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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" (57574 Views)
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Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Afamed: 12:32am On Aug 06, 2018 |
Beey:You have done well then. After all we are all human. 1 Like |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by MissRaine69(f): 12:33am On Aug 06, 2018 |
The most heartbreaking thing is that there is child who seems unwanted in the middle of all this. You knew she had a child so she comes as s package so this is no brainer. Accept the child and be the father she needs. Secondly kindly stop having anymore kids as your hands will be very full from hence forth. 2 Likes |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by babyfaceafrica: 12:37am On Aug 06, 2018 |
Imustreturn:I don't think so..he is pained..but he doesn't hate the child....just not comfortable with the change in plans 1 Like |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Edavi234: 12:37am On Aug 06, 2018 |
NairalandFAYOSE: Na wah oo.. You carry your wahala come where children plenty to seek advise? Most of the people commenting here don't even understand anything. Most can't even hold a relationship talk less of marriage and the responsibilities associated with it and most of dem just De shout Christianity, Jesus and what have you, up and down. Most if not all would do worse if found in such situation. Go and sort yourself out, life is never easy. You lay your beg, you lie on it. Be it good or bad. It's the way the world works. Don't ever be in a haste. Take your time and think, plan, put your self together, communicate with your wife every thought about everything the situation is posing. People are different, don't try to be someone else, be you. You and your family will be fine. People are saying the mother is alive.. what about the father? In Don die? And again, those of you shouting baby daddy nd mummy, see the precedence you guys are setting for the future generations to come. So many children right now without fathers or mums - THE FUTURE OF THIS COUNTRY IS REALLY BLEAK. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by zomoears(m): 12:38am On Aug 06, 2018 |
NairalandFAYOSE: This here is the problem. Your family will not like it? Is she your wife or a family wife? If your wife makes YOU happy, if taking the child into your home will not upset YOU as a person, then what exactly is the problem? Be a MAN. |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Anextin(f): 12:38am On Aug 06, 2018 |
An sure the stupid man might have threatened and cajoled her into giving her daughter up now he feels it's ok to dump her like a sac of potatoes. God punish devil. Its hard to leave your child for another. Op if you reject that child, your marriage will crumble before your eyes cos your wife will never understand why you said no. The dad dropping her off doesn't mean he won't contribute to her education and upkeep. So you all can have a meeting and discuss how he will contribute towards her growth. Don't make your wife chose between you and her daughter. Its not right, and in the long run she will chose her girl. Any mother would. 3 Likes |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by DozieInc(m): 12:47am On Aug 06, 2018 |
Nobodys: |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by thedondada(m): 12:49am On Aug 06, 2018 |
babyfaceafrica: Depends on him. The only option that ensures peace concerning the child is if he accepts her willingly. The other options are going to destroy the marriage. Honestly he shouldn't have married her if he wasn't ready to take the child too. Even if the child was with the biological father. It should have been at the back if his mind. 1 Like |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by thedondada(m): 12:51am On Aug 06, 2018 |
politicalpastor: That's option 2 and 3. There s still option 1. Depends in him though |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by thedondada(m): 12:55am On Aug 06, 2018 |
MissRaine69: Can you see how the decision of a complete stranger can change your life. He should stop having his own biological kids cause another man's child will become his responsibility by force. I am baffled. IMO it's left to him to do as he pleases but he shouldn't be quilted I to doing what he doesn't want to do. As a side note I think we should all learn from this. Not producing kids up and down we aren't ready to take care off. This evening on the news there's a man from kebbi crying to the government for help. He's jobless and has 14 kids. What manner if buffoonery is that. 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by DCOMICLEGEND: 12:56am On Aug 06, 2018 |
MY NIGGA, ASK YOUR WIFE TO CALL THE FATHER. IF THE FATHER CANNOT ACCEPT HIS RESPONSIBILITY THEN HER MOTHER SHOULD ACCEPT HER GRAND CHILD. IGNORE THEIR NEGATIVE COMMENTS ON NAIRALAND AND FACE REALITY. YOUR WIFE IS DISRESPECTFUL TO ACCEPT HER CHILD AFTER 7 YEARS WITHOUT ANY FORM OF AGREEMENT WITH THE FATHER TO TAKE CARE OF THE DAUGHTER, IF THE WIFE OF THE FATHER OF THE CHILD CANNOT ACCEPT HIS OWN DAUGHTER THEN SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO MARRY HIM I THE FIRST PLACE. TELL YOUR WIFE TO ASK HER MOTHER TO LOOK AFTER HER DAUGHTER. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO ACCEPT THE CHILD IT'S YOUR DECISION AND IT SHOULD BE FINAL. YOU DON'T OWE NO ONE ANY APOLOGY OR WHATSOEVER, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS CAUGHT UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS BULLSHIT. SHE'S NOT YOUR DAUGHTER AND WILL NEVER BE, TRAIN HER AND WHEN SHE GROWS UP SHE WILL END UP GOING BACK TO HER FATHER AND YOU WILL BE THE ONE TO LOSE IN THE END. IF YOU WANT TO ADOPT HER THEN IT WILL BE THE BIGGEST PROBLEM FOR YOU. TELL YOUR WIFE YOU CANNOT ACCEPT THE CHILD, HER MOTHER IS THE BEST WOMAN TO LOOK AFTER HER CHILD AND ALSO ASK YOUR WIFE TO TELL THE FATHER OF HER CHILD TO BE PAYING CHILD SUPPORT TO HER MOTHER EVERY MONTH FOR UPKEEP. THIS IS THE BEST ADVICE YOU'LL EVER GET. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Nobody: 12:56am On Aug 06, 2018 |
You accepted her mother. You should accept the daughter. Stop focusing on the fact she is not yours. Treat her like your own, considering she didn't ask to be brought into this world or into a a situation where her dad is not around. I know our culture frowns at this (out of ignorance, ofcourse) but do your best in treating her like your own, please. As funny as how life can be, but your own child may end up in some situation down the line. 2 Likes |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by thedondada(m): 12:58am On Aug 06, 2018 |
Anextin: She still has 3 kids with him. That's a tough choice. Also the man who told the wife to take the child do you honestly think he's ready to pay for upkeep. I can assure you that his new wife rejected the child that's why he's dumping her on the mother. The scenario has played itself in the fathers home, they just moved it to the mother. Left to me it's her own mother that should be with the girl. She should try and send upkeep and see the child from time to time. She cannot in all honesty expect the guy to just swallow another man's child like that. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by darlenese(f): 1:02am On Aug 06, 2018 |
NairalandFAYOSE: you should have married your family nau, since you respect their opinion so much. 2 Likes |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by drakeli: 1:03am On Aug 06, 2018 |
SUPERPACK:So he should steal another persons child when the real father didn’t give her up for adoption. The father is only asking the mother to do her own part of caring for the child since the child has been with the father all along. 1 Like |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by InvertedHammer: 1:06am On Aug 06, 2018 |
/ If you don't bring the girl in, your wife may start resenting you. But that won't be a problem, na small otapiapia for soup go settle am. Patapata, they will blame your enemies or an old uncle in the village. You will lose at the end for rejecting her daughter. Mark my words. Don't forget the quote: A happy wife is a happy life. / |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Nobody: 1:10am On Aug 06, 2018 |
NairalandFAYOSE: If u have the funds, create a space on ur heart to luv that child. Nwa bu nwa ora |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Dollabiz: 1:18am On Aug 06, 2018 |
ohh |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Christie171(f): 1:19am On Aug 06, 2018 |
Hmmm...the issue of accepting a child not yours is actually deep than we think... People have different personalities & ways of viewing life. ...well, some years back, I dated a guy, we both know it wasn't leading to marriage but unfortunately, I became pregnant & he said he'll only marry me if the child is a boy so I simply told him to go to blazes, I rather remain single than marry him...fortunately, I gave birth to a girl. Before I could go back to school, my mom died, I took the child to my dad's sister in the village, within a year, she became unkempt, I brought her back to my elder sister who took care of her even much better than I...now my elder sister has gone abroad to live with her husband... The nature of my job made it difficult for me to stay in one location & I can't afford a nanny now, so I begged my married younger sisters to accommodate her for me while I support them financially, they all refused because their husband wouldn't accept her...now, I had to quit my job in order to stay home with my daughter. ...my point is this, since there was no earlier agreement to accomodate the child initially before marriage and the man is not comfortable with the idea now, we shouldn't blame him but let the woman pray then choose between the husband & her child to avoid emotional/mental abuse & stress towards the child. ...as for me, everyone knows that my almost 10yrs old beautifully endowed daughter added so much beauty, prestige & value to my life so I'll choose 1001 times over any man...maybe, that's why I'm still single ![]() ![]() As soon as a guy says hi, my first response is: I have a daughter incase you think of marrying me so are you ready to accept both of us even though she may not bear your surname? 12 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Nobody: 1:20am On Aug 06, 2018 |
NairalandFAYOSE: bros so u want us to waste our time discussing about a certain useless man |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by baby124: 1:27am On Aug 06, 2018 |
DCOMICLEGEND:Was the grand mother spreading her legs to get pregnant? Why should the grand mother be forced to take care of her daughters child while the daughter is still alive? The grandmother already took care of her own children. She is under no obligation to take on her grand children at all. She has every right to refuse. OP you married a woman with a child with clear eye. You accepted the fact that she had a child, you must now accept the child into your home. The father tried taking care of that child for 7 yrs. the child is a girl and is growing, she needs to be with her mother at that age. If you cannot financially take care of her then her mother must work hard to provide for her while getting support from her father. Or you adopt the girl if the father wants nothing to do with her. Look, in another 8-10yrs that girl will move on with her life and will not be around much longer. In another 3yrs she will be in boarding house and you won’t even see her that much. The deed has been done, support your wife and take in her child. Love the child too. Her grandmother at her age should not be burdened with the care of a child that she did not give birth to or plan financially for. Grandmother cannot give the child the love and care a stable home will afford her tooo. Just do it for the love you have for your wife. If God forbid something happened to you in future, will you want your wife to abandon your kids because a man tells her to? Don’t put her in that position please. If you did not want a step child you should never have married a woman with kids. It’s just wickedness and selfishness on your part to make a parent push their child out in the cold because you don’t want them. 4 Likes |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by femichill: 1:27am On Aug 06, 2018 |
Sap0:It's my decision and I stand by it. I can not take care of another person responsibility while he is still alive. |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by histemple: 1:35am On Aug 06, 2018 |
NairalandFAYOSE: This is just one of the dramatic situations about marrying a baby mama. The implication of whatever decision you take now is huge. Taking the girl is not even a problem since the mother is hardworking but you must understand that if anything happens to the girl while under your custody, you may be on collision with her father. So in whatever you do, be careful and be legally backed. |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by femichill: 1:36am On Aug 06, 2018 |
BabbanBura:Same response from moi. If the dad is dead, then it's different entirely. But him being alive, it's a no no from me. 1 Like |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Toks2008(m): 1:38am On Aug 06, 2018 |
NairalandFAYOSE: Well since the other guy chose to be foolish,i will advise you dont do same but he must not renege on his responsibilities towards the girl even if she stays with you. 1 Like |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by dangermouse(m): 1:39am On Aug 06, 2018 |
NairalandFAYOSE:. My dear, firstvand foremost, stop letting peiple around you define your happiness If your wife which you have found love and happiness makes you happy then youvare good to go. You knew all along she has a baby before you met her wwhich is cool. My sincere and heartfelt advice is that you adopt that child as yours. Yiuvstand to make your immediate family happy. that is ur wife and children. Thats is all that matters. Trust me I did same.only difference is thwt she has three. 2 boy and a girl. Today we are a family of six and you dont need to be told how happy and fulfilled we are as a family. Do right and see for yourself 2 Likes |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by SIRTee15: 1:39am On Aug 06, 2018 |
InvertedHammer: Story.... She's got 3 children for the guy... Where she wan put those ones.... 1 Like |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by daveP(m): 1:45am On Aug 06, 2018 |
I'm supershocked at the loads of empathy I'm supershocked at the pity and sympathy, and also the really unfavorable advice many are giving here. This guy loves his wife. They have 3kids now and y'all are just clamoring for him to just show pity(perfect choice of word) to this Lil girl when the girl's father is very much alive? Are y'all listening g to yourselves atall? He owes no such obligation to the girl. Yeah He can out of love try whatever he wants and accept, but no one is even talking about the role his wife played here. Now the girl's father was with the baby for 7years!!! What role was the mother playing? Did she visit, show that she wants to be a part of the girl's life? show love, and play her part while the custody was with the father? (all these dump child somewhere mentality that women have these days disgust me. Tag me judgemental, but it's a child for Christ's sake) The father just woke up one day and came and insisted just like that, that he is no longer interested in catering for the girl. phew. And now the mother is Tryna put it on her husband. Cmon!!!! Cmon!! I blame the lady if she wasn't doing her part when custody was with the father. You suddenly wana exonerate the decision the father took and then just heap the girl on this man that has nothing to do with the child while the real father is still very much breathing and living? Legally, let him goan get statements that would be binding to both parties and adopt the girl(its hard cos of the role the mum played for 7years) Just like that, the guy should just accept. She belongs to both, but did the mum act like that during the 7years? that's my question. He may accept if he so wishes, it's not a decision you just think for a week and then hop onto. That's what most commenters aren't reasoning atall. The girl may grow and return to her real dad someday. She may grow and love her new dad still yet. She is now 7. so she has some consciousness about who stayed by her. If he takes her in. It's shouldnt just be because of sympathy or pity. But cos he is willing to father her for the sake of his wife. Not an easy decision atall with the father still out there. Tensions can make things go worse. Besides if it was vice versa, what would the women do? Subtle question. Cos I'm sure the father must have been moved by a woman to take the decision we are seeing here. 1 Like |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by IamGodsGrace(f): 1:46am On Aug 06, 2018 |
NairalandFAYOSE:now I know you are the problem sir. what has your family's opinion of her got to do with this? why did you not marry your mum. men have to grow up and have a mind of their own. all these my family thing sounds so stupid. stop being stupid and take in that girl. otherwise, give her to me, I'll make sure you beg for her recognition in life! people take in complete strangers, but you are finding it hard to take in your step child. wicked man. don't molest that girl in future sha. I dey vex abeg! 1 Like |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by IamGodsGrace(f): 1:50am On Aug 06, 2018 |
NairalandFAYOSE:if the father was useless, do you want to be useless too? just take her in, trust God. everything will fall in place. 1 Like |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Nobody: 1:53am On Aug 06, 2018 |
femichill: Even if the father is dead, they should take the child to the father's parent or siblings. ![]() In this life, we were all given equal measure & quota, whether you use yours wisely or misuse it is up to you. ![]() Even Sango knows that I can never father another man's child. ![]() Worst case scenario, I'd turn the woman into my concubine, rent an apartment for her & her child and then I'll marry a secondary school beautiful cindarella with straight legs. ![]() No! There won't even be any worst case scenario. I will never father any child that is not mine or marry an "after round 1" - period! ![]() 4 Likes |
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by bluefilm: 1:53am On Aug 06, 2018 |
janellemonae: I agree with you. The OP is extremely selfish and wicked too. Maybe he came here to seek for justification so that he will be okay with himself knowing that his rejection of the young girl is a very wicked act. Had it been he was saying something about not having enough funds to cater for the additional mouth, then I might say let's see some reason with him. But he just rejected the little girl, not minding the fact that the said girl is still the flesh and blood of his said lover. Now, how do you want the woman whom you claim to love actually believe that you do love her? I just don't know what is wrong with some people. ![]() |
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