Hello everybody,

I have a big problem with my husband. This problem is destroying our marriage.

I am a whit women, married with an nigerian man.  My father never accept our marriage. I mary my husband because I love him and only him, I am sad that my father never accept, but I still want to live my own life. From the first day I introduced my husband to my father, we know my father have a racist attitude.

Now to my mother, my mother is a verry gentel person, but she have some mental problem, because of thes problems she can´t help me (like taking care of my children, or give me addvices for my marriage). Now every time my husband sees grandparends taking care of theyr grandchilderen, he say that my parents can´t do that, in fact they can´t suport us in any way. My husband is insulting my family all the time and it´s hurting me, because they are my parents! I tell him many times, that he have to accept our situation and forget about my parents but he keep on talking verry bad about my mothers mental health and my racist father, by doing this he is also insulting me. I love this man so mutch I don´t want to lose him becaus of my parents. Do I have to brake up any contact with my parents, to stay with him or what could I do to please him?

Poster: Where are u from and where do u live now?

Oturukpeke 
@Poster,he have no right to insult your parents whatsoever.He knew abt ur parents problem b4 he married u so why is he just waking up now?
Look,just tell him u cant watch him insulting your parents everday and if he does not change and if u can  ,kiss his ass goodbye.
Marriage is all abt accepting the partners deficiencies,weakness and inadequacies.U are not forcing him to love ur parents but he owes them Respect.
BTW,have u guys had any child/ren together?

He has no right to constantly disrespect your parents since he wasnt hypnotized when he married you.

We life in Swiss and yes we have three smal children together. The kids love theyr daddy, they also love theyr grandparents. He insult my parents in theyr present too, but they are to small to understande all the bad bad words.
Maybe I have to close my ears for his talk about my parents and swallow my anger. Maybe he will stop it one day.

Pray for him. Pray for your parents but please tell him he must stop this. It is hurting you too much and if he doesnt stop, you will have to leave him b/c you need love and support from a spouse, not pain and ridicule!

Tell him he knew all that before marrying yuo and if he cant live with it, and it is hurting you that bad, i will say you live happily apart.

No one has to live with constant, unprovoked abuse of  this kind, however it can't be easy to have a racist / prejudiced father inlaw. You haven't stated your fathers attitude towards your husband, but it's also important that they respect him as an inlaw. It's a two way street.

I don't agree that you should leave your husband, however you must make him realise the damage he's causing,urge him to forgive and let go whatever ill feelings he may harbour towards your parents. Also, your father must elevate his thinking and change that racist mentality,  FAST, if he's to get any respect.

//

ifyalways:

Oturukpeke 
@Poster,he have no right to insult your parents whatsoever.He knew abt ur parents problem b4 he married u so why is he just waking up now?
Look,just tell him u cant watch him insulting your parents everday and if he does not change and if u can  ,kiss his ass goodbye.
Marriage is all abt accepting the partners deficiencies,weakness and inadequacies.U are not forcing him to love ur parents but he owes them Respect.
BTW,have u guys had any child/ren together?

And if she kiss his ass goodbye, You will enjoy the returnee guy back here in Nigeria.Husband snatcher like you.

first of all your husband does not have the right to insult your parents because if he says he loves you and you have bore him children,why should he insult them?after allthey gave birth to you!!.any way, dont leave him due to that and i think you should let him know that he is hurting you deeply after all if he was married to a nigerian woman she would have insulted his own parent for him to know what it feels like.i hope with time your father will change his mind towards him.dont forget to let him know how you feel and hopefully things will work out well

That Nigerian man you're married to is an a-hole!

Any man who claims to love his wife will never put her through this kind of mental and psychological abuse. I wish I could punch your husband in the face! Foolish man!

RichyBlacK:

That Nigerian man you're married to is an a-hole!

Any man who claims to love his wife will never put her through this kind of mental and psychological abuse. I wish I could punch your husband in the face! Foolish man!

Richy watch your tongue
there are 3 sides to every story

@Poster.

Your husband has no right to insult your parents. Sit him down and talk to him, ask him to put himself in

your shoes. What if you were the one insulting his parents how would he feel about that? Let him know

that your parents have been, are still and will continue to be a part of your life and they moulded you into

what  you are today. Let him how much better you will feel if he stopped insulting your parents. It has to

be a heart to heart talk. All the best.

chaircover:

Tell him that what he is doing is hurting you and his children too.

Explain to him that each time he insults your parents he is indirectly insulting his kids. Remind him that his beautiful children are products of these parents he takes delight in insulting.

If he doesn't stop, then as a last resort insult his parents back.

. . . . . .It's harsh but sometimes people don't know how much they hurt the people around them until they have a taste of the medicine.

No one is perfect my dear not even our parents and your husband just has to accept that.

You also have to work very hard at building bridges; its a 2 way affair and you must explain to your parents that they have no choice but to accept your husband. After 3 kids he has done more than prove himself that he is capable of looking after their daughter & their grandkids.

I wish you all the best. I pray it all goes well for you all.

DON'T LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND O!!!

I like this approach and don't know if I would insult his parents in return.
Wouldn't solve any problems really but I'll talk to him about how this whole thing makes me feel and how much it hurts and if he continues
well God gave me a mouth and I will use it
I will unleash this my tongue and he won't survive the pain.

_{I'll tell him his package is too small,that he's the size of a 2B/HB pencil}

$osisi:

I like this approach and don't know if I would insult his parents in return.
Wouldn't solve any problems really but I'll talk to him about how this whole thing makes me feel and how much it hurts and if he continues
well God gave me a mouth and I will use it
I will unleash this my tongue and he won't survive the pain.

_{I'll tell him his package is too small,that he's the size of a 2B/HB pencil}

Osisi and package!

You too like that thing.

chaircover:

Tell him that what he is doing is hurting you and his children too.

Explain to him that each time he insults your parents he is indirectly insulting his kids. Remind him that his beautiful children are products of these parents he takes delight in insulting.

If he doesn't stop, then as a last resort[b] insult his parents back.[/b]

. . . . . .It's harsh but sometimes people don't know how much they hurt the people around them until they have a taste of the medicine.

No one is perfect my dear not even our parents and your husband just has to accept that.

You also have to work very hard at building bridges; its a 2 way affair and you must explain to your parents that they have no choice but to accept your husband. After 3 kids he has done more than prove himself that he is capable of looking after their daughter & their grandkids.

I wish you all the best. I pray it all goes well for you all.

DON'T LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND O!!!

Two wrongs don't make a right.

lol

It's really painful. I understand how u feel but for no reason under the sun should u leave your husband. Marriage is not forever coated with milk and honey. There are dark sides which you must painfully accept and have to live with. A lot of African women go through worse conditions but they realize how supreme marriage is and especially when you both have children.
Sit your husband down when he is in a good mood. Talk to him and make him realize how much you love him and how it hurts you when he insults your parents. Never reciprocate by insulting his own parents. The maturity you display will put an end to your husband's wrong act.
You have to wear a thick skin like the African women.
Don't forget to pray because WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. I wish u all the best

$osisi:

Richy watch your tongue
there are 3 sides to every story

Osisi soooooo, what ur saying is that Richyblack should not go on and punch this guy silly. 

Osisi in short I think you should watch your mouth. 

To punch person na playstation? How are we sure the guy wont beat Richyblack silly. 

@osisi

that package line wont work. the guy has three children to prove it

@misso

leave the guy. marry me. i will adopt ur children and make more. how can many responsible men be looking for a decent girl to marry, and someone is wasting his own marriage, they say u never know what u got till it's gone. perhaps by the time u marry me, and i unleash my money on you (i'm expecting a bail out from Obama b4 december) he will see u and kick his own behind for letting u go.

nincompoop. it's people like him that make girls to say no, most of the time, even when they want to say yes. and nice guys like me end up without decent girlfriends in a bad city like london (and consequently falling into the hands of women of easy virtues)

@@@@@

never comment on this section but this time i think i ve compelled to

not much to say, to whom is may concern

why are people like u always in a hase to suggest that one should leave or say good bye to their hubby

i think it quite interestin

u know who u are

Dont be quick to throw stones, there are  four sides to this story
1.her side
2.his side
3.papa-inlaw side
4. all the amebos in the house side.


@poster we know my father have a racist attitude

I dont know if anyone can stand being racially abused day in and day out, alot of them posters callin for the head of our Nigerian broda would have been beaten papa-inlaw blue if in that situation.

Both of you shoul stay far away from your folks and try to work things work, A man shall leave his father,mother,brother,sister etc you feel me?

@ poster : This is the problem we have in this part of the world where there are no family ties before marriages takes place. i believe he should have known all these before marrying you or did he marry you for a selfish reason ?
so he has no right to insult your parents. lets him see reasons why he sholud not insult your parents.

Make him take time oooo!

Which kine rubbish be that!

@Poster Clear-am

My candid advice is that you pray to the Lord about your husband and parents for only the Lord God can change the heart of a man. Proverbs 21 vs 1. I will strongly ask you not to EVER insult your husband's parents. It will only aggravate issues. I know because your husband is a Nigerian and the anger of man/woman works not the rigtheousness of God. I pray the Lord restore soundness of mind to you mum. I ask for this miracle in Jesus' name. Amen.

Make room for eachother's faults and love covers a multitude of sin says the Bible. Be patient with him, prayerfully and politely tell your husband how you feel. PRAISE and acknowledge his ability to tolerate your dad's racist behaviour to him, with time he will change. Hold on dear for Love does not give up. God hates divorce.

In Nigeria, we have parents who have tribal prejudices but who ended up accepting their children's choice because someone prayed! Yours is not different. All the best

@Pres-elect: I bin think say na only me dey find better babes for London o go dey enta wrong wrong hands like that. I wonder where all these decent Naija girls dey go hide.

@Poster: All lies!

@House: You all surprise me. Which Swiss woman would construct her sentences the way this "woman" did? I am not talking about grammatical accuracy nay, I am referring to the painfully obvious direct translation from a local Nigerian language (something like Igbo, Yoruba or pidgin) to English! Re-examine the thought process guys. No European woman would advance her case the way this poster did. Seun fit don give person money make im sell us another cock & bull story. Business must go on come credit crunch or somali pirates!

Re: My Husband And Family Don't Like Each Other
« #7 on: Today at 02:56:04 PM » 

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No one has to live with constant, unprovoked abuse of  this kind, however it can't be easy to have a racist / prejudiced father inlaw. You haven't stated your fathers attitude towards your husband, but it's also important that they respect him as an inlaw. It's a two way street.

I don't agree that you should leave your husband, however you must make him realise the damage he's causing,urge him to forgive and let go whatever ill feelings he may harbour towards your parents. Also, your father must elevate his thinking and change that racist mentality,  FAST, if he's to get any respect.                              [color=#990000][/color][b][/b][i][/i

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U VE GIVEN HERE A VERY INTELLIGENT N MATURED REPLY;UNLIKE OTHERS CONDEMNIG N CALLINS D GUY  ALL SORT OF NAMES.PERSONALLY IN SUCH CASES I WOULD RATHER REMAIN SILENCE COS NOONE HEARD D GUYS VERSION

Why do i always have the feeling that 99% of what Nairaland posters talk about are all lies. Are we a lying people? I am tired of having to decipher which poster is saying the truth or lwho is ying.

@ Noxious
THINK U R WRONG.HAVENT U SEEN EUROPEAN GURLS SPEAKIN PIDGIN OR OUR LOCALS? 4 gudness sake,dis couple ve 3children,dey must ve lived together 4 quite sometime thereby makin integration 4 both sides easier n certain

MissO:

We life in Swiss and yes we have three small children[/b]together. The kids love theyr daddy, they also love theyr grandparents. He insult my parents in theyr present too, but they are to small to understande all the bad bad words.
Maybe I have to close my ears for his talk about my parents and swallow my anger. [b]Maybe he will stop it one day.

Its a pity u have kids with this man. . .perharps,for the sake of the kids,u shld stay.
Dreaming or Thinking of change is quite an Impossibilty.You married him that way,it wud be difficult for him to change,you accepted it that way b4 marriage,People rarely change after marriage.I think the only thing u have to do is just keep talking with him gently and talking with ur dad too.Theres nothing a soft,gentle word cant do.
Pls,dont resort to insulting his parents back . . .it might get really disastrous
All da best dear.

Have you ever been or heard about in a or a situation, you work ur ass off to help ur family and your wife's parents abroad? Think about that! The father-in-law is as racist as where this guy works and walks. All his saving goes to that mental asylum! Some time to come, he may be the one to leave the marriage. Na only women sabi that one?