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Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by olanajim(m): 12:56am On Dec 27, 2008 |
@netotse, you are right. Guys withdrawing doesn't always translate to breakup. It depends on what level of relationship the two are. It also depend on what brought that idea to his head. Sometimes a guy may simply want to re-evaluate himself. When the lady see this, she get jiltery and do many foolish thing that degrade her before the guy. This may lead the guy to actually start avoiding her and make her dream come true! That is if there is no other woman. But if there is "other woman", then the guy is undergoing love torment. How the home girl handle it would determine if the guy is delivered of temptation or yeild to temptation. |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by tpia: 12:56am On Dec 27, 2008 |
8inch+: A wise man and his money are soon parted. |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by Cayon(f): 1:09am On Dec 27, 2008 |
@topup I feel you. I "see" every direction you are coming from and you are so correct. Just one thing about this word "crazy". The word "crazy" has become a modern english slang that sometimes i get confused the way it is used. For example: Someone tell a joke. Reaction: They'll LOL and say "You're crazy". Crazy=funny. Yes, men use the word crazy all the time to describe their wives/girlfriends and when ask "what do you mean by crazy" You'll be shocked to hear the meaning. The meaning has nothing to do with cukcoo/coocoo. It's more of a "mistake" they make Peace |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by netotse(m): 1:14am On Dec 27, 2008 |
yep, u freaked the poor(?) dude out, cant say i fully understand d dynamics but the way its supposed to work is that knowing that the pretty, smart sexy lady (in some cases, not all)that u fell in love(?) with is outside your cave waiting for u will ensure u dont stay in der unnecessarily, but if she bugs u, u automatically withdraw, and that could mess things up, and as u shld well kno(u seem like the smart type) once u freak someone out more than once it usually distorts the rhythm so the person might jst always carry vestiges of the spooked someting even when the person has cooled off, and when u now withdraw wot runs thru a guys mind is 'ok this gel is not alrite first she was bugging me now she has gone cold turkey she should make up her mind' and d next thing is 'y are gels so unstable' den wot do we have, -yep u're right a crazy unstable gel thing is as guys we're into strong and silent so thats wot we expect, now y'all gels are all up in each others space we dont like that when we hv issues if we tell u we're sorta used to hving our boys bear the thing out with us in silence(well maybe not silence but can u imagine a guy hugging his friend if the friend says he's depressed) so i'd say u spooked the fella one more thing y dont u get the book?, men are from mars women are from venus, its a really cool read |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by olanajim(m): 1:23am On Dec 27, 2008 |
@topup, your ex was trying to communicate with you by his silence. I guess you are too much concerned about the relationship than what is eating him. Let me give you an example. I once had this lady friend who I was looking up to date. We have been going out for 3 months. In my heart I have not make up my mind to make her my choice. She was a good lady. Wash my clothes, cook my food etc. But then, she forgot she is under probation. At least I told her. That is me. Maybe I was crazy too. I pick my words very carefully so that I won't have to felt guilty when things go awry. Well just as I was about making her permanent, (I was to visit her parent) I started observing some traits I know I can NEVER live with. I tried to talk to her but she was careless. And so, I began my own withdrawal tactic. Actually, I need to think about it deeply. But she made a costly mistake by crying and reporting me to my friends. I got angry and had to extend my "vacation!". Again, she started saying maybe I had a lady in my life and then did things I found unacceptable. I called her aside and the asked her to give me a break. It was during the break that I ended it all. She gave my call to a guy I suspected to be her male friend. It was night. So I simply format all her memory from my head. It was so simple for me because I had resolved not to be blinded by love. So I always know when to press my break. Men aren't all crazy just as women. But when he stop calling, you must realize he need help not love. Wisdom will bail you out. |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by KarmaMod(f): 1:36am On Dec 27, 2008 |
Moral of the story? Dont cook or "wash" for some dude that hasnt taken you seriously. |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by netotse(m): 1:40am On Dec 27, 2008 |
ouch!. . .the cardinal sin, reporting a guy to his friends when y'all hvnt been dating for up to a year. few things scream run for cover as loud as that, @karma mod wot is d definition of taken u seriously, lol to me u might be serious tde and den tomorrow. . . |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by KarmaMod(f): 1:45am On Dec 27, 2008 |
She was doing all that crap and he hadnt even seen her parents yet Olorun ma je. |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by SisiJinx: 1:52am On Dec 27, 2008 |
olanajim: Seriously, I couldn't agree more but again, there i only so much you can know about someone. I hate to believe someone would knowingly marry a guy or girl who treats them horribly while dating. . . which was why it was disheartening to see some people castigate a woman whose husband beat her senseless. She should have known the kind of person he was, they ranted and raved and I thought. . . am I missing something here? The part where she claimed to be psychic perhaps. In truth, what happen at first meeting, what we often call love at first sight is nothing but LUST. Ask a good psychologist and it would be confirmed. However, lust is very essential for love to germinate. The animal in human make it imperative that the two be attracted before anything can follow. We just tried to glorify LUST by calling it LOVE AT FIRST. Everyone feel it. Once again, you hit the proverbial nail on the head!! Friendship really matters. . . I find it difficult to fall for someone who hasn't been my friend. In my opinion, what we call love eventually fades and it is replaced by friendship, deep companionship, if you will and without the beginning friendship. . . it will go down the drain! It is strongly recommended that one know the other before making commitment. As long as we also understand that there is only so much we can really know about others. I mean there are some people out there who are so good at pretending that if life were a movie, they are on the first track to winning the Oscars. They say the right things, do the right things. . . all the while just waiting for the moment when they can . I call this the ol' Bait and Switch Play Thanks Olanijim, it was fun talking to a guy who actually makes sense and doesn't take simple slight as affront on his manhood! |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by SisiJinx: 2:10am On Dec 27, 2008 |
olanajim: Did I speak too soon? Ewo ni probabtion? When it ain't like she is seeking job Lawd-a-mercy! @ Costly mistake? Abeg what did it cost her. . . - The privilege of being your wife? - Having Mrs. tagged to her name? - Being the legal custodian of your dirty socks and underwear? - The Matron of your kitchen? Jeebus H. Christos!! All sorts if Osirisiri!! |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by KarmaMod(f): 2:19am On Dec 27, 2008 |
Glad you know you spoke too soon. i was beginning to worry about your eye sight sef Probation costly mistake blah blah Would she have gone off "reporting him to his friends" if he had the guts to actually tell her what she did wrong instead of "withdrawing and keeping malice" LIKE A WOMAN *rolls eyes* I used to defend olajinim o |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by SisiJinx: 2:25am On Dec 27, 2008 |
Rotflmao! I didn't read the second post oooh!!! In the first one, he sounded so not like the kinda person who will write the second post! |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by JJYOU: 2:33am On Dec 27, 2008 |
Sisi Jinx: KarmaMod: Sisi Jinx:how did you know our sister didnt just miss the probationary period/rules of africas first president. this lady could have easily become first lady in some banana republic at least. being single has never been better |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by netotse(m): 2:43am On Dec 27, 2008 |
u gels dont kno 'woman business is serious business', wots wrong if a brother has a probation period?, as for keeping malice u gels win d nobel prize o, exmaple boy: wots d matter, u seem distracted gel: nothing later in the night if u are wise enough to realise she was lying, she nows tells u bout somefink u did 5days ago that she doesnt like(come 1st y wont we be putting gels on probation when they pull stunts like this) |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by topup: 2:48am On Dec 27, 2008 |
Wow I am shocked by the responses, and I will disect them as follows lol (I'm ready for ya!!!) netotse: I might quite enjoy reading the book btw. But first; I am trying my hardest not to be biased BUT I agree I spooked the guy out, but I don't think he deserves all the credit you're giving him. As if all his moves were justified and sensible. None of them were!! First of all, no matter how many times I am told how guys tend to withdraw, I still think it is lame (I'm getting quite into this debate now). It is lame, I feel sorry for them and I have so many guy friends, one who even advice that I call the at-the-time boyfriend and let him know I've been feeling unwanted and such. That is failure on his part, I should not have to seek for reassurance that I am a good girlfriend. I apologise though because you did mention that you did not know the dynamics of the relationship. Well, more info? > > 1 single month into the relationship, the guy calls, crying on the phone, 'We need to talk' Of course I am freaked out but I am a rational human being who knows that sometimes people can be overwhelmed by emotions and don't rush to judge him. I am sleeping by the way and he calls and suddenly starts proposing plans for the future, for us, how he has never felt this way before. Then about a month later he is barely calling. I have seen it before, withdrawal, I knew something was bugging him, so I initially started sending texts, I prayed for him, I carried out all the visits to his place, and because his withdrawal coincided with his exams I gave him some space, he'd text once every 3 or so days, with a distant, 'Hope your ok xx' and I'd respond immediately reassuring him 'Yeah, just keep working hard, don't worry about me.' A male friend even told me that I needed to shout at him, but I protected this guy, because I gave him the benefit of doubt that he was going through some major things. After the exams, he promised to be the boyfriend he was before, and said he'd take me out, he never did, and I never complained (I sold myself so short during this relationship, you would not believe people!!) Eventually after another 2 weeks of what I could barely call a relationship, he called and I finally plucked up the courage to ask why he was so 'busy', even his friends were asking me where he was and asking me to pass on messages, but he became defensive. A month later, he was almost back to himself and he told me he loved me. A week after that he was barely talking to me again (now tell me I'm the one who's freaking him out). Then I initiated a talk, because I could take it no longer, and he told me, we were drifting apart, and I knew it was over then, so I broke it off. Now, I'm sure you can't blame me if I say that the blame was in his direction, inability to communicate whatever he was going through, and inability to deal with the situation himself. What a man! |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by Pataki: 2:51am On Dec 27, 2008 |
topup: You started your write-up so well. Quite interesting to read. However, you have a biased conclusion. I expected that after stating your observation regarding women who are so obsessed with CLOSURE, your conclusion will be directed to respective parties (male and female). That said, you are right in your own view and I reason with you. But in my own opinion, it is best at times, to let issues die away with time. The lady may not reason along that line, but over time she would see that closure to the matter was the best solution to setting one another free from the emotional hurt. |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by KarmaMod(f): 2:53am On Dec 27, 2008 |
what the hell is a "gels" |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by topup: 2:55am On Dec 27, 2008 |
netotse: Keeping malice and this 'probation period' aren't the same so you can't really compare. A woman keeps malice because you have hurt her feelings and she wants to make a point, rather than sit down and pretend everything's okay. As described by yourself above, a guy goes into probation because. . I actually didn't quite get it, there really wasn't any concrete reasons which you gave as to why a guy just SHUTS OFF ON HIS 'BELOVED' GIRLFRIEND. Apart from the fact that compared to a malice, she has done nothing wrong, and it is a personal issue which he himself needs time and space to sort out. I think a guy's probation is taking out his own issues on the girl, surely if you care for her, you will just explain what has been bugging you, even if it means telling her that you are a paranoid, nymphomaniac, paedophile, murderer, goat molester or whatever. If you truly care for your girlfriend you will let her know what's up, so she's not left to her own thoughts, because as you guys can testify (when using malice for example), that can be torture! |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by topup: 2:55am On Dec 27, 2008 |
KarmaMod: Girls, but used in the way you use, chick, babe. |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by KarmaMod(f): 2:58am On Dec 27, 2008 |
TopUp sarcasm my dear child |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by topup: 3:05am On Dec 27, 2008 |
Pataki: Lol, you didn't agree with one line, so my whole write-up ended so badly? Anyways, yes, I will admit to bias, though I make personal efforts not to be, or more correctly, not to appear so. With the part in bold, devastating issues don't die with time, we are able to put them aside and get on with our lives, but I can say almost everyone remembers that guy or girl who screwed them over, some people when they talk about the first heartbreak they had, get a sharp pain in their 'heart' - basically, they remember vividly their ordeal. I still believe that maybe if you have both tried to reason with each other and are too stubborn to come to any conclusions that yes, maybe accept it and let it lie. But I am specifically considering the disappearing act. To free yourself from a relationship, knowing that the other person still wants to know the answers. If he/she begs for the truth, let them have it. Sometimes maybe there are no excuses, maybe my ex didn't want me to know that he never did quit smoking, never could, and continually flirted with other girls leading to him being in lots of compromising situations. The only person I think who if that was kept secret would benefit is him. Maybe, some guys don't give you closure because it means they would have to admit their fault, that they were a terrible boyfriend, maybe they would have to admit that they could have done better, that they are a liar, cheat, undeserving. You would lose all respect for them, all pity, and may never want to speak to them again. We say that these people just want to move on and be left alone, but if that is the case, then why is it that when I finally moved on and didn't contact for 5 months, that he is sending me messages to say hello?? If anyone is running away from the problem is it him not me. Please guys don't take THIS too personally, I'm female and I am writing from my perspective, swap the guys for girls if you wish for it to apply to you, it still works! |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by topup: 3:06am On Dec 27, 2008 |
KarmaMod: I must admit that I was a little confused as I know you are extremely up to date, but I thought I shouldn't judge or assume |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by Nobody: 3:07am On Dec 27, 2008 |
Mrs Pink! |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by topup: 3:08am On Dec 27, 2008 |
davidylan: I am eating humble pie as I say this; "I may have over done it with the essays " |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by Nobody: 3:10am On Dec 27, 2008 |
Anytime i see pink i dont even bother to look at the ID anymore . . . it just has to be topup. Your write-ups are quite cool though, for a young woman you certainly have had way more experience with romance than so many of us. How do you do it? |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by H2O2: 3:15am On Dec 27, 2008 |
Haha |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by StephenP(m): 3:16am On Dec 27, 2008 |
First off, I think everyone hints that their exes are crazy regardless of sex. That aside, I totally understand where you are coming from but I think, like you said, it's the confrontation. Many would rather not talk about and just let it slide and I have to admit, though it could deemed as the coward's way out, it is pretty effective. You cannot judge how she would handle the truth yet you don't want to lie to her face so what's left to do? |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by SisiJinx: 3:18am On Dec 27, 2008 |
Topup, I understand why you seem confused and I am sorry I’m unable to give you anything to work with. The truth is the moment a guy withdraws from me when I’ve done nothing to warrant it, I am gone. Okay, maybe I don’t immediately pick up and go, I kind of give him space. . . hey who knows, maybe he is dealing with something and he doesn’t want to tell me just yet. oh by the way, that’s another thing, don’t expect me to hound you over things. . . “oh Baby wassamatter? Won’t you tell me? We are a couple. . . we are one, we must share our feelings! Don’t you love me enough to share with me? What have I done? What could I have done? Oh Baby please talk to me. . . No Siree Bob! I feel if you want to share, you will share. If after we’ve established that it’s simply ode ori then I say Asta baby. Of course, some people (guys) see this. . . i.e me not twisting myself in a pretzel trying to get them back or crying in my pillow wondering what I had done wrong or could have done better, as a sign that I was never truly in love and that’s perfectly fine, I mean who knows sef. . . maybe they are right. What I do know is this - I refuse to be with someone who has even the slightest inclination not to be with me or expects me to jump through hoops to be with him. The fact that I know some guys do this just to test how much a girl loves them does not help any. |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by netotse(m): 3:21am On Dec 27, 2008 |
@ karma mod its girls i type gels faster i cld use honies if u prefer @top up u aren't half bad u know, well if we guys were perfect we wouldnt need gels now would we?, i see a pattern here. . .he called u and was giving u d future yarns abi?. . .reminds me of when i liked this babe for two years(did the whole became friends, moved slowly etc)and after the runs clicked i started feeling empty, i was scared o, as in dude u jst got d girl, later i realised it was cos i put so much of myself on the line for that runs as in i expended too much emotion so that was making me feel 'somehow', usu after getting deep wiv a gel we hv to step back. . .its like a reflex(not saying its right or wrong it jst is. . .) u really shld be careful when listening to guys o. . .not all of us know what we want or can really explain wots goin on in his head. . .i've been thru the texting 'hope u're okxx' stage and in his mind it took a lot to do that and he's doing it cos he loves u, (for real o, still do it nowadays. . .its jst that its er'day not once in a while, i'm Y2K compliant lol ) u shld shoot the friend that sed u shld shout at him, u sed his friends used to call u to ask abt him, thats important cos it shows they recognized how important u were in his life and also u sed at some point he started returning to normal, well if i knew him maybe i'd be able to tell u y it didnt end well but i dont! men its scary cos its like ur boi is travellling or travelled down a path i walked myself and trust me on this. . .it hurts for guys a lot! that sed read the book its wot helped me understand, (thats y i can preten am all mature and i know wot ur talking abt like am some cool jaded dude ) of which babe u attracted some of the ppl i respect on NL to ur thread u're officially ok in my books(that means u dont hv to go thru any probation ) |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by topup: 3:21am On Dec 27, 2008 |
davidylan: I am too over-analytical for my own good, that's how. I think you can learn a lot about romance and love and relationships, through our simple friendships and almost everything around us. After all, relationships are just interactions between two close people. I've had many more friends than boyfriends, and some I loved dearly and some I didn't. This realisation came to me once when a friend of mine just disappeared from my life, she got closer to another friend and moved on, I couldn't quite understand why I was so upset, why my heart almost bled for the loss, surely only heartbreak, guys and breakups make you feel this way. Well, it's not quite black and white. I loved her so dearly, she knew so much about me but she chose to move on and neglect our relationship. Also, my parents argue A LOT! And unlike the conventional way to do things, where you don't involve the kids, my parents have always made us choose sides, right from the age of ~ 7 and I regularly give advice to my mum . Yes, you learn from mistakes, they don't have to be your own though |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by Pataki: 3:24am On Dec 27, 2008 |
topup:Again you draw me back with your interesting verbiage. I must commend you for the passion to which you write which is oftentimes, devoid of emotional ties often seen with regular posts on this forum. Your conclusion was the summary to the topic and if it was that biased as I saw it, it totally negates the value of your inputs. However, many thanks for the acceptance to my correction. I would like to make a pointer clear for you. That is, you should not be quick to stereotype every man or woman that indulges in CLOSURE to be totally wrong. Situation differs and it is at times probable that one party would not reason as the other party is reasoning when found in a predicament of their relationship hitting the wall. The way I do handle my emotional battles with my partner, would be different from the way you handle yours. I may perfectly reason that CLOSURE is the ultimate way to delivering myself from the entangles of the relationship which has hit the rocks. I have often times seen that it is best when one party walks away from the relationship, it may be painful and cruel to the other partner, but hey break-ups often times is not a jolly jolly affair. So whichever way it comes, both partner should accept that things have fallen apart and it is time to move on however hurtful it may have been passed across. |
Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by KarmaMod(f): 3:25am On Dec 27, 2008 |
Sisi, Ditto topup: That's not good. |
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