I had the most horrible dates
ever sometime last week. It was
so bad that a ‘Generation Y’
Lagos babe like me had to slam
the door on my date and hail a
cab home. On my ride home, the
thought occurred to me that if I
had a childhood betrothed, I
wouldn’t have to face these
horrible dates. So I spent the
next couple of days observing,
searching and asking around on
this subject and after my
research; I highlighted pros and
cons below. We will start with the
pros of being betrothed as a
child.
No Fear of Ending up Single
Let’s face it, we all have that fear once
we’re past 25 (it’s actually 21 for girls
from my part of the country) but if
you have a childhood betrothed,
you’re insured, if all else fails, you can
go back to the family option, as they
say ‘at all at all na em bad pass‘.
Your Frame of Reference is Similar
Frame of reference refers to your
point of view, the way you view the
world. I’m sure few parents would
betroth their children to families that
do not fit with them hence the similar
frame of reference. So there’s no fear
that your spouse won’t be able to take
care of you as well as your dad did or
not be able to follow your conversation
when you discuss your visit to Nicosia
Cyprus or Helsinki Finland. You’re
from the same social strata and similar
ways of thinking so if your world is the
‘when did you get back’ crowd, Iya
Basira or in between, your childhood
betrothed understands it too well.
Your in-laws Like You Already
The Lagos Big boy’s mum calling you a
‘gold digger’ wouldn’t say that to a
woman she and her husband
handpicked for her son. You would be
perfect. In certain cases your mother-
in-law could even be your mum’s best
friend so you are like her own child
and if your mother-in-law likes you,
that is a weapon in your amour.
You might never have a heart break
And if you do, there’s a backup plan.
Most of these kids who get betrothed
out are either mummy’s boys or the
guys who can’t afford to turn their
back on the family and therefore will
marry who their parents pick for
them. So if as a babe you decide to
rebel and date other guys and they
break your heart, the family option
will be there waiting for you.
Here are some cons

It is an Insult

It takes away your fundamental
human right of freedom of association.
You have the right to choose your
spouse and decide who to love. Your
parents thinking you can’t do this
successfully is a gross violation of those
rights.

Having to Tell Your Parents You
Love Another

Life is in itself ironic. There are single
ladies wishing for a man, childhood
betrothed or not; but the ones who
have had husbands waiting for them
from birth miraculously happen to fall
in love with someone else and then
complications follow – the family
threatening to disown her; the babe
saying she doesn’t care or promising
to do something drastic. All of which
wouldn’t have happened if she had
chosen her man.

There Will be No Stories to Tell

Let’s assume you agree to your
parents’ choice or fortunately, you and
your betrothed fall madly in love, your
dating diary would be a tad
uninteresting. There will be no stories
of the married guy who pretended to
be single, the guy who left you even
after you paid his fees, you can’t even
tell stories of how you met
your husband. No, babe! You had your
‘how did you meet him’ story written
out for you the moment you were
born.

It Would Be easy to Leave

My Grandmother always said ‘marry
someone you love, so when challenges
arise, you’ll go the distance because
your partner was your choice’.
Marriage isn’t easy, so if you didn’t
pick your partner, you might not put in
extra effort to make it work. After all,
you told your parents you didn’t love
him.
These are the pros and cons I could
gather. I can’t wait to hear yours
though as I always tell my brothers, if
by a certain age you haven’t found
your partner, your family members
and friends can help you search –
after all ‘four eyes are better than
two’. To the single peeps , when friends
and relatives hook you up on those
dates, enjoy the food and forget the
bad, it’s all ‘Crinkum Crankum’.

o.p dis is a female post

Dicey situation.

Then again, if you know no other, what you have, becomes the best. In that arranged marriages becomes the best!!!
When you know only one Emeka, you have no standard for comparison.

You get the support from both families, thereby less stress.
Unlike if your family never approved of your partner.

You partner can be him/herself with no apology from the get go.
Unlike when you chose for yourself, your partner may hide their true colours for a long time, not wanting to be judged or seen in a bad light

But I hate being matched, I reject someone simply because he was picked for me. I am stereotypical about arranged relationships.

OP has watched too many Nigerian movies.

I think it would have been a more interesting reading, had you share the story about your 'horrible' date instead of this long boring monologue...

Arranged marriages is the best, over familarity breeds contempt