Help i got issues.
pls i need only constructive and objective replies to my confused state.

I have a boyfriend(my very 1st) of 5 yrs now and 3/4 of the time our relationship has been across long distances, but we just came together again in the last 7 months. so much in love were we BUT the distance started to take its toil but i held on steadfastly even tho towards the end my boyfriend was no longer showing much commitment.i got distraught but still held on till, like a month before my man came back i eventually liked some one else, i didnt think that could ever happen, it was beautiful too.
suddenly my boyfriend started loving me back with zeal but my heart was was sliping away exponentially for the new guy.
i dont THINK i love my boyfriend again but we look like the perfect match considering all aspects. i have made attempt to work at it , but no results, infact i cant even stand his kisses but all ma folks and his are on us to tie the knots.
am convinced i love the other guy but he is a DIVORCEE, HIS 2 young kids stayed on with his wife and he visits and they come for breaks. they were already seperated b4 i met him o.
he wants me as his wife but am scared , i may get the same treat as his ex-wife?
have not told my parents, but i told an influential aunt , and she said it isnt reasonable to throw away a young promising young man for a divorcee. she said love will come i should just work at it so many what ifs,
i need some SOUND advice pls. thanks.

what actually made d divorcee leave his wife?

what reasons did ur lover give u for withdrawin d first time?

amebo no.1:

what actually made d divorcee leave his wife?

what reasons did ur lover give u for withdrawin d first time?

well my boyfriend had no cogent reason , just told me he guessed he couldnt cope with the distance thingy. twice i saw funny conversations btw him and a gal in his former location and he brushed it aside as nothiing. phew,

the divorcee said he and his wife had to divorce , immediately they got married, they both knew it was a mistake, said his wife is a nice person but he wasnt ready to spend all his life wondering how love would be with somebody else and they well got a divorce.
i dont know am even scared he can just wake and same too. but for now am really convinced he does love me and is quite mature about it.

he divorced his wife immediately they got married?or thy got to find out it wont work immediately they got married?

they got to know it may not work but hoped children will bring them closer, but the situation got worse and they parted ways after 6yrs.
thing is for now i only got his side of the story.

You obviously don't love the single guy anymore,let him go and don't string him along and keep him as a back up.
That's not fair.
Your divorcee lover is telling you a lie about why he got divorced.
I don't believe that story,I wonder why you do.
He has a lot of baggage but if that's your thing give it a try (not my advice) you may find out you weren't meant for each other and hang around a few years because you now have your own kids together and call it a day.

cheerio:

they got to know it may not work but hoped children will bring them closer, but the situation got worse and they parted ways after 6yrs.
thing is for now i only got his side of the story.

u r smart,very smart i must say,love that statement

try and find out why he left his wife from another source,test ur present lover well,he might have some girl hes keeping smwhere,test him wt some girl,do it and see if he will fall,if he does,make sure u have a proof to show to ur family

as for d divorcee find out well why he separted from his wife after 2 kids,for him to have divorced his wife wt "kids" then there is sthg wrong smwhere,he is lying



where is that monicaaa sef,let her come and see pple that love wt their brains and not like mumus

cheerio:

thing is for now i only got his side of the story.

Am glad you pointed this out.

@Topic

Time is what you need. You need to stop listening to other people about what may be perfect for you.

I always tell my friend . . . . Once that door is shut; the rest is between you and the man. Your family or friends will not be able to help you at all.

You need to take control of the situation yourself. What do you want? Do you see it in any of these guys? How much compromise do you have to make to be with either of these guys? Will the compromise be something that will cost you?

Can you trust the long distance one to be faithful to you? (I suspected some trust issues there, . . I may be wrong)
Can you trust the Divorcee not to break your heart in search of what he may describe as the perfect love? His story is not sufficient enough as far as i can see. It seems a febble reason to break off a marriage.

cheerio:

suddenly my boyfriend started loving me back with zeal but my heart was was sliping away exponentially for the new guy.
i don't THINK i love my boyfriend again but we look like the perfect match considering all aspects. i have made attempt to work at it , but no results, infact i can't even stand his kisses but all ma folks and his are on us to tie the knots.
.

Typical story from a girl who's fallen out of love with one and in love with another.
It's not unusual to even look at the face of the other guy and see wrinkles everywhere.
Even his once kissable lips would look all chapped and alligator skin-like
Leave that single guy alone and don't drag him into your confusion of the moment.
That is a start

amebo no.1:


u r smart,very smart i must say,love that statement

try and find out why he left his wife from another source,test ur present lover well,he might have some girl hes keeping smwhere,test him wt some girl,do it and see if he will fall,if he does,make sure u have a proof to show to ur family

as for d divorcee find out well why he separted from his wife after 2 kids,for him to have divorced his wife wt "kids" then there is sthg wrong smwhere,he is lying



where is that monicaaa sef,let her come and see people that love wt their brains and not like mumus

all that wahala for an ordinary boyfriend?
waste of valuable energy
If she doesn't trust him ,even if it's a gut feeling,that's enough for her to move on.
There are plenty of fish in the ocean

if i were you, i'd work on my first relationship that is at least he is single and we are already planning to marry.

a divorcee with 2 kids?? baggages ha!!! not a very easy road to tread for a young person. think well maybe just forget abt both of them and focus on whatever you have at hand eg career.

i personally think divorcee with kid or kids should go with another divorcee with kid or kids.

**osisi:

all that wahala for an ordinary boyfriend?
waste of valuable energy
If she doesn't trust him ,even if it's a gut feeling,that's enough for her to move on.
There are plenty of fish in the ocean

osisi there is no proof that she does not love this guy,she might be infatuated wt d other,he might be her hubby,same wt d divorcee,so I'm being neutral here,since they r about tying d knot or like the family wants it,she needs to get a lot of info bout him if they will be tying d knot

why do d igbos go about finding out things from a guy or girls place when they want to marry,they do all this to know d family they r getting into

*Hauwa*:

if i were you, i'd work on my first relationship that is at least he is single and we are already planning to marry.

a divorcee with 2 kids?? baggages ha!!! not a very easy road to tread for a young person. think well maybe just forget about both of them and focus on whatever you have at hand eg career.

i personally think divorcee with kid or kids should go with another divorcee with kid or kids.

My dear,I agree wholeheartedly.
It's tough enough watching ones own kids than deal with someone else's that'll remind you ,you're not that mother.
Unless the kids are in their moms custody and only visit  then I may deal with it
I don't want to die young

*Hauwa*:

if i were you, i'd work on my first relationship that is at least he is single and we are already planning to marry.

a divorcee with 2 kids?? baggages ha!!! not a very easy road to tread for a young person. think well maybe just forget about both of them and focus on whatever you have at hand eg career.

i personally think divorcee with kid or kids should go with another divorcee with kid or kids.

well if i were her,i will leave the two guys and get myself thinking

both of them r lying smhow and smwhere,if there is no love in a relationship,no matter how hard they try to work it out,its heading for d rocks

better single dan divorced

amebo no.1:

osisi there is no proof that she does not love this guy,she might be infatuated wt d other,he might be her hubby,same wt d divorcee,so I'm being neutral here,since they r about tying d knot or like the family wants it,she needs to get a lot of info bout him if they will be tying d knot

why do d igbos go about finding out things from a guy or girls place when they want to marry,they do all this to know d family they r getting into

You asked her to set up a decoy to see if the guy would bite,that's what I was responding to.

men of nowadays sef? they lie from both sides (4 corners) of their mouth

**osisi:

You asked her to set up a decoy to see if the guy would bite,that's what I was responding to.

i know,in many states in naija,the girls family usually set d guy up to know d kind of person he is,since both family r well acquainted then its not mere boyfriedn but supposed to be husband


afterall like i said,if d igbos go about to ask qstions bout smone even when the people involved are not married,then no biggie

a mere boyfriend can become a husband tomoro

*Hauwa*:

men of nowadays sef? they lie from both sides (4 corners) of their mouth

na today,deceitful bastards,not all sha

heyyyy
am so cool with the different phases of ur various advices.

i certainly do not love with closed eyes but i must confess am confused.
like Hauwa said am thinking maybe i shuld push on with my 1st boyfriend may be i wud fall in love again,

you guys are also right with the baggages aspect and the future


and thanks NAJA HAJE, i guess for now the only weapon i have is God and time.
no one will live with me and my final choice.

i cant believe am actually finding some of ur statements funny??

have been thinking too maybe i should just cut off from both of them and well seek someone else??
am just scared and feel i will be gutted

leave both of them my sister. unless you have cabinet for tylenol.

you are scared of being lonely. . . hey the right guy will come. better late than head and heartaches

tons of luck with your decision lady

*Hauwa*:

leave both of them my sister. unless you have cabinet for tylenol.

you are scared of being lonely. . . hey the right guy will come. better late than head and heartaches

tons of lucks with your decision lady

Why are you telling her to leave them, are you going to marry her. Maybe this lady is almost 40, do you know how hard it is for a woman that age to find a husband.

SHENANIGAN:

Why are you telling her to leave them, are you going to marry her. Maybe this lady is almost 40, do you know how hard it is for a woman that age to find a husband.

Chineke God!
so she should marry anyone with a blokoss assuming age is not on her side
doesn't she have a choice again?
please not every man is marriage material

@ osisi and SHENANIGAN


I will be 27 years old this year.

did you see the shenanigan belief right? that's exactly how many of them are.

i believe that there is a man for every woman. now that she is not 40, so what have you got to say shenanigan?

Hauwa before you crucify, it was just an assumption . Even at 27 her clock is ticking fast so pls stop telling her to stop seeing any of those dudes.

SHENANIGAN:

Hauwa before you crucify, it was just an assumption . Even at 27 her clock is ticking fast so please stop telling her to stop seeing any of those dudes.

she's unsure about both of them,what else is she to do
go along like the divorced lover did?
My dear marriage is to be enjoyed not managed

**osisi:

Chineke God!
so she should marry anyone with a blokoss assuming age is not on her side
doesn't she have a choice again?
please not every man is marriage material

I can't speak for other tribes in Nigeria, but if an Igbo woman is 40 with no husband them there is a big problem. I don't know any igbo man that would marry a woman that is over 40. TUFIA

**osisi:

she's unsure about both of them,what else is she to do
go along like the divorced lover did?
My dear marriage is to be enjoyed not managed

i totally agree, am going to enjoy my marriage o, hence the thorough soul searching

cheerio:

i totally agree, am going to enjoy my marriage o, hence the thorough soul searching

Alright oh!! keep on thorough soul searching till your biological clock runs out on you then you'll be back here crying that you can't find a husband **hisses**

SHENANIGAN:

Alright oh!! keep on thorough soul searching till your biological clock runs out on you then you'll be back here crying that you can't find a husband **hisses**

easy, ok.
Dont "worry " urself unnecessarily. i wont get married "late".
trying to get a level of comfort for the next important stage of my life that will stretch not less than 50 years is hardly stupid like u are implying.

@ all
i tried recently to let go of my 1st boyfriend but he just latched on and is optimistic things will work out,, what wont i give to feel so too
but right now i certainly dont feel that way.