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Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets - Romance (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by DeepSoul(f): 4:57pm On Oct 26, 2009
Step in the right direction.

I cant date sm1 I feel nothin for, talkless of marriage!

Marriage! It's forever oh! I even think you wasted too much time with him - 3yrs! That over 1,000 days.

Its better to be alone rather than be stuck in a loveless, unhappy union! And you'd make ur kids go thru the trauma of growin up in a loveless home.

Kudos jare
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by ThoniaSlim(f): 5:01pm On Oct 26, 2009
My dear you did the right thing. . .better a broken engagement than a broken marriage!
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by yme1(f): 5:04pm On Oct 26, 2009
@poster
NO, God cant give you a partner you feel absolutely nothing for
you did the right thing dear dont think of going back to him
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by sugarpp: 5:44pm On Oct 26, 2009
it would have been the right the decision if after one year max but three years is an awful long time to string someone along it is a bit selfish i say you should have tried more to make it work embarassed
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by spikedcylinder: 5:51pm On Oct 26, 2009
redsky1:

well i don't know of your own circle of married friends but all te friends i have that are married, married for love. since my parents had a very loving relationship i wouldn't expect anything less in my life

I don't have a circle of married friends but I do know that there is a ridiculous amount of people in loveless marriages.
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by lionphil(m): 9:00pm On Oct 26, 2009
what is this stuff with parents and their fixing of marriages. if ur sis so llikes this guy why doesnt shee marry him. she could leave her husband if she is married. i am still single and my mum always tells me if i dont marry from my village she will not give me her blessing. my dad has passed on so he obviously cant have a say. this is obviously one of the reasons for break-ups in marriages.
fine gurl na the best thhing na him u do jare. God punish devil smiley smiley smiley smiley
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by Nobody: 9:24pm On Oct 26, 2009
ThoniaSlim:

My dear you did the right thing. . .better a broken engagement than a broken marriage!

Enuff said.
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by demystify(f): 8:39am On Oct 27, 2009
To all those who are in support of my decision, thanks.

To those who think i may regret, well. . . i dunno for now but i pray not to. . . Amen! wink

Someone wanted to know why i don't and can't like him. . .
Honestly, i dunno. I never missed this guy when we were dating, i never liked his presence, sometimes i hate to pick his calls. he easily makes me angry perhaps it because i don't like him.

anytime he try to visit me i ask him not to, and in case he comes. . . i wished he leaves early.

And the truth is, he isn't ugly, he works and got 6figure salary. . . he's comfortable but money isn't what am looking for cos am a working class lady too and comfortable as well. He's 7yrs older than and that isn't a problem for me BUT THE CLICK WAS SIMPLY NOT THERE. I couldn't stand him.

I tried folks and God knows i did.
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by candylips(m): 2:42pm On Oct 27, 2009
na wa o. seems like the guy ticks all the right boxes yet u no click with am undecided
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by Pharoh: 4:46pm On Oct 27, 2009
candylips:

na wa o. seems like the guy ticks all the right boxes yet u no click with am undecided

Guess her personality is not clicking with that of the guy undecided
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by Nobody: 4:55pm On Oct 27, 2009
demystify:

To all those who are in support of my decision, thanks.

To those who think i may regret, well. . . i dunno for now but i pray not to. . . Amen! wink

Someone wanted to know why i don't and can't like him. . .
Honestly, i dunno. I never missed this guy when we were dating, i never liked his presence, sometimes i hate to pick his calls. he easily makes me angry perhaps it because i don't like him.

anytime he try to visit me i ask him not to, and in case he comes. . . i wished he leaves early.

And the truth is, he isn't ugly, he works and got 6figure salary. . . he's comfortable but money isn't what am looking for cos am a working class lady too and comfortable as well. He's 7yrs older than and that isn't a problem for me BUT THE CLICK WAS SIMPLY NOT THERE. I couldn't stand him.

I tried folks and God knows i did.

It took you wasting 3 yrs of his life to come to this conclusion?
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by Nobody: 4:56pm On Oct 27, 2009
Dads are always better supporters in cases like this, The mums tend to worry more about what peeps will say and how many aso ebi have gone out. ANyway, you made the right decision, things will fall into place
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by Nobody: 5:26pm On Oct 27, 2009
Look at it the other way round. What if he turned down the engagement for the same reasons you gave? How would you feel? Yeah a broken relationship is bla bla bla but not when you are on the receiving end. grin I won't lie to you, it's callous what you did and I'm not talking about breaking up with him part but stringing him along for 3 good years?
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by whitelexi(m): 5:44pm On Oct 27, 2009
aisha2:

Dads are always better supporters in cases like this, The mums tend to worry more about what peeps will say and how many aso ebi have gone out. ANyway, you made the right decision, things will fall into place

u know what they say about girls tending to fall in love with men who look more like their dads wink wink wink
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by Nobody: 5:46pm On Oct 27, 2009
^^na waooo awooooooooooh! awooooooooooooooooo!!!^^   cry
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by NegroNtns(m): 10:46pm On Oct 27, 2009
I used to date a guy and never and still feel nothing for.
My mom and big sis convinced me that love may grow with time. I have known this guy for over 3yrs, still felt nothing for him and they think love may grow? Well i gave it a thought and we got engaged and was going to get married soon (early next year) with zero feelings for him.

Somehow some way, I was scared cos the guy told me he's prayed a lot about this for many years and he's convinced in his heart that am the one. So thought well, if he's truly the one then a little likeness may crop up with time. . . yet nothing was coming.

I prayed about this issue and was very confused. One day i called him that we need to have a serious chat, he agreed. I went to his house and told him that i cannot go on with the marriage cos i don't even have an iota of likeness for him and to talk of love, so he should take the ring back.

He took it but was angry and disappointed but i told him that it's the best for both of us. How can you cope with a wife who feels nothing for you? We may never be happy in that marriage.

I took time to explain the demerits of such marriage to him and left peacefully. My mom and sis are very disappointed in me but my Dad is in full support of this cos he cares about my happiness.
YET still this guy has been calling me and think I am the ONE for him.

I left him since August, i still feel no likeness, love or even regret for what i did.

My question/problem is?
Can God give you a partner you feel nothing for?

If the chemistry is not there then you did the right thing, I dont care if it took 10yrs to come to that realization. What is important is you did not go into the marriage with your soul in bondage. At the moment you handed the ring back to him you felt a relief, did you not? It was like a bird let out of a cage, right? Well, that's what men feel when we get out of a relationship. . no sorrow no remorse. . . just big relief!

In any case, to answer your question, NO God will never do that! In fact he will be upset with you if you had gone into the marriage in misery. Find a person who ignites the God in you! Someone in whose arms you want to abandon yourself, not in a sense of duty and obligations but with the joy of spirit and worship. Good Luck!

1 Like

Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by r231(m): 10:49pm On Oct 27, 2009
demystify:

To all those who are in support of my decision, thanks.

To those who think i may regret, well. . . i dunno for now but i pray not to. . . Amen! wink

Someone wanted to know why i don't and can't like him. . .
Honestly, i dunno. I never missed this guy when we were dating, i never liked his presence, sometimes i hate to pick his calls. he easily makes me angry perhaps it because i don't like him.

anytime he try to visit me i ask him not to, and in case he comes. . . i wished he leaves early.

And the truth is, he isn't ugly, he works and got 6figure salary. . . he's comfortable but money isn't what am looking for cos am a working class lady too and comfortable as well. He's 7yrs older than and that isn't a problem for me BUT THE CLICK WAS SIMPLY NOT THERE. I couldn't stand him.

I tried folks and God knows i did.

6 fig damm where is UJU wen u need her lol
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by Radiant(f): 11:14pm On Oct 27, 2009
Poster abeg hush! Hush! How did you date him for three years and say you didn't feel anything for him? Abeg carry comot from here. Nonsense!

You didn't like taking his calls, didn't like his presence and u stayed with him for 3 years? And then you got engaged? How is that possible?

Seriously what kinda bullshit are you talking about? What made you stay with him for 3 years? I really want to know. And please don't say you were trying to develop feelings for him for 3 years. Tell that to my dead rabbit! Nonsense!
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by r231(m): 11:47pm On Oct 27, 2009
^^^^^maybe she meant 3wks lol
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by Secretz(f): 12:09am On Oct 28, 2009
It's one thing falling out of love for someone you was once in love with and sticking around in attempts to 'salvage' or 'rekindle'. . . but there was no chemistry AT ALL?

You did the right thing jare, just 3 years and an announced engagement too late. grin
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by demystify(f): 11:29am On Oct 28, 2009
I did not waste his time for 3yrs. I have known him for three yrs before we started dating i didn't say i dated him/stayed with him for three yrs.  we're  engaged just 2 months after we started dating. and plsssssss note: from the word go i told him that we should just give it a try and made it known to him that i feel nothing for him but he was convinced that he may be able to make me love him.

If it were the other way round, i would have felt the same way he's feeling now. I'm not selfish, i always consider how someone feels before i take decisions that involves them but for how long would i continue to please someone's feeling and suppress mine?

He understands me perfectly even though it's hurting.

Negro_Ntns, God bless!
I just needed to know if God can put us thru such situations. Thanks for your understanding.
muchas gracias.
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by muggle(m): 12:02pm On Oct 28, 2009
I think there are no clear-cut answers when it comes to matters of the heart.

We all fail to realise that love is not essentially the main ingredient for a successful and long lasting marriage. In the days of old, we had "arrangee-marriages" which most of our parents were subjected to and these marriages last long. If we take a poll among these partners, most of them will confirm that they cannot survive without the other partner irrespective of the maltreatment from the other partner. This is because both paties "understand" each other. Understanding is key and with it love may even creep into a loveless marriage.

I am not saying love is totally useless or immaterial but it pays to understand your partner. You need to have "feelings" for your partner but that should not be the only basis for the marraige to work. The quality or character (beauty, wealth, generosity, care, attention, Godliness, e.t.c.) that made you fall in love with a guy may be faked or it may disappear later in life. Then, where does that leave you?
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by demystify(f): 12:41pm On Oct 28, 2009
Well muggle, it a different case when there is even a little likeness and a total different issue when you simply can't contain the person.

I need you folks to understand that, i agreed to date this guy because he told me he's prayed about it and "God" told him am the one. And I was scared with that "God says" thingy. Our 2 months dating was my time of prayer concerning his and at least a little feeling to grow but unfortunately it didn't work.

Anyhoo, muggle you got a point as well.

I presumed this forum as a market place of ideas.
What's done is done and i aint going back . . . i just wantted to view different opinions.

Thanks ev'body!
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by Nobody: 1:22pm On Oct 28, 2009
whitelexi:

u know what they say about girls tending to fall in love with men who look more like their dads wink wink wink
Yes so Whitelexi, I would be blessed to have a man like my Dad. Infact he called me this morning we gisted 4 about an hour and that made my day. I broke up an engagement once just some days to the trad and my Dad was the only one who asked me why and listened to my reasons. Moms and sisters kept lamenting on their wasted arrangements and like the poster they all told me to manage. Dad was the one who stood up for me and sent me somewhere till the heat cooled off. He always somehow trusts my judgment and we have a silent understanding perharps we are too much alike. He raised me to believe in my self and my decisions. Am so much of a Daddys Girl oh, and am proud to be
@ Poster, I feel you, you are bold. Most girls would just want to marry but you know what you want and what you deserve. It will be well my sister
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by Kenyaboy: 2:15pm On Oct 28, 2009
Open and shut case. I cant even think of anything more to say. You answered your own question
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by demystify(f): 2:30pm On Oct 28, 2009
aisha2:

Yes so Whitelexi, I would be blessed to have a man like my Dad. Infact he called me this morning we gisted 4 about an hour and that made my day. I broke up an engagement once just some days to the trad and my Dad was the only one who asked me why and listened to my reasons. Moms and sisters kept lamenting on their wasted arrangements and like the poster they all told me to manage. Dad was the one who stood up for me and sent me somewhere till the heat cooled off. He always somehow trusts my judgment and we have a silent understanding perharps we are too much alike. He raised me to believe in my self and my decisions. Am so much of a Daddys Girl oh, and am proud to be@ Poster, I feel you, you are bold. Most girls would just want to marry but you know what you want and what you deserve. It will be well my sister

I gotta check seriously. . . perhaps you got my dad in your possession. undecided
He understands me too much and am more than blessed to have him.

Thanks for your wishes aisha2, it feels good to know that i aint the only one who's been in that canoe before.
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by StellaN3(f): 2:32pm On Oct 28, 2009
poster God is not an author of confusion if He gives u some one He knows that u will take him and love him, but in this case i dont think God's hand is in it, since u dont love him is better the way u did it instead of disappointing him at the deying minute if he is convenced that it's God the same convenction should come to u also so that things will rhyme
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by Uby40(m): 2:43pm On Oct 28, 2009
i might be seeing this for the first time,but i must state that u did absolutely right by returning his ring and backing off from what was meant to be a marital union.If we ain't sure of anything,its in our best interest to back out,instead of leading someone else into a vague understanding of us.Most ladies reading this might think u did wrong,most would go ahead and marry for some financial security and stuffs.but later they'll come to realize that money is just not everything.
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by Nobody: 3:10pm On Oct 28, 2009
r231:

6 fig damm where is UJU wen u need her lol

You are trying to be a smart-ass aint you! lol!

Neway, if you see my first post here u'd know that I support her entirely. I'm saying this because I've done the same thing. I met a guy who was crazy about me and proposed to me. I said yes and I met his family and introduced him to mine. Of cos he's not bad looking and is not a broke ass!. We even fixed a date for the formal introduction. Why did I leave? The chemistry wasnt right!

I would go days without missing him, I would get angry over every lil thing he does, the tot of sex with him was . . . well not nice! I was engaged to him and I was flirting with other people. I guess it dawned on me that I couldn't be faithful to him if we got married. With all the money and comfort, I just had to let him go. Marrying someone you dont love is not only putting yourself in bondage, it's putting yourself at risk! If I have a hubby, I should be able to look the other way when I see a cute guy! I did try to love him, but I guess you dont force some things!

I left him and he got married to someone else 4 months later . . do I regret it? No! Do I miss him? No! Do I feel bad I broke his heart? Yes! I feel bad I let it get that far before being bold enough to walk out because if he did the same thing to me, I'd be the first to cry foul!

But all in all I have no regerts leaving him, because I have seen what it means to be in love, and that's what you marry for!
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by r231(m): 3:18pm On Oct 28, 2009
Ujujoan:

You are trying to be a smart-ass aint you! lol!

Neway, if you see my first post here u'd know that I support her entirely. I'm saying this because I've done the same thing. I met a guy who was crazy about me and proposed to me. I said yes and I met his family and introduced him to mine. Of cos he's not bad looking and is not a broke ass!. We even fixed a date for the formal introduction. Why did I leave? The chemistry wasnt right!

I would go days without missing him, I would get angry over every lil thing he does, the tot of sex with him was . . . well not nice! I was engaged to him and I was flirting with other people. I guess it dawned on me that I couldn't be faithful to him if we got married. With all the money and comfort, I just had to let him go. Marrying someone you dont love is not only putting yourself in bondage, it's putting yourself at risk! If I have a hubby, I should be able to look the other way when I see a cute guy! I did try to love him, but I guess you dont force some things!

I left him and he got married to someone else 4 months later . . do I regret it? No! Do I miss him? No! Do I feel bad I broke his heart? Yes! I feel bad I let it get that far before being bold enough to walk out because if he did the same thing to me, I'd be the first to cry foul!

But all in all I have no regerts leaving him, because I have seen what it means to be in love, and that's what you marry for!

Awwwwww, don mind me jare no worries
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by demystify(f): 3:39pm On Oct 28, 2009
Stella N:

if he is convenced that it's God the same convenction should come to u also so that things will rhyme
Thank you!

Uby40
Thanks.

Ujujoan, am glad to know that you know how it feels.
no wonder you understand me.
Re: Called Of My Engagement And No Regrets by Nobody: 3:42pm On Oct 28, 2009
demystify:

I gotta check seriously. . . perhaps you got my dad in your possession. undecided
He understands me too much and am more than blessed to have him.

Thanks for your wishes aisha2, it feels good to know that i aint the only who's been in that canoe before.

Dont worry dear, it will all pass. Yeh maybe i got ur dad or u got mine? Daddy is gonna be facing panel when i see him.
I salute you. After some time, if you dont get married some people will start saying why did you not marry that guy after all, but dont let it get to you, you did the right thing

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