What's the point of communication in a relationship if no trust is applied.
He/she can talk to you till tomor, but if you can't trust his/her words, then communication is automatically ruled off

Well said sweetie me. On the other hand, where there is trust and no communication, the love will wax cold. Love needs reinforcement.

We often have to understand that love is not the foundation of a relationship.

Before we fell in love, we listened, we trusted, we talked etc. . . .I mean, you don't just see someone and fall in love.

I don't believe love is even 50% stability of the relationship

If all falls, love follows. Just because he said "I love you" does not mean to stop making it work

i don't think we can underestimate the power of communication in a relationship, it is very crucial. while trust, affection etc are also important they need communication in order to survive. it is through communication that you can truly show your partner how much you like him/her and it is also through the same communication that one can make their partner understand and trust them, if not, there will always be suspicion, disagreement etc. so in my IMO, i put communication in a relationship a high priority followed by others.

~Sissy~:

i don't think we can underestimate the power of communication in a relationship, it is very crucial. while trust, affection etc are also important they need communication in order to survive. it is through communication that you can truly show your partner how much you like him/her and it is also through the same communication that one can make their partner understand and trust them, if not, there will always be suspicion, disagreement etc. so in my IMO, i put communication in a relationship a high priority followed by others.

sissy, welcome back. . . .

Don't mind me, but I odn't quite agree with your post. . . .which doesn't really matter

But like I said before, what is the point of communicating when your partner is not living up to his/her (should I say) expectations?
I think communication is(are) the corners of your wall. . . .there's a ground that all stands on. . . .that, I may not know

*Toyinrayo:

sissy, welcome back. . . .

Don't mind me, but I odn't quite agree with your post. . . .which doesn't really matter

But like I said before, what is the point of communicating when your partner is not living up to his/her (should I say) expectations?
I think communication is(are) the corners of your wall. . . .there's a ground that all stands on. . . .that, I may not know

how u dey baby

how then would one know the person is not living up to their expectations (external or internal) when the relationship lacks communication? i mean maybe there could be some problems that's prevents them from living up to their expectations and i think it is through communication that you can really get in the person. honestly, i think frequently poor communication is the cause of relationship problems.

~Sissy~:

how u dey baby

how then would one know the person is not living up to their expectations (external or internal) when the relationship lacks communication? i mean maybe there could be some problems that's prevents them from living up to their expectations and i think it is through communication that you can really get in the person. honestly, i think frequently poor communication is the cause of relationship problems.

Fine and hawt (as usual)

Hmmm, am thinking. . . .you might be right. . . .

So what should one do if there's still communication but no change, no trust?

you guz are not romantic.am out

Question:

Do you say your sorry to your partner even when you feel you have nothing to sorry for?

hey guys, all i wanna say is that communication is the most important stuff in a relationship, trust me i've ben there. most girls i dated were not communicating. maybe someone has to teach me some skills in knowing what women want.tgirl, are you game, huh?

you have to offend someone before you say sorry to that person.

nino213:

you have to offend someone before you say sorry to that person.

I agree.


What if your partner insists that you should say sorry or it could cause a breakup?

Do you just say sorry to move past disagreement?

How does the person who said I am sorry reconcile that in their brain?

If if the need to say I am sorry is because you shared openly with your partner and they feel it was inappropriate?

Do you then say sorry and keep everything to yourself so as not to offend anymore?

bumping back up

sistawoman:

Question:

Do you say your sorry to your partner even when you feel you have nothing to sorry for?

Hell No unless there is something s/he aint saying

tope2000:

Hell No unless there is something s/he aint saying

Then how do you get your partner, Nigerian Male, to understand you just dont hand out empty sorrys?

sistawoman:

Question:

Do you say your sorry to your partner even when you feel you have nothing to sorry for?

I would if I felt that was what was necessary to move the relationship forward or end the fight. When saying sorry, it's not YOUR feelings that you are concerned about, it's the other person's feelings. Even if I felt I did nothing wrong but my partner was offended, I could still say sorry to remedy the situation.

The big picture is what is important here - both of you being happy, not who said sorry and who was wrong. Anything (apart from suffering abuse or bad behaviour) to make peace is doable for me.

@debosky

Even if you dont know what you are saying sorry for?

I feel like if I say i am sorry and dont know what it is for I am bound to do it again.

care ummmm

sistawoman:

@debosky

Even if you dont know what you are saying sorry for?

I feel like if I say i am sorry and dont know what it is for I am bound to do it again.

Obviously, you wouldn't say sorry if your spouse does not act like he's angry or irritated about sth.

If he's acting vex or as yoruba like to call it "ra ese e kakiri" (dragging his feet abt), then you COULD apologize just to make him talk about what is bothering him.

You can't just say "Baby, I'm sorry". "Sorry for what? What did you do?" would predictively be your next questions.

debosky:

I would if I felt that was what was necessary to move the relationship forward or end the fight. When saying sorry, it's not YOUR feelings that you are concerned about, it's the other person's feelings. Even if I felt I did nothing wrong but my partner was offended, I could still say sorry to remedy the situation.

The big picture is what is important here - both of you being happy, not who said sorry and who was wrong. Anything (apart from suffering abuse or bad behaviour) to make peace is doable for me.

That i very much agree with but i still wudnt say sorry if i wasnt the one at fault or dont know wats to be sorry abt

You can't just say "Baby, I'm sorry". "Sorry for what? What did you do?" would predictively be your next questions

I have done that still no response expect "are you too big to say I am sorry"

I just dont understand giving out empty sorrys.

sistawoman:


I have done that still no response expect "are you too big to say I am sorry"

I just dont understand giving out empty sorrys.

You've done what? Said sorry?

He's a naija man, isn't it? Woman, adjust!

I rem. back then, when you say sorry, dey shakara. . . ."are you too big to say sorry before?".

Mehn, I don't know what to tell you, but I can't deal with those type of ppl. . . .and I don't.

Maybe [b]Debosky [/b]can shed a little light on this for me

I have not said I am sorry I have asked him to tell me why should i be sorry. I have asked him to tell me what I did to offend.

I have even asked our mediator to please help me understand what I am saying sorry for, but alas he is sleep getting ready for work tonight.

All the while he is not talking to me until i say I am sorry.

He does not understand the will that I have.

I just cant say sorry when i dont know what i have done wrong. I maybe saying sorry for something I am not sorry about.

Well in my opinion it's one of two things:

Either you've done something you feel is right but he has become offended and you apologise, not for being wrong, but for[b] hurting his feelings. [/b]

You don't have to 'know' definitely what you've done wrong to apologise - the fact that someone is upset or angry is a good sign that you might need to apologise. What you should do is ask ' are you angry?' if he says yes, then you say 'is it me?' if the answer is also yes, then you apologise and say 'I'm sorry' with a view to using that to find out exactly what went wrong.

The matter shouldn't end with saying sorry. You use that to find out what he felt was wrong or what rubbed him down the wrong way, and if you want to make him feel 'in charge', you can even ask 'what should I do next time so I don't upset you'?

Don't insist on knowing why before you apologise. If your partner is angry and says it's at you, in my view, that is enough to apologise even without knowing why. If someone said they were sick but didn't know the cause, you would still say sorry or try to condole the person wouldn't you?

You wouldn't say 'I can't say sorry till I know why you are sick'.

then help me say in yoruba:

I am sorry husband that I have hurt you

i know sorry= pele
Husband = oko

sistawoman:

I have not said I am sorry I have asked him to tell me why should i be sorry. I have asked him to tell me what I did to offend.

I have even asked our mediator to please help me understand what I am saying sorry for, but alas he is sleep getting ready for work tonight.

All the while he is not talking to me until i say I am sorry.

He does not understand the will that I have.

I just cant say sorry when i dont know what i have done wrong. I maybe saying sorry for something I am not sorry about.

Oh dear, sistah, you don't know that our men love their ego stroked?

If saying sorry is going to solve everything, then say sorry

I know, I know. . . .you did nothing wrong.

Tell him sorry, then ask what you did wrong. That'd get him to open up.

Our men are sensitive, I tell you

sistawoman:

then help me say in yoruba:

I am sorry husband that I have hurt you

i know sorry= pele
Husband = oko

Oko mi, Ololufe mi, jor mabinu. . . . (My husband, plz, dnt vex)
Mo moh wipe moti se o, dari ji mi (I know I've wronged you, forgive me)

I can keep going, but I think the basic is okay

@Debosky

There is somethings very faulty in your reply. There are some good points but yet faulty. For one thing, why would you apologize for something you know not of?? Then you are not really apologizing. Just making a phony gesture.

What you should have said was for that person to first find out what they did wrong then apologize. Not before. That is just down pouring on the whole idea of forgiveness.

i kinda agree with debosky, if saying "hi honey, or whatever  I'm sorry" will make things move forward i wouldn't mind. even if i know or i think i didn't do anything that offended him.  maybe after saying "baby I'm really sorry for whatever  be it that offended you" will make him open up.
maybe that word sorry was all he needed to hear in order to open up or cool down.  therefore, i agree with debosky, you don't always have to know the reason behind everything before you say you are sorry (at least if the person in question is your significant other), you can always find out the reason afterward (IMHO)

What have I gotten myself into

I texted him what Toyinrayo wrote and now he wants me to. . . . . . wait for it. . . . . . .i cant believe he said this. . . . . . .


get a bottle of the best wine - _{(have no problem with this)}

put it in the fridge - _{(still no problem)}

when he gets home bring him a glass of wine _{-(theres no reason why I object to this, i do this all the time)}

Here is where i have the problem. . . .

[size=16pt]BEG [/size] him to forgive me.


[size=26pt]WTF[/size]


Oh and dont ask him any questions












Did he forget he marrried a Black American Woman!!!!!!!

What is that Bullshit?

He is my Boss?

What the mess.

needless to say we are still not talking.

As much as possible, I try to keep away from affairs between couples. They understand each other better. Why would a man, want to treat his woman in this manner? There has to be some missing connections with this story to warrant his actions to you. Or unless he is just doing it to boost his ego and affirm who is the man of the house.

That said, would your indifference and defiance to his demands make things better? Probably. But definitely at the moment, you are not happy. What counts the most is your happiness. If you are not getting it right now, do what you have to do, to regain it once more. I tell you, there are better times to get back at him. All this talk that you are a Black American Woman would not solve the matter. He is as well a Black African Man! Y'all have your differences, but someone must be willing to step-down for another. If he was on the forum as well, I do tell him the same thing as I have typed here.

But he wants me to BEG him.

I cant do that.