mochafella:

Drusilla,

No probs, as long as the woman accepts to be taught to be what the man needs.

Also the woman must not stop being what the man wants. very important

Smile

Hahahahaha

Mochafella,

I agree. A woman must be what a man wants.

And if need be, she should teach him early -- he does not need all his car windows broken out at his other womans house if he does not come home and 'see' that she is what he wants.

LOL SMILE.

I find it mighty odd how it's often expressed that it's ok for an African man/male to get involved with, or marry if you will, an AA women/female, yet not for an African female to do so with an AA male. This seems pretty sexist to me.

Hero:

I find it mighty odd how it's often expressed that it's ok for an African man/male to get involved with, or marry if you will, an AA women/female, yet not for an African female to do so with an AA male. This seems pretty sexist to me.

erm it's not quite that easy. The African male can usually bully his way through and get married despite "family" opposition. The African female finds it more difficult. That family opposition doesn't usually care if the spouse to be is AA or from another tribe. The complaints might be muted if its from a different tribe but there will be complaints if the family is opposed to outsiders.

@Hero

I think it has a lot to do with the African male arrogance. A.A men have arrogance to but we are talking about the Nigerian African arrogance.

Nigerian men who discriminate against other Africans only does it because he believes he is the king. If necessary, the king will marry who he needs to marry i.e who ever can get him papers or get him what ever he needs, i.e survival.

He is the sole provider for the family and what ever he does will help the entire family. Where as the Nigerian African female, rarely has to do what ever it takes to take care of the family unit, all she has to do is be there and nurture.

Meanwhile, the Nigerian African woman is really being cheated, because she stays faithful while the Nigerian male justifies his promiscuity.

There is no justification for a promiscuous Nigerian African female, she is just a LovePeddler and there is no understanding for why she did what she does, you see what I am saying?

It is not fare but what do you expect from a continent of people who have been inflatrated several times by outsiders who have caused the entire continent of people to become insecure.

The Nigerian African female looks like on the outisde that she is highly regarded, but she is not. Infact, she is very much so taken for granted and misused

@Sista, I was writing down something to counter your above post but I deleted it somehow. In summary, Sista Shut The Hell up.

@Sista,

I am not in agreement with your analysis. Infact the women of Nigeria and many African countries have some of the exact same heavy burdens that African American women have carried.

To bring this point home and African Filmmaker made a film called Tooki (ah shit I forgot been a long time since I been to an African film class).

The man is shown trying everything to get money for the family and in the end when he is unsuccessful, he sits helpless and sorta in agreement when she changes her clothers to look more "available" and goes out to get food for the family by "prostituting" herself.

African woman face unimaginable burdens whether they are Continental or American African women.

One of the hardest subjects to bring up is the fact that sometimes it is without saying that the woman will sleep with whomever her husband needs to keep happy for business.

In fact if it were me, I consider some sort of therapy necessary to deal specifically with the stress and burden that sexuality as a way to eat in an immizerated country (country with absolute poverty) something that Continental African women need to be dealing with, starting groups about, at least to talk about the pain of it amongst themselves.

I have reason to believe that what has happenned sometimes is that "rape" has been so normalized in countries where the police bribes are normal, where only the richest are cared about, that the women are dealing with issues of promiscuity because they have been taught that their bodies are not special but are in fact one of the "money makers", life givers for the family.

I could be wrong and Chinani and others with more knowledge can correct me but it is one issue where my heart really goes out to the women.

They just as AA more or less used to, live between a rock and a hardplace. Children have no mercy and they want to eat whether you give it to daddy or to the rich fellow.

I think that Nigerian men sometimes, as AA men act out because of their feelings of powerlessness, it is the one area where they can feel wanted and needed. There are issues there too but I do not think they come from a sense of them being king.

It is a very sad issue all around.

@Drusilla and Donzman

I am not in agreement with your analysis. Infact the women of Nigeria and many African countries have some of the exact same heavy burdens that African American women have carried.

I am not always in agreement with your analysis either Drusilla. Excuse me but, me always being in agreance with you and you me, that is neither here nor there and tha goes for you to Donzman. However Drusilla, I respect your opinions and I trust your judgments because you love black people and it shows in what you write in nairaland. I know that A.A women suffer the same things but in the context I was speaking of was in reference to what Hero said.

Heros quote:

I find it mighty odd how it's often expressed that it's ok for an African man/male to get involved with, or marry if you will,  an AA women/female, yet not for an African female to do so with an AA male. This seems pretty sexist to me.

I was responding to him, giving him my thoughts on the hypocrisy of justification in how it is okay for Nigerian men to marry other women but not okay for the Nigerian female to do the same, unless in rare cases, very rare.

How else do you explain that there are more Nigerian men marrying white women than there are Nigerian women marrying white men or any man born outside of their tribe, black or white.

I love you to death Drusilla but some times I get the impression that, in your quest to show your faithfulness to Continent born Africans, you over look a lot of things. While over looking, you always have to make your non agreance known when it is not always necassary.

African woman face unimaginable burdens whether they are Continental or American African women

Drusilla, I am very aware of that. The burdens of the Nigerian women are not any worst than the burdens of A.A or any other black woman. However, at this time we are adressing the hypocrisy amongst the Nigerian male thinking in referance to dating or marrying outside of the Nigerian woman. I don't see how you could have over looked. In another discussion area, I forget the one, you made it a point to respond to my reference of Continental Afrcans and A.A's but you over looked that I said all black people are suffering the same. No black people is worser or badder than another group of black people, we are all doing equally bad. Do you remember that?

In fact if it were me, I consider some sort of therapy necessary to deal specifically with the stress and burden that sexuality as a way to eat in an immizerated country (country with absolute poverty) something that Continental African women need to be dealing with, starting groups about, at least to talk about the pain of it amongst themselves.

Well, the white man has done a good job, this situation may be the hardest to over come because through the white mans plagiarized Christianity with additionals of white supremacy added to christianity, before a black woman even thinks her sexuality should be happy, and fun loving, she will first think of her self as impure. Her thoughts of being impure is a direct result of what she had to do in order to survive. As long as her survival becomes dependant upon her sexuality and the price being paid for it, she will never be able to forgive herself and she will always see herself as impure, and the battle becomes even harder to win. I sure as hell better be specific, this goes for all black woman.

I think that Nigerian men sometimes, as AA men act out because of their feelings of powerlessness, it is the one area where they can feel wanted and needed. There are issues there too but I do not think they come from a sense of them being king.

If one knows the reason why one does something negative, if one really cares, one will change. If one does not care to change or is scared to change, one will stay the same.

You said in the above, you don't think. If you don't think, you sure don't know the resons why either. Neither do I. My King statment  was an implication, I know now that I should have been specific. I don't think African males really deal with the source of why they do what they do either, but I have heard many Nigerians saying that they have control over their Nigerian woman. In fact, I have heard Africans from Mali, and Ghana say the same thing. So, my implication was, they think they are king, an African male arrogance.

A.A men have this arrogance as well but it derives from the myth, that there is a shortage of black men. A.A men take advantage of that myth and A.A women fall for the myth. The differences between how A.A mans arrogance manifest is what makes Nigerian men feel that they are better than A.A men. And, for the A.A man, the differences make him feel as though the continent born African thinks he is better than the A.A man. better meaning that the continet born  African mans manifestation of arrogance does not go as far as to put a woman on the streets. When if you look at the core of both arrogant differences, they are the same, they both can lead a black woman to date and marry white men or they both can lead a woman to the streets to sell her body. In either case, it was the black man, black husband, black father and black brother who's negative image distorts the black womans thoughts of him, as well as the thoughts of her self.

@Topic in regards to Hero's post

Well Mochafella was right but that is the tip of the iceberg when compared with what you ladies are talking about. I think it's important to understand that in Nigeria a child follows his/her father's tradition 99% of the time. So the anxiety/double standard regarding A.A/African (or CA) marriage is the fear or belief that African Americans do not have a valid and/or healthy and/or congruent and/or "good enough" culture. But that is the worst case scenario. The "best" case scenario is that it's not in our culture to marry outside the culture, and children will follow the father's tradition, be named the father's ethnic names etc. etc.

There's also a healthy does of ignorance here. I for one have relatives who think "all Americans" (regardless of race) marry at least 3 times. So they disapprove of marriage to Americans for "Christian" reasons.

@Sista
Your "king hypothese" was provacative & I see where you're coming from. But in regards to "controlling women" I think issues of control are different in US (west) and Africa. What I mean is, men do not have absolute control over lives or themselves. We still live in communities, with our kindred, even the city dwellers. So a man does not defy his the elders, his patriarch etc. He may relish the "control" he has over his wife but the wife doesn't trip on it b/c in our soceity few ppl live w/o "superiors". Even as a small child you learn not to defy/quarrell w/ older siblings/cousins b/c that'll earn you a beating from your parents even if you're right.

So if a man thinks he's in control and the wife never cares and/or aknowledges he's in control, is he? I thinks it's a question of perspective. But then when men come to the US, it becomes important for them to stomp around & talk about how powerful they are "back home" b/c some obviously lack power here & are insecure about it. I think these men are trying to convince themselves and others about something (i.e. selling dreams).

"We" also think that women assimilate into the man's family. (This one of the concepts behind bride price, a tradition which is still observed.) So if an A.A. women marries an Igbo man, then it's +1 Igbo, but if a Igbo woman marries an A.A. man, it's -1 Igbo plus any children she'll have. It's a population anxiety born from a place where great numbers often means great power (protection).

@Drusilla
Well you're right to say that African women have to hustle to make ends meet the same as men. I don't know about the prostitution aspect. I've never seen the film but in African noir female prostitution is used to symbolize the ultimate degradation. (Like in The Joys of Motherhood, the 2nd wife decides to become a prostitute though she doesn't go t/o w/ it.) I'm not saying that married women or women w/ children don't prostitute themselves only that I don't know how widespread it is. (It may be more common among unmarried young women who want to help their families but can't find proper jobs and/or are still in school. That's been mentioned alot on NL.)

As for issues surrounding sexuality*, I think it's hard to know coming from a Western perspective (I'm talking bout myself here too) b/c in the West female sexuality is all about bouncing breasts, long hair, big dicks, & orgams. I have nothing against any of these things but it's not how Africans traditionally measured sexuality. For instance, on a continent full of black men, who's anxious to measure? Also, women go bare chested b/c breasts aren't errongenous zones (traditionally).

Back to your point about African women having to hustle, our bodies function as work machines. Sexuality isn't the point. I for one, think all groups of people are confused about sexuality. You have some who think that female sexuality/satisfaction does not exist while others who think it's a byproduct of money & power.

But this body functionality also informs this issue b/c one anxiety is that if an African woman marries an A.A man she will not share her money w/ the wider family (which many ppl still do). Regardless of who an African man marries, the decision to share, help out or be stingy is seen as his own but b/c of how we think about gender relations, ppl will blame the A.A. man so the double standard is seen as "solving" that problem before it occurs.

*Normalized rape is a (growing) problem. I wish I could say more about this but men & women have to step up to the plate here. (I have lots of hope & encouragement that men of this generation are gonna do their part.) Basically, we do have to start groups & talk about it but it'll have to be done in a way that the communities can accept & be supportive of. I don't know if a town hall meeting would help b/c it's not our style to talk about things like that in those settings.

Whew - by now the young girl Uju4eva, is probably more confused than ever.

Give a thought to what y'all want to post, pleeaaase!!!!

@Ugwumba


Ugwumba, you are right. I forgot that a young girl posted this topic. I am so sorry.

I sure don't want her to become even more confused but then again, you know what? I wish I knew all these things when I was her age.

If the girl is smart enough to post a topic like this, I believe though that she is smart enough to know right from wrong. I also think she has the courage to think for herself.

@chinani

So if a man thinks he's in control and the wife never cares and/or aknowledges he's in control, is he? I thinks it's a question of perspective. But then when men come to the US, it becomes important for them to stomp around & talk about how powerful they are "back home" b/c some obviously lack power here & are insecure about it. I think these men are trying to convince themselves and others about something (i.e. selling dreams).

I see your point Chinani, but to some extinct the Nigerian as well as all African men, they have some control and to some extinct they may not have control. In their control mode, the king arrogance comes out, weather they are really in control or not. I do agree the control factor or the pretense of control is all do to insecurities but the insecurity has to come from some kind of challenge that was not normally a challenge where they came from, or traditionally use to.

Lol, ugwumba has a point. For a while, I didn't get what you guys were saying, talking about chicken and wives and everything. You guys are talking inside a greater depth of something else, but all i wanted is a simple answer, but it's alright if it's backed up with other analysisis of your answers,

My bad Uju, kinda forgot that this was your thread & the original intent. Sorry, o!

@Uju4eva

Lol, ugwumba has a point. For a while, I didn't get what you guys were saying, talking about chicken and wives and everything. You guys are talking inside a greater depth of something else, but all i wanted is a simple answer, but it's alright if it's backed up with other analysisis of your answers,

It's just like I said Uju, you are smart

my 2 cents.
Dating AA yes,marrying one be careful,male and female.
I am not racist(they are blacks too) but our values are different.
You are just 16 but tuck this advice away, somewhere in your memory.
You will need it in 8-10 years.
Our values are very different.
I have lived here since you were a tot.
Some may probably want to crucify me but I have to be frank with you.
Ask your mom and see if she repeats what I just said.

If you had a choice between 2 boys with equal competing qualities one AA the other Nigerian,pick the Nigerian anyday.
I know I risk being crucified but I know what I'm talking about.

@babyosisi

Help elaborate more on the difference in values and how this ties into your recommendation.

How many AA in the workplace or school do you know that come from a 2 parent household? and how many Nigerians do you know that do?

Go back 2 or 3 generations how many more come from the same situation,virtually un heard of in our grandparents days.
Stuff happens,marriages don't work out sometimes,spouses die and leave the other single but how many AA are single mothers and single parents by choice right from the get go?
By that I mean getting pregnant and having babies with baby mothers and baby fathers multiple times and see nothing wrong with it.

Marriage is valued in our soceity.
Even an abused woman does all she can to make the marriage work sometimes to her detriment I admit.
When problems arise in marriage our first port of call is to seek ways to remedy the situation not the quick exit and most Nigerians you seek counsel with will advise the same.
Americans are quick to call it quits and when you are married to someone who never had a dad,he has no example to follow.
Look at the divorce rate here.
Let me stop so far,I have more to say,I may have deviated from the topic though.

na waa oooo!

god bless nigeria! we are out

@babiyosi

How many AA in the workplace or school do you know that come from a 2 parent household? and how many Nigerians do you know that do?

Babiyosi, I am all for the two parent homes, believe you me I am.

Let me ask you this though, how many of those continental African two parent homes are affected by infidelity?

My point is, you can for the sake of tradition stay married or get married but if your marriage is only sustaining because of tradition, what good is the two parent home really?

In other words if a Continental African father is a cheater and yet he raises his daughters to be faithful to men like him, what would be the good in that?

People should be allowed to be who they are. If they were, you would not have African men who are cheaters being forced into marriage for the sake of tradition and for the sake of maintaining the outside look that they are not like A.A's

Point being, Continental Africans do the same things A.A do, but Continental Africans hide their faults behind tradition. Where as A.A's don't hid anything. Tradition is nothing if you do not honor it.

If an A.A does not come from a two parent home, he or she should not be looked down on and not accepted as suitable for another African.

Instead of looking down on each other, we should be sharing the goods of what we each have. A.A people have good quality's to offer and teach continental Africans and continental Africans have good quality's to offer and teach A.A. Not one group is better than the other.

superman:

na waa oooo!
god bless nigeria! we are out

Amen My brother. God bless Nigeria.

Sista,I see your point clearly.
Infidelity cuts across the board.All races and both sexes are affected.
However infidelity doesn't necessarily have to end in divorce.
People cheat for various reasons just like people overeat for various reasons and if the problem is not tackled from the source,it will recur.

However,I'm not even talking about coming from a divorced home,I don't knock divorced mothers,I respect them and the hard work they do.
I am talking about women who get pregnant while unmarried and with no plans of getting married.
Everyone is entitled to one 'mistake' if I call one unmarried pregnancy a mistake but 2,3,4 and 5 are hardly mistakes.

There are tons of AA families whose mothers and grandmothers and most females in the family never get married  but have children sometimes from several men with different last names.
This is the number one reason for breakdown in the AA family and disproportionate number of our young men in prison.

I don't see this just as an AA problem,it concerns me deeply because they are my people too.
I did part of my externship in a maximum security prison,in a state in the North east with very low number of black people but the number of black men there were more than 55% of the total inmate population.
That was very disheartening to me how these young,handsome men are basically ruined and if you traced their roots,a large number had no male models in their lives.

Every black person living in this great country (USA) must see it as a duty to help put an end to this breakdown and I believe it must start with educating young girls.
Letting them know that they can say no and keep their legs closed and focus on education but you and I know how hard it is especially when they see mommy with different men and potential baby daddys.

Such behavior is usually frowned at in Nigerian soceities even though the incidence of single by choice is now on the rise also but in Nigeria we see it usually amongst the high soceity ladies,In America it is mainly amongst poor and lower middle class families which is where majority of AA fall in.

I love my country,I no go lie.

Sista,

When you talk about 'Continental Africans', you mean 'Africans' right?

@Babiyosi

However infidelity doesn't necessarily have to end in divorce.
People cheat for various reasons just like people overeat for various reasons and if the problem is not tackled from the source,it will recur.

For the man who is a cheater, marriage should end especially if the woman confronted her man about cheating and he continued to lie, only for the truth to come out that he infact was cheating and produced babies while he was doing his cheating.

I know a Igbo woman married to an Igbo man, they both live in Texas, she got him his papers because she was already a citizen. He has been cheating on her before they got married, she overlooked his cheating and married him anyway because they were about to have a child, and of course she loved him as well.

After them being married for five years, she discovered he had been cheating on her the entire marriage with a British white woman and the white woman conceived a child. Now, he has to pay for the white womans place to live because she has his child but he is still with his wife because his wife forgave him. Just recently he flew to Oakland to meet up with his new white woman, but he told his wife he was going to see a long time friend. His wife tried calling him the whole time he was gone, he would answer his phone when he was not in the presence of his white girlfirend but most of the time he would turn his phone off because he was with his girlfriend. The white woman put monkey bites all over that man and that man went home with another womans bites all over his body. All of the evidence was there, him not answering his phone and the bites all over his body. The wife went off on him, but he told her the bites were mosquito bites. He yelled at her and made her feel guilty, she wounded up breaking down and asking him to forgive her. That is some cold shyt.

My point is, Why would a woman for the sake of traditon save a marriage and continue to put up with obvious infidelity? I could think of a lot of reasons and none of them are good for the woman. What that man is doing to her and has done is wrong and the marriage was never a marriage in the first place. He is having baby's so we know he is not protecting his self, let alone protecting his wife, who in their right mind wants to save that? Trying to save a marriage like that might get you killed.

However,I'm not even talking about coming from a divorced home,I don't knock divorced mothers,I respect them and the hard work they do.
I am talking about women who get pregnant while unmarried and with no plans of getting married.
Everyone is entitled to one 'mistake' if I call one unmarried pregnancy a mistake but 2,3,4 and 5 are hardly mistakes.

[b]Come on Babiyosi, is that all you really meant? I don't see how that could be when your advice to her was specifically not to marry an A.A because they will not share the same traditions. Now you are saying that you told her that because you were concerned about her getting pregnant by an A.A? I don't get it.

The girl did not say she wanted to get pregnant with no plans to marry, give the girl some credit, the girl is pretty intelligent. Also, the girl is not pregnant nor did she say she was planning to become pregnant at least 1 time or 2 times or 3 times or 4 sense you want to put two on the ten.

It sounds like you are switching up what you originally meant, it seems like in your attempted indirect way, you call your self nicely putting it, you want to continue to push that A.A are not good for anything when it comes to family, that all the women do is get pregnant by several different men and then the men are not there. That is what it seems like you want to convey to this young girl and I say it is wrong and prejudice of you.[/b]

Lately people in Nairaland have been getting mad at me for telling the truth, I am not here to sugar coat anything. There are to many people in nairaland wearing two faces, I see it to much and it is scary. It makes me wonder will all Africans ever unite or are we gonna continue to be the only people who depend on everyone else to help us.

I don't see this just as an AA problem,it concerns me deeply because they are my people too.

If it concerns you, I sure as hell can not tell. It seems like to me if you were really concerned, of course at all times you should keep it real. I am not saying that all that you have mentioned is not true about A.A men and women but what I am saying is, you need to learn some good things about A.A's instead of dwelling on the bad. You should also be trying to teach A.A's with no ego intent, instead of seeing them as some type of savage lost people, who are doomed.

It has been alleged that Aids is the highest in Africa, it has been alleged that aids started in Africa. I just saw a documentary where in various parts of Africa, children are losing both parents and becoming orphans, this is happening wide spread in Africa.

Would you like it if A.A's reffered to Africans born in Africa as people full of aids? Would you like it if I was in nairaland telling A.A's to not get involved with Africans because they mostly have aids and the men cheat so much that they contribute to the spread of aids? Would you like it if I was telling people that if they marry a continent born African and have children with them, that more than likely their children will become orphans because the Continent born African will most likely give the American aids? Those are all genarlizations, what you said was a genaraliztion and generalizations do not help our people.

I did part of my externship in a maximum security prison,in a state in the North east with very low number of black people but the number of black men there were more than 55% of the total inmate population.
That was very disheartening to me how these young,handsome men are basically ruined and if you traced their roots,a large number had no male models in their lives.

Good for you, you found a subject to use for your externship, now how do you use that information to help your black brothers and sisters in America? that is what I would like to hear? Or do you figure they are doomed?

As an African born in America, I don't need to hear your statistics about a problem that has been going on for a long time in the American black community. I see it everyday. I work with children, I am a teacher. I see how little black boys try to imitate their male figure teachers, I know they are in need of a male role model, those little girls need one to.

We get our education for what? to brag about statistics? Statistics is a white mans way to bring about a loss of hope. We should be spending more of our time on proving the statistics wrong instead of intelligently harping on the statistics in our externships to show that we are on our way to a higher education,

babyosisi:

How many AA in the workplace or school do you know that come from a 2 parent household? and how many Nigerians do you know that do?

Go back 2 or 3 generations how many more come from the same situation,virtually un heard of in our grandparents days.
Stuff happens,marriages don't work out sometimes,spouses die and leave the other single but how many AA are single mothers and single parents by choice right from the get go?
By that I mean getting pregnant and having babies with baby mothers and baby fathers multiple times and see nothing wrong with it.

Marriage is valued in our soceity.
Even an abused woman does all she can to make the marriage work sometimes to her detriment I admit.
When problems arise in marriage our first port of call is to seek ways to remedy the situation not the quick exit and most Nigerians you seek counsel with will advise the same.
Americans are quick to call it quits and when you are married to someone who never had a dad,he has no example to follow.
Look at the divorce rate here.
Let me stop so far,I have more to say,I may have deviated from the topic though.

@babyosisi u acted like most Nigerians, pointing to the 'good side' of the so called culture but if i might ask

Does it not occur to you that most women stick to these marriages coz they feel (as they have been told) that they have been used and devalued and so not suitable for anyother person?

Before we climb on a high moralistic horse and judge other people lez ask ourselves this questions

1 If we are really more 'moral' does the the number of african american men who cheat outnumber the number of African men?

2 if some of the women were better placed economically like their counterparts in the west, rather than relying on their husbands, do you think that they will foot consistent infidelity? If seperation laws were toensure they get half of their husbands wealth will they still stick to the marriage? What will our divorce rate REALLY be?

IN THE WEST, MONOGAMY IS A MUST AND UNLIKE MOST AFRICAN WIVES THAT KNOW THEIR HUSBANDS HAVE MANY MISTRESSES WHO THESE MEN WILL NEVER STOP SEEING AND THESE WIVES CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BUT SIT BACK AND ACCEPT IT. ITZ A DIFFERENT BALL GAME IN THE WEST.

When you talk about 'Continental Africans', you mean 'Africans' right?

CA= African, born on the continent of Africa.

A.A =African, are born in America

AB=African, born in Brazillia

AWI= African born in the west Indies

AC= African, born in the Carribean.


Africans=Africans all ova de warld, no matter where they were born

@sage

Does it not occur to you that most women stick to these marriages because they feel (as they have been told) that they have been used and devalued and so not suitable for anyother person?

You got that right sage, that is what I was talking about when I said this below,

My point is, Why would a woman for the sake of traditon save a marriage and continue to put up with obvious infidelity? I could think of a lot of reasons and none of them are good for the woman.

sista,isn't it rather strange that you choose to read meanings where there is none.
I never insinuated that the poor girl had any plans of getting pregnant by the boyfriend,it's all your imagination in a bid to analyse what needs no analysis.

Secondly,your story of the Nigerian woman being cheated on before and during the marriage makes for a good soap.
It does not define the average Nigerian man.
I have never stated anywhere that a serial cheater or one who does it repeatedly should be given a chieftaincy title,I still maintain that we are all apt to make mistakes as humans so the holier than thou attitude you talked off rightly belongs to you.

The aids story you talked about,did you pay any attention which country was referred to? Or Africa is a country to you?

I also noticed that the statistics regarding the breakdown of the African American family which suprisingly you admitted to( even though in an odd way) seems to infuriate you.
Tell me are you mad that the figures are so or that a Nigerian woman dared say so.
By the way,I was in the prisons as a health care provider not a statistician.

Lastly try to reserve words like hell and other cuss words for friends and people who share in the use of the same words.
It is hardly a word for a lady to use.

sage:

@babyosisi u acted like most Nigerians, pointing to the 'good side' of the so called culture but if i might ask

Does it not occur to you that most women stick to these marriages because they feel (as they have been told) that they have been used and devalued and so not suitable for anyother person?

Before we climb on a high moralistic horse and judge other people lez ask ourselves this questions

1 If we are really more 'moral' does the the number of african american men who cheat outnumber the number of African men?

2 if some of the women were better placed economically like their counterparts in the west, rather than relying on their husbands, do you think that they will foot consistent infidelity? If seperation laws were toensure they get half of their husbands wealth will they still stick to the marriage? What will our divorce rate REALLY be?

IN THE WEST, MONOGAMY IS A MUST AND UNLIKE MOST AFRICAN WIVES THAT KNOW THEIR HUSBANDS HAVE MANY MISTRESSES WHO THESE MEN WILL NEVER STOP SEEING AND THESE WIVES CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BUT SIT BACK AND ACCEPT IT. ITZ A DIFFERENT BALL GAME IN THE WEST.

I will be the first to agree with you that some Nigerians do stay longer than necessary in an unhealthy marriage at the same time,Americans quit too soon from a marriage that can be healed.
Unlike those who'd rather rant and rave just to be heard,I maintain that every possible means should be used to save a failing marriage especially where there are children involved,we have that patience,by cultural upbringing,they don't.

It is not OK for parents to selfishly consider their "emotions only"and basically scare kids for life in a bid to "get into the hands of a man that treats them as queens or kings"
I once heard a marriage counsellor on TV say that marriage is not 50/50.It's what works for the 2 individuals.
Sometimes it may be 60/40 and later bounce back to 50/50.

For the younger folks here before you get married,make sure you have a heart to heart talk with your mom and dad(if they are married) and ask  candid questions of how they make it work.
Divorce is not peaches and cream,there is no amicable divorce and the children are the worse for it.

People getting pregnant indescriminately is even far worse,a vice rampant in African American families.
I did not make up the figures.

Sista:

CA= African, born on the continent of Africa.

A.A =African, are born in America

AB=African, born in Brazillia

AWI= African born in the west Indies

AC= African, born in the Carribean.


Africans=Africans all ova de warld, no matter where they were born

The way I see it:

African = Man/Woman born in Africa

Black American = American of African origin

Afro-Carribean = Man/Woman born in the Carribean of African origin.

You should get the drift by now.

@Babiyosi

sista,isn't it rather strange that you choose to read meanings where there is none.
I never insinuated that the poor girl had any plans of getting pregnant by the boyfriend,it's all your imagination in a bid to analyse what needs no analysis

The subject matter of this topic was, what is wrong with marrying or dating an African American?

You initially told the young sister not to marry an A.A because they have different traditions and you gave your instances, one being that African American people don't have the same family traditions as Nigerians. You did not say it that way verbatim, but that is basically what you said.

I came back to you and told you that the advice you gave the young girl was not right, that all African people no matter where they were born have issues. You came back with this you were talking about pregnancy and you gave your statistics. You can go back and reread how we even came to this point. I didn't read into anything, I only mentioned what you did not mention in one of your responses and then I mentioned what you did mention in one of your respnoses. The conclusion on my behalf was, what you said in one respones and what you said in the other response did no match up there for it had a huge flaw.

Secondly,your story of the Nigerian woman being cheated on before and during the marriage makes for a good soap.
It does not define the average Nigerian man.

I only gave you one instance but I had several. I know it does not count for all Nigerian men, that was my point. How can you generalize A.A people but it is not okay to generalize Continent born Africans? Continent born Africans are better than AA?

I still maintain that we are all apt to make mistakes as humans so the holier than thou attitude you talked off rightly belongs to you.

Holier than thou attitude? I think you have that backwards. I am not the one in nairaland trying to plant seeds in to a young female Nigerians head that she should under no circumstances marry an AA. who is black just like she is. At the same time conveying to her that she is exempt from having the same problems AA's have.

The aids story you talked about,did you pay any attention which country was referred to? Or Africa is a country to you?

How come I knew you were going to ask me that question? I probably knew because my impression about you is correct. You think that Nigerians are better than any other race of black people. It was Kenyans and South Africans for your Info. Now what are you going to say? that Nigerians are exempt because they are not those types of Africans? Save your prejudice response. If Africans by the millions are being infected with aids on the continent of Africa and there is not cure, how long do you think it will take before it gets to the precious Nigerians in large numbers. I know some Nigerians have had Aids to so don't try and pretend that Nigerians are exempt from Aids as well.

I also noticed that the statistics regarding the breakdown of the African American family which suprisingly you admitted to( even though in an odd way) seems to infuriate you.
Tell me are you mad that the figures are so or that a Nigerian woman dared say so.

Save your clever tone young lady, It does not fascinate me in the least bit. I am not like you, it does not bother me to hear another African say something about another African that is true. What does bother me is if the African knows the truth and yet does nothing to help the situation. To me, that African is selfish. That African is also sitting up on his high horse judging other Africans with no remorse.

By the way I asked you what have you done to help A.A's, you didn't respond to that. You helped your self by using their expreince to help you through school but what have you done to help them? Maybe you answere that in another post. We will see.

By the way,I was in the prisons as a health care provider not a statistician

Good for you, you should be proud of your self.

Lastly try to reserve words like hell and other cuss words for friends and people who share in the use of the same words. It is hardly a word for a lady to use

I am not a docile woman. No one tells me what a woman should be or how a woman should act. You can share that type of advice with the other prejudice continent born Africans you know. Maybe they will be Appreciative of it.

Let me ask you this while I am at it. All these Nigerians claim to be loving Nigeria so much, why are Nigerians in vast majority coming to the united states? Or going to Europe? Why? Do Nigerians think that once they get to America they will be able to continue this Nigerian commune? Let me tell you something, Nigerians will not make it here without the help of African Americans. Nigerians are going to have to get some type of help from AA's. Y'all cain't come here and do nothing on your own, the only way you will get the best of America is to blend in with the black brothers and sister you have here, if you don't, you mine as well go back to Nigeria, the place you claim to love so much although you flee from it.