topup:

Still awaiting Olanajim's question, zzZZ

Lol, of course topup is more than happy to intervene .

Well 'eyo' I'm having a problem with this one. I think you've proven to be smart and determined to regain control over you life. She obviously still thinks she pulls your strings. I hope what I'm about to say doesn't come out as jibberish because I have many mixed feelings about what advice I should give.

Firstly, I think you playing it cool was fantastic, she was able to calm down and stop threatening you with ideas of never seeing you again. I will tell you that that's a good sign, that she backed down and let you know 'maybe not the truth' but closer to it, that she's not leaving for another week.
Secondly, I think that it's good that you didn't let her take too much of your time, and you quickly closed the conversation. Right now I'm on your side, and about to offer some selfish advise.

Okay, firstly, if you want her back, I think you two NEED to speak, preferably face to face, this is much much better than calling. If you can manage yourself and compose yourself in a face-to-face conversation, my gut tells me that delivering to her the bitter truth about her complete transformation into a demanding, game-playing girl and ways. In this conversation, you can kinda guess whether she's being genuine in her words and it'll be harder for her to lie to you (well it should be).

Secondly, if you opt out of meeting up with her (this will only serve to prove to her that she is losing you/lost you FAST, and needs to stop playing games (if she knows what's good for her). I hope she doesn't have an ego problem, otherwise she might get mad and hold a grudge for God knows how long.

If you opt out of meeting with her, I still think you should have a phone conversation with her, if she is sensible the guilt will be immense, and it should really make her think; "Have I hurt him, that bad that he cannot bare to see me?". Even if she hasn't hurt your ego, the impression that she has will have her making plans for a mense. I know myself I can't live with the guilt that comes from that (as you guys really are sensitive deep down).

Well, I have a lot more to say about this issue, but I think I'll await any response or I could go off on a tangent.

Hope that helped, even if just a little bit.

eyonigger:

Topup, Yeaa!! She obviously thinks she's still pulling my strings, and hell naw she aint, cos I lost feelings for her,bt the liking is still there.
Now I hv thought it through n I figured out that, even if I go and see her to talk about this n that bout her transformation n all that, even if she comes up with a genuine excuse, I guess that dnt change the obvious fact that she was playing games with me, and for the fact that a gurl that I have true feelings for could play game for such a long time, things would never be the same even if we try to get things straight. So whats the use of amending things?
Oh my the way she was even talking on phone, be it change of environment or just for the fact that she has now been socially exposed, I really dnt know, voice sounds torn and so mature in tone and expression. Now another thing is, what else does she want from me since she is claiming to be a born again, and I suppose Born Again peeps aren't suppose to be having a relationship before marriage, this is just another confusion here. I appreciate ur intervention topup, u are always there.

Hmmm, I've just read my last post, and it's SO jumbled, too many thoughts I sometimes don't finish my sentences

Anyways, it depends what you mean about relationships. We can have relationships before marriage, except ones that involve fornication and sexual intercourse. Mind you, if we do fornicate or have sex, we are forgiven if we choose to accept it as a sin and a fault - I'm not sure whether she is fornicating or having the type of relationship that I think you're implying - if she is, it's purely between her and God whether she is trying to repent or not.

With the Biblical terms aside, I think it's great that you're cautious, guards up is a good stance for dealing someone who has hurt you before and might or might not acknowledge it.

I'm trying to understand what you want to achieve her;
- make her regret her actions,
- have her wanting her back,
- eliminating her from your daily life,
- get over her but still maintain a healthy friendship??

As for now, I think what you're doing is good, keep being true to yourself. One thing I will say is that I don't think you can say for sure that there is no hope in your future. I'm guessing that you're single and young, you have so much of your life still left to determine and nothing has been fixed for you, no children or past marriages, who knows what could happen. What's probably making you feel this way is the fact that the cuts are still fresh and the wounds have only just formed. Over time I will guarantee you that the pain will fade, and when you forget why your mad at someone it becomes really hard for you to stay mad at them.

Over time you might meet again and realise both of you have let things go ages ago, and are now much more mature.

I wouldn't be fooled that she's changed, I am tempted to say that it is because she is in the holiday period and back at 'home', some people are heavily influenced by their surroundings and change. Who knows when she returns, she may become that stranger again - that is why I believe it is SO important for you to keep working and maintaining the guarded stance. Make her prove she's worth holding onto - even just as a friend, if she doesn't prove this, there are many other people who will be just that or more to you.

clones666:

[b]I think I agree on what eyo said regarding her using born again as an excuse. I read part of his post stating that he bought her an ipod, there is every possibility that her friends in school must have given her such advise, cos for the fact that someone in lagos sent someone in owerri an Ipod, they'll probably feel the guy eyo is a mugu, which I think he is not. Girls use this as a form of protection in order to hold a guy down for as long as they want, because they know sex wont be involved or any other form of romancing.
The girl sure knows what she is doing, eyo dnt fall for that crap, she wants to keep you on hold, so you can supply her everything she needs, cos she knows if she gives u sex, u might run away, I am 100% sure her friend have told her that, she might not have had such thought cos she is young, but am quite sure her friends will.
@ your recent post, go and see the chick and read her reactions from the question you speculated yu'll throw at her. I feel your pain, cos am almost in the same category you are in. cheers!![/b]

I'm not sure if eyo is even thinking about the sex thing, it seemed as if his main problem was with her dishonesty, her games and her complete transformation from the girl he knew and loved before.
If sex is a criteria for him then I don't think I'd be able to sympathise as much.

I agree with him, if he decides to go, he should appear like he is made out of stone, she should not get the impression that you'll melt as soon as you see her - even if she is looking more beautiful than you have ever seen her (cos that's a trick exs use).

I think even if you don't decide to continue communicating with her, answers she gives can give you closure, which is always helpful. All the best

eyonigger:

clones I am noy after the sex, even though i go like yansh am. topup, guess wat?? She called me yesterday asking if I was gonna be able to come see her cos she is truly leaving tmr (sunday). I agreed coming over around 4pm, bt I was riding down the other street around 2pm, then suddenly saw her, she just walked away saying " Deji I am not looking ok" I called her bt she was quick to walk off, then looked back at me after some few steps away.

I called her ryt away, chanting to her on phone saying " You are so bleeped, you cnt wait to talk to me, tot ur part of going to school was for exposure so u cud stop being shy" cos she is a really shy girl. I tried to again lower her ego by what she does not like to hear, saying she is not as fine as before, her voice trotted as she was telling me how tired she was, n claiming that was the reason for her unusual look. Now today Saturday, I am gonna go see her 2nyt, bt wont feel shyt cos I aint even feel shyt for her nemore, bt still gonna see if things can still work out or not

olanajim:

Mr Eyo,
if what you said are true, then, I can tell you that you are the one who is wrong! I am sorry to say this. You are acting more like a kid than adult. I like to be honest with people. It doesn't matter whether it sound nice or not.

Recall what I told you on fb? You didn't get in touch afterward because you are excited at her return. The result is that she may return without you getting the answer you are seeking!

Let me remind you that your motive of opening this thread include:
to know the reason she started withdrawing from you. The reason she changed toward you. And the reason she still collect your gifts in spite of her withdrawal. And you also want to know whether she is into someone else down there or she is just playing game.

Take a look at what you have done in the past few days and ask yourself whether you have got exact (not gessimate) answer to your questions.

Let me explain something to you. At 17, a child can be bright and mature in the manner he/she communicate, but he/she is still a child. Once a while, the child in that person will manifest. That is what is wrong with your girl.

Secondly, anyone who have passed through radical change of faith will tell you that the first phase are often accompanied with fighting desires and battling what look like obstacle to the growth of their faith. I went through that stage and I know a lot of people did.

If she was converted to born again and she demonize you, while wanting you to join in her faith, then she is doing what many underaged new converts do.

You are wrong to think that since she use occasional bad words, she isn't a convert. As a new convert, she will be battling her past and people that are obstacle to developing her faith. To know whether she was lying or not will only happen when you listen to her and let her do the talking.

I think she still want you. But since you are not ready for her craps, the best is to let her go. Tell her it is over. Better part in peace than live in agony!

topup:

I think Olanajim's advice is good

Well, I think yeah, the conversation didn't go smoothly. I mean, the two of you can look back and laugh at how both of you fought like children, and it can turn into a good memory. But, I would personally have loved for you to have been able to walk away from that conversation with her longing to know more, or make more effort to suss you out.

I admire the honesty in whatever happened when you met her, obviously there was intense passion and emotion, because you both got involved in a fight, but it just comes to show that both of you have a lot of anger and resentment towards the other.

From her explanations of why she behaved the way she did, it makes complete sense and sounds very genuine.

I now understand that you broke up with her whilst she was at school, which like you said, you've done time and time before, but who knows maybe because she was at school, she wasn't able to really know for sure whether it was a genuine break up or one of the typical ones.
Now, that's given her a reason for her actions, which initially she didn't have before.

Nevermind, what's done is done, and I sense a little bit of immaturity as well coming from you, when you tell her, you'll see her in heaven. Unless she is to unfortunately perish soon (God forbid), do you really want to hold this grudge for the rest of your life?? I pray that it's just one of those proud statements that people make at breakups.

It's good for both of you to take time out, you need it, and I can't tell you what will happen in the future, she's still young and so are you. Both of you need to pretend the other doesn't exist for the time being, figure out what will actually fill the spaces in your lives, and not try and force each other into them.

All the best and God Bless.

eyonigger:

topup big thanks 2 u, exactly whats gonna take place, allow time to figure out what will fill the spaces in my life.

Druss:

what is her number - lemme try talking to her , i can check if she is born again ,

topup:

Don't look so down, it's sad to lose someone you care about, but maybe you haven't lost her forever. To make the healing process a lot quicker is why I am advising you to pretend she doesn't exist, if you keep hoping that one day you two will get back together, you will never really move on and you'll remember too much to start afresh if the opportunity arises in future.

By occupying your time, like you have done before she returned from school, she becomes less of a focus and it's just about taking time out to become completely selfish, stop worrying about her, actually I think maybe you should allow yourself some time to think about what just happened, think well and hard, analyse everything, find something to learn from it. Then after this period is over (maybe a day of thought), you need to close the book. Because you've thought of all your options and laid all your cards on the table from the very beginning, you won't get thoughts attacking you in the middle of the healing process. Convince yourself that you have thought of all options, maybe ask other non-involved friends for advice, maybe even people who don't know you too well so they are un-biased. After this is done, you just need to keep your eyes forwards.

I am very sure that she is going through the same ordeal, trying to move on from the confrontation. Be kind to each other, if she ever tries to contact you, welcome it, but don't be too open, treat her as you would a distant friend, don't throw your plans away to accomodate her, just be selfish for the little time you have whilst you're single.

Take care & all the best.

bcblazer:

@eyonigger,

You are one lovey-dovey nigga. Come on, f**k all these bitches and do your thing.
Even a 17 yr old ignorant chick is pulling your strings and you falling for that?

This is crass stupidity and too gross for my liking. Stop acting like a pussy nigga.

bcblazer:

@eyonigger,

You are one lovey-dovey nigga. Come on, f**k all these bitches and do your thing.
Even a 17 yr old ignorant chick is pulling your strings and you falling for that?

This is crass stupidity and too gross for my liking. Stop acting like a pussy nigga.

Tstark:

Mugu don pay shout hallelujah, kere ke kere ke. 17 year old dey make you kolo like this? You no dey shame?

olanajim:

I do not like the way some people mock others when there appear to be a kind of short-coming,

the same people will have their own problem and hit it away from the world. It take courage for someone to come to public and discuss his or her life,

I am of view the the relationship eyo was talking about is not yet over, [b]it MAY come back stronger and it may not. [/b]The truth is that, anything can happen, depending on how it is handled,

WISE WORDS OLANAJIM

sleekdoc:

eyonigger and topup, you guys can start something u know. Nothing wrong with meeting your better half on NL

eyonigger:

I no send this dudes wey dey yab nigger_eyo, na them be the maIN sisi's, in fact as I gangster reach, her love make me melo. Topup and lanajim I appreciate u guyz, the way am seeing thigs, my gurl is gonna come back to me though it might take sometime. Funny enough I found out that day that she came to write jamb, meaning her admission in FUTO did not go through, so I think she is going to be around for a while now.

Again, u guys yabbing me, if una see this chik, una go fall in love, apart from her beauty, she is funny and down to earth, na school just 4k the whole thing up. Tops n lanajim, should I post a pic of mine and her's so them haterz could see what a perfect match we are? Or should I jst bone it? Lol