SeanT21:

NOOO. They can have opinions but they can not tell me who to marry.

TheSeeker:

Since they can't have you marry who they want I see no point in them being opinionated.

SeanT21:

They can always tell me what they think of him but I am pretty sure it wont change my mind!!

TheSeeker:

But then you don't care. It's best if they shelve their negative opinion about him because girls that I know are always wild when they are in love, some can be foolish though and consent to their parents' opinions and mess up. I knew a girl who once told me she loved me so much but if her mom tells her not to marry me because of my tribe(Igbo, she's a Yoruba), she had no choice but to stop the relationship. I must say, right then at that spot she said it, I put an end to the relationship because it wasn't worth the stress with that statement.

SeanT21:

I dont call that LOVE.

~Sissy~:

they can only advise me

TheSeeker:

And if they advise you against the guy?

~Sissy~:

by them advising me doesn't mean that i have to take it. i want their opinions, eventually, i have to decide what i want.

TheSeeker:

In my opinion, if you can't take their advice then there opinionated ideas isn't called for and can your decision be predicated on their advice? I believe you know your intending spouse better than they do.

~Sissy~:

sometimes we always tend to believe we know better while in actuality we know little esp when it comes to "love". some ppl when their are/claim to be "in love" they are too blinded to see the real person they are dating and only an outsider can see certain things in that relationship the individuals are too blinded to see. i value my parents opinions and i will seek it when the need arise.

TheSeeker:

I suppose anyone who expects to be tutored about love hasn't really experienced what it is all about. I do understand it takes more than love to make a marriage work and that is where I stand. Some other qualities have to be factored in and how these qualities relate with the relationship and how they will with the marriage have to be thought through. In as much as I believe my parents will know a lot more about relationships and marriages more than I do, I believe I have to make mistakes just to learn who I am and I have to take responsibility for all my actions. My parents could be wrong too. Sometimes they make wrong assessments too and are prone to erroneous views and beliefs.

~Sissy~:

i don't see it like that. this is not about who you going to "date" but "marry". big difference. and seeking opinions/advise about marriage or relationship for that matter, is what i don't see as b "tutored". anyways to each his own. like i said, i will seek my parents opinions/advice if the need arises and i dont see that being naive or anything else. i see it as b what i prefer.

TheSeeker:

I wasn't talking about dating either. But first of all, you have to be in love with the person first and the next phase comes in. Seeking parents' opinion is good but then you can take some of their advice and merge it into some of your jurisdiction to ensure they all align with your facts. The ones that are out of place, find their true meanings and get draw conclusions from personal observations. It is complicated really, so I understand where you're coming from and hey, I never said or meant you are naive.

I suppose anyone who expects to be tutored about love hasn't really experienced what it is all about.

~Sissy~:

at last it's still my decision 'cause am the one going to possibly spend the rest of my life with the person not them.

TheSeeker:

Not possibly because when the decision is made there is no going back unless we want to bring divorce into the picture which is not a sign of a healthy decision. I want to believe your decisions will be right on point so I will expect nothing short of a long term marriage. I wish most of our women can think like you have portrayed, unfortunately they don't.

~Sissy~:

yea, i think every couple goes into marriage thinking of happily ever after, unfortunately not everything is always predictable.

TheSeeker:

But then you don't care. It's best if they shelve their negative opinion about him because girls that I know are always wild when they are in love, some can be foolish though and consent to their parents' opinions and mess up. I knew a girl who once told me she loved me so much but if her mom tells her not to marry me because of my tribe(Igbo, she's a Yoruba), she had no choice but to stop the relationship. I must say, right then at that spot she said it, I put an end to the relationship because it wasn't worth the stress with that statement.

justwise:

[/b]

u know i had the same problem, she told me that the problem is that her parents will kill her if she marrys Igbo guy, she went on how most Igbo guys are into 419 and bla bla bla.
I showed her the EXIST door immediately cos i couldn't put up with pple like her and her blinded parents

TheSeeker:

Absolutely right you are. You know what I think all the time? I think why do people who have been patiently married for as long 20 years go through a divorce. The pain will be excruciating I suppose.  Sometimes I hate to think that one day I will have to ply into the rigors of marriage, a solemn union it is but comes with its complexities.

TheSeeker:

No offense to Yoruba tribe but I believe we all share the menace. In Asian I can't deny that Igbo are pulling their fraudulent deals, in London, it's a Yoruba Fraudulent Haven. So no one should accuse any tribe of being fraudulent. What about their leaders? They should name of their people who have ruled us and are still ruling and aren't fraudulent, OBJ? Bankole? Go figure the rest. I just hate it when people show me all these sanctimonious attitudes.

~Sissy~:

yea, i get ur point. i mean if they have been enduring the pain/joy/sorrow for more than 20yrs why seek divorce now? however, i am made to believe that more often than more they tend to believe that it will always get better today or tomorrow and some people are still a prisoner of their traditions that seeking divorcing isn't always the first/best option for them, until they break it. while others just prefer to die in pain or so other reasons albeit, whatever be their reasons i dont think seeking a divorce and going through the whole process is an easy decision for any couple. at least the reasonable ones. it's more than seeking an annulment, it's also derails/wounds the person mentally, physically and psychologically.

and not  to worry, you arent the only one fearful of marriage, i have seen many people with similar complains. i once had a someone tell me that he's really afraid of marriage, i mean he cant seem to understand the idea of being with one woman for the rest of his life and go through all the emotions involved with it. he's just afraid of commitment. and quite honestly, i do think you have a reasonable fear, at least you know what a marriage constitutes unlike some folks who goes in thinking that marriage is a bed of roses  until it hits them.

justwise:

I'm not in anyway supporting Igbo men/women in what they do, 419 and all sorts, but no tribe in Nigeria should apoint accussing finger at all, all tribes are at it, wheather its arm robberying, Area boys activetis, yahoo yahoo, etc.
It does my head in when i hear pple accussing Igbos of bringing shame to Nigeria. No matter how small the crime is, no tribe should be leftt out.

C2H5OH:

A Seeker indeed.
If you are that bitter about what the "Yoruba Yoruba" have done to your beloved Nigeria, why don't you go run head first into a brick wall. Maybe the invisible nation of Biafra will suddenly open up its door for you to come flooding in. There you will finally have your escape. A state of peace.

TheSeeker:

Yes, some of them think they are too stuck with it than to break up mostly because when they put paid to that, a starting fulcrum is always a problem, mathematically bearing of which I don't think they may ever find. The derailment or emotional cracker it inflicts isn't what I bother about at least they both are old enough to handle that at some point or the other, what does make my head spin is what position the kids will find themselves. I can't imagine my parents have a divorce after all I have witnessed them go through and knowing how much they have shared their feelings between each other. It will tell a lot on such kids that it will on the parents and that is why I love African values on marriage in that once you're married to one man, you ain't going back. Even if the marriage is rough, I believe the psychological trauma will be a lot lesser than it would be if they had to divorce. Mel Gibson's wife filed for a divorce a few weeks ago because he(Mel) impregnated another woman while they were still separated. I think our local superstars are beginning to emulate this dreadful western practice.

In my opinion and yes, I want to sound tribal, Igbos despite how they have been marginalized have brought more development to the country than shame. Yoruba and Hausa are the one who have brought shame upon our country. If they want to say anything they'd say Awolowo is great, Abiola is great and those are heroes to their own  tribe, Awolowo especially. I challenge the fact that MKO would have made a good President. He would have been a Sharia President. Somehow, people who think they can ruin Nigeria, God knows how to silence them Abacha as an example, then MKO and a host of others. There are two more left, guess who?