IAH:

Legs has spoken like a true wife material.

IAH my sister how i go do now? abi did i lie?

someone rightly said that you have to marry someone u can trust with everything... and that includes your finances.

Hi Y'all, newbie here.

Submit a paycheck to your husband? sounds a bit extreme but not out of place. Let your husband know how much you earn? I think should be applauded. I started showing my wife my payslip (not to be confused with submiting my paycheck to her, though I don't even see a thing wrong with except that I'm currently taking my lovely wife on a course on personal finance right now which I believe she'll come out in flying colours), and after a while, she got tired of wanting to know how much, as long as stuff came out from it.

What I see most of the time with womenfolk is akin to the Queer guys fighting for gay rights. A woman wants her husband to share in the domestic activities in the house, but she also wants to (re)define the word "submission". It wasn't until I got married that I realised what a bitter taste that word left in their mouths.

For the Christians amongst us, somewhere in the Bible it says "submit to your Husbands as unto the Lord". I'd like at this point to say "Nuff Said!", but I just have a little more to say. Really, now more than ever women, in their quest to establish their equality to men are losing their God-given strength and real power over men. The strength of a woman lies in her soft tongue and submissive spirit and not in a contentious spirit or harsh tongue (or the straight fist, either).

I'd daresay the issue with the paycheck couple probably wasn't about the paycheck in the first place.

Yes ooh DAngelo  Its not out of place but like u said its the Extreme... Me 4 one would never submit my pay check to my guy... he wont even ask... though he knows how much i earn but thats my money and thats that.... That does not mean i do not contribute in the house ooh...

But people are funny sha... that one na katakata

@ DAngelo,
welcome to nairaland
you could be right, its possible they are fighting over issues far more than the paycheck!

DAngelo:

I'd daresay the issue with the paycheck couple probably wasn't about the paycheck in the first place.

Thanks Bagoma! Nice issues up in here.

Hello Ladies and gents, as a married woman I'd like to give my input. From a xtian point of view as wives we have to be totally submissive to our husbands in everything even in our hearts(hard, still trying to get there). So if your husband says hand over ur pay cheque u do and if u feel he is tight or sqaundering your money, go on your knees and let God deal with his heart. I pray that you single ladies eventually get married to responsible Godly men who has the family interest at heart. You can do your part by praying for wisdom for him. The Lord that has placed him as the head will surely honour your heart desires if He knows that you are doing His will.
Yes my hubby looks after our finances, and we pay our salaries into a joint account . Everything is joint, houses,investment etc. Once u are married two becomes one and everything is joint.

Nice try

@ mikun,
joint everything, hmmmmn!
if it works[b] for you [/b] why not?

God created marriage and therefore has the instruction manual,just like Sony has manual for all its products.

1.God said the husband is the head of the wife
2.The wife should submit to the husband IN ALL THINGS (including the paychecks)
3.The husband should love the wife even to the point of giving his life for the woman.
4.The man should provide for his household (not from the wife's paycheck)

Sarah called Abraham "lord" meaning "boss" or "oga" and Abraham did not make her a slave,he had slaves(helps) in the house. Abraham loved Sarah!

A wise man will make her wife financially independent.
A wise woman will not hide her paycheck from her husband.

I am married and despite the fact that my wife works and earns almost the same amount I earn, I have a plan to make her financially loaded.Even if she is financially loaded,I will still fulfill my role/duty:give her allowances for her personal and home upkeep,buy her suits and shoes and all that.
I once told her she is the financial director of the home.This does not take anything away from me.

Mikun,
I must say I thank God for your life.
As you continue to submit to your husband in all things,with all prayer,you will find out your family will be heaven on earth.
For those who do otherwise,there will always be quarrels and transfered aggression here and there.

However,the joint account thing is basically up to couples to decide,once they have smooth understanding.The bottom line still remains "stick with God's instruction manual".

I do not have a joint account with my wife because she has got to give to the work of God and pay her tithes etc, so she has write her checks personally.Therefore, she has got to her her own current account since I do not have a say over how much she gives to God.It is for my own good,that I allow that.
But we can have joint savings account,and joint business and whatever we want to have jointly.

Hey,I just asked my wife if she can submit her paycheck to me and she said "why not ?"

I was glad to hear cos I have never asked her that kinda thing before.
If we love ourselves, and she trusts me,she should not be afraid to do so.
It might even be for her own good so that she does not spend outta budget.
But I will propose the man helping their wives to be financially disciplined.That's all.

I will come down to earth here. I am a LIVING example. My wife earns more than I do. It wasn't like that before now. I used to earn more than herself, and at that time, I was PLAIN enough to let her know how much I was earning and sit with her and plan our lives together. Sounds like unusual for Nigerian men ehn? But that was the case with me.

So, when she got this fantastic job, I DID NOT ask her to show me her payslip, or submit her paycheck before she came smiling and telling me that the Lord has done it for US with the TWO for the first month. Because we've been very plain to each other over the years up to that level that no one need hide anything from the other, her response was, kind of, done without any feeling of someone coming to reap where he did not sow - golddigger is it?

I'll chip in here that this question will not crop up in the first place if there's MUTUAL understanding and LOVE between husband and wife.

And this is what my wife said about the whole thing, just now.


''Most of the folks that are against it are either not married or married to the wrong guy. In as much as they plan together, I see no reason why they should not save together. Take for example in our case, I notice that most time you always want the bulk of the money to be with me because you know I will not spend it anyhow on frivolous things, so all it takes is just understanding between both parties. They should take their time to study each other very well.
With love''

You can call her Mrs. Ono. She's not joined this forum yet.

wow!! God Bless you two!! thatz how itz supposed to be!!!

Thanks gospelman, I've only been married for 5 wondeful years and still trying to get "there". I pray the Lord will continue to sustain your home too in Jesus name. Another good thing about the joint thing it's that it curbs your spending. I do have full access to the accounts but I always think twice now before buying things. Our personal thithes we pay from our personal accounts by transfering money to our personal acounts. The other seeds we sow elsewhere are from the joint account.

And for the other ladies that are saying NO, before I got married due to not managing my money properly (earning more than enough)I was in debt, since my husband took over I never have to worry about anything financial anymore, everything is paid on time and thank God he is so disciplined, we are no more in debt (when we got married it became our debt), now my focus can be on my hubby and kids instead of worring about bills all the time.
Saying that I feel the more disciplined person should run the finances, doesn't matter if it's the wife or the husband.

Ono,
I must say I am happy people like you are in here.
There is no reason why the woman should feel insecure about that unless like you said she married the wrong guy.
Where there is love and understanding things just work out fine.

It depends on how my husband asks for the paycheck. If it's routine for us to put our money in OUR joint account and we both make decisions on how money is spent, then I'll give it to him. If he demands it because he feels he has the right to control my money, then no, I refuse to give it to him. That is the context that the story was in that started this discussion so in that situation, my husband wouldn't have seen my paycheck.

"Women are the weaker vessel and they need to submit themselves to us. We will give them respect but we are the commander-in-chief of the house."

I am not a weak vessel just because that's what society has dictated, therefore I am not to be controlled by anyone. Reasoning like that allows some men to get carried away and treat their wives more like a child. I will never allow room for that because we are partners in marriage and he can't forget that.

Naijadiva,
I pray you will not have a problem with your marriage.
If you are not aware,better know that your husband is your boss!You are parters,correct but he is your head.So in the context of marriage,you are not equal to your husband.Realizing this truth will help you build your home even stronger.Saying that it depends on how he asks for the paycheck is not right at all.No matter how he asks for it,your duty is to obey him first and foremost.Then if you have anything to say about that,that has got to be later.But the bottom line is that you has obeyed him as your husband.This will help you a lot.And please do not listen nor keep company with women who disrespect their husbands directly or indirectly.The kill the home and the joy in marriage.

Whether it is right or wrong for him to as for your paycheck is another subject.
I am married but i have never asked my wife to do that,but if I do,she will give it to me not because she is a fool/slave.
The problem is that many,even married people do no understand what marriage is all about:you and your husband are ON.This truth will help you a lot.

For where no way!!! not in this world. Cos men are not trustworthy."LADIES BEWARE OF THIS"

I think every man should work hard to ensure he never has to demand his wife's or woman's paycheck. The Man should always take care of his family's needs irrespective of the woman's input. That'll ensure his superior position in the family, as our creator as made it.

Also their may be situations where the Man cannot meet up with all the needs. That's when the woman's loyalty is questioned. If she refuses to help you or your family, whether asked or not, then u should send her to her father's house at the slightest chance. Na me talk am! That's how we do it in Ibo land.

I have a wonderfull wife, who does what she needs to do. She earns money, but I still give her more and take care of other bills. And when there is a need for her to do things, she doesn't wait for me, she goes ahead and pays.

That's the role i expect from a wife as an African and Christian.

That's my Stand.

Gospelman,
You are entitled to your opinions and I'm entitled to mine and I don't believe in doing whatever my husband says whether it is wrong or right. You say that I should obey, then deal with whether it is wrong or right later. Where would I have room to address that if I'm supposed to just obey him? Expecting my husband to treat me as his partner is not disrespecting him, and if he feels that way, I wouldn't marry him to begin with. For women who don't mind their husbands treating them that way, that's fine. I'm not one of them. Why would the man stop there? If my husband beats me, why should I complain? In a society that gives one group power over the other, you also allow room for one group to abuse the other, whether it's men and women or blacks and whites. If someone treats you a certain way for the sake of their own ego without caring how it hurts you, you have the right to object but because I'm a woman with the same feelings, I should do nothing? I beg to differ, and I'm not accepting that for myself.

NaijaDiva, submitting fully to your husband only applies to you if you are a born again christian, that is not the xtians that accepts some parts of the bible and rejects the parts that they are not happy with. so if you are not then there is nothing to contend with. You can do as you please.
No one says anyone should stay in an abusive marriage. That is why before you get married , you make sure that you don't just marry a bloke because he is nice, fine, rich whatever, it goes deeper than that. You seek the face of the Lord. If you feel you cannot trust the man with your all, then you need to continue looking. This is the man that is even more important than your parents or your children put together.
Marriage is much more than what we all think it is. You submit and leave the rest to God that has asked us to submit to them in evertthing. Saying that all wives need to be very prayerful that the Lord will grant their husbands wisdom and knowledge to run the home in a godly and responsible way. It still lies with you ladies, and the Lord will help us all because it is not easy. Although they are the head we are the pillars that hold everything together.

Mikun,
You shouldn't classify anyone who you don't deem as a born again to be the type of Christian who accepts some parts of the Bible and rejects parts they are not happy with. I am a Christian and love the Lord, but I don't use that as a means to tell other Christians who they are or what they should do because none of us are above anyone else nor should any of us be judgmental. Furthermore, not all abusive marriages occur simply because a woman married a man for superficial reasons such as the ones you suggested. As I said, you all are entitled to your opinions, but I am not going to marry a man that treats me as a child rather than his partner, and I'm speaking for myself. I never said I would argue and contradict everything my husband said either so I don't know why any of you you take a woman who wants to be treated with respect as disrespectful, but those are your opinions.

@ naijadiva, i'm don't think mikun quite meant it that way.

Elizabeth:

For where no way!!! not in this world. Cos men are not trustworthy."LADIES BEWARE OF THIS"

If all men are untrustworthy, who exactly are you marrying? If you are marrying nobody, then this wouldn't apply to you. I would hope people don't decide to marry someone they feel is untrustworthy.

mumu No be me o

Well, when one says that this only applies to born again Christians and not those that select the parts of the Bible that they prefer, how is that not classifying Christians into two groups? If you're not a born again but you are a Christian, then you would have to be in the second group.

Mikun, you should be having a swell time at home. I'm sure you are like that virtuous woman described in Proverbs 30. The Lord bless you and your home. Your husband must be a happy man.

@NaijaDiva,
Proclaiming to be a christian to me means doing all that the father asks us to do. I am by no means there yet but I am striving and I know with God's help it is possible. Sarah was one as the Bible said. All I was saying is that we cannot say select what we want and reject the others. Partial obedience is still disobedience.
The men have their parts to play as well they are supposed to love us as christ loves the world, that I believe is much harder that submitting. If he loves you like that then he will surely do all he can in his power to treat you well, then you will have no problems at all in the submission area. I don't expect my husband to walk all over me and treat me anyhow just because I am being submissive to him.

@ Mikun, I never said I selected parts of the Bible or rejected others. In fact, I didn't even bring up the Bible. You did. What I said originally still stands. If my husband asked for my paycheck in a way that was disrespectful simply for his own ego as in the context of the story that started this discussion, I wouldn't give it to him. If you would do differently, good for you.

@ topic: o so ni abi o jabo?

meaning
decode, please.

submit my paycheck?? excuse me! Right now am dating and my man doesn't know how much i earn(i don't know how much he earns either, i've never asked though) but if he asks, i'll tell him but submit as in give it to him, no way! i'll make sure i contribute to the family's well-being, when ever i can, but i can't give him my paycheck to determine how w'll spend it,if he gives me money for the running of the home i'll collect and add mine if it's not enough,but other than that...count me out.