Happy New Year dear NL folks! I have a burning question that I hope a matured person or persons can shed some light on.

why is that Nigeria women tend to look down on other women who are divorced? In other countries, who cares if you are divorced or married? who cares if you get pregnant one month or one year after marriage? The kind of pressure put on women here is unbelievable! But what irks me to no end is how these hoity toity pompous women treat women who are divorced as if they are going straight to hell or like they are lepers!
I know the Bible frowns upon divorce but the Bible also frowns upon hundreds of things that we are all guilty of committing! As far as I'm concerned, any woman who is bold enough to walk out of an abusive relationship or marriage deserves an award in Nigeria not condemnation!
Then there is the other pressure put on women who are yet to get pregnant after marriage, the way they start getting evil and strange snickering looks from the "fertile" peers barely 6 months into their marriage is absolutely sickening. Not only are they getting pressure from their family (in-laws) but when their neighbors, church women etc start making subtle references as to the state of their flat tummy leaves me to wonder why?

Just the Nigerian Mentality....though I discourage divorce I won't advise my sister to stay in an abusive relationship. Dis is 2014 pple shld mind dier biz..whether your divorced,separted,married or single live your dreams snub d aprokos

Just the Nigerian Mentality....though I discourage divorce I won't advise my sister to stay in an abusive relationship. Dis is 2014 pple shld mind dier biz..whether you are divorced,separted,married or single live your dreams snub d aprokos

pslm23: Happy New Year dear NL folks! I have a burning question that I hope a matured person or persons can shed some light on.

why is that Nigeria women tend to look down on other women who are divorced? In other countries, who cares if you are divorced or married? who cares if you get pregnant one month or one year after marriage? The kind of pressure put on women here is unbelievable! But what irks me to no end is how these hoity toity pompous women treat women who are divorced as if they are going straight to hell or like they are lepers!
I know the Bible frowns upon divorce but the Bible also frowns upon hundreds of things that we are all guilty of committing! As far as I'm concerned, any woman who is bold enough to walk out of an abusive relationship or marriage deserves an award in Nigeria not condemnation!
Then there is the other pressure put on women who are yet to get pregnant after marriage, the way they start getting evil and strange snickering looks from the "fertile" peers barely 6 months into their marriage is absolutely sickening. Not only are they getting pressure from their family (in-laws) but when their neighbors, church women etc start making subtle references as to the state of their flat tummy leaves me to wonder why?

nigeria is a judgemental society.

In Nigeria you have to have tough skin to survive. And when you are tough they must call you ashawo. So Abeg, just pick the worst name, laugh and continue your life. Olote only know how to talk. Once you begin to focus on yourself, outside noise will not even move you

baby_123: In Nigeria you have to have tough skin to survive. And when you are tough they must call you ashawo. So Abeg, just pick the worst name, laugh and continue your life. Olote only know how to talk. Once you begin to focus on yourself, outside noise will not even move you

hahahahahahaha.... very funny... not just ashawo but a lot of other vile names! Nigerian women no dey carry last when it comes to name calling and degradation of their fellow woman whom they find "lacking" in any way!

Pslm23 how are you & hope you're doing well?

Not only in Nigeria but most Nigerian community in diaspora too. You need an extra large tough skin to survive among these judgmental monsters. I agree with baby on this one, activate your ignore button and you'll live a stress filled life.

It is well.

Why do they look down on them?

Maybe they need something to gossip about or someone to look down on as being below them.

In life, people should care less about the useless opinion of others and focus on becoming what they want to be.

Meanwhile, it is not just a Nigerian thing, it is human nature but with different mode of expression.

bellong: Why do they look down on them?

Maybe they need something to gossip about or someone to look down on as being below them.

In life, people should care less about the useless opinion of others and focus on becoming what they want to be.

Meanwhile, it is not just a Nigerian thing, it is human nature but with different mode of expression.

why i specifically mentioned Nigeria was because in all the years i've lived in Canada, London and the US, I have never known or seen the kind of "look-down" on divorced women as i have seen during my time in Nigeria. Take me for instance, when i first go to Nigeria last year, i didn't think i would be causing any wahala by clearly stating the fact that i am a divorced woman to those women in church and my neighborhood who were asking "how ur husband and chillren". I was asked the same question in the States and i answered truthfull, "I'm divorced" and what i got was a lot of "ohhh hun, how are you coping?" "do u feel like talking about it sweety" and a lot of other sweet nicey stuff that always ended up making me cry like a baby! Truth be told, I got a lot of emotional support from members of the NL family and health sections...i guess i shouldn't then categorize all Nigerian women as snubs then!! But when i arrived Nigeria and mentioned divorce, what i got was a quick shift away from me, some eye roll and then a really stupefying question "what did you do"

^^^ Religion, tradition and ignorance are reasons why most behave they do.

In the religious circles where people should get succour for their travails and challenges, are places they get condemned the most. We are mostly religious but not godly.

I understand your point. From such people, best is to keep away. Hypocrisy and religiosity are contagious.

Yes they run because they feel you might want to influence them with your way of life. married men though dont like for their wife to move with a divorce woman. People see them mostly as useless and outcast who might want to bring distruction to their home. When you cannot manage you home you dont deserve to be friend with them. And people have the mentality that friends of the same feathers flock togather. Some see divorce woman as badluck So they dont want any badluck

Because. . . the divorced women keep looking to SNATCH other MARRIED women's husbands, since they have been DEMOTED in rank. . . .to the 'SINGLE 'OL CARGO'-group-of-horrrrny-beeetchez-who-can't-find-and-keep-men-NIGERIAN/AFRICAN-PLC!

Have you seen ANY divorced NIGERIAN WOMAN that ain't 'beetchy'?
Boy! They become miserable and MEEEEEEEEAAAAAAN-spirited after the divorce.

THEY GET REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL JEALOUS OF OTHER WOMEN WHO HAVE MANAGED TO STAY MARRIED. . . happily or UNHAPPILY EVER AFTER!

I AVOID THEM!

I also AVOID DIVORCED MEN TOO! THEY ARE EVEN WORSE PSYCHOS! Nigeria is a society where people CARRY MARRIAGE ON THEIR NECKS LIKE CROSSES TO DIE IN CALVARY. . . .So, divorce becomes the equivalent of THE MARK OF CAIN. . . .FOR BOTH MEN AND WOMEN. . . . who become EMOTIONAL ZOMBIES!!!!!

Yes! I am GENERALIZING. . . . ! Divorced people are SAD people!!!!

Kpor!
Kpor!
Kpor!

Ooooooo dey 'ouse?
I don wake o!

U WA YA BOTA!!!!

mgbeketoto: Because. . . the divorced women keep looking to SNATCH other MARRIED women's husbands, since they are now in the 'SINGLE 'OL CARGO' group of horrrrny beeetchez who can't find and keep men NIGERIAN PLC!

Have you seen ANY divorced NIGERIAN WOMAN that ain't 'beetchy'?
Boy! They become miserable and MEEEEEEEEAAAAAAN-spirited after the divorce.

THEY GET REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL JEALOUS OF OTHER WOMEN WHO HAVE MANAGED TO STAY MARRIED. . . happily or UNHAPPILY EVER AFTER!

I AVOID THEM!

I also AVOID DIVORCED MEN TOO! THEY ARE EVEN WORSE PSYCHOS!

I'm not "beetchy" neither am i miserable and meeeeeeeeaaaaaaaan-spirited. I don't get reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal jealous of other women. I don't avoid them either...and that's because i know better and common sense prevails

pslm23:

I'm not "beetchy" neither am i miserable and meeeeeeeeaaaaaaaan-spirited. I don't get reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal jealous of other women. I don't avoid them either...and that's because i know better and common sense prevails

That is why I generalized. . .with a few exceptions of course!
Let other people be the judge of that!
Abi do you want to 'evaluate' yourself online when we do not know you personally. . . PERSONA PERSONALLY!

*wetin you for tok before*?

https://www.nairaland.com/1043889/life-woman-after-divorce/8

Did you not write this too?

pslm23: Hello everybody! Wow! it sure has been ages since my last post here.

By God's grace I am doing well, getting stronger emotionally as each day goes by. I have my good days and bad days but thank God the good days are more than the bad ones!

My divorce was final on Oct. 31st, my ex got engaged to someone else, Nov. 21st


I have decided to leave the United States for good and return back to Nigeria in 3 months! There is nothing left in the US for me! I've come, seen, lived loved and suffered and now it's time to go back home!

To everybody that reached out to me in my time of turmoil, thank you! To everybody that advised me, thank you. To those who criticized me, thank you; your criticisms actually helped me take a deeper look at myself.
I got a lot of love and prayers on this forum and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart!
As for my journey to have a child, all i can say is this, as the sun rises and sets, my heart desire to be a mother will surely be a reality!
Much love!

I appreciate your honesty. . . nothing wrong with hurting and moving on. It is a reality in life.
This is not a personal thing for me. DIVORCED MEN ARE NO BETTER.
Divorce damages the MATERIAL AND SPIRITUAL PSYCHES OF PEOPLE IN GENERAL. . .Nigerians take it EVEN HARDER BECAUSE OF THEIR HYPOCRITICAL WAYS OF LIVES . . .and lack of the sense of individuality.

I personally know a lot of divorced NIGERIAN men and women. . . I AVOID THEM FOR GOOD REASONS! I do not want to deal with what they have become after the ALMIGHTY MARRIAGE has ended. . . .It can be VERY uncomfortable to have to deal with people who DO NOT EVEN REALIZE they are having EMOTIONAL HANGOVERS. . . . .!

Nothing personal. . . JUST THE FACTS!

mgbeketoto: https://www.nairaland.com/1043889/life-woman-after-divorce/8

Did you not write this too?



This is not a personal thing for me. DIVORCED MEN ARE NO BETTER.
Divorce damages the MATERIAL AND SPIRITUAL PSYCHES OF PEOPLE IN GENERAL. . .Nigerians take it EVEN HARDER BECAUSE OF THEIR HYPOCRITICAL WAYS OF LIVES!

Nothing personal. . . JUST THE FACTS!

....pray tell, what has that got to do with my current post?

@mgbeketoto...would you like to also dig deeper and pull up everything i have ever posted on NL? feel free love! It still doesn't make my findings seem any less true!

pslm23:

....pray tell, what has that got to do with my current post?

Like I stated earlier. . .NOTHING PERSONAL.
I only quoted you to show what goes on in the minds of divorced people in general. . .NOT JUST WOMEN.
Nigerian men are always in denial of course.
Most of the time, DIVORCED people do not know they wear HALOS OF MISERY.
The reason I stated you may not be in the best position to evaluate yourself!
It can only take people around you to REALLY tell you how you act and make them feel because you are still CARRYING the burden of hurt inside you. . . . .the hurt of failure and defeat. . . symbolized by DIVORCE in the Nigerian context!

Of course, no one gives a damn in civilized countries.
But, we are talking NIGERIA and NIGERIANS here. . .
A different ballgame!

mgbeketoto:

Like I stated earlier. . .NOTHING PERSONAL.
I only quoted you to show what goes on in the minds of divorced people in general. . .NOT JUST WOMEN.
Nigerian men are always in denial of course.
Most of the time, DIVORCED people do not know they wear HALOS OF MISERY.
The reason I stated you may not be in the best position to evaluate yourself!

alright dear... i understand! by the way i love your afro in your profile pic! Time for me to hit the sack. Feels good to be back on NL!!!! g'nite all

pslm23:

alright dear... i understand! by the way i love your afro in your profile pic! Time for me to hit the sack. Feels good to be back on NL!!!! g'nite all

Thank you. . . AND I ABSOLUTELY LOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOUR SMILE. You look peaceful! Nitey.
Great topic.
Thanks.

Nigeria. Even the women whose husbands left for years in bid for green card will even give the divorced the judgemental look.

OP, don't let it get to you. Keep your head up. Do what pleases you abeg. No time to wallow in misery.

Visit the homeless, if possible go adopt and face a new challenge. Also learn to ignore some question thrown at you by same suffering and smiling housewives .

Btw, no one liked my profile pic

pslm23:

alright dear... i understand! by the way i love your afro in your profile pic! Time for me to hit the sack. Feels good to be back on NL!!!! g'nite all

do not feel bad about this issue lest you go crying. Is ok. The trust is that nigeria women or marriad men in this society dont like divorce women. They feel she can bring something bad to ones life. Is like show me ur friend and i will tell you who you are. Divorce women hate men alot. they spew trash and bad advice to their female friends. They are hot tempered and are quick to give wrong advice to marriad women. Sometime look done on them like if she know it all why is she a divorceee. Wont she have know the husband she marraid before now. Is like a failure person give advice ofcource no body will find it funny. Sorry girl it will be fine.

Chillisauce: Btw, no one liked my profile pic

nne, no vex oh but ur profile pic made me go "ouch" whats up with that pic? i know that isn't you or maybe you are an advocate against spousal abuse..

pslm23:

nne, no vex oh but ur profile pic made me go "ouch" whats up with that pic? i know that isn't you or maybe you are an advocate against spousal abuse..

That's what you get from most Nigerian marriages in Nigeria. See them covering up with sun shades .

Anyway, just against spousal abuse.

Reason I stated nothing personal in your case. . . .BUT PERSONAL in other cases.

I HAVE BEEN DIVORCED AND REMARRIED TOO. . . . .

I had divorced parents. . . it changed my parents. . . and the children too! WE LEARNED A LOT FROM WATCHING BOTH OF THEM. . . . QUITE ENTERTAINING!!!!
My father the single parent. . . HE HAD IT ROUGH! HE DIED FIRST OF COURSE!!! Over 30 year after his divorce. . .HE NEVER REMARRIED. . . AND HE NEVER RECOVERED!!!! HIS CHOICE OF COURSE!!!!
My mother the free parent. . . HAD IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!! LIVING REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL GOOOD!!!!

Men suffer more. . . .TRUST ME. . .NIGERIAN MEN ARE ALWAYS IN DENIAL OF COURSE!!!! Jumping from poohsie to poohsie IS THE ONLY REMEDY FOR THEM!!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nm12hCrKVps



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK9lzmH7rCw

I LOVE MY MOMMY!
I LOVE MY DADDY!

Dem wahala nor consine moi o!!!!!

WE WERE DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN HAPPY KIDS!

Divorce is painful, so it's life. But we must move on. God bless his soul @ kanwulia, even though you don't believe in God.

I learn to live life as it comes, be strong and keep moving.
I will be the last person you will see talking about ppl behind their back. I feel it's time wasted, same also listening to their biles.

OP, pls remain focus. Keep smiling . And you live long

Chillisauce: Nigeria. Even the women whose husbands left for years in bid for green card will even give the divorced the judgemental look.

OP, don't let it get to you. Keep your head up. Do what pleases you abeg. No time to wallow in misery.

Visit the homeless, if possible go adopt and face a new challenge. Also learn to ignore some question thrown at you by same suffering and smiling housewives .

This cracked me up.

Please keep your head up. They can only talk for so long. Godspeed.

Ewuro707: Pslm23 how are you & hope you're doing well?

Not only in Nigeria but most Nigerian community in diaspora too. You need an extra large tough skin to survive among these judgmental monsters. I agree with baby on this one, activate your ignore button and you'll live a stress filled life.

It is well.

tell me about it. I avoid Nigerian gatherings like a plague. The way we Nigerians reason sometimes drives me nuts. You actually need it to retain your sanity.

Chillisauce: Divorce is painful, so it's life. But we must move on. God bless his soul @ kanwulia, even though you don't believe in God.

I learn to live life as it comes, be strong and keep moving.
I will be the last person you will see talking about ppl behind their back. I feel it's time wasted, same also listening to their biles.

OP, pls remain focus. Keep smiling . And you live long

Oh wella!
Amen. . .
If them cuss you. . .you cuss dem back na.
SHIOOOR
Which wan be toking behind the back. . . .?
For cowards of course!

DIVORCE IS A REALITY IN NIGERIA. . . . AND IN LIFE. . . .It is either you deal POSITIVELY with it LIKE MY DARLING MOM DID. . . SHE CAME OUT THE WINNER ON ALL GROUNDS. . . .A REAL SURVIVOR!!!!!. . . .
Or you die miserable. . . FOR CARRYING MARRIAGE ON YOUR NECK LIKE A CROSS AND LIVING LIKE A HYPOCRITE OF A CHRISTIAN. . . . .like my darling father did! He never got over my MOM! NEVER!!!! NEVER RE-MARRIED. . . MY MOM MOVED ON AND REMARRIED OF COURSE! SHE DON WAKA TEY TEY NOR EVEN LOOK BACK!!!!. . . . . .

I have learned one thing from it all. . .LIVE YOUR LIFE. . . and LET THEM SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAY!!!!!




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UV66yzpNfCI

*time for the gym jare. . .then off to work. . . .then 4 days off and time to play with the husband. . .ATLANTA HERE I COME AGAIN!!!!! *

mgbeketoto: Reason I stated nothing personal in your case. . . .BUT PERSONAL in other cases.

I HAVE BEEN DIVORCED AND REMARRIED TOO. . . . .

I had divorced parents. . . it changed my parents. . . and the children too! WE LEARNED A LOT FROM WATCHING BOTH OF THEM. . . . QUITE ENTERTAINING!!!!
My father the single parent. . . HE HAD IT ROUGH! HE DIED FIRST OF COURSE!!! Over 30 year after his divorce. . .HE NEVER REMARRIED. . . AND HE NEVER RECOVERED!!!! HIS CHOICE OF COURSE!!!!
My mother the free parent. . . HAD IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!! LIVING REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL GOOOD!!!!

Men suffer more. . . .TRUST ME. . .NIGERIAN MEN ARE ALWAYS IN DENIAL OF COURSE!!!! Jumping from poohsie to poohsie IS THE ONLY REMEDY FOR THEM!!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nm12hCrKVps



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK9lzmH7rCw

I LOVE MY MOMMY!
I LOVE MY DADDY!

Dem wahala nor consine moi o!!!!!

WE WERE DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN HAPPY KIDS!

you are right Kanwulia. They keep living in denial and their ego wont let them go back and beg their wives. Is it when you are in your 40's and 50's that you will want to start chatting a girl up in a club and you wont be looked at like some Grand daddy?