Thanks Vonny , all well said , I am crying reading what u have written up for me ,

Vonny:

Rominiyi,

Wake up and smell the coffee woman. You are looking at your marriage and your past relationship through rose-colored glasses. In other words, you are in DENIAL. The issue here is not your EX or your HUSBAND. The issue here is YOU.

You are not as EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE as you think you are. As a matter of fact, you are far from it. Here's why---

1. So your husband did 'things' to you and has been doing 'things' to you for quiet sometime, but you've been going back to him to try to work things out---good for you, I applaud you for trying, but the truth is you haven't done the most important thing of all---YOU haven't TRULY FORGIVEN him. This is the reason why you are running to your ex for emotional support. Moreover, if it is that YOU are ALWAYS the one that tries to work things out with your husband, then you may also be in DENIAL in regards to your marriage. Have there been times when YOUR HUSBAND ran back to you to try to work things out or has it always been your attempt to?

2. Before new tenants (your ex) move into your home (marriage), you must first SELL YOUR HOME (divorce). In other words, your home (marriage) is far from being SOLD, and it hasn't been SOLD---You are still married to your husband regardless of whether or not your having problems; therefore, there's no room for new tenants (your ex) right now. Even if you sell your home (marriage), you still have to clean up the house (a process called HEALING if you choose to leave your husband) for your new tenant. When you walk away from a relationship, you need time to HEAL from it (regardless on whether or not it was a bad relationship). If you leave your husband, you will still need time to 'HEAL ALONE.' If you choose not to HEAL ALONE, and opt to run to the arms of your ex. Your relationship with your ex will end just as fast as it started.

Rominiyi, a failed relationship/marriage is NEVER a one-way street. You keep putting the blame on your husband, but what part have you played in it? If you think you've done NOTHING wrong then think again. You've already been sneaking around and introducing your daughter to your long lost ex.

Anyway, before you decide to LEAP, I would suggest thinking about the following---

Are you ready to face your marital problems head on, and actually FORGIVE your husband for his wrong doings in the past?
Are you ready to displace your child's idea of marriage?
Are you willing to break a home (marriage), in order to work on another (your ex)?
Why did you break up with ex? Why did your ex get a divorce? What were the issues in his marriage? Be very careful when you get this information from him, because you are only hearing HIS SIDE OF THE STORY.
Why would you want to work on UNCERTAINTY (your ex), instead of working on a GUARANTEE (your marriage)?

There's so much at risk right now---YOUR HUSBAND, YOUR CHILD, YOUR MARRIAGE, Notice I don't say your ex, because he is not truly part of your life YET.

I'm sure there are plenty of more questions that you can ask yourself, but my advice is---

Life is too short to work on UNCERTAINTIES---If you leave your husband, and get back together with your ex and things don't work out between the two of you, you will find yourself back to square one---which is, hopping to the next man for emotional support---have you thought of what this will do to your child?---Oh my, too much to lose for a man you are uncertain of, but, GOOD LUCK.

What did your husband do to you

nues aweso:

Something is missing here, Why didnt ur old guy contact ur Dad during the 6 yrs u lost contact, _{abi the guy dey jail?}

he did, I have a lot of unopened letters with my Dad at home , cos that was the last address of mine he has, u know I moved and I think this mistake came on the part of my parents, they never sent those letters to me where I was and never informed me when i got home those days

@ poster you are one of the most stupid married women i have ever come across.


listen to yourself defending your ex, yeke yeke yeke, go on n get on with ur ex n ruin your marriage,

i wonder o, where has he been all these while. Now he has come to shatter another's family, He didn't contact your Dad then . now he has been travelling 40,000 mile to catch an old fish.
Let this not happen to me o. Amen

@ poster,
you are married to someone you dont love, right, and the love of your life is begging to come back, look, i've been hurt and i dont think i ever want to love again, but i still believe you should go after the man you love cos , since you are not happy with your marriage and you feel the only man that can make you happy is still single and willing to marry you, marriage is a lifetime thing and i won't advice you to spend the rest of ur life with a man you dont love, if you can tolerate him fine, butif you can't, pls follow your heart and go after the man that makes you happy

Girl you gotta be kidding me.

Don't ever ever ever compromise your marriage like that. This guy is going to play you. And you will certainly suffer , I had been down that road, and I can tell you.

Forget about him and move on. You have already done wrong by agreeing to meet this guy again.

You think its love but its lust. Anyway, good luck.

U dey fool urself and dey waste ppl time. Go thru the thread again and see what you have typed. U don make up ur mind already before coming on NL, _{Abeg make i go better thread. Not this rubbish}

Hey Popegirl, you suck. If she gets into trouble you will be nowhere to be found. you want her to end in despair like you. That's not fair.

popegirl:

@ poster,
you are married to someone you dont love, right, and the love of your life is begging to come back, look, i've been hurt and i dont think i ever want to love again, but i still believe you should go after the man you love cos , since you are not happy with your marriage and you feel the only man that can make you happy is still single and willing to marry you, marriage is a lifetime thing and i won't advice you to spend the rest of ur life with a man you dont love, if you can tolerate him fine, butif you can't, pls follow your heart and go after the man that makes you happy

chihums:

i wonder o, where has he been all these while. Now he has come to shatter another's family, He didn't contact your Dad then . now he has been travelling 40,000 mile to catch an old fish.
Let this not happen to me o. Amen

>

And me too oh. Amen!

Reason why I am going to change all my mobile numbers and quit membership of any social networking site once I get married.

I won't allow any foolish ex-boyfriend, old flame, friend or whatever adjective he might call himself, after calling it quits only to come back begging years after and start sowing seeds of doubts/strife/temptation in my marriage.  

Pope is that really you. can you move up a little from the water, a better view will help

Please House read pope's posts She is full of shit. Are you sure she is not frustrated. how can a frustreeeeeeeeeeee give advice to a confused punk?

In fac, I'm leaving.

chihums:

Please House read pope's posts She is full of shit. Are you sure she is not frustrated. how can a frustreeeeeeeeeeee give advice to a confused punk?

She is entitled to her opinion, don't you think?
Afterall no one can say with all certainty what the right decision is

Rendani:

@ poster you are one of the most stupid married women i have ever come across.
 [size=18pt]RUBBISH  ABSOLUTE  RUBBISH[/size]

listen to yourself defending your ex, yeke yeke yeke, go on n get on with ur ex n ruin your marriage,

bros na our brother wey become ugly rumour for house make this woman dey see greener grass.

popegirl:

@ poster,
you are married to someone you dont love, right, and the love of your life is begging to come back, look, i've been hurt and i dont think i ever want to love again, but i still believe you should go after the man you love cos , since you are not happy with your marriage and you feel the only man that can make you happy is still single and willing to marry you, marriage is a lifetime thing and i won't advice you to spend the rest of ur life with a man you dont love, if you can tolerate him fine, butif you can't, pls follow your heart and go after the man that makes you happy

when temptation comes, may God give you grace to say no.  your advice is seriously wrong there are 2 sets of family involved here.  dont you see the effects of broken relationshipsall around you?. foolishness is not fun

nues aweso:

U dey fool urself and dey waste ppl time. Go thru the thread again and see what you have typed. U don make up ur mind already before coming on NL, _{Abeg make i go better thread. Not this rubbish}

 talking about this  how did you discover  NL by the way?   yesterday it was  Omosegose and her husband thinking of walking out on their relationship today this. NL getting better publicity or what?

May God gives me the grace to really say no, I may be foolish , but right now a decision will fall into place today , I am discussing it with my hubby,
I think its better for me to able to know his mind, after he was about leaving me for a white girl , even before this came up.

@chihums

u are such a fool, and i dont think NL is for assholes like you, leave your own comment and Bleep off,

eranko

rominiyi:

May God gives me the grace to really say no, I may be foolish , but right now a decision will fall into place today , I am discussing it with my hubby,
I think its better for me to able to know his mind, after he was about leaving me for a white girl , even before this came up.

where are you guys based? what does your mum think about this?

@ Rominiyi, the poster,

PLS JUST HOLD UP WHATEVER DECISION YOU HAVE COME UP WITH & FOLLOW THE PLAN BELOW, RIGHT NOW U ARE NOT THINKING WITH YOUR HEAD BUT YOUR HEART:

Go and watch The movie - "Fireproof" @  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpuRpjPSFpc.

But first of all read the story line @ http://www.squidoo.com/fireproof-the-movie.

I believe whatever is lost (be it love or attention) in your marriage, can be restored after watching the movie

Like i said earlier in my previous post, "Don't start what you can't finish". I believe God is going to use the movie to transform your life and that of your present hobby ( erasing your ex out of the picture).

we dont have to abuse each other, we are after all matured! I know your opininon matters a whole lot , to me in this time . but whatever I make up my mind to do is Final,
pls stop calling each other names and call me all the names u want, It might or wont bulge me at all.

@ogb5

thanks jate, dont mind the stupid imbecille

and for the other view, will do that for you

rominiyi:

May God gives me the grace to really say no, I may be foolish , but right now a decision will fall into place today , I am discussing it with my hubby,
I think its better for me to able to know his mind, after he was about leaving me for a white girl , even before this came up.

Be careful the way you discuss this with you husband. if you speak to him they way you have been speaking on NL, I guess most guys will give you a beating you will not forget in a hurry. use your head. Ask what he wants, not what you want. If he is going away with a white girl, then he will willingly allow for a divorce. but work to save your marriage

This is what happens when people get married for the wrong reason. I can't believe a married woman can be talking like this. You are just a confused soul, and I'm not sorry to say that. There's no relationship without challenges, what makes you think that this is still the same guy you've always known. What if he has changed. Why did u allow him into your life when you already know what could happen. It shows you wanted out of your marriage all along. There's no excuse for infidelity, be it in relationship or marriage.

Madam, you've got no point. If you think you still love (love my foot!!) your ex, divorce your current husband and go for him, but you must be ready to face the consequence of your actions. Do you think it's easy to build a successful marriage You don't love your current husband and that's the truth. I doubt if you guys communicate enough, otherwise you should have been able to resolve whatever differences you have. Instead of doing that, you rather want to go for an ex that you virtually know nothing about again. It shows you are desperate to get out of your marriage. I can't advice you to go neither will I advice you to stay. If you decide to go and your new husband decided to take a worse path than your current husband, I wonder what your next decision will be.

I have just finished discussing with a man of God , he says biblically , its capital NO. nevertheless the situation is a complex one , its obvious that u are not married to the person whom u actually love.
take time to pray about ur decision, and he also said its true that people get married to the wrong person and when they actually sees whom their heart desires, His exact words,

popegirl:

@ogb5

thanks jate, dont mind the stupid imbecille

and for the other view, will do that for you

Thanks, todays is my lucky day. I will give an arm & a leg to see the other view.
Am booking my flight right away

Where do I book the flight to

Whala!!

rominiyi:

we dont have to abuse each other,  we are after all matured! I know your opininon matters a whole lot , to me in this time . but whatever I make up my mind to do is Final,  
pls stop calling each other names and [b]call me all the names u wan[/b]t,  It might or wont bulge me at all.

you are a very nice person. pls find it in your heart toforgive and move on.  i dont know why things like this happen to nixce kind people like you.

if you can pls watch the  Fireproof video  @  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpuRpjPSFpc.

may God save you and your marraige

dontexe:

This is what happens when people get married for the wrong reason. I can't believe a married woman can be talking like this. You are just a confused soul, and I'm not sorry to say that. There's no relationship without challenges, what makes you think that this is still the same guy you've always known. What if he has changed. Why did u allow him into your life when you already know what could happen. It shows you wanted out of your marriage all along. There's no excuse for infidelity, be it in relationship or marriage.

Madam, you've got no point. If you think you still love (love my foot!!) your ex, divorce your current husband and go for him, but you must be ready to face the consequence of your actions. Do you think it's easy to build a successful marriage You don't love your current husband and that's the truth. I doubt if you guys communicate enough, otherwise you should have been able to resolve whatever differences you have. Instead of doing that, you rather want to go for an ex that you virtually know nothing about again. It shows you are desperate to get out of your marriage. I can't advice you to go neither will I advice you to stay. If you decide to go and your new husband decided to take a worse path than your current husband, I wonder what your next decision will be.

my brother this can happen to the wisest of people.  she didnt call for it. it nearly happened to me just this last year. it takes just the click of the mouse on face book/ myspace or a chance meeting.  i my case an ex show up on a tagged photo taken almost 17yrs ago.

you  learn to say to NO and avoid tricky situations. she still hasnt given up. my number 1 priority is to protect my mrs.  to be tempted is not the sin. it is the yielding.   we all have our own temptations this is this ladys own if she overcomes it becomes a testimony and so we counsell and pray for her to overcome this cos it aint worth it.

I understand all what u are trying to say ,  but MAY U NEVER LIVE WITHOUT LOVE, Until you marry love you are not married,

It is the neglect of timely repair that makes re-building necessary. Shit happens, but you left a lot of things unattended to, search yourself and you'll see where things started to go wrong in your marriage,

rominiyi:

I understand all what u are trying to say ,  but MAY U NEVER LIVE WITHOUT LOVE, Until you marry love you are not married,

well you are 32 you still have loads of time to waste be very careful. naija men/ women can take you on a journey to no where without your knowing it

JJYOU:

well you are 32 you still have loads of time to waste be very careful. naija men/ women can take you on a journey to no where without your knowing it

thanks JJYOU , U are indeed true,

was just about to say that. there is something missing about your story. fill us up please. and you hubby does he live in Nigeria? You said he wanted to leave you for a white girl. Is he still with her?