Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! - Romance (6) - Nairaland
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| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by SisiJinx: 6:12am On Dec 28, 2008 |
topup: My first instinct is to say this guy is playing games with you. . . I mean with him sending you a texts about needing to talk and when you don't respond, he didn't bother any more but that will be unfair to him because it could just be that he is not emotionally ready to have that conversation and you not responding was a "Whew" moment for him (not a bad whew but a relieve one) and considering how this all started (the emotional distance) this scenario is not that far fetched. By all accounts this guy is also on an emotional roller coaster and this is guy you expect to help you get back on your feet? Topup, ask yourself this, how is someone who is crippled at help stand up? I know my analogy sounds a bit cuckoo but do you understand why you can't place the burden of your closure on the other person? I am naturally analytical so I analyse everything, not just this relationship, you see, there's no drama in my life, as in things are moving so, and so unfortunately for me, this teeny issue has been bumped up to the top of my list again. I think you being over-analytical over ONE TEXT is what is causing drama not him texting you. Until he gives something concrete. . . by that I mean calling you relentlessly, accidentally "purposely" bumping into you at the grocery store, parties, parking in front of your house every night, hounding you all over the place saying you need to talk etc. . . there is NO REASON for drama Can you get closure when the other person seems to want to talk to you. Yeah, I can do that whole ignoring him for the rest of my life thing BUT I actually desire to be friends with him. I don't believe I should have any exs I can't talk to, but people have free will and can be nightmares Wanting to be friends with an ex is not a bad thing. . . in fact I find it very admirable, it shows a certain level of maturity but you also have to understand that what YOU desire is not what everyone else desires. You can not force it! You can not force it! You can not force it! I'm glad you stated that people have free will, which means you know you can't force it. So why oh why do you want to trouble yourself over something you can't control??!!!!! In my opinion, Closure is in the STRENGTH that you use to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on along. I hate cliches, I do I do but sometimes it calls for it., so here goes . . . What doesn't kill you will make you stronger! |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by bluespice(f): 6:16am On Dec 28, 2008 |
i'll simply say, this topic has degenerated into what i hoped it wouldnt - a battle of the sexes guys are quick to assume ladies are "crazy" cos they have met with previous "crazy" women, because they have heard stories, because the women actually act "crazy" and because most times they feel more secure in that thought mind u if u interchange men for women, its the same |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by SisiJinx: 6:24am On Dec 28, 2008 |
Forgot to add, the kind of closure you want (sitting down and talking it out) does not come easy and that soon after a break up. I know people who met years after they called it quits to have the talk and most of them agreed that it was better that way because the wounds had healed. They could see all their faults/wrongs/mistakes in a clear light and not through the lenses of the hurt and wounded. Let's be honest here, like most girls what you really wanna do is throw the many ways he hurt you at his face, make him pay and even leave him feeling guilty and step one was refusing to answer his call. He threw you entire plan for awry by not calling you back so you can refuse him again so he can call back so you can then grudgingly agree to meet him, which you will do all decked up in you bestest garb to show him what is missing and have the most monosyllabic convo anyone has ever had. . . while trying to be all "Oh Jeez! What am I doing here, I've got better things to do". . . Right? Right? I got you! I got you!  |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by SisiJinx: 6:27am On Dec 28, 2008 |
bluespice: Hehehehe. . . it kinda did and I have no idea whose fault it is  But we are trying to get it back on track! As for the CRAZY part, I think OP kinda set that in motion using the word in her topic. |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by olanajim(m): 1:27pm On Dec 28, 2008 |
Sisi jinx, there is absolutely no way you can enter any relationship without putting the other person probation. Notice that I keep using the word PROBATION. I used the word probation because it is fitted to the situation I illustrated. I have seen a sign of discord and had thought I can change it. So how do I know if the fellow is responding positively to change? PROBATION! Seriously everyone who have ever dated is doing the same in principle. Everyone who have ever get married is also working with my theory except where the marriage was consumated by "accidental discharge". Before you attach me again, "acidental discharge" refer to a one night stand sex romp result in pregnancy. However, because the man is responsible, he marry the lady and then live happily or sadly thereafter. Now to you girls opposing PROBATION: When a guy you don't know approach you for relationship, (even when you already know him) what do you do? You ask for TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT. How many of you jump at a man and say "Yes, I will marry you" when you barely know him? And you think PROBATION is allien to relationship when you all know it is the norm. Another example. Why must dating go on for more than a year without the couple deciding that they are good for marriage? What are they doing? What is dating essentially about? Temporary marriage? Licence to sex and gifts? Or simply a probational period? What make DATING differ from FRIEMDSHIP if not the three issues? Finally, after all the 3, 4, 5, 6 years of DATING (or PROBATION) the guy or gal call it quit and say they are NOT COMPATIBLE! Isn't that crazy to the ears? Yet it happen everyday. Yet, you all think it is wrong to put your patner on PROBATION! Ok ok. You don't do this. Some ladies/gents would meet a date. And the next thing they do is asking their friends whether their catch is good or not. You all have got to admit you do this things. It is the only way to know your partner without hurting anyone! |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by olanajim(m): 1:49pm On Dec 28, 2008 |
@topup, the problem with breaking up in a relationship is that often time, somebody won't want to let go whether it is working or not. The tragedy of our time, from my own perspective is that many people do not know what relationship is about. Gone were the day when character is the major factor in choosing a spouse. Gone were the day children are groomed for leadership and responsibility right from their teenage years. Today, it is all about trial and error. Boy meet girl, they fall in love, they fall in bed and then get tired of one another. Soon, the urge to sample a fresh meat come to fore. Soon a space is open for another person. Soon the heart start tilting toward a new mate. And then, someone start finding fault so he/she can create problem and soon the chasm become so wide and then things fall apart! That is the partern of heartbreak. The truth is that this would have been avoided if somebody had done enough due diligent on another. It is a blantant lie to say that you can't know your partner to a reasonable extent before committing to the relationship. The truth is that most of us lack self control when it come to love. And that is the culprit. Am sure those who have had terrible heartbreak know the futility of plunging headlong into a relationship that is too good to be true. Finally, when a relationship appear to be doomed to failure, some people still think it doesn't matter. One of three things would happen: 1. A cheating partner, or 2. A withdrawn partner, or 3. A terrible heartbreak. To solve avoid such experience, the couples must make it a policy to be open and frank in relationship. And if a problem is intractable, they should have mutual disengagement. That can save the world of more heartbreak. |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by olanajim(m): 1:55pm On Dec 28, 2008 |
@topup, Not every guy dislike talking about marriage. But it is wise for ladies to let the man raise the issue. Somehow, some men hate it when a lady bug them with idea of marriage. Others simply let things unfold. The only way you can be too sure is to know the kind of man he is. |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by iice(f): 1:59pm On Dec 28, 2008 |
LMAO Sisi, the needing closure from another person tire me ooo. |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by oraclefemi(m): 3:39pm On Dec 28, 2008 |
emotions are sometimes crazy, women def can trust their feelings sometimes the hunt for a good dick backfires and they claim theyre in love, yeah right. |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by LRNZH(m): 11:50pm On Dec 28, 2008 |
Girlz are crazy too obvious! |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by netotse(m): 11:58pm On Dec 28, 2008 |
meeennnnn plenty wata don pass under bridge o, |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by H2O2: 12:19am On Dec 29, 2008 |
iice:Hi Lice, While I partially agree with you that closure is more likely to come from within, why does it tire you? Keep in mind that this is not just any person. The word closure is being inappropriately tossed around. Needing an explanation makes very good sense to me in many scenarios. It is not a crime to seek to figure out why a man you spent 10 years of your life worshipping has decided to walk away unannounced on one lonely rainy night. |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by netotse(m): 12:25am On Dec 29, 2008 |
errr did u jst call queen iice lice?, OFF WITH HIS HEAD! |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by topup: 1:53am On Dec 29, 2008 |
Erm, kudos to Sisi Jinx for trying to sort me out, I valued all the info, and Olanajim said some cool things too. Firstly, I just want to say that yes, you don't always need closure to move on, but I think it takes longer to move on when you feel 'Am I that bad that my ex won't speak to me' and we need to stop talking about guys vs girls, it is as simple as feeling dejected. I wouldn't be hurt if I didn't put my all into the relationship have genuine feelings about him. The funny thing is that recently (as in very recently) I contacted him to wish him seasons greetings and afterwards the anticipated call came, in which I was surprised to be met by a guy who was very tense and wanted answers for himself. Through my example, you can see that things are not black and white. I am cautious though as I believe he is playing games, any guy can appreciate the fact that leaving someone in the dark be it a girlfriend, ex or a friend, is not a nice thing to do and can leave the person wondering 'What have I done that is SO bad.' Anyways, Sisi Jinx, I laughed because you hit it right on the head of the nail, but I never denied that. You can either see it as I was trying to get back at him or you can think of it as me trying to protect myself. I think it was a combination of both, of course I wanted him to text again, this would have reassured me ever so slightly that he was serious, as it takes some serious swallowing of pride to do that. It also would have made me feel in charge, I would have of course put on my best getup and met up with him. Despite what everyone believes I would not have been distant in the conversation and this was proven by the conversation we had last, in which I asked a few questions and in the end we were laughing again. I must say that I don't want him to fall in love with me again, I mean it is flattering but that will not change anything, I know right now he's not right for me, the conversation has eased the tension in the atmosphere but there is still tension. I believe he is playing games as there was so much dishonesty in his answers (how would I know? easy, things that were so obvious were denied, he didn't call to get things straight, he called to patch up his ego, because I had ignored him and it finally hit home). Anyways, I want to stop focusing so much on my relationship. Apart from Adam Brody, are there any other examples of women acting crazy? I still think it's too common for a guy to tell me, 'yeah I had that one ex, who won't stop calling me', but I have now learnt that it shows a sign of immaturity of the two people, unless he appears to be a very caring and thoughtful guy, I would assume him to have 50% part in the situation. Does the girl need closure, or is she just trying to speak to him one last time. Does she need closure, or is she just trying to hear the truth. Do we need to hear the truth to move on, or are the others in this forum correct, you can 'grab' closure for yourself, be left confused about a broken relationship, and you can just move on without a second thought to what happened? Are we sure these people are not the same people who will leave at any sign of trouble? Am I sure these people are not the over-rational types? Lastly, do we all sincerely believe that it is okay to leave someone in the dark about a relationship problem? Is communication sometimes not the key? |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by topup: 1:54am On Dec 29, 2008 |
H2O2: Thanks for making a good point. . now let's toss it to the 'audience'. |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by suprted(m): 2:06am On Dec 29, 2008 |
I haven't read the entire thread but I have to say that Women are crazy. But not for the reasons you mentioned. In my opinion those reasons are not unique only to women but to anyone who has been the 'endee' in a relationship. Any guy who has been dumped without closure will probably do something crazy or at least feel like to doing something crazy. the fact is that most guys will keep their feelings hidden, because it is the manly thing to do, so they will do big guy and not freak out or try to get closure or whatever, but guess who suffers, the next gf. and if you have to get them on a couch with a therapist talking candidly then you will see all the unresolved relationship neuroses men have. anyway sha. i assume women are crazy, just because you mostly are. here are some examples of your 'insanity'. -you are attracted to guys who are a bit arseholish. nice guys are fun to keep around, you can have nice conversations with them, but you dont see them as man enough for you. so you hook up with the assholes. and then whine to the nice guys about your bfs acting like assholes. its not logical, but thats the way it is. -you are upset about something that a guy has done. but instead of confronting the guy, you sulk for 3 days. -you are upset about something, and when the guy offers to help, you get upset. turns out, and i learned this from a girl who was reading that venus/mars book, that you don't actually want help. you want someone to sit with you in your funk basically. -(ok this one was from a girl who was just plain insane anyway) you hold grudges against us over things that happened in your dreams. this one girl dreamt my friend was cheating on her with her best friend and didnt talk to him for their whole weekend away. finally in the car on the way back home, she blurts out that she "knows what he's up to with that slut." despite the fact that my friend and her best friend have never really got on. to be fair, maybe crazy is a bit strong, but you cant deny that your behaviour is often clearly illogical. that said, i guess that's why we can't live without you |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by topup: 2:45am On Dec 29, 2008 |
@ suprted; I would like to agree with you, but you have made SO many generalisations. I certainly do not sulk, and I certainly do not go for bd guys. Bad guys come in sheep's clothing maybe, but they present themselves as good guys with an edge, which is attractive. Also, though I may not be able to say that guys do all the things you mentioned above that make girls crazy, if I was to use the word 'crazy' in the same way as you, and was to also generalise, then I could say that guys too are crazy because: - They have a problem with a girlfriend but never say it, but instead back out of the relationship slowly. They avoid confrontation at all costs, to the extreme, so they don't tell you the problem, they do the whole distance thing, and stop showing love. - They seem to be unable to communicate. - They cherish their egos above all, and make a lot of decisions based on it. They will dump you because they think they can do better, but when you call, they put up the front like they've never been happier. - They think telling you what you want to hear is acceptable. Obviously, these are all generalisations, is there any need to even start this male vs female battle again. The topic was not trying to push the 'crazy' blame on guys, it is merely saying that women are normal, of course we act irrational at times but so do guys, we can say women are emotional, but I have known guys to be also. I think maybe life's just not exciting if we accept that everyone's different and that there are no strict ways a man and woman should or shouldn't act. |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by Babyboy26(m): 9:57am On Dec 29, 2008 |
[color=#990000][/color] |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by topkin(m): 10:17am On Dec 29, 2008 |
@ poster U have committed a fallacy of "Hasty Generalization"------- Not ALL GUYS |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by namdee(m): 11:27am On Dec 29, 2008 |
it's not just guys,its both ways.If you are in a relationship you should always try to be considerate about the other persons feelings |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by Ben13: 11:58am On Dec 29, 2008 |
top_kin: true |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by topup: 3:29pm On Dec 29, 2008 |
Ok, the title of the post was intentional, to get people's attention. I think before you can fully know what I am talking about you have to read at least the first page of the topic. Anyways, yes I believe both men and women do this, now that we have got that out of the way, what are your opinions on the subject? How about we look at it from the other person's perspective. Why would you leave someone hanging like that? If someone wants to talk to you about the breakup, why would you leave them hanging? There's time ot get over the breakup and then there're months and months of silence, allowing recovery time, what stops you from approaching 'that talk' that the other person so desperately wants, even if just for their sake, after all you claimed to love this person dearly once. |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by Nobody: 3:45pm On Dec 29, 2008 |
are u ladies not crazy? |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by iice(f): 5:31pm On Dec 29, 2008 |
H2O2: And here i thought the dot above the l was visible  iice please.Am not saying that it's a bad thing. But when it drags into 5 months, a year and so on, that becomes a problem. We want many things but we don't always get them. When people start 'needing' things, it sometimes progresses to 'needing' things to properly function. And then the craziness starts. And what if the other person does not accommodate you? Would you continue to fall apart or find the strength within you to find some closure and be at peace. You cannot make someone give you something he/she does not want or have to give. Not everyone is wired to talk things through, if you don't know that during the relationship what makes it different after it has ended? Not everyone can put their thoughts into order therefore it maybe hard to pin down the reason why he/she did what he/she did. If he/she said 'i don't know why' would that be enough closure or would you hound the person till he/she freaks out and flees. If the other person gives you closure then good, if not, then what? |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by SisiJinx: 7:23pm On Dec 29, 2008 |
iice: Thank you for summing it up so perfectly and so succinctly!!!  |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by H2O2: 7:31pm On Dec 29, 2008 |
That's where you are mistaken. I'm not so concerned about the "what if" scenarios you have duly laid out. You sort of claimed not to understand why folks would want to find out why someone they devoted a significant chunk of their life to loving would just walk away and leave, as if it is puzzling. You may not always like the answer you receive, but that is no reason not to ask. Whether or not the answer quenches your hunger is an entirely different matter. Like I said before, "I partially agree with you that closure is more likely to come from within" . |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by H2O2: 7:35pm On Dec 29, 2008 |
Not everyone can put their thoughts into order therefore it maybe hard to pin down the reason why he/she did what he/she did.Comparably, not everyone can move on from relationships "just-like-that" after being dumped. If they could we wouldn't have/need all these aunt agonies providing counsel to people battling heartbreaks and bad breakups. errr did u jst call queen iice lice?, OFF WITH HIS HEAD!LOL You know Aunty iice would usually only type 3/4 of a line per response, so getting her into the 12-13 line range is a laudable accomplishment. |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by olanajim(m): 7:46pm On Dec 29, 2008 |
Good summary from iice. Kudos. |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by bluespice(f): 7:53pm On Dec 29, 2008 |
i know IIce has summed up this topic beauuutifully but ive just gotta ask why are people so obsessed with the thots of closure than the actual closure if its even possible i mean okay he broke up with u after cheating isnt it so damn obvious? why kill urslef asking him why he did and then kill urself all over again when he tells u he was done with the relationship? okay extreme case scenario but seriously why? |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by H2O2: 8:02pm On Dec 29, 2008 |
bluespice:Hi I think you have exaggerated the situation here. It is not always "so damn obvious". It's more like "okay he broke up with you" . If it's not so damn obvious, is it wrong to attempt to figure out why he/she did? sure some people get psycho crazy after break ups |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by olanajim(m): 8:03pm On Dec 29, 2008 |
Why? Well, have you ever invest in a business that consume your life saving? If yes, great. If no, just imagine yourself in that state. Then when you think it is time for payback, your partner suddenly say that he is withdrawing with all his investments. How do you feel when anyone ask you why you are concern about the break up or why you are upset? |
| Re: Guys Are Always Too Quick To Assume That We Ladies Are Crazy! by iice(f): 8:07pm On Dec 29, 2008 |
H2O2: If am mistaken by your views and experiences, i'l take that. Life is unexpected (though can be controlled) but 'what if' scenarios prepare us to some extent. I never claimed to not understand that. I said i tire for the thing. You do know the OP's situation right? All her threads have something to do her ex and whilst i understand her need to put find some closure with her ex, i think he is not wanting to give her the closure she wants. Like i said, you cannot force someone to give you what you want or need. I did say that think it was not a good thing. But unless it happens (closure from the other person) it will color your life in more ways than what one would expect and not necessarily for good. H2O2: True, not everyone can move on, but to survive, its a battle within and i think more than needing another person to give you a reason to keep going. Not disputing your thoughts, am just providing another alternative, and people are free to choose what path they want to thread on. Yes ooo, i don't like long post that much  @Sisi, happy to be of service Ola, thank you ooo. |
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