Can they set up a biz for her? You can also encourage her and stop criticizing or trying to make yourself seem better than her. She has obviously lost motivation. If you insist you want to leave because she is frustrated with her life circumstance, do her a big Favour and leave. I hope when you face challenges in life you are able to be dancing and singing kumbaya Don't get me wrong. I keep on encouraging her to keep trying, even if it means trying something new like starting a business. Even asked her to pursue what she has a passion for. To not gloat or anything, am the one person trying to tell her all will be well and that she should not give up as there are others that our worse off than her. but does she listen to me? No... Pampering and constructive criticisms has not worked. To divulge a little i manage people and i know how hard it is but "shooting me in the foot" each time i want to help or saying mean things because i have learnt to look at life with a more positive outlook is just soul shattering. |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by blaise26abj(m): 5:24pm On Aug 05, 2013 |
Stop being all soft and positive. It doesn't work with most women.Be real. Get angry and voice ur frustrations too. And lastly be a man and stop talking too much. ACT. Get her something, somehow. |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 5:24pm On Aug 05, 2013 |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by RoyalRoy(m): 5:57pm On Aug 05, 2013 |
bellong: C'est finis!!!! |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by RoyalRoy(m): 6:02pm On Aug 05, 2013 |
biolabee: I think you have a problem with her attitudeOga B.B , u can't see the issue? A girlfriend who makes a scathing comment on a boyfriend's not so affluent background is definitely not worth it. He is trying to push her on to greater heights & she referred to him as a loser!!! Some ladies can be so careless with words but it shouldn't be excused. Out of the abundance of the heart, so the mouth speaketh!!! I will advice Op to move on! How can ur gf open her mouth to tell you "your replacement is on the way"? She already sees u as a pooohsie!!! |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 6:32pm On Aug 05, 2013 |
Royal Roy: Thanks you o. I cant understand why people try to patch relationships that have problems from the start. From this very early stage of dating you are such huge problems. Some nairalanders will advice you to patch the relationship till you marry and after marriage the same people will advice you to divorce your wife. I dont understand the rational. Marriage is for a lifetime. A broken relationship is far better than a broken marriage. This is not about you liking challenges - that is for job interviews. The worst thing you want to have as an adult is serious marital issues. It just drains you. Move on and find someone you really love and really loves you in return. She is out there. |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 9:18pm On Aug 05, 2013 |
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| Re: A Little Advice Needed by biolabee(m): 10:23pm On Aug 05, 2013 |
Dear sir, I feel your pain but un fortunately this is one sided and we don't know what led to the outburst from the lady Which is why I said the guy should be cautious before he breaks the egg Something attracted them to each other What has changed It does not make sense for a girl to lose interest in getting a job if that is her goal I beleieve he should ezzplore all options and be objective before he goes But that replacement statement no good choi Royal Roy: |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by UMadara: 11:51am On Aug 14, 2013 |
thanks for your advice all. sent her the link to see your opinions. after all according to her am privileged to have her as my gf...  |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Kanwulia: 12:05pm On Aug 14, 2013 |
That is life. . .when you get involved with another in ANY relationship. The grass may be greener on the outside only because it is a SWAMP! You are not married yet. . . THIS IS ONLY SPRING TRAINING!  You will even face worse things in the future. When people are not happy. . . there is the tendency to ACT OUT. One thing is certain. . .she has demonstrated that she is not capable of PULLING HER WEIGHT. . .and acting responsibly. She might not be the academically-inclined type. . .despite passing out with GOOD DEGREE. We all know how degrees are awarded in NIGERIA AND AFRICA in general.  Now, it is time to PROVE she really merited that DEGREE. . . . Or she may be in the wrong field. . . .! Such is life. . . .IF YOU GET MARRIED, YOU ARE A HIGH CANDIDATE FOR DIVORCE! |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 2:25pm On Aug 14, 2013 |
A man is supposed to act like one. I am yet to come across that woman that will open her ant infested mouth to abuse my family or say something unbecoming. When we start dating, I make it obvious that I do not take shit. Getting a man to marry these days especially in Nigeria is harder than getting a job in an oil company. I know that fact and i act it too. I wonder how a man will allow a woman to bully him  Presently I have six women, two older than me, three my age and one six years younger than me that all wants to get married to me. they all know i am a prize so they all try not to loose thier head or mouth.The point I am trying to say is that the girl might be right after all, for you to be confused even after the lady has taken you to the cleaners means you are insecure. Grow a pair of ballz and act like the man that you are. A million virgins are out there waiting for you to say Hi. Presently I am being serious with a virgin and that doesnt even give her the right to rub it in my face or act stupid cos she knows I know my worth. Do you know yours ? |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 2:29pm On Aug 14, 2013 |
U_Madara: thanks for your advice all. sent her the link to see your opinions. after all according to her am privileged to have her as my gf...You sent her the link ?? For what to happen Oh my Gawd!!!! These girl has seen you finally. You mean you need her to read our opinions in order to be able to fall in line ? You mean you cannot stand up to her, shoulder to shoulder and demand that she give you the respect that you truely deserve else you will give her the booth ? So you need our posts to scare your girl friend to behave How pathetic  |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 2:33pm On Aug 14, 2013 |
Guitarlife: A man is supposed to act like one. I am yet to come across that woman that will open her ant infested mouth to abuse my family or say something unbecoming. When we start dating, I make it obvious that I do not take shit. Getting a man to marry these days especially in Nigeria is harder than getting a job in an oil company. I know that fact and i act it too.Guitarlife! By d way,do u love playing guitar? |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 2:37pm On Aug 14, 2013 |
yellowpawpaw:Just like ma sig, Guitar is ma life. I blow the sax, trumpet and bow the violin too sha  |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 2:40pm On Aug 14, 2013 |
U_Madara: thanks for your advice all. sent her the link to see your opinions. after all according to her am privileged to have her as my gf... Do u hv castrated balls? What nonsense is this? I'm so ashamed right naw. Will delete whatever I typed up there. |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by coogar: 2:44pm On Aug 14, 2013 |
Guitarlife: A man is supposed to act like one. I am yet to come across that woman that will open her ant infested mouth to abuse my family or say something unbecoming. When we start dating, I make it obvious that I do not take shit. Getting a man to marry these days especially in Nigeria is harder than getting a job in an oil company. I know that fact and i act it too.  |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 2:48pm On Aug 14, 2013 |
coogar:hahaaahaa kkk, the younger one is the virgin o. So you dont go think I have seven women. And I havent asked those other five out o. They are just ladies who hang around me hoping one day I will pop the question. You know nah. |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 2:48pm On Aug 14, 2013 |
Guitarlife: A man is supposed to act like one. I am yet to come across that woman that will open her ant infested mouth to abuse my family or say something unbecoming. When we start dating, I make it obvious that I do not take shit. Getting a man to marry these days especially in Nigeria is harder than getting a job in an oil company. I know that fact and i act it too. OP, I wouldn't advice you to follow this recommendation because this poster is only going to end up with a pretender who will do anything just to get the ring and will then proceed to unleash the dragon after marriage. His condition is do as I say or else I won't marry you because I'm such a catch. Easy enough! They will do what you say....For now....It is after marriage that you will now find out the true person you married because you forced them to stifle themselves and pretend to be who they are not while dating. No chance in hell this will be sustainable. OP, be yourself, let her be herself without trying to change her. If you're not compatible, you're not compatible simple and you should move on to find the person who complements you and vice versa. Your gf is a negative person and will lash out to bring others down when things aren't going her way, a horrible trait which speaks to the content of her heart. She considers herself such a catch above your level, you can be sure you will see no respect from her if you marry her. You are in your twenties, why do you have a time limit to get married in the next 2 yrs? You are putting unnecessary pressure on yourself and that might cause you to settle. I say get rid of that time limit and take your time to ensure you end up with the right person or else like Kanwulia said, you would be a prime candidate for divorce. Just take your time. 3 Likes |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by biolabee(m): 2:49pm On Aug 14, 2013 |
hahaha.. the cougar Yellowpawpaw why u wan modify ur post naaa  |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 2:54pm On Aug 14, 2013 |
Guitarlife: Just like ma sig, Guitar is ma life. I blow the sax, trumpet and bow the violin too sha Guitar boy! Guitar boy! If u c mammy water o(dc) Never never run away Victor Waifo! Any time I c ur handle,I always remember this oldie. I lv music and hv gr8 respect for those that play musical instrument. U r quite talented. Kudos Will learn how to play the piano one of these days |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 2:55pm On Aug 14, 2013 |
biolabee: hahaha.. the cougar That boy just fall my hands patapata! |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by biolabee(m): 2:59pm On Aug 14, 2013 |
Weird.. But he is a young lad and is learning.. Me I just feel d girl is acting out her frustrations and with time will mature up yellowpawpaw: |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 3:05pm On Aug 14, 2013 |
yellowpawpaw:KKK, you got me. Am blushing already. Thanks for the compliment. Music is good, I have faced some pretty hard times in my life and music was all that saw me through. You should give it another shot. I mean learning an instrument, it definitely adds to the span of a mans life. . . . . . . . . . @Ileobatojo , see women are what they are, women. They need to be kept in line from the outset otherwise they will take you for granted. That is the way they were built. If a man teaches a woman that disrespecting him has no consequence then he is in for it all his life. I am a gentle man with a good mind I have contributed positively to the life of all the women that have been or are still around me. A man is a leader of the home therefore he needs both a soft and a hard side to operate effectively. I hope you understand that I am not advocating abuse because it is not all women that can think straight. Infact most lack the required cognitive ability to make reasonable decisions and choices. Its a sad commentary on our value system and family structure but that is the mess we have found ourselves. Desperate times as you know sure calls for desperate measures. |
| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 3:10pm On Aug 14, 2013 |
So who do we thinks is his galfriend ?
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| Re: A Little Advice Needed by Nobody: 3:36pm On Aug 14, 2013 |
Guitarlife: All the best to you as you take over your woman's mind and brain since 'most women' lack these anyway. My advice is to the OP, follow this route and you may end up with a stranger who's true self may be even worse than the one you have now. 3 Likes |
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