8inch+:

But in truth, there are some real crazy ladies out there. About a year ago, i had the misfortune of going on a trip to see my ex. As it was my first time of going to her place and i was to stay at a hotel and all. I had quite a lot of cash on me to avoid looking for an ATM machine and all.

To cut a short story shorter, at the end of my visit, she pointed (a fact that i already knew) out that i had a lot of cash on me and offered to pay it into my bank account while i headed back home.

Well, she defaulted and started to give a lot of stories. When the lies got too much and the trust was gone, i called it off and explained this to her (Wonder if she hadn't figured it out herself). To my utmost surprise, She came up with her own theory that i was just making excuses because i had found another girl and all. Till date she has not refunded the cash.

So you be the judge. If i was secretive about the cash on me, U ladies would play the trust card. But i am with you on the closure thingy

olanajim:

Sis jinx,
I didn't read the particular post you mentioned. ]Man or woman if you fall in love before you know your partner, you are gambling with your heart

In truth, what happen at first meeting, what we often call love at first sight is nothing but LUST. Ask a good psychologist and it would be confirmed. However, lust is very essential for love to germinate. The animal in human make it imperative that the two be attracted before anything can follow. We just tried to glorify LUST by calling it LOVE AT FIRST. Everyone feel it.

At the the s next stage, the two partners agreeing to be friends. It is at this stage that couple evaluate themselves. Thereafter commitment come it and the LOVE. Those who skip this stage and allow the lustful affair to deepen without due diligent are those who often have the cause to regret not knowing their partners.

It is strongly recommended that one know the other before making commitment.

olanajim:

@topup,
your ex was trying to communicate with you by his silence. I guess you are too much concerned about the relationship than what is eating him.

Let me give you an example. I once had this lady friend who I was looking up to date. We have been going out for 3 months. In my heart I have not make up my mind to make her my choice. She was a good lady. Wash my clothes, cook my food etc. [size=18pt]But then, she forgot she is under probation. [/size]At least I told her. That is me. Maybe I was crazy too. I pick my words very carefully so that I won't have to felt guilty when things go awry.

Well just as I was about making her permanent, (I was to visit her parent) I started observing some traits I know I can NEVER live with. I tried to talk to her but she was careless. And so, I began my own withdrawal tactic. Actually, I need to think about it deeply. [size=18pt]But she made a costly mistake by crying and reporting me to my friends[/size]. I got angry and had to extend my "vacation!". Again, she started saying maybe I had a lady in my life and then did things I found unacceptable. I called her aside and the asked her to give me a break. It was during the break that I ended it all. She gave my call to a guy I suspected to be her male friend. It was night. So I simply format all her memory from my head. It was so simple for me because I had resolved not to be blinded by love. So I always know when to press my break.

Men aren't all crazy just as women. But when he stop calling, you must realize he need help not love. Wisdom will bail you out.

Sisi Jinx:



Did I speak too soon?

Ewo ni probabtion? When it ain't like she is seeking job


Lawd-a-mercy! @ Costly mistake?

Abeg what did it cost her. . .

- The privilege of being your wife?
- Having Mrs. tagged to her name?
- Being the legal custodian of your dirty socks and underwear?
- The Matron of your kitchen?

Jeebus H. Christos!! All sorts if Osirisiri!!

KarmaMod:

Glad you know he spoke too soon. i was beginning to worry about your eye sight sef

Probation
costly mistake
blah blah

Would she have gone off "reporting him to his friends" if he had the guts to actually tell her what she did wrong instead of "withdrawing and keeping malice"

*rolls eyes*

I used to defend olajinim o

Sisi Jinx:

Rotflmao! I didn't read the second post oooh!!!

In the first one, he sounded so not like the kind of person who will write the second post!

netotse:

yes, u freaked the poor(?) dude out, can't say i fully understand d dynamics but the way its supposed to work is that knowing that the pretty, smart sexy lady (in some cases, not all)that u fell in love(?) with is outside your cave waiting for u will ensure u don't stay in der unnecessarily, but if she bugs u, u automatically withdraw, and that could mess things up, and as u shld well kno(u seem like the smart type) once u freak someone out more than once it usually distorts the rhythm so the person might jst always carry vestiges of the spooked someting even when the person has cooled off, and when u now withdraw wot runs through a guys mind is 'ok this gel is not alrite first she was bugging me now she has gone cold turkey she should make up her mind' and d next thing is 'y are gels so unstable' den wot do we have, -yes u're right a crazy unstable gel

I might quite enjoy reading the book btw. But first; I am trying my hardest not to be biased BUT I agree I spooked the guy out, but I don't think he deserves all the credit you're giving him. As if all his moves were justified and sensible. None of them were!! First of all, no matter how many times I am told how guys tend to withdraw, I still think it is lame (I'm getting quite into this debate now). It is lame, I feel sorry for them and I have so many guy friends, one who even advice that I call the at-the-time boyfriend and let him know I've been feeling unwanted and such. That is failure on his part, I should not have to seek for reassurance that I am a good girlfriend. I apologise though because you did mention that you did not know the dynamics of the relationship. Well, more info? > > 1 single month into the relationship, the guy calls, crying on the phone, 'We need to talk' Of course I am freaked out but I am a rational human being who knows that sometimes people can be overwhelmed by emotions and don't rush to judge him. I am sleeping by the way and he calls and suddenly starts proposing plans for the future, for us, how he has never felt this way before. Then about a month later he is barely calling. I have seen it before, withdrawal, I knew something was bugging him, so I initially started sending texts, I prayed for him, I carried out all the visits to his place, and because his withdrawal coincided with his exams I gave him some space, he'd text once every 3 or so days, with a distant, 'Hope your ok xx' and I'd respond immediately reassuring him 'Yeah, just keep working hard, don't worry about me.' A male friend even told me that I needed to shout at him, but I protected this guy, because I gave him the benefit of doubt that he was going through some major things.

After the exams, he promised to be the boyfriend he was before, and said he'd take me out, he never did, and I never complained (I sold myself so short during this relationship, you would not believe people!!) Eventually after another 2 weeks of what I could barely call a relationship, he called and I finally plucked up the courage to ask why he was so 'busy', even his friends were asking me where he was and asking me to pass on messages, but he became defensive.

A month later, he was almost back to himself and he told me he loved me.
A week after that he was barely talking to me again (now tell me I'm the one who's freaking him out). Then I initiated a talk, because I could take it no longer, and he told me, we were drifting apart, and I knew it was over then, so I broke it off.

Now, I'm sure you can't blame me if I say that the blame was in his direction, inability to communicate whatever he was going through, and inability to deal with the situation himself. What a man!  

topup:

Just like the title says.


Your girlfriend of 7 months, just tells you one day that it's all over. Ok, so in the past 2 months she's been slowly distancing herself from you, less phone calls, visits and barely any enthusiasm, so of course, she's prepared herself for the breakup, but you are completely unaware, you think everything is fabulous, you're even thinking about what to get her for her birthday. The birthday comes, and she's all fantastic, you think you two are a match made in heaven, then a week later, she breaks up with you, and of course you're stunned so you don't ask all the questions you want to ask and the questions just float around in your head, you sulk for ages and then after the intial stage of upset, you now want answers, but guess what, she's moved on, she's now got a new guy, your number's been deleted off her phone, and you're calling to ask her why she left you, because you deserve to know, and she just speaks to you like your wasting her time, she is uneasy to talk to you or acknowledge the good 5 months you spent as a close knit couple, and it hurts, in order to move on, you need to know where you went wrong, so it's not too personal, after all it could easily be her cheating ways or wandering eyes. Just knowing this would save so much soul-searching, further heartbreak and just confusion.

Now do you understand the power of closure?? If you don't I will gladly go on and on and on. .

This is just my plea, so you guys give us a break, stop dragging things along, we know you hate confrontation and hurting our feelings, but being left to our own thoughts could actually really affect us, and is far worse for our psyche than being told the truth.

CLOSURE is KEY!

Peace

netotse:

u gels don't kno 'woman business is serious business', wots wrong if a brother has a probation period?,

as for keeping malice u gels win d nobel prize o, exmaple

boy: wots d matter, u seem distracted
gel: nothing

later in the night if u are wise enough to realise she was lying,
she nows tells u bout somefink u did 5days ago that she doesnt like(come 1st y wont we be putting gels on probation when they pull stunts like this)

KarmaMod:

what the hell is a "gels"

Pataki:

You started your write-up so well. Quite interesting to read. However, you have a biased conclusion. I expected that after stating your observation regarding women who are so obsessed with CLOSURE, your conclusion will be directed to respective parties (male and female).

That said, you are right in your own view and I reason with you. But in my own opinion, it is best at times, to let issues die away with time. The lady may not reason along that line, but over time she would see that closure to the matter was the best solution to setting one another free from the emotional hurt.

KarmaMod:

TopUp

sarcasm my dear child

I must admit that I was a little confused as I know you are extremely up to date, but I thought I shouldn't judge or assume

davidylan:

Mrs Pink!

I am eating humble pie as I say this; "I may have over done it with the essays "

davidylan:

Anytime i see pink i don't even bother to look at the ID anymore . . . it just has to be topup.
Your write-ups are quite cool though, for a young woman you certainly have had way more experience with romance than so many of us. How do you do it?  

I am too over-analytical for my own good, that's how. I think you can learn a lot about romance and love and relationships, through our simple friendships and almost everything around us. After all, relationships are just interactions between two close people. I've had many more friends than boyfriends, and some I loved dearly and some I didn't. This realisation came to me once when a friend of mine just disappeared from my life, she got closer to another friend and moved on, I couldn't quite understand why I was so upset, why my heart almost bled for the loss, surely only heartbreak, guys and breakups make you feel this way. Well, it's not quite black and white. I loved her so dearly, she knew so much about me but she chose to move on and neglect our relationship.

Also, my parents argue A LOT! And unlike the conventional way to do things, where you don't involve the kids, my parents have always made us choose sides, right from the age of ~ 7 and I regularly give advice to my mum .

Yes, you learn from mistakes, they don't have to be your own though

topup:

Lol, you didn't agree with one line, so my whole write-up ended so badly? Anyways, yes, I will admit to bias, though I make personal efforts not to be, or more correctly, not to appear so.

With the part in bold, devastating issues don't die with time, we are able to put them aside and get on with our lives, but I can say almost everyone remembers that guy or girl who screwed them over, some people when they talk about the first heartbreak they had, get a sharp pain in their 'heart' - basically, they remember vividly their ordeal. I still believe that maybe if you have both tried to reason with each other and are too stubborn to come to any conclusions that yes, maybe accept it and let it lie. But I am specifically considering the disappearing act. To free yourself from a relationship, knowing that the other person still wants to know the answers. If he/she begs for the truth, let them have it. Sometimes maybe there are no excuses, maybe my ex didn't want me to know that he never did quit smoking, never could, and continually flirted with other girls leading to him being in lots of compromising situations. The only person I think who if that was kept secret would benefit is him. Maybe, some guys don't give you closure because it means they would have to admit their fault, that they were a terrible boyfriend, maybe they would have to admit that they could have done better, that they are a liar, cheat, undeserving. You would lose all respect for them, all pity, and may never want to speak to them again. We say that these people just want to move on and be left alone, but if that is the case, then why is it that when I finally moved on and didn't contact for 5 months, that he is sending me messages to say hello?? If anyone is running away from the problem is it him not me.

Please guys don't take THIS too personally, I'm female and I am writing from my perspective, swap the guys for girls if you wish for it to apply to you, it still works!

topup:

[color=#cc0066] And unlike the conventional way to do things, where you don't involve the kids, my parents have always made us choose sides, right from the age of ~ 7