Stats: 3,192,046 members, 7,946,563 topics. Date: Wednesday, 11 September 2024 at 08:57 PM |
Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / New Jokes Everyday: Join Us (1558 Views)
My Book Of Christian Jokes....new Jokes Throughout / All Akpos Jokes. Updated Everyday. / Just Relax With These New Jokes (2) (3) (4)
New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 3:32pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table. He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked. Man, she is fine!" The biker looked at him and didn't say a word. His buddies were confused,because he was a bad ass, and would fight at he drop of a hat. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!" The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder and said, "Damn it, Grandpa, you're drunk! Go home!" 2 Likes |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 3:33pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
Analysis |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 3:35pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender, "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop." The bartender said, "There is no way you can do that. Sure, I'll bet you three hundred dollars." The man then begins to undo his pants and begins pissing. He starts pissing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles and the bartender, not making a single drop in the cup. The bartender starts smiling and laughing and says, "That's it, you owe me three hundred dollars." The man then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there. He walks back to bar, sits down and starts laughing at the bartender and hands him the money. The bartender asks, "Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet." The man said, "I'm laughing because I bet those guys over there one thousand dollars that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would still be laughing when I was done." 2 Likes |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 3:38pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knocking' mate, there's no paper in this one either." 1 Like |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 3:40pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
One sunny day in Ireland, two men were sitting in a pub, drinking some Guinness, when one turns to the other and says "You see that man over there? He looks just like me! I think I'm gonna go over there and talk to him." So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder. "Excuse me sir," he starts, "but I noticed you look just like me!" The second man turns around and says "Yeah, I noticed the same thing, where you from?", "I'm from Dublin", second man stunned says, "Me too! What street do you live on?", "McCarthy street", second man replies, "Me too! What number is it?", the first man announces, "162", second man shocked says, "Me too! What are your parents names?", first man replies, "Connor and Shannon", second man awestruck says, "Mine too! This is unbelievable!" So, they buy some more Guinness and they're talking some more when the bartenders change shifts. The new bartender comes in and goes up to the other bartender and asks "What's new today?" "Oh, the Murphy twins are drunk again." 1 Like |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Fatalveli(m): 3:41pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
nairaland.com |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 3:44pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
Peter loves to drink at the local bar, but his wife disapproves of this. One night, he's at the bar and he gets extremely drunk. He tries to stand up, but immediately falls to the floor. He tries this a few more times, but each time he falls to the floor. People offered to help him, but he said no each time. He finally ended up dragging himself home and sneaking into bed, thinking his wife would never catch him. The next morning, Peter's wife says, "Pete, you bloody worthless idiot, no good drunkard! You were at the bar last night drinking again!" Peter was confused. "How did you find out?" "The bar called. You left your wheelchair there." 1 Like |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 3:47pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
Fatalveli: nairaland.comAw de jokes |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Fatalveli(m): 3:49pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
Owoado:kul dude kip it up 1 Like |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by ifex370(m): 3:52pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
0.facebook.com |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 3:55pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
Comments on d jokez |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Guykhena(m): 4:29pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
Owoado: Three guys were sitting in a biker ![]() |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Guykhena(m): 4:32pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
Owoado: Peter loves to drink at the local bar, ![]() ![]() |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 5:40pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
Guykhena:. Notin wey drink nor fit do, lol |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Guykhena(m): 6:02pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
Owoado: .lol, Bros continue to keep us updated.. |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 6:14pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
Guykhena: lol,Sure, fresh ones everyday |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 6:35pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod. 2 Likes |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 6:36pm On Jul 03, 2014 |
Somebody knocks on door: Who is there? Police? What do you want? We want to talk. How many of you are there? Two. So talk with each other. Note: no try am 4 naija o 2 Likes |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 11:48pm On Jul 04, 2014 |
A man was drinking at a bar and the bartender came over to tell him he had a visitor waiting for him outside the bar. He had just bought another large beer and he didn"t want anyone to drink it. So, he wrote a little sign on a piece of paper and left it by his beer that said: "I spit in my beer." When he returned to his bar stool there was another note beside his beer: "I spit in your beer too 1 Like |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 11:48pm On Jul 04, 2014 |
A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!?!" 1 Like |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 11:49pm On Jul 04, 2014 |
A man walks into a bar, and tells the bartender to pour him a 12 year old single malt scotch, before the trouble starts. The bartender pours his drink and quietly moves away. After finishing his drink, the man calls the bartender back and tells him, "Pour me a 15 year old scotch before the trouble starts." The bartender thinks this is very strange but pours him the 15 year old scotch. After finishing that drink, the man tells the bartender to pour him an 18 year old scotch, before the trouble starts. The bartender is becoming a little worried, but pours him the 18 year old scotch. Before the man finishes his 18 year old scotch, the bartender finally gets up the nerve to ask: "Say friend, when this trouble is going to start?" To which the man replies, "The trouble starts, when you find out that I don't have any money." |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 11:51pm On Jul 04, 2014 |
Fresh ones everyday |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Guykhena(m): 7:57am On Jul 05, 2014 |
Owoado:Badt guy ![]() |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 8:54am On Jul 05, 2014 |
Guykhena: Badt guyNa she start am naa, lol |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 10:00am On Jul 05, 2014 |
A drunk sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest. She was very good at identifying the wine. At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and all the people were amazed. At the 2nd try she answers "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1953" and they were once again amazed. Then the drunk pisses in a glass and hands it to her. She tries it and says "Yak, this tastes like piss!" And the drunk says, "Yeah, but what year was I born?" |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 10:01am On Jul 05, 2014 |
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake." |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 10:03am On Jul 05, 2014 |
Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon." The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend. "You're wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun." They began to argue when they come upon another drunk. They asked, "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" The third drunk looked at the sky and said, "Sorry, I Don't live around here. |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 10:03am On Jul 05, 2014 |
An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender. He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms. The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips. The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips. The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him. The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where is your restroom?" The bartender quickly replies -, "The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street." 1 Like |
Re: New Jokes Everyday: Join Us by Owoado(m): 10:04am On Jul 05, 2014 |
A man in a bar had a couple of beers, and the bartender told him he owed 4 dollars. "But I paid, don't you remember?" said the customer. "Okay," said the bartender. "If you say you paid, you did. The man then went outside and told a friend that the bartender couldn't keep track of his customers' bills. The second man then rushed in and ordered a beer. When it came time to pay he pulled the same stunt. The barkeep replied, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it." Soon the customer went into the street, saw an old friend, and told him how to get free drinks. The man hurried into the bar and began to drink high balls when, suddenly, the bartender leaned over and said, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose." "Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responded. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way." |
(1) (Reply)
Describe The Poster Above You With A Country / Wat Shld We Call Dis / Hilarious Hell, Even In Hell Nigeria Is Not Equipped.
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 61 |