@ Babyboy,

The first problem that needs to be solved is you!!! I can only sense jealously, jealousy and more jealousy in your post! I am not saying that your wife was right hiding her phone from you, NO!! The question is: "Why didnt you react or even ask her about it immediately you discovered the phone?" You see, subjecting yourself to unnecessary emotional stress very early in your marriage will only make you jump into taking irrational decisions.

More so, after checking through the contacts, I dont believe you needed to call anyone of them. You only showed them how very insecure you are in your very young marriage. The person you needed to contact immediately was your wife. At that point in time, you would be able to judge her by her reactions to you. If she acted suspicious, you would have known.

You really need to understand that certain issues need not be prolonged. The fact that she is staying away from you will only heighten your suspicions of her. You really need to be bold and act manly most times. Let her understand that you are aware of the phone and you need to understand why she hid this phone all the while. Let her explain to you what she does with the phone and why is it that only those names are on it,

Let her know that you love her and you are willing to do everything to make the marriage work if only she cooperates with you! You both need to be very open about your friends, relationship with others etc.  

The first few months after marriage are usually the most critical. You dont have to let jealously get a greater grip on you. Release your wife from that hold of jealousy, be very very patient with her. If she is trully cheating on you, somehow, someday, you will discover it, even with more concrete evidences she won't be able to deny. Be the wise one here.


Finally, stop thinking leaving your marriage is the best solution to a problem you are yet to solve!!!

@OP

you guys are MARRIED, just call her when next shes around, and ask her why she has a 3rd phone with only 2 male contacts, i'm sure there is an explanation that will save you this high blood presssure! who knows she might not cheating like you think, but if you have a strong feeling that she is, then she might be, are there times you dont know where she is??

divorce her jare,she dey mad

jumie,
thanks a lot.


She knows that am not the jealous type cos she believes that i trust her uh.

The issue now is that,

1.i did not tell her about the fone and she did not know whether i knew she has a third fone

2.For a way forward,wht do i do cos she will be coming to lagos dis weekend.

3.Do i need to raise this point when she come arround cos i made her realised that i was not the one that sent message to the guy cos i did not use my fone to send the text. (with this i have created an impression that i did know wht she was talking about), but i have gotten a fact that she knew the person.

4.So, how do i put it down so that i can get the fact now that i dnt have access to the fone here in lagos as the fone was kept in her place where i saw it.


Please,i need to act smart cos she did not know that i have knowledge of the fone.


For now,i have taken the numbers she stored on the third fone since the time i saw it nd the sim card number.

what do i do?

Thought marriage was supposed to be about trust.
It's obvious you guys have trust issues with one another.

A wife's undisclosed phone, and a husband playing detective.
Why not talk to her about your feelings?

And also tell her the truth, no need lying about the fact that you discovered her phone and sent a text message to the number stored on it -it's quite clear that you are the number one suspect.

You have the right to know whats going on too, so ask her for explanations on your fears.

@poster
bloody hell, be a man and confront her straight up. she is your wife, cant you even talk to her!!!!!!!
the minute you found that phone, you should have brought it to the table and ask her in a friendly manner(like married people do):
- whose phone is it?
- what is it for?
- who are these guys that are saved on it?
- why is it hidden?

thereafter you could have also asked:
- why is this guy calling HER to say that someone is harassing him?
- why does she care about the man
also it is safe to say that if you cant even communicate with your new -wife then there is a more serious problem in your marriage.

He has a point,confront her

Fellow Nairalanders,

I think I have to move on from here.

Thank you very much for all the contributions so far.

Wishing u all success in all ur endeavours.

She knows that am not the jealous type cos she believes that i trust her uh.

The issue now is that,

1.i did not tell her about the fone and she did not know whether i knew she has a third fone

2.For a way forward,wht do i do cos she will be coming to lagos dis weekend.

3.Do i need to raise this point when she come arround cos i made her realised that i was not the one that sent message to the guy cos i did not use my fone to send the text. (with this i have created an impression that i did know wht she was talking about), but i have gotten a fact that she knew the person.

4.So, how do i put it down so that i can get the fact now that i dnt have access to the fone here in lagos as the fone was kept in her place where i saw it.


Please,i need to act smart cos she did not know that i have knowledge of the fone.


For now,i have taken the numbers she stored on the third fone since the time i saw it nd the sim card number.
what do?, please there is no point hiding the fact,you will continue to hurt your self,make her to understand u know that,she has another phone,and u were the person that called the guy,please don't pretend over it.to be happy in your marriage,try to confront issues immediately you come across them.

in relationship there shud be trust and there are times u overlook and there are times u confront. just be a MAN dat u r and talk to her. u cud tell her u saw d phone and if she denies it then u know shes up to no good. period. dats ur answer. gud luck dude!

This story was cooked, its not true.
But if its true, then this guy is still a BOY, marriage is met for mature minds.

hey man! you're making this issue sound as if u guys didn't court b4 d marriage.
in my humble opinion, I think u should know her b4 u marry her.
I will not recommend divorce 4 u even if all the allegations are true, I will only
suggest that u face them, u're a man.
Who said whoever you gona marry after divorcing her won't do worse things
than that.
Pls take things easy as God guides u on how to manage ur issues.

Bokoharam « #89 on: Today at 07:50:18 AM »

@poster

You had an opportunity to actually discover whether or not your wife was cheating, but u misused it. Out of your stupidity, impatience & naivity, u spoiled the show. (I dont mean any harm)

Next, time, pretend u never saw the phone, build FBI/CIA kind of surveillance around her & the phone, smoke out the culprits, and even catch them red-handed. Lack of maturity & patience is your problem. U may not have a "next time" after all. B/c if truly she did that, she will never make such a mistake again.

My advice:

- pretend as if nothing happnd;

- apologise for accusing her wrongfully;

- lay ambush,

- mount tiny surveliance camera in your house if u can afford it;

- if she drives, instal a tiny CCTV/recoding device without her knowledge/suspicion. These gadgets are everywhere but a little expensive. Some are kept in wall clocks, while some hide perfectly inside or around picture frames.

- If u have a laptop with webcam, deliberately leave it on and use the video or voice recorder to do the job, but this can be easily discovered.

- If u drive, try to pack outside at times, and wallk into your house unexpected; then pay more attention to body language, & sudden phone cuts, or silence after convesations on phone.

- If she stays home, return in odd times & watch; u must learn a bit of psychology here

- Be sincere in your dealings with here; never betray any feeling of suspicion

I can tell u that d trust is 90% eroded, & u need to know who you married & what u ve got your self into.

Meanwhile, though chances are remote, she could also be innocent anyway. Although we are no God, but God has aided us with such equipment that I ve mentioned for you. Since here is not US where u can employ d services of CHEATERS to unravel the mystery, u ve got to do it yourself, using my advice.

CAVEAT: I hope she is on NL b/c she too will have taken cover.

Mail me personally (email) for more. But, I tell u, if u take my advice & execute it perfectly, u will be a man, Babyboy.

Babyboy26 (m) « #92 on: Today at 08:30:10 AM »

Hi everyody on Nairaland,

I have read all the suggestions u guys posted.Well,I still believe that the only way i can hold on my stand is to get access to the fone again as an evidence.Right now am in Lagos while she is in another state where she is working pending the transfer success.

I f i cant get the fone how will i proof this ponit to her.

To be candid,i have not accused her of this,i only text the no i gton the fone to know who the person is.I pretended as a friend to the person i saw on the fone and ask him to give me the number of her girlfriend friend no.this is where i mentned the name of my wife as his girlfriend to get the fact.


Little did i realised this,my wife called  that somebody called her as per the text i sent to the guy.She first accused me why i was challenging someone but i pretended that i knew nothing about it cos i dnt have the fone with me at the moment to proof this.

So can u guys feel me now .Tell me what to do.Should i wait till when i get the fone to proof this or?

I sent u the earlier comment. I havel also read your comments including the one above. But, I dont think I got the type of job she does.

It appears she has been away from you, even while u were dating/courting. But, I tell u, there is more to be unravelled that one can imagine here.

While people are advising that u confront her headlong, I still maintain dt u watch clearly the type of person u married, giving that both of u may not have known each other well before now. Mayb, u married a young girl residing where she grew up & works while you seeking out your liveliness in Lagos.

U need to know-your-wife (KYW)!!! I still advise u do that discretely.

What many people do not know is that only a dumb girl would not have a clever answer to give when u ask her about the phone and the numbers therein. Simple answers: my girlfriend's phone, a cousin's, a colleague's, a neighbour's, a roommate's, etc. That is of no use. It is only movies that a wife would start crying & confessing when such questions are asked. She knows it is a life-&-death I mean, make-or-mar situation, and she would be desperate to cover her ploy.

Employ the FBI surveillance tactics and nail her. Talking it over will make a hardened criminal 'born-again,' only to pull wool over your eyes, and be sleeping with even your bestman.

Remember, I said, there is no 100% guarantee that she's cheating on you. But in this case, somthing is fishy, I can tell u. Now that you have the SIM card number, let c whether your wife will hide it. If I were to be d one here, I would keep silent and first watch her disposition/psychology. Will she throw away the phone? Will she raise up the issue again by herself?

It appears u are not close to your wife?

WELL.WELL.WELL, ,
SUCH IS LIFE MY DEAR.
sit her down and discuss it.Ask for what she want and what both of you should do to make the marraige work.

@poster i think u have concluded about what to do b4 posting dis topic. abeg free us make we discuss important things jare and carry ur one legged married to ur bedroom.

You sound very immature and your complain is so shallow that I begin to wonder how old you are to have gotten married and can't handle small issues. If your wife has a phone that you don't know about and you went behind her back to check numbers on it and discovered only two male numbers, what stops you from outrightly asking her and giving her the chance to explain her reasons. You are already contemplating dissolution of the union after less than 2months! What kind of union do we have these days? Are we immature to handle issues or we are just plain impatient in accommodating each other? Just check out 9ice and payne! I'm sure there were tell tales of infidelity b4 the marriage and just after a year, it has crumbled! What is wrong with you Babyboy? Go on and work it out with your wife and stop whining to us here in Nairaland. Ha!!!

Hi people,at this jucture,I say a big thank you to ALL for the immense contribution so far.

Thank you very much and my kind regards to all.

im beginning to think this babyboy of a person is just messing with us all,

Babyboy26:

Hi people,at this jucture,I say a big thank you to ALL for the immense contribution so far.

Thank you very much and my kind regards to all.

in fact after all the insults he is still saying thank you
this guy is probably rolling on the floor laughing at all these responses, from the truly caring to the downright insultive.
shior!

Tolulop001,

why did u say that am messing with u guys?

As a rational thinker,I need to thank you ALL for the advice.

Or u think its not necessary to thank you guys?

I wonder why u sent the two posts.

To be frank nd sincere,am not making jest of anybody rather than thanking u ALL for the advice so far.

@babyboy26

Are u sure your wife is not on nairaland reading this post??


Becareful so that you will not be the one to beg after she has

had enough time to prepare for you. The way it is now, it seems

she is smarter than you, if not you suppose to have pick that fone

away since the day you saw it. Well, no shaking try and take things

easy and not to be too suspicious. This can affect you psycologically

and mentally. If you are trully faithful to her and she tried to do otherwise,

do not worry yourself, everything will be revealed to you as if you consult the

oracle.

guy , i believe b/4 u got married 2 her u mst ave kwn much abt her n u ar satisfy wit dat, so i think u shd sit her dwn & let her explain things 2 u, dat is if u trust her sha

Babyboy26:

Tolulop001,

why did u say that am messing with u guys?

As a rational thinker,I need to thank you ALL for the advice.

Or u think its not necessary to thank you guys?

I wonder why u sent the two posts.

To be frank nd sincere,am not making jest of anybody rather than thanking u ALL for the advice so far.

Guy no vex o, just felt u may be pullin our legs,
i think u should just sit and really think about ur marriage. im not married or anything but i know
that coming to a forum like this for such a delicate matter is a sure way to get confused.
sit down and think of the most rational thing to do.

Tolulop001,

I no dey vex Babe just a little understanding.

So far,i appreciate ur contribution.

txs.

of which if she is on Nairaland u are doomed!!! lol

"of which if she is on Nairaland u are doomed!!! lol"

Tolulop001,why did u say that?

Babyboy26:

Tolulop001,

I no dey vex Babe just a little understanding.

So far,i appreciate your contribution.

txs.

You just called another girl babe make she no hear am!

ok!!

@babyboy26,
first i must tell u that u are really a baby boy! u've carried everythin about your private life to nairaland!

secondly, your topic doesnt even suit your problems,
thirdly, if i remember, u are the same person that created a thread b4 this same marriage asking US on NL to solve the impendimng DOOM of your FORTHCOMING MARRIAGE!! then next u were INVITING us for the marriage

take a hold of your self, not that its wrong to seek for advice, but at the rate u ar goin, the nect thread from u may be that u are informing us of a divorce (God Forbid!)

lastly, like sum1 rightly pointed out, if u loose trust in your marriage u may never get it back.

My personal advice, dont go looking for trouble and snooping around, where trouble has not manifested, gluck

@ poster,
a marriage of less than 2 months and you're already talking of divorce as a solution to your first marital storm
the enemy has come to steal,to kill & to destroy, dont allow it
take this to God in prayers
confront her thereafter,i believ dialogue is the best therapy to relatioship storms such as this besides its time to BE A MAN
from your posts, i deduce you want to CATCH her red handed thats why you don't want to ask her abt the fone
thats why you choose to bring it out in front of her to her amazement.that maybe childish
CONFRONT HER.LET HER DENY IT (as expected)
give yourself time to heal
if she's a player, it's only a matter of time, but dont dwell on it or snoop around, you'll hurt more
God's grace

GUY, I MEAN BABYBOY ; LET ME GIVE YOU AN EASY WAY OUT.LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY.

D 1ST STEP IS: YU HAVE TO GET THAT PHONE NUMBER,

2. GET A PHONE USER GUIDE /MANUAL FROM THE BUS STOP THOSE GUYS SELLING SOME KIND OF SMALL PHONE BOOKLET THAT TEACHES YOU EVERY THING BOUT A GSM HANDSET THEY ALSO SELL CURRENT AFFAIRS.(YOU GET NOW SEEE?)

3. THERE'S AN INSTRUCTION IN THE BOOKLET THAT WILL TEACH HOW TO CONFIGURE THAT YOUR WIFE PHONE NUMBER TO YOUR PHONE THAT EACH TIME SHE MAKES OR RECEIVE CALL UR PHONE WILL RING TOO,THEN YOU WILL THEN LISTEN UP TO THE CONVERSATION THEREIN.

GUY NO CARRY LAST ADVICE UR SELF,COS LAST LAST YOU GO JUST DIE FOR AN UNKNOWN CAUSE.

guy your new wife is talking, proberly to just one other guy out there. who has the 2 numbers on that her other fone, Maybe that was the person she ought to have married or some stupid guy who has a smooth and stupid sweet talking mouth. who tells her sexy stuufs on the fone like you wud never do. well i still believe she must have even slept or been sleeping with this so called unknown guy, You just have to act right. Listen! you aint over reacting in any way. Tell it to her face that she is hiding something from you. something that could make the whole world laugh at her. Remember you are the MAN IN CHARGE here. So treat her like a cheating lady should be treated, If there is no genuie Apology and beging from her, then TALK TO YOUR PEOPLE first, then her own people.