it doesn't matter where you from,   A woman is treated the way she wants to be treated!

God bless you my sister!

I know African/Nigerian men/guys have their own issues just like everyother tribe or culture, but the way some naija sister talk about naija men is just out of control.

_{They lie, they cheat, they beat their wife, they're not romantic, they're this, they're that! all these you can easily find in any tribe, culture, or country!}

by the way what is all this talk about western standard?are you saying that western culture is better than other cultures?

@ chanceman, I no know for them o my brother.

Just so you know, having more than one spouse is illegal in Nigeria many parts of Nigeria check

http://www.nigeria-law.org/Criminal%20Code%20Act-PartV.htm#Chapter%2032

besides women in Nigeria have can and do choose their husbands

JustGood
You are the master of bullshit, I won’t reply your messages because your lever is over down.

euromilion
what might be rubbish to you , is truth for a lot of people, how d be the world if everyone thinks like you ? Besides English not be my first language, I am able to communicate anyway , that’s why I made a polemic here, can you do the same in some Brazilian relationship site ?

biolabee (m)
There seems to be alot of beef flying round so that really one does not get the objective of this thread.
I TOTALLY AGREE

Arielle,
Thanks for your input, very nice comments

Hero 111
My research is based in internet and real life, as I SAID BEFORE , IN BRAZIL LIVE A THOUSANDS OF NIGERIANS, THOUSANDS AND I AM THEIR FRIEND. BESIDES THE FACT THE LIVE ABROAD, THEY LIVE IN GUETTO AND DIDN’T LOST THEIR CULTURE, SO I HAVE BASE DEAR.

nzeaji
The problem is not them, is you, nigerian women , lol

Sisikill
wow

Angelheart
Patience with our “sistahs “ … lol… Is not their faults doesn’t have sense. Or it is ?

atutupoyo (f)

Every rule has exceptions. Yes, I am still reading. Just arrived from work. Everyone marry with the mind that it will be forever but sometimes things change, the life is dynamic, how can I keep married with someone that starting hiting me ? just because I can't be single because the society might punish me ? no, we are free to be happy. To live a real life instead of to pretend.

Emperoh (m)
Nigerian men are so lovely !!! I didn’t say otherwise. This thread is to talk about Nigerian women behavior.

About Brazilian men, you people can open a thread about it and I ll help, don’t run away from the focus here.
Here the system is different, the people keep married for love and not convenience, if the men cheat the women will ask divorce, forgive or cheat too. Almost of us , women, are independent. Some women not, and if they divorce the men must share all his money and property with the women , in almost all cases, the kids will stay with the mother, lol, and the father visits the kids during the weekend. In Naija, necessarily the kids belongs to the father's family huh ? here can be both, depends who have more conditions to take care of them

Is not the perfect society either, but at least doenst exist hipocrysis .

Whoa, I love these lively debates!!

@post
This is a broad generalization, but tell me one aspect of human existence that is NOT a generalization. Yes, polygamy is accepted in certain traditional societies as well as Islamic society, but we all know nowadays polgamy is in not always in the form of marriage. Men don't need to bring their other wives into their homes. They just support their girlfriends that their wives may of may not be aware of.

I believe that all those that have come in this thread to bash the poster have not opened their mind to the point the poster is actually driving at - Men (Nigerian in this case) sometimes do not give their women the respect they deserve and women (Nigerian in this case) spoil them by accepting their bull ish. They also perpetuate the systematic behavior by not raising their sons to respect females.

So if it can be agreed upon that this has a lot of truth to it, regardless of what you are or where you come from, can anyone bring some type of solution to an apparent problem? I for one am trying to raise my son to be a gentleman and I will expect that behavior from everyone he surrounds himself with.

I believe it isn't necessary to get defensive about this generalization because in NO circumstance does ANYTHING apply to EVERYONE. We shouldn't even have to acknowledge that. It should be a given. So lets just drop it.

Hello ,i dont know what to do if i want to be part of maltina dance all show.

as for me o am not spoil dat all i dont have much to saiy

I really do not know what all this denial is about.
I may not know what happens in Brazil and other parts of the world, but I know what is obtainable in Nigeria.
Do you know what women are presently going through in Nigeria to keep their marriages?
You will not believe the society still does not believe a wife should deny her husband sex for any reason at all, and if the man should just open his mouth and mention he is being denied, everyone condemns the wife
and tells her she is the one 'pushing' her man outside.

I know this does not happen in all homes but when is covers a great percentage would it not be right to generalise?

Who would you tell in Nigeria that since you work and contribute to the upkeep of the home that you expect your husband to help/support cook, clean up, bath the children, the next thing you would hear is that you want to take over the home and turn your husband to a houseboy because you have money.

Please do not tell me this is an Islamic thing, your Church Pastor or Cell leader would probably be the first to make that statement and the sermon on submission begins! and God help you if you leave the marriage.

I am yet to see a situation where a man is blamed for a failed marriage in Nigeria,everyone tells the wife she should have been a little bit more patient!

The whole of the first post sounds a poorly researched thesis.

Looking at Shinatu's post though, I'm pausing to re think cause it all sounds quite true. but still---

men are not stupid. when u show that ur submissive and are ready to play the wife, he will also submit to your desires and demands. according to the two holy books women are told to submit. havnt you seen "mumu" men. their wives are really submissive , so they in return reward them by satisfying their wives.

.

People who have never met MOST Nigerians talk as if they can determine what happens in most Nigerian homes. It's even more pathetic that most of them are abroad and have no clue what's on ground in Nigeria, except the sensational news which they tend to get. Normal news does not register with them but the sensational ones will impact on their senses.

How many Nigerian families have each of you met to have the authority to make sweeping generalisations?

Shinatu:

I really do not know what all this denial is about.
I may not know what happens in Brazil and other parts of the world, but I know what is obtainable in Nigeria.
Do you know what women are presently going through in Nigeria to keep their marriages?
You will not believe the society still does not believe a wife should deny her husband sex for any reason at all, and if the man should just open his mouth and mention he is being denied, everyone condemns the wife
and tells her she is the one 'pushing' her man outside.

I know this does not happen in all homes but when is covers a great percentage would it not be right to generalise?

Who would you tell in Nigeria that since you work and contribute to the upkeep of the home that you expect your husband to help/support cook, clean up, bath the children, the next thing you would hear is that you want to take over the home and turn your husband to a houseboy because you have money.

Please do not tell me this is an Islamic thing, your Church Pastor or Cell leader would probably be the first to make that statement and the sermon on submission begins! and God help you if you leave the marriage.

I am yet to see a situation where a man is blamed for a failed marriage in Nigeria,everyone tells the wife she should have been a little bit more patient!

Sounds more like it.

simibrasil, I suspect this is one of the reasons you're unlikely to ever be successful in marriage. You're have that attitude that is not conpatible with a successful marriage. This is fine as long as you're willing to stay single and enjoy your life that way. But stop desperately seeking 9ja men to turn to mumu because if they are mumu for a period, they'll open their eyes at one point and that's the end of your relationship

Shinatu, I raise my kids to have respect for ladies but not to become fools for women in this age when women do what they like and get away with it.

My wife accepts me as the head of the family and I love her as my wife, friend, companion and mother of my children and she knows that I wont let her control me. That's why we have been married all these years and it was a quality I saw in her when I decided I would like to marry her.

If you have never seen where a man is blamed for a failed marriage before, that's quite suprising. I have brothers and I still remember when there was a rift between my eldest brother and his wife. My dad had very strong words with my brother - I dont see anyone who ever says the woman is always wrong. It seems the women who come on here are are from strange backgrounds.

Does it explain why many women here are unmarried, divorced, or single mothers

JustGood:

simibrasil, I suspect this is one of the reasons you're unlikely to ever be successful in marriage. You're have that attitude that is not conpatible with a successful marriage. This is fine as long as you're willing to stay single and enjoy your life that way. But stop desperately seeking Nigeria men to turn to mumu because if they are mumu for a period, they'll open their eyes at one point and that's the end of your relationship

Shinatu, I raise my kids to have respect for ladies but not to become fools for women in this age when women do what they like and get away with it

My wife accepts me as the head of the family and I love her as my wife, friend, companion and mother of my children and she knows that I wont let her control me. That's why we have been married all these years and it was a quality I saw in her when I decided I would like to marry her.

Its all about women, it doesnt matter when men 'do what they like and get away with it'

JustGood:

If you have never seen where a man is blamed for a failed marriage before, that's quite suprising.

In most cases women are blamed my friend, no one begs a man to stay married to his wife because of the children when the woman is becoming unbearable but everyone begs a frustrated woman to stay put in marriage because of the children. When there is no children in marriage everyone thinks the woman is responsible. How many men do you see going from one revival to the other, from one church to the other because of 'fruit of the womb? check out the number of women during special prayers for those looking for children.
The truth which might be bitter to accept is an African woman will have to at one time or the other take shit to make the marriage work anyone who is not ready to do that at times is not ready for a marriage.
Think of how you will feel if you meet a married woman in an hotel with another man and think of what you will feel if you meet a married man in an hotel with another woman, the woman is to be beheaded straight away while the man is expected to come up with reasons and the wife is expected to forgive and embrace him and also to thank God that at least he came back home, she is also expected to make sure she does everything to make sure the husband does not look outside.

JustGood:

Does it explain why many women here are unmarried, divorced, or single mothers

I am married and happily for that matter but the fact is there are lots of differences in our culture and those of these guys and our culture, even the bible, gives men more liberty. There is no need denying some facts about our culture's influence on some aspects of our lives, just as their own cultures have impact in their lives as well. Our own culture of submitting to our husbands and taking some 'shits' has helped us in lots of ways while their own cultures has also helped them in lots of ways eg high number of

ayomifull:

Its all about women, it doesnt matter when men 'do what they like and get away with it'

In most cases women are blamed my friend, no one begs a man to stay married to his wife because of the children when the woman is becoming unbearable but everyone begs a frustrated woman to stay put in marriage because of the children. When there is no children in marriage everyone thinks the woman is responsible. How many men do you see going from one revival to the other, from one church to the other because of 'fruit of the womb? check out the number of women during special prayers for those looking for children.
The truth which might be bitter to accept is an African woman will have to at one time or the other take shit to make the marriage work anyone who is not ready to do that at times is not ready for a marriage.
Think of how you will feel if you meet a married woman in an hotel with another man and think of what you will feel if you meet a married man in an hotel with another woman, the woman is to be beheaded straight away while the man is expected to come up with reasons and the wife is expected to forgive and embrace him and also to thank God that at least he came back home, she is also expected to make sure she does everything to make sure the husband does not look outside.

I am married and happily for that matter but the fact is there are lots of differences in our culture and those of these guys and our culture, even the bible, gives men more liberty. There is no need denying some facts about our culture's influence on some aspects of our lives, just as their own cultures have impact in their lives as well. Our own culture of submitting to our husbands and taking some 'shits' has helped us in lots of ways while their own cultures has also helped them in lots of ways eg high number of

The concept of men doing what they like and getting away with it is foreign to me. It doesn't happen in my family.

I do have a friend with whom I pleaded recently reminding him about his children and the prospect of his children living without him to re-consider his then decision not to stay with his wife again. . . so, men also get these things told them. Maybe because men dont tend to talk openly about things, you think men dont go through these things.

Those cultural things are also fast fading away. To my mind, I believe that we are headed for a catastrophe if all the cultural things fade away. We do not have a strong system to accommodate the fall out of what we want to do. We want to do what gets done in Europe and America when we dont have the structures that they have in place. We are only inviting catastrophe.

We need to examine ourselves as a society and allow what works for us to be implemented, not just to import some strange things that our society cant even support. the kind of things practised abroad may be very good for them but it is because they have enough structure in place to support those things.

@SIMI BRAZIL,

i did'nt say it was true nor lie.ur context was wrong by sayin 9ja men.surpose u said men or some africa men,i would have yes, beside every nation has their culture.in brasil everything u said is going on there,i was there as a matter of fact i stil have some brazilian's relative's.my mother is a 9jerian,her mom and dad is!ur msg was an insult to any educated 9jerian, men are superior all over the world from the begining of the world til now, god made it so,that does mean men should treat women like shit.am sure some of the women here are watching too much oprah winfrey show,yes she has money but are u sure she is happy.the secret of happy marriage is respect 4 each other. women if u want to be happy in ur marriage dont honor ur husband.so simi i have nothing against u,although i have a problem with the way u made ur post,.basically ur msg was that my granny's are stupid while urs are the same.

one luv.

hmmm, simibrazil, ur post shows serious ignorance and sounds like what i used to spout in secondary school, i am sorry to say.

@ topic

It's funny how people are reacting to this thread.

Amost all the men say "na lie"
Almost all the women, including non Nigerians say "na true"

It's so obvious the guys are trying to play the victims here. Haba! Una nor go learn. First of all delete those stupid threads about female virgnity, promiscuity, greediness, sexual objectification, just to mention a few, then you can come here and still claim "na lie"

JustGood:

The concept of men doing what they like and getting away with it is foreign to me. It doesn't happen in my family.

I do have a friend with whom I pleaded recently reminding him about his children and the prospect of his children living without him to re-consider his then decision not to stay with his wife again. . . so, men also get these things told them. Maybe because men don't tend to talk openly about things, you think men don't go through these things.

Those cultural things are also fast fading away. To my mind, I believe that we are headed for a catastrophe if all the cultural things fade away. We do not have a strong system to accommodate the fall out of what we want to do. We want to do what gets done in Europe and America when we don't have the structures that they have in place. We are only inviting catastrophe.

We need to examine ourselves as a society and allow what works for us to be implemented, not just to import some strange things that our society can't even support. the kind of things practised abroad may be very good for them but it is because they have enough structure in place to support those things.

I feel you my brother!!!

All Hail the Power of The Generalization Excuse – The perfect shield for defensive people to hide behind. They get all up in arms about "generalization", so they don’t have to face the truth.

Are all French People rude? NO
Are all British People conservative? NO

Yet all these characteristics are what they are known for.

This. . .  my Nigerian brothers and sisters is what happens when MAJORITY rules the roast. So please get over it and stop using generalization as an excuse to rubbish what is being said, instead open your eyes and ears and try to understand the point here

MAJORITY OF THE NIGERIAN WOMEN TOLERATE CRAP FROM THEIR MEN ALL FOR THE SAKE OF BEING CALLED MARRIED WOMEN!

Besides, your generalization excuse works ONLY if OP is using her experience to paint all Nigerian men in a bad light. . . and she isn’t!

Everywhere you go, people. . .  White, Black, Mexican, Caribbean,  Asian complain about Nigerian men and their boorish behavior, except you are ready to show that it’s only 2 or 3 men who go around ruining the reputations of the Nigerian Man, getting all worked about generalization is diversionary tactics at its worst.

I’m all for stand the whole stand by your man schtick but there are times when we have to stand back and call a spade a spade.

Heave, Hove, Rant and Rave all you want, it’s not going to change the perception UNTIL something is done to shift the balance from MAJORITY to MINORITY.

Lmao sisi. are you minding these people? blah blah generalization.

They dont remember when people make "all Nigerian Girls are gold diggers", where were those people that are now crying? Abeg, make I hear word

and I think its amusing how they are all offended the thread is made by a Brazilian. If it were a fellow Nigerian that created this, what would be their excuse?

Nitwits.

I do have a friend with whom I pleaded recently reminding him about his children

why were you the one "pleading" to the friend? Why not his family?

@post

I don't 100% agree with you but, there are things to consider. Early on this thread, i did say I have been treated as such and that i didn't tolerate it.
But I had to sit back and think about it. And i must admit that I did tolerate some of that bull shit.
I knew what i was doing, and what he was doing, but i just swallowed it up and kept on moving.
I think it is about time we should all admit that we have at some point and time tolerating some of that bull shit from our men. Because you seriously can not say to yourself that you haven't.

she means OVER tolerances over a LONG period of time especially marriage

KarmaMod:

Lmao sisi. are you minding these people? blah blah generalization.

They don't remember when people make "all Nigerian Girls are gold diggers", where were those people that are now crying? Abeg, make I hear word

and I think its amusing how they are all offended the thread is made by a Brazilian. If it were a fellow Nigerian that created this, what would be their excuse?

Nitwits.

"You have been brainwashed by those westerns! Booooooo!"

KarmaMod:

she means OVER tolerances over a  LONG period of time especially marriage

Yeah trust me TOH, it was some over tolerance going on. A lot of it. And yeah i must unfortunately say that it went on for a LONG time.

KarmaMod:

Lmao sisi. are you minding these people? blah blah generalization.

They don't remember when people make "all Nigerian Girls are gold diggers", where were those people that are now crying? Abeg, make I hear word

and I think its amusing how they are all offended the thread is made by a Brazilian. If it were a fellow Nigerian that created this, what would be their excuse?

Nitwits.

Honestly, I just can't laugh because I'm still shocked. What is funnier is how completely oblivious they are to the fact that the behavior they are been accused of is what they are using to defend themselves. Look how affronted they are that a woman dares to tell them they don't respect women and a certain expectation of how they should be treated by women

My grandmother has this story she tells. . .

A man comes home, looking a dejected. His wife asks him what's wrong? He tells her he is sad because on his way into the house, he was met by some neighbors who told him they can't stand his wife because she curses too much. The woman jumps to her feet? "What? She? Curse? Aaah! God punish all of them from their 1st generation to the last generation. They will put eba down and go around looking for soup. Their homes will never know peace. Their children's children will suffer the transgressions of their fore-fathers."

Some of the men in this thread. . . are exactly like that woman.

KarmaMod:

why were you the one "pleading" to the friend? Why not his family?

Help me ask oh! Just assumes they will be grateful to have the man back. . .  Yet, we are supposed to believe that these men don't have a high, almost God-like complex of themselves. LMAO. . . yeah, ok. ^*Rollseye*

Have you guys ever considered this: Gen. 3:16 ¶ Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

It has a lot to do with why women usually take the 'backstage' and support the men! They should be seen as supporters or helpers!

Now the man must not be lazy too. He must be hardworking and the woamn supporting him in many ways including financially, morally, sexually, just name it,