@well well well what can i say it is not easy to keep that urge at bay,but for real she needs to get out of that affair now,what if she finds a guy that she really loves and the guy turns out to be related to the man she is having an affair with and the married man finds out and decides because he has not had enuff of her or out of jealousy tells her new man that she is not what he thinks she is.Funny things happen you know,but still i am not the one to judge her.Tell her she needs to pray a lot.

haba una harsh 4 here o,this is nt enough reason y u ppl shld call her names. everybodi get him own 4 bodi

how can we be advicing people wrongly here?
People report their issues here for advice and i dont think it is proper for us to be advicing people wrongly.
Pls everybody should be very carefull on the kind of advice they post here pls lets be realisitic a bit.
Regards

manakins:

I feel her plight and sincerely speaking i her hope she
can control it to know when to call it quits.
Alot of people would not understand her because
they do not feel her pains.
Consider she is not doing it for the money or whatsoever,
Majority of girls nowadays now date married men as in where are the young bachelors.
Also it would be intresting to note that there are quite a large pop of
divorced young ladies,single parents with economic power who are also contesting for
the bachelors.So most girls that can't do what they would do like pamper young boys that nowadays don't seem to like to work, all they need is just cash and eventually marry them but in the end the marriage doesn't work so they are on the prowl again.
My question is where are all the eligible bachelors?
I feel u babe do anything that would make u happy at least morals is subjective.

My own view about this issue is this- DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT U WANT OTHERS TO DO TO U!
Has she ever considered what the wife of her lover is suffering? The depression, the rejection, the neglect, the excuses, the hurt, ? the list goes on.

She has absolutely no excuse to have sex with dat man. I have a friend that never gave in to any man until her marriage and guess what? She was 39 yrs when she married. Now she has children and is living comfortably with her family. Ur friend should wait for her turn,it will come. We should also remember dat there is a reward for everything we do here on earth. GOOD or BAD. Do ve a lovely nite my fellow nairalanders

@obanikoro


thanks obanikoro for that good reply
dont mind the wrong advisers

She want to satisfy her sexual urge. Nonsense! She should learn from me. I’m a very good guy. I have landed 30 yrs and still remain a virgin and I hope to remain so until I get married. Soon I will be above getting married and I may even decide to join my type in the monastery.

I believe that getting submerged in a soup of negativism is a self-perpetuating behavior that leads us to depression. This simple idea is the kind of disgusting moment that many of us reject as it applies to the girl in question.

@rowlandwhy
i just expressed my views and i would sincerely tell u
that majority of what people do as in relationship and
affairs nowadays are not morally rigth.How do u define morals?
Lets be objective years ago sex was very sacred but now
the whole world stink *sex*.
Why condemn the woman what about the man that knows he is married
and still wants to indugle in extra marital affairs.What happened to is VOW?
Some religion allows multiple marriages so who says it migth not happen?
Why the word polygamy?
A beg she knows where the shoe pinches her feet, let her catch her fun.
Don't lets be pretensious why expressing ourselves, there is always two sides to a blade.
How many of us are saints in relationships?
How many young girls,matured spinsters e.tc have never veer off track as in dating married men?
People search ur conscience.

ya of course, if she wanted to satisfy her urges why not find some single guy instead of destroying a home, and she is old enough to know better.

I'm still of the opinion that she is wrong- NOTE: I'm not condeming her but wat she is doing. How can we be saying that she should do wat she tinks is right

Just imagine urself in the shoes of the wife and u were told dat this lady is sleeping with ur husband. Wat would u say?

" oh! let her do wat she tinks is right, besides most people do dat nowadays"

If u actually say dat, people will tink u ve gone GAGA in the head

Lets be realistic and give the right advice. Morally, spiritually and even psycologically it is wrong to sleep wit a married man. There is no two ways about it. She cant eat her cake and have it at the same time.

And if she is a christian, she is practically saying that the death of Jesus on the cross means nothing to her.
She should retrace her steps to the Saviour- He is coming sooner than u think. Luv ya

@manakins , dont mind them . the lady told me the mans wife doesnt know a thing and its all very secret . she even said she doesnt call this mans cell phone and doesnt send text .
I have two married male friends . one cheat while the other doesnt . i tell u if u see the one that cheats with his wife u will say wow this is marriage made in heaven but the other guy that does not cheat , men , na so so quarell at home every time .
Hey people I am not supporting cheating o but , when no one is hurt then life goes on .

I av heard many married women say , well if he cheat , he should not just let me know . It is if i know that is when there will be problem .

and all the babes that av reigned cat and dot in the forum , are u sure u are saints(virgin) . I am sure u are not . If u can sleep with a guy (single or married) out side marriage then u not so cast any first stone at this my friend .

@obanikoro . U have spoken well . But if we want to go by your words then we should condemn all forms of furnications and adultry . Not saying sleeping with a married man is the only thing that is wrong .

So all the nairaland babes , Do not "SLEEP" until u are married OO .

So we should not just condemn sleeping with married men alone , we should say in general , NO SLEEPING outside marriage .

So if u are sleeping and u are not married , repent and stop it immediately ,

All those babes wey don condemn my friend if u catch u SLEEPING cos i know u are not married yet , i will report u to GOD and Mr Obanikoro .

I rest my case

@goodbobo

I thought you set up this thread to ask for peoples opinions. It seems you are now vexing and becoming very defensive of your friend.

Understandable, but you should try and look at it objectively because quite a lot of the replies (not all, I know) have been objective.

My personal opinion is that what she is getting out of the relationship is not worth what it could cost. So she wants to have sex, and she found someone who was up for it, fine. But if we consider all the yawa that will break loose if this relationship becomes open (not to talk of the negative efects on his relationship with his wife right now) then, to be honest, its not worth it. If she HAS to have regular sex then she should go and find a toyboy. I hear they are not scarce these days.

And I find myself agreeing with all the people who have said she should not give up hope of finding love and a man that belongs to her. At the moment all she has is sex, and the threat of exposure in the back of her mind. She is cheating herself and settling for less than she is worth. I would advise her (and you as her friend) to reevaluate her self esteem and realise that she is better than just 'the chick on the side'. If you are proud of yourself and hold your head up - married or not, nobody can disrespect you.

nice reply , interesting , i know this topic is eye catchy . and i know lots of nairalanders are reading and most are just reading and not contributing . Please i beg all nairalanders that come across this Topic to at least say something . it will go a long way and pleave vote YES or NO .

Thanks . E se , Nagode , Dalu

ayomajek:

@goodbobo

I thought you set up this thread to ask for peoples opinions. It seems you are now vexing and becoming very defensive of your friend.

Understandable, but you should try and look at it objectively because quite a lot of the replies (not all, I know) have been objective.

KPOM! Waa sere, jare.

@Goodbobo: even you sound confused and naive, or perhaps you're just being disingenuous. How can you honestly say/type the following:

goodbobo:

Hey people I am not supporting cheating o but when no one is hurt then life goes on .

I honestly hope you don't believe what you yourself wrote up there [that no one's hurting], because if you do then I'm sorry but I'd have to conclude that you're one ignorant individual. You're both in denial. As we speak, your friend herself is hurting because there's no way the sex alone can bring her the stability and true intimacy she craves [and I KNOW that you KNOW that she's not happy about her situation], and not to mention the man's own wife [and by extension, his kids], who could be suffering neglect, depression, and other deprivations as a conseqence of the affair her husband's indulging in -- UNLESS YOU CAN ASCERTAIN THAT HIS FAMILY'S NOT EXPERIENCING ALL THAT THEN YOU HAVE NO GROUNDS TO SAY THAT NO ONE'S HURTING AS A RESULT OF THIS ILLICIT AFFAIR.

And dude, no one's claiming to be a saint; yes, we all make [and have made] mistakes, and we're all sinners, but even God forgives sinner who TURN AWAY from their sins and are striving to live right, THAT IS THE POINT THAT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE. She refuses to quit doing what she knows is wrong, and you're endorsing that based on a flawed arguement that everyone's done it or is doing it, as if that's enoff to justify or redeem her actions. Dude, be a good/courageous friend, and tell her the truth my friend!

manakins:

Why condemn the woman what about the man that knows he is married
and still wants to indugle in extra marital affairs.What happened to is VOW?
Some religion allows multiple marriages so who says it migth not happen?
Why the word polygamy?
A beg she knows where the shoe pinches her feet, let her catch her fun.

Would u say dat, if ur sister was the lady involved?
Or better still, would u say dat, if ur sister was the wife of the man?

At this time, let's be realistic. The advice I gave was one i would ve given to my sister if she was the one involved.

And to Goodbobo, it doesnt seem as if u really posted this topic to seek for help for ur friend going by the way u defend her actions. I hope we are not just wasting money and time giving advice that would amount to nothing. Wishing u guys a nice weekend. Luv ya.

Topic: Can You Blame Her For Dating A Married Man?
Answer: Yes, that's repugnant!!

hehehehehe

goodbobo:

  the mans wife doesnt know a thing and its all very secret . she even said she doesnt call this mans cell phone and doesnt send text .
I have two married male friends . one cheat while the other doesnt . i tell u if u see the one that cheats with his wife u will say wow this is marriage made in heaven but the other guy that does not cheat , men , na so so quarell at home every time .
Hey people I am not supporting cheating o but , when no one is hurt then life goes on .

@goodbobo

It's amazing just how stupid we take women to be.
What makes u think the wife of this philandering husband doesn't already know anything about it?
God!When it comes to relationship issues,we men can be soo stuck up and pardon me-dumb oftentimes.
   My dad was in an extra-marital affair and for 7 good years my mom pretended not to know anything about it.
Eventually things fell apart btween him and his mistress and guess what,my mom was the eventual winner;her home intact;only my dad lost a great deal of the family's trust and respect and at 65yrs he's still settling primary & JSS school fees.
We guys read n'interprete actions n'words.I've realised women read n'interprete a lot more than that.Women read n'interprete nuances;body language;hesitations,inflections,eye contact and the lack of it,you name it.They are far more perceptive when it comes to matters of the heart.Who says the wife doesn't already know(or at least have a hunch)?
   You(goodbobo) are obviously in support of this clandestine affair so I guess all u expect us N'landers to do is wish your friend all the luck in the world.
   Using your friend's need for sex as an excuse for her actions is just lame.For Pete's sake even stark raving mad women on the streets get shagged and even impregnated,there is therefore no rhyme or reason why your friend should engender disharmony,distrust and the possible eventual collapse of another woman's home whilst praying for a good home for herself simply because she can't get some single guy to "work it" on her.(Not that I approve of even that).

Well u all did speak well . I quite appreciate all ur responces . what is bad is bad and has no other name . Sex outside marriage is bad . No excuse for any form of it be it with a married man or single man .
For my friend , she is only a victim of circumstances . What i am saying is she should not be pointed acusing fingers the way some people in this forum went about it .

[table]Would u say that, if your sister was the lady involved?
Or better still, would u say that, if your sister was the wife of the man?[/table]@Obanikoro2
Well i do respect ur views as upheld but i would sincerely say again
Why are peoople not casting aspersions on the Man.
I would say he just took advantage of a weak person.
It takes two to tango so whats the problem here.
Who says she is breaking a home?
Doesn't the man want to break his own home.
Is there a problem if the man decides to be a polygamist.
As of my sister in both situations i can only advise base on whats on ground
Because whats not written is not said then why see evil when
u can live on see no evil hear no evil.
Is the man complaining that his home is breaking or he can't handle
his affairs
Common people should be realistic not sentimental.
Everyone is a theif but its who that gets caugth that gets smoked.
Enjoy live sis and decide on ur next move.

Yes i blame her,
So because her marrage is not working she will spoil an other womans own.
A married man will not marry her anyway.
So she may as well stay with the single once that are using her.
Abi she said its only the sex.
Even if the man is younger than her let her manage that one.

That's true o.
Afterall the sex with the younger men would be more exciting, I guess? And they won't mind the free sex at all!

It's bad to date a married man. It's worse to date a married man in the same office as you. It's even terrible to f**k a married man at his friend's place!!! She's demeaning yourself!

me sef. i meant 'herself'

i gree wit u jare, he's just using her, and she's allowin herself to be used!! its better ''she waits 4 ''mr right'' cos it'll be worth it in the end.besides, hw'll she feel if her husband behaves d same way this man behaves,cheating on his wife wch is vry unfair, well a word is enough for the wise.she shd wise up.

It is true that she might have gone through a lot during the times she was jilted but it is no good reason for her to date a married man,and i'm very sure if her Mr Right is not forthcoming,she would begin to think of dating the married man,thereby breaking his home directly or indirectly cos his wife would never be happy with her.
I would advise,u tell ur friend that what is not good,is not good.She shouldn't look at herself as too old to find a husband.There are still good and single men out there who would do anything to have her,bESIDES,there is nothing secret about her relationship with the man.For u to know about it,other people would have known about it too and it wouldn't speak well of her to aspiring suitors.
THINK TWICE!

it seems alot of y'all on this forum like being lied to! kudos to those that clear their heads of these raging sentiments and stay true. your empathy, sympathy, her frustrations, desperations, loneliness and what have you will never and can never make her actions noble. its 2 bad.

it seems alot of y'all on this forum like being lied to! kudos to those that clear their heads of these raging sentiments and stay true. your empathy, sympathy, her frustrations, desperations, loneliness and what have you will never and can never make her actions noble. its 2 bad.

@goodbobo
what do u mean wen u say she's a victim of her circumstances?
what if she gets married in like 3yrs time n her  husband is cheating on her with a lady with her own kind of story-a victim of circumstances n she findouts.If she can sincerely say to d lady "go on with my husband it happen to me 3yrs back.I was a victim of circumstances too".Then no problems.
what she doing is wrong but dat's d decision she has made and dat's fine but don'texpect everyone to pat her on the back.

lets' call a spade a spade,wot she's doing is dead wrong and no reason can cleans/clear her of this evil act.maybe she is not even presenting herself good enof for a decent relationship and has ever thought of wot would happen IF she takes in  
sex will neva get her the peace and comfort she needs, so i advice her to call it quit,search herself and pray for a life partner.

I think the girl in question should hope on GOD for the right man, I tell u God is not a man, he understands all our

plights,pls go to God in prayers make a covenant with him that if you leaves the married man that he should send your

own man for you.

sometimes its not always our making not to marry on time but for many vices in life,spiritual forces,strongman or woman, family backgrounds and all that.pls trust in GOD to uproot all strongholds of life.

Pls advice her.