ominirajj:
Hi matured minds
I need an honest advice here. My husband has become a stumbling block for me, whenever i bring any opnion to him he sees the negative aspect only . i told him i want to learn hair dressing he goes against it, there was a time i got a job in airport hotel went against it.
Now why am so depressed and sad is that i have went to field to train because i cannot afford money to attend GYM house what he have to say is that that place is not secure becos of thugs.
This is a kind of man who doesnt contribute to my getting a befiting work, all he does condemn anything i do
Am a Gospel artist , he wont allow me go for outings especially night vigils. Am i not in trouble already or what can i do?
He is also violent and a bully

Dearest Ominirajj u knew all of the above and still went ahead to marry him? Hmm. .how do we fit in now? Anyways Jst talk to him though, how important it is for u to follow ur passion.

sekundosekundo:



Any how you look at it, a pretender is a pretender whether in courtship or dating. Pray that you don't fall into the hand of a pretender.

Oh, prayer has its part, grace, faith, etc, but you have to work things to work. Like I said, it is not a matter of pretence but of agreement. If you pretend to want something but agree on another you are still obliged. No man can read another man's mind. Marraige is not sentiments. It is agreement. The Bible says, 'can two work together except they agree'. People change but what they
agreed to remains. For most courtship is a fun period. Real courtship is no fun I tell you. This is where most people start to get 'disappointed' about the person they propose to marry and expectations are reset but others gloss over it and prefer to know the whole package when it is too late.

...

ominirajj:
Hi matured minds
I need an honest advice here. My husband has become a stumbling block for me, whenever i bring any opnion to him he sees the negative aspect only . i told him i want to learn hair dressing he goes against it, there was a time i got a job in airport hotel went against it.
Now why am so depressed and sad is that i have went to field to train because i cannot afford money to attend GYM house what he have to say is that that place is not secure becos of thugs.
This is a kind of man who doesnt contribute to my getting a befiting work, all he does condemn anything i do
Am a Gospel artist , he wont allow me go for outings especially night vigils. Am i not in trouble already or what can i do?
He is also violent and a bully

My dear, listen to your husband. If truly you married the man your desired and loved. You should be able to trust him as he leads and you follow faithfully. That's is if you want to still remains his wife or be the husband and lead the family, let him follow. Who is the head in the family? If i may ask. Maybe, you think are. Respect your husband o. My advice to ladies and he would honour you the wife.

This na serious case o..
Some people here said the right thing.if you. Know ya husband is stoping ya dreams you need to think if you married him very well .so.e men are very jelouse .you should have known him very well during dating times ..I pray he will change and become a good husband.takecare sister n continue to sing

Be patient madam,be submissive.
Again try to inquire from him why he is saying no to all your suggestions

go call Antonio Joshua mak him beat am

Dear Poster, You have acted very unwisely and you are about to set yourself on fire. If you need advice on family problems, find a wife and mother who is more mature than you are, or go to your pastor is you have a good one.
This forum is the worst place on earth to seek for such advice and you will find all sorts of answers but I assure you that you will end up with more harm than good.
Meanwhile, I wont let my wife to work in a hotel. I wont let my wife go for night vigils. The chances are high that I may also not want my wife to become a hair dresser cos that's where all the gossips in the world builds its home.

Our wives, you ppl should pls help us. It is not always rosy, understanding is the key. Find the kind of job that will give him peace of mind and you too will be happy.. Stop looking for hotel and night jobs, it is not very suitable for responsible married women

ominirajj:
Hi matured minds
I need an honest advice here. My husband has become a stumbling block for me, whenever i bring any opnion to him he sees the negative aspect only . i told him i want to learn hair dressing he goes against it, there was a time i got a job in airport hotel went against it.
Now why am so depressed and sad is that i have went to field to train because i cannot afford money to attend GYM house what he have to say is that that place is not secure becos of thugs.
This is a kind of man who doesnt contribute to my getting a befiting work, all he does condemn anything i do
Am a Gospel artist , he wont allow me go for outings especially night vigils. Am i not in trouble already or what can i do?
He is also violent and a bully

Well congratulations!!! You are now really married and the reality of marriage has trumped the fantasies of a fancy pre-wedding photo shoot and glamorous wedding...as for your challenge, you have two options; the first is to seek a divorce and join the fast growing club of divorcees or seek the one person who alone has the ability to change the hearts of mankind, GOD! If your choice is the later, then stay out of trouble, accept his opinion for now (for peace sake), pray to GOD concerning your obstinate husband asking GOD to deal with any agent or factor making your husband an obstacle to the fulfillment of your purpose on earth, develop your mental and spiritual prowess while you wait on GOD...and again I say "stay out of direct confrontation with your husband" and let GOD himself do the confronting...

sekundosekundo:



Pls it is not about how many years you dated b4 marriage. A pretender can date you 100yrs pretending to be good. I don't believe in long dating but I believe in sincerity. It took me 14 days after meeting my wife to ask for her hand in marriage, one month after we did our trad. two months after we did Church wedding. Yet I didn't see her pants until our wedding night and we are living happily.

I think the problem with some people is insincerity in marriage. A lot of men and women are not sincere to their spouses and once the man or woman discovered that you have lied to him or her, forget it.

In this case, I think the man is afraid maybe from past experience hence he's behaving this way.

Until I hear from the man.

Shalom.

God bless you...I respect ur comment so much and d most mature so far.....IF don't understand y people keep basing successful marriage on long courtship....it doesn't dat way....d simple ingredient is what u have alighted... sincerity....nothing more

cj1900:
Dear Poster, You have acted very unwisely and you are about to set yourself on fire. If you need advice on family problems, find a wife and mother who is more mature than you are, or go to your pastor is you have a good one.
This forum is the worst place on earth to seek for such advice and you will find all sorts of answers but I assure you that you will end up with more harm than good.
Meanwhile, I wont let my wife to work in a hotel. I wont let my wife go for night vigils. The chances are high that I may also not want my wife to become a hair dresser cos that's where all the gossips in the world builds its home.

Our wives, you ppl should pls help us. It is not always rosy, understanding is the key. Find the kind of job that will give him peace of mind and you too will be happy.. Stop looking for hotel and night jobs, it is not very suitable for responsible married women

u are blessed...very good response

femolacqua:
This serious, I think you should see your Pastor to intervene and check what the cause of the issue.

what do you mean pastor

That guy doesn't have any iota of trust in you.
Sort that out.

@OP, just to clarify the violent and bullying part. Has your hubby hit you or threatened to physically hit you (this is evil) Or is he just Verbally insultive (which is also bad).

I feel your husband may actually want you to work, just that he's not comfortable with the ones (jobs) you've gotten so far. For example he mentioned that the first job wasn't quite safe considering the thugs and he has a good point. Unless you're 100% sure you wouldn't have any issue with the thugs when they start cat calling you etc. Also he doesn't trust those so called Night Vigils they hold in churches these days. A lot of things happen in churches these days, minus the fact that it's actually a safety risk to move out at night.
I feel maybe your husband is a little bit insecure. Also if you can get a job with No RED flags, I doubt he will object.

please d husband is not insecured....who will allow a married woman to work in a hotel.? who goes to night vigil with rampant case of pastor molesting deir female followers.? what about ritualist dat can carry out their havoc on her way home.? what about rapists(Area boys or Agberos) hiding around at night.? Look I always tell people to use their brain oool..

Oyindidi:
Jealous and over possessive husband

please d husband is not
insecured....who will allow a married
woman to work in a hotel.? who goes
to night vigil with rampant case of
pastor molesting deir female
followers.? what about ritualist dat
can carry out their havoc on her way
home.? what about rapists(Area boys
or Agberos) hiding around at night.?
Look I always tell people to use their
brain oool..

Fourwinds:



please d husband is not
insecured....who will allow a married
woman to work in a hotel.? who goes
to night vigil with rampant case of
pastor molesting deir female
followers.? what about ritualist dat
can carry out their havoc on her way
home.? what about rapists(Area boys
or Agberos) hiding around at night.?
Look I always tell people to use their
brain oool..

Then he should be paying her monthly

Pidgin2:
Your husband sounds like a dream killer, someone who won't be happy to see you prosper. There's nothing you can do part from reporting him to your God.

please d husband is not
insecured....who will allow a married
woman to work in a hotel.? who goes
to night vigil with rampant case of
pastor molesting deir female
followers.? what about ritualist dat
can carry out their havoc on her way
home.? what about rapists(Area boys
or Agberos) hiding around at night.?
Look I always tell people to use their
brain oool..

ominirajj:
Hi matured minds
I need an honest advice here. My husband has become a stumbling block for me, whenever i bring any opnion to him he sees the negative aspect only . i told him i want to learn hair dressing he goes against it, there was a time i got a job in airport hotel went against it.
Now why am so depressed and sad is that i have went to field to train because i cannot afford money to attend GYM house what he have to say is that that place is not secure becos of thugs.
This is a kind of man who doesnt contribute to my getting a befiting work, all he does condemn anything i do
Am a Gospel artist , he wont allow me go for outings especially night vigils. Am i not in trouble already or what can i do?
He is also violent and a bully

I first of all went through your past posts to have an inclination as to who you are.Am sorry but your husband has a good point for being a "pain" in your neck...you are not a composed women even by your choice of words
Am not insulting you ,am simply stating my observation based on your past words.I also have a feeling that you do insult him or throw harsh rude comments at him

Oyindidi:
Then he should be paying her monthly

d truth of d matter is dat there is/are work this woman can still do dat will not cause commotion...she should look inward or let her tell d husband to suggest.....look I'm a keen observer...I know women in my area dat once it is 5pm dey must close their shops to go home...

1... it serves such women of being raped or killed by ritualist..

2..they meet up with domestic work at home .,I.e cooking etc...

3....d children are not completing cut of from d mother/parent before bed time.

ominirajj:
Hi matured minds
I need an honest advice here. My husband has become a stumbling block for me, whenever i bring any opnion to him he sees the negative aspect only . i told him i want to learn hair dressing he goes against it, there was a time i got a job in airport hotel went against it.
Now why am so depressed and sad is that i have went to field to train because i cannot afford money to attend GYM house what he have to say is that that place is not secure becos of thugs.
This is a kind of man who doesnt contribute to my getting a befiting work, all he does condemn anything i do
Am a Gospel artist , he wont allow me go for outings especially night vigils. Am i not in trouble already or what can i do?
He is also violent and a bully

And HolY Bible said ''Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands...''



He paid ur Bride price...He owns U...no matter what..


For better, for Worst...

ominirajj:
Hi matured minds
I need an honest advice here. My husband has become a stumbling block for me, whenever i bring any opnion to him he sees the negative aspect only . i told him i want to learn hair dressing he goes against it, there was a time i got a job in airport hotel went against it.
Now why am so depressed and sad is that i have went to field to train because i cannot afford money to attend GYM house what he have to say is that that place is not secure becos of thugs.
This is a kind of man who doesnt contribute to my getting a befiting work, all he does condemn anything i do
Am a Gospel artist , he wont allow me go for outings especially night vigils. Am i not in trouble already or what can i do?
He is also violent and a bully

please d husband is not
insecured....who will allow a married
woman to work in a hotel.? who goes
to night vigil with rampant case of
pastor molesting deir female
followers.? what about ritualist dat
can carry out their havoc on her way
home.? what about rapists(Area boys
or Agberos) hiding around at night.?
Look I always tell people to use their
brain oool..

babythug:
Dear OP it seems you've entered one chance oh! You will just have to continually find creative ways to get by in the relationship.

Firstly since you know he will likely look for Loopholes in whatever proposals you bring work on the packaging a bit more. For eg you can say " dear husband economy is biting hard right now you are unable to provide all our needs as a family as such I've gone to source an extra source of income to help our family. The job is as xyz in a hotel. I will interact with visitors but be assured of my faithfulness to you"

Another example " this my weight is bothering me gym will cost xyz can you please pay? If answer is no then you chip in the field and say other people exercise there safely so you'd be fine etc etc

For everything you wanna present anticipate any loopholes he may exploit to discourage you!

You will also have to firmly but politely insist on having your way in some instances too! He's your husband not your creator abeg

please d husband is not
insecured....who will allow a married
woman to work in a hotel.? who goes
to night vigil with rampant case of
pastor molesting deir female
followers.? what about ritualist dat
can carry out their havoc on her way
home.? what about rapists(Area boys
or Agberos) hiding around at night.?
Look I always tell people to use their
brain oool..

jauntty:
1. This is a one sided tale, so our opinions might be color blinded.

2. I think you hubby is concern about "social status" and is lil insecure, especially the Airport HOTEL job, going out for vigil and the GYM. Personally I won't allow it too . I have seen "things " happening in places

3. Saying NO is never enough tho, he owes you a duty to help you get a comfortable job or start a business he is comfortable with.... And not just saying NO. Let him suggest

4. For the GYM part, why not ask him to come along, if possible create a time that's comfortable for both of you, or he can help you with some DIY home gym stuff.

5. True life story, A friend had a similar problem, she finally settle for selling of drinks and wines in wholesale. Funny enough, the hubby lost his exotic bank job this year, so it's the Wify that's supporting the fam.

6. For the bully part, it's a NO NO, especially physical assault.... Run and get HELP.



Omo, typing nor easy ooo

another beautiful comment...I like ur analysis

PaperLace:
Two types of men you should never marry
i. A foolish man.
ii. An insecure man.

While a foolish man will kill you out frustration from his illogical reasoning ability _ an insecure man will kill you out of anger, rage (this explains his violent trait), or create a situation where you can kill yourself out of depression.

Your husband is probably suffering from scars of past experience. May we not be victims of anyone's 'ex-disappointments'.

please d husband is not
insecured....who will allow a married
woman to work in a hotel.? who goes
to night vigil with rampant case of
pastor molesting deir female
followers.? what about ritualist dat
can carry out their havoc on her way
home.? what about rapists(Area boys
or Agberos) hiding around at night.?
Look I always tell people to use their
brain oool..

sekundosekundo:



Pls it is not about how many years you dated b4 marriage. A pretender can date you 100yrs pretending to be good. I don't believe in long dating but I believe in sincerity. It took me 14 days after meeting my wife to ask for her hand in marriage, one month after we did our trad. two months after we did Church wedding. Yet I didn't see her pants until our wedding night and we are living happily.

I think the problem with some people is insincerity in marriage. A lot of men and women are not sincere to their spouses and once the man or woman discovered that you have lied to him or her, forget it.

In this case, I think the man is afraid maybe from past experience hence he's behaving this way.

Until I hear from the man.

Shalom.

You did not see her pant until after the wedding abi? But when u checked after the wedding, you found out she has been showcasing her pants to other people before you. Who ur story esp?

Fourwinds:


please d husband is not
insecured....who will allow a married
woman to work in a hotel.? who goes
to night vigil with rampant case of
pastor molesting deir female
followers.? what about ritualist dat
can carry out their havoc on her way
home.? what about rapists(Area boys
or Agberos) hiding around at night.?
Look I always tell people to use their
brain oool..

Use your own head first. The husband is insecure, simple!

If it were a woman stopping her husband from doing this and that _would we be having this discussion? Don't bother answering...

mastermaestro:
I am curious why you want us to have your email. This explains why your husband is uncomfortable letting you go out alone. I ain't judging you already, but I think you sound like an insincere person, and he knows this. You just are looking for freedom to go where your soul longs for. Hey, you are married now! Marriage comes with restrictions and loss of some freedoms.

God bless u my guy....a lot of women don't know dat marriage comes with restriction...y will u want ur husband home early and not late at nite...will u call dat possessiveness or insecurity.? people just come online and jump to conclusion dat she/he insecure....better know when to use dat word

PaperLace:

Use your own head first. The husband is insecure, simple!

If it were a woman stopping her husband from doing this and that _would we be having this discussion? Don't bother answering...

..a lot of men and
women don't know dat marriage
comes with restriction...y will u want
ur husband home early and not late
at nite...will u call dat
possessiveness or insecurity.?
people just come online and jump to
conclusion dat she/he
insecure....better know when to use
dat word...d ring on ur finger after marriage., what does it mean? it is a chain dat u belong to one individual only from dat day on....namely sexually., emotionally., spiritually... u think u have d freedom to do whatever u like.? bros it is better u don't marry if u don't want such restrictions

Fourwinds:




..a lot of men and
women don't know dat marriage
comes with restriction...y will u want
ur husband home early and not late
at nite...will u call dat
possessiveness or insecurity.?
people just come online and jump to
conclusion dat she/he
insecure....better know when to use
dat word

You're beginning to sound off. I'm jumping to conclusion because I called the man insecure, people that accused her of being wayward didn't jump to conclusion. If my husband wants to go for a night vigil, my only concern would be his safety. If my concern moves from safety to he could be sleeping with another woman, that's insecurity and lack of trust.

If I stop my husband from acquiring a skill _wrong.
If I stop my husband from going to gym _wrong.

If I keep kicking against every single idea my husband brings without giving him any valuable advise, I have issues!

I'm sure if this were a man,she should be happy...after all he is going to feed her lazy bum with the money.

Now, don't quote me again. You have been going about agreeing with people that said what you want to hear. This is my own opinion, deal with it.

ominirajj:
Hi matured minds
I need an honest advice here. My husband has become a stumbling block for me, whenever i bring any opnion to him he sees the negative aspect only . i told him i want to learn hair dressing he goes against it, there was a time i got a job in airport hotel went against it.
Now why am so depressed and sad is that i have went to field to train because i cannot afford money to attend GYM house what he have to say is that that place is not secure becos of thugs.
This is a kind of man who doesnt contribute to my getting a befiting work, all he does condemn anything i do
Am a Gospel artist , he wont allow me go for outings especially night vigils. Am i not in trouble already or what can i do?
He is also violent and a bully

Bedrock of any marriage should be trust and understanding and those two are the definition of love. You can't claim to love someone and not trust them. Your husband is insecure... I hate to suscribe to the point that he is over protective. He is selfish and insecure and if you say you have never been wayward, I believe you.

I once dated a lady that always asks me why I am not jealous about it when she takes male calls in my presence, and do other stuff... I just told her that I trust her and she knows the right thing to do...so no need me forcing her to do anything she does not want. Believe me, she respects me a lot till this day. It is called maturity.

Your husband is
Insecure
Selfish
And immature.

Imagine trying to learn a trade and he stops you, got a job, he stops you...
Very soon he will stop you from eating, making your hair, eating certain foods cos he sees negatives in them.

Madam, your husband don fail the first and only rule of marriage success which is Happy wife = Happy life.

Better call ur family and pastor to talk some sense into him b4 u guys head for the wall of disaster...

PaperLace:

You're beginning to sound off. I'm jumping to conclusion because I called the man insecure, people that accused her of being wayward didn't jump to conclusion. If my husband wants to go for a night vigil, my only concern would be his safety. If my concern moves from safety to he could be sleeping with another woman, that's insecurity and lack of trust.

If I stop my husband from acquiring a skill _wrong.
If I stop my husband from going to gym _wrong.

If I keep kicking against every single idea my husband brings without giving him any valuable advise, I have issues!

I'm sure if this were a man,she should be happy...after all he is going to feed her lazy bum with the money.

Now, don't quote me again. You have been going about agreeing with people that said what you want to hear. This is my own opinion, deal with it.

ur opinion kwa.!!! please look for dat man dat u will list all these for. before u get married to him ok....eat ur cake and still have it...goid bye

cj1900:
Dear Poster, You have acted very unwisely and you are about to set yourself on fire. If you need advice on family problems, find a wife and mother who is more mature than you are, or go to your pastor is you have a good one.
This forum is the worst place on earth to seek for such advice and you will find all sorts of answers but I assure you that you will end up with more harm than good.
Meanwhile, I wont let my wife to work in a hotel. I wont let my wife go for night vigils. The chances are high that I may also not want my wife to become a hair dresser cos that's where all the gossips in the world builds its home.

Our wives, you ppl should pls help us. It is not always rosy, understanding is the key. Find the kind of job that will give him peace of mind and you too will be happy.. Stop looking for hotel and night jobs, it is not very suitable for responsible married women

If ONLY she will listen to you. She's set to ruin her happiness already. A fly that is set to die will not listen to advise. I only pray she will see reason with this advice.