babyfaceafrica:
good for you.. some of us have be bitten once...so been careful is a must......once beaten twice shy

Trust me, we've all being bitten. I consistently tell myself that I won't let people's negative attitude towards me change my positive attitude towards others.

Zoharariel:


Nagode Baba! You're the only person on this thread with a working brain.

Ask the assholes telling the OP to accept the child to name just 1 biblical character that raised somebody elses pikin in their holy books.

See them shouting "in the name of god" as if they will help the OP financially for the welfare of the child - brainless hypocrites!

calling people "brainess hypocrites" just because they have a contrary opinion to yours probably shows how "brainless you are as a person.
how old are you?

MizMyColi:
The thing that put me off is not this one you people are saying...it's the "into my home" part. Smh.

Is it not supposed to be "our home?"

Shows the quality of man that you are.

Such selfishnes...

he doesn't like the child don't u get it. He hates her

He said the dad will be enjoying out there..

He failed to see that life is beyond today.

thedondada:



As a friend of mine used to say it's poor people that know how to advice a rich man on how to spend his wealth. This ish ain't an easy pill to swallow. Take up the responsibilities of another man.

Though he was aware of her prior to the marriage and still went ahead. He should just do what is right in his mind. No need to complicate issues. Either way he's bleeped unless he can truly accept the child in the home with all his heart.

Nairaland fayose you have 3 options open to you.

1. Accept the child truly as yours and have a peaceful and happy marriage.

2. Accept the child grudgingly and hate her and you wife for . Along you do what you didn't want to. Marriage may not survive it.

3. Reject the child and have your wife hate you in the long run for shit that ain't your fault.

The choice is yours

You said the bitter truth. Someone alive is passing his own responsibility to another man
And those, who don't know what it takes to raise a dog are giving advise.

PUSSYBBQGRILLS:
If you truly love the woman. Take the 7 year old kid.

It's not that easy.

I don't see any reason why you should not accept the poor child in your home, for Christ sake your wife gave birth to her, she's not an outsider, I also think your wife is sincere and respectful to you, allow her being the child, nurture her and call her your own, God will surely bless you .

Imustreturn:
he doesn't like the child don't u get it. He hates her

He said the dad will be enjoying out there..

He failed to see that life is beyond today.

hate is a strong word

MsGood:

Trust me, we've all being bitten. I consistently tell myself that I won't let people's negative attitude towards me change my positive attitude towards others.

good for you

SUPERPACK:
do all the necessary documentation and adopt the child to be your own, you never can tell who she will be in future, don't abandon her, because it might hunt your wife and frustrate your marriage.
May God lead you towards the right path.

I like your advise but my problem with this option is a future situation where he will toil to bring up this girl with all his resources and then both the mum and the girl may rub it in his face in the future. I have seen a situation like this where the girl went back and reunite with her Father with the support of the mother cos she detested the discipline from the foster father.
They so abused the foster father that he had to divorce the wife and remarry.
This kind thing messes up with marriage.
It is usually best handled with the girl staying with her maternal relations especially her grandma if the father and his people wont take the girl. But taking her to the mother's new home brews tons of problems

NairalandFAYOSE:
pardon my blunders.
I was aware she has a baby before we met but still continued the relationship because the baby is with the father. she told me it was a mistake and the guy's family doesn't support their relationship. so they went their different ways while the guy kept the baby.

when we started, I found out she's humble, hardworking and she's everything I ever wanted in a woman. so we got married 4 years ago and have a 3 year old son and 2 beautiful twins (just 3 months old).

now the problem started when she went to church and her ex brought her 7 years old daughter unannounced. that he's married now and can't continue taking Care of the girl.
she called me from church and told me. immediately I told her not to bring a child thats not mine to me. she now took the baby to her mom and came home to meet me with my kids.
she has been begging me since to allow the baby in our home because the mother gave her 3 days to come and take her baby from her.

nairalanders pls I need your advice on this. those it make sense that I take the baby while the father is out there enjoying his life.

she may be of help one day,God will bless ur bountifully when u take care of that child as yours.

NairalandFAYOSE:
I don't Think My family will like this. they don't really like her that much Cus they say she is "AFTER ONE"

Beta bux.. Your family saw this from day one but you were too blind by the pucci to see this day..

You entered ONE CHANCE with an AFTER ONE.

Both the parents of the girl are enjoying themselves.

kushme:


Beta bux.. Your family saw this from day one but you were too blind by the pucci to see this day..

lolz

dingbang:
the man who has abandoned his child doesn't need blame again but his punishment awaits him in heaven.

So the man should go ahead to bring the child in his home even when he has no financial capacity to add extra mouth to his family? Did you read where the Op said the biological father has gone ahead to marry another wife? Why he wants another person to take up his own responsibility. Things don't work in this way, when we begin to base our decision on empathy.

babyfaceafrica:
what gives you hope that your option number one will pan like that?...na so peace and happy marriage easy?.. even people without extra baggage sef dey complain

Option 1 is the only scenario where the presence of the child would not affect the marriage. Of course they could be quarrels and fights but it would never be over the child because the man sees the child as his.

The other options will Bleep the marriage up either way.

dnawah:
she may be of help one day,God will bless ur bountifully when u take care of that child as yours.

whatever decisions he take
.God will bless him..stop blackmailing him. religiously....... naija people

thedondada:



Option 1 is the only scenario where the presence of the child would not affect the marriage. Of course they could be quarrels and fights but it would never be over the child because the man sees the child as his.

The other options will Bleep the marriage up either way.

lolz..all the options are bad oga..just say you will prefer he takes the first option.....

NairalandFAYOSE:
being with the mum means being with me. I don't think I want that.
have read so many comments here where people are calling me names and saying am selfish without even considering if I have the means to take care of her plus my kids. but no one is blaming the useless father who abandoned her daughter because he is married.
I know for sure my woman won't take it if its the other way round.

I only seek advice and if you want to blame me, I will say you should first put yourself in my shoes

Sorry...... naivety made u feel that once u marry her she will have absolutely nothing to do with her past (I.e. her daughter and her ex)
For ur info, it is far more easier for her to get laid by ds same ex than any other man! Reason?
1. They've not only had sex before, but,
2. They have a child between them.

The child and by extension the girl's father will forever be in the picture whether u admit d girl into ur abode or not.

On matters like this it's not wise to just advice u to accept her into your home or not as there are lots of variables yet to be considered!

Instead of laying the whole blame on the 'useless father', you also must take a large chunk of the blame for ur naivety in thinking that once u married her, her past ceases to exist!

My advice: prayer is the key!

NairalandFAYOSE:
pardon my blunders.
I was aware she has a baby before we met but still continued the relationship because the baby is with the father. she told me it was a mistake and the guy's family doesn't support their relationship. so they went their different ways while the guy kept the baby.

when we started, I found out she's humble, hardworking and she's everything I ever wanted in a woman. so we got married 4 years ago and have a 3 year old son and 2 beautiful twins (just 3 months old).

now the problem started when she went to church and her ex brought her 7 years old daughter unannounced. that he's married now and can't continue taking Care of the girl.
she called me from church and told me. immediately I told her not to bring a child thats not mine to me. she now took the baby to her mom and came home to meet me with my kids.
she has been begging me since to allow the baby in our home because the mother gave her 3 days to come and take her baby from her.

nairalanders pls I need your advice on this. those it make sense that I take the baby while the father is out there enjoying his life.

put yourself in that poor little child's shoe

Poor girl. Some women sef. Why not state it in clear terms before marriage, that she has obligation to take care of her daughter, should in case there'll be need for that innocent child to live with her. Any man who loves you and really wants you, will respect that. If he's not cool with it he can take a walk. Why should marriage be more important than your child? Can't fit deal mbok. May God give that child a good home bereft of hatred cos from op's tone he's already hating on the innocent girl. Living in that home may not be ideal for the well-being of that girl.

Why dd d father of d child decided to abandon him with the mother?
Why is d grandmother rejecting d child also?
Why is d new wife of d father not taking care of her ?


D father dropped d child so he can enjoy his new life.


So many questions



If he can't take care of d child better tell d mother rather than maltreating d gal physically, emotionally n psychologically

[quote author=NairalandFAYOSE post=70018234] being with the mum means being with me. I don't think I want that.
have read so many comments here where people are calling me names and saying am selfish without even considering if I have the means to take care of her plus my kids. but no one is blaming the useless father who abandoned her daughter because he is married.
I know for sure my woman won't take it if its the other way round.

I only seek advice and if you want to blame me, I will say you should first put yourself in my shoes[/quot

you sound like your mind is already made up, why are you now here asking for advice? it's not the child's fault that her parents are with different spouses, but it's better if she is with her mum, than living with her step mum. if you love your kids, you'll love their sibling, and if you love your wife, you'll stand up to her defense, your wife's happiness should be your priority, not your family

Afamed:

You can pass whatever message you have without been abusive. What has really become a man, I mean the biological father of girl, who abandoned his sole responsibility when he's still alive?

Well I accepted correction & edited.

That child would never be your biological child, but you can earn her respect and she will call you father for the rest of her life.

Morevoer we all want to be identified as real men. This is your chance to prove to your wife that you are a real man , the one of her dreams and her knight in shining armour.

NairalandFAYOSE:
I don't Think My family will like this. they don't really like her that much Cus they say she is "AFTER ONE"

so why did you marry her, SMH! who calls his wife after one

Imustreturn:
he doesn't like the child don't u get it. He hates her

He said the dad will be enjoying out there..

He failed to see that life is beyond today.

Still reiterates my point about selfishness.

The father of the girl is an irresponsible buffoon.
I totally understand the OP's situation, whatever decision you make just be happy with yourself... you are not the villain in this story.

Filled with compassion for the little girl... cruel world.

Jamean:


Can you just hear yourself "After One" so you're tear rubber

Such iberiberism.

dominique:


So what is wrong with her being with you? Is she subhuman? You can't claim to love your wife and can't stand the child that came from her. How do you think your wife will feel knowing that her baby is being maltreated somewhere because you don't want her under your roof? Honestly you're being inconsiderate, you should never have married a single mum if you can't stand her child.

Why you guys sounding like he is obligated to hold that child? Why for God's sake? He is under no obligation whatsoever to do so.
He may decide to do so as a goodwill, a priviledge and not a right.
If the father of the girl is not alive, then we can say he is inconsiderate because there are limited options. But her father rejected her possibly because another woman wont keep a child that is not hers in her home and u all are here blaming an innocent man?
Why are u guys not asking the step mother to be considerate to take the girl? I will never accept a child of my wife whose father is alive and able.
She choses either to stay with me and our kids or she move out and stay with her daughter and leave me with my kids

hey, it’s a pity for the little girl, my advice is
That if you allow that child home ur life will never remain the same, I have been there before , I don’t care[/color] what anyone say in this forum, mark my word , u either allow your marriage to break now by saying No or
Be ready to face hell in that ur so called marriage by allowing that child in,
No matter how good you are , I will never be appreciated in that girls life, don’t make such mistakes, a word is enough for the wise. Good luck.. [color=#990000]


I was aware she has a baby before we met but still continued the relationship because the baby is with the father. she told me it was a mistake and the guy's family doesn't support their relationship. so they went their different ways while the guy kept the baby.

when we started, I found out she's humble, hardworking and she's everything I ever wanted in a woman. so we got married 4 years ago and have a 3 year old son and 2 beautiful twins (just 3 months old).

now the problem started when she went to church and her ex brought her 7 years old daughter unannounced. that he's married now and can't continue taking Care of the girl.
she called me from church and told me. immediately I told her not to bring a child thats not mine to me. she now took the baby to her mom and came home to meet me with my kids.
she has been begging me since to allow the baby in our home because the mother gave her 3 days to come and take her baby from her.

nairalanders pls I need your advice on this. those it make sense that I take the baby while the father is out there enjoying his life. [/quote]

babyfaceafrica:
hate is a strong word

its still very true.

He sounded so