H2O2:

topup,
list ke? ah ahn now.

Look on the bright side, you pride is still intact!

*Toyinrayo:

awww, you take care of yourself.
Rest and tell 'fulu to sleep in the guest room

_{Ori nfo mi men, where's that stupid Tumfulu sef, I need me some good loving indian head massage}

Busy_body:

Hello, goodbye

Thanks babe, will do

_{Ori nfo mi men, where's that stupid Tumfulu sef, I need me some good loving indian head massage}

topup:

Ok, how do I delve into the fountain of knowledge that is H2O2 lol. You're right, I don't think I was that equipped for a breakup like that. I mean I have had boyfriends in the past, but they've always been very mature, I think I misjudged his age for his maturity. I don't hate him and I know there is much more in store for me, and I still love love love guys lol.

Anyways, which topics should I avoid discussing because I was almost going to start a mental list of final questions to ask/bring to the surface before I end/diffuse the contact slowly.

I actually don't know how I'm going to avoid disconnecting him rudely , but then you also gave me another insight in this quote, our levels of openess and maturity don't match. I'm expecting too much from university boys, there are some who are mentally mature to be honest and frank, but there are also some who aren't. I might have to stop being frank with him. I learnt that being too readable is also causing me some problems. The guy finally took me seriously when I didn't say a word and just plainly ignored him, forget the times we sat down and talked casually about what would happen.

I'm over the break up, but it's like you had a best friend who not only forgot about you, but never apologised for revealing all your secrets, deserting you, who has come back just so you can cry on their shoulder and then they can do the same thing again. I would very much love to gain some more advice on dealing with his come back. But my sappy stories might be a sharp ringing noise in some peoples' ears.

Look away if you are fed up of hearing. . carry on reading if you have advice.

I refuse to contact him, even when he came back;
1- because he never apologised.
2- I remembered one thing he did to me, which after it happened I blocked out and it has just returned and now I can't move past that and be friends.

I won't call him, but I will be amicable to his attempts to call, aloof is the correct word.

Thanks again
Peace and God Bless.

springss:

@Topup, there’s really no ‘silver bullet’ for an ex. It all depends on a lot of complex factors. How one feels about the ex – still attracted to him/her or not?  Level of loneliness –  is there a new person on the scene or just wallowing in a depressed state? Anger – is there still anger or has it cooled off? Memories – are there thousands of pleasant memories that just can’t get out of one’s mind or thousand of horror memories that continue to haunt? Strength – how strongly can you resist the sound of the other person’s voice, or their presence? Intimacy – was the relationship very intimate or not. Sex – were you up on cloud nine or down in the dumps? Others; money, spirituality, compassion, etc

People try so many tactics: rudeness, avoidance, denial, aggression, jumping ship to spite the other person, pretence, etc. In the end it all depends on the individuals concerned and their level of tolerance and/or self-control.

For me avoidance is the most effective, but extremely difficult if the feelings are still strong. Over time though, with avoidance one can begin to gain better self-control. Avoidance works only if there are other things to occupy one’s mind, otherwise one will get caught up in a vicious cycle. Some people I know try to evoke a feeling of hate. However, hate is not the opposite of love. See, people still stand a good chance of reconciliation with anyone that hates them. There’s a thin line between love and hate, they say. So it’s easy to cross over. Indifference is really the opposite of love. We stand little to no chance with people who feel indifferent towards us. When one gets to feel indifferent towards an ex, it’s truly over…

This is SO good it sounds like an extract out of a book. Yeah, there are no 'perfect' answers or 'sure techniques'. Yup, right now I have NOTHING to do, though I have a lot of work, I have no lectures to attend, no friends to meet up, all that will change next week and I'll be back to my usual - not having time to even discuss or mention his name.

Nonetheless, I think he too does the same thing . When he's bored (i.e. holidays) he'll call, otherwise it's 'party with the boys'. I kinda feel for that side of him that's vulnerable (being lonely and calling me ).

Anyways, good advice. Looking forward to more and more wisdom (and no I'm not writing a book).

I wonder how one separates a genuine missing of the ex from lonliness, will I feel the same when in a relationship with STUD A?? I guess only time, trial and error works. Maybe one day we'll stop playing games, funny thing is I don't hate him but I'm not indifferent to him either, so what am I?

I love-d him, but the feelings were based on the person I got to know, (which might have been a side of him) but I was completely different to the guy I met after the breakup and during the demise of the relationship.

springss:

When one gets to feel indifferent towards an ex, it’s truly over…

mida:

For a start, i think i like your gut.you have a realistic view of
what goes on within the mind of the ladies when guys break up with them.
What i guessed pushed your guy to quit was insensitivity on your path,rather
than letting the wind of your feelings affect the situation he was in at that moment, you are
applying pressure and may be too much pressure, just like any natural system they can explode when
too much of it is applied.And to comment on the fast part of your post, i guess it will be double damage
breaking up with a girl-which definitely hurts-and still state why or what she did wrong to have done that.
Or don't you think so,

mida:

Wow,you are blowing my mind.you seem to know more about
this thing than i thought, i am sorry for the breakup, but i guess
you must have done somethings that you felt should not be stated here.
The guy in question sounds like an hustler to me, is he, i mean is he someone
who has som many odds to get over to make a life?

you must have done somethings that you felt should not be stated here

ryker:

I regret all the times i blanked out, all the times i refused to pick up calls. All the time i was nice so i could sleep with her.
I regret it, I can't turn back time. But i can at least stop it.
I respect women, even as i adore them.
Guess society sort of expects you to 'sow your wild oats'.
Closure is hard for guys because when you hurt her, you hurt too,we sometimes, are too cowardly to go through it.
ho hum,

mida:

I think there is little we can do about the past but a lot lies ahead.
it's like the slogan in one of the shows i watched, though forgiveness
cannot change the past but it can sure change the future.This should be
the motivating factor to all the progressives in life.Topup i think while the two of us
cannot change the wrong turn of events in relationships that leads to heart break,i guess we
should be able to spark the light that will change the world of relationship, especially between
a guy and girl.You have the expressive nerves to pull it through topup.please do. i care.

Hmmm, the past has passed and there is nothing you can do to change it, the situation that arises from it on the other hand, can be tackled I guess.

I am more than motivated, and excited for whatever is to come next.

Taken:

Of course!  We often say things because of personal experiences whether they have true or false foundations.

Taken:

intended not to be bashful, I can infer from you answer the reason behind your post - just personal thing.

So you are single, so what happened to your last relationship?

Just personal thing?

My last relationship ended , I'm trying not to go on and on about it, and funnily not being on Nairaland as often has made it a lot easier. But, yeah I just stumbled upon some more information and I am kinda annoyed. Anything else you wanted to know, like what he was like, what I was like, why it ended? I'm sure I've said it all before, but I don't mind saying it again.