greypencils:
Initially I was interested in this case because I thought you have met him physically. You haven't met him yet and you are stressing yourself? really? Of all the guys around you physically present,people who genuinely like you, it's someone you haven't met before that you are killing yourself over? Babe, I'll be real with you. THERE IS NOTHING BETWEEN YOU GUYS UNTIL YOU PHYSICALLY SEE...When will that take place?Be specific...Ask him that question, be true to yourself. Is he willing to come and see you in Nigeria? Is he willing to marry you? You don't talk about these two things, and you claim you are in love? My dear, this thing you have for each other is going nowhere until you ask those two questions and receive definite answers. If he loves you enough, he has to promise to show up and physically show up. And even when he does, don't you ever make the mistake of giving him the cookie...BECAUSE THAT IS WHEN YOU WILL KNOW THE REAL DEFINITION OF HEARTBREAK...
No one needs to tell you to move on if he doesn't show up.

Thanks. I saw him viewing the thread, I am sure we will address all this.

Biglittlelois:



People that fell in love with someone they met online will understand the feeling lol, I get you sis, chat him up on whatsapp and ask him point blank if he is no more interested, if he reads the chat and doesnt reply immediately, forget it, he's no more interested, if he later replies with one excuse or the other or trying to twist words or situations, forget him and move on, when he sees this thread and starts to chat you up bringing everything back to normal like before, he may be genuine or not, my guess is the later, but play along to see how it goes, but start to withdraw slowly, when the communication fades away once more, which will eventually happen, do not take it to heart, you will hurt but don't let it last long, remove your mind from it and take it as one of life's lessons when it comes to love, you will be fine

great advice there; but don't you think you should have privately messaged her cos the guy in question is a Nairalander too. You catch the drift.

trapQ:
Girl the guy is tired and wants to move on.
You should too.

I have been in a long distance relationship (different continents) for 5 years and all the while the guy never ever gave me an attitude or had a reason to ignore my calls. Despite being in different continents he would call very very often and check up on me and send me goodnight texts.

That guy doesn't rate you sis. All the best.

Did you guys see in those 5yrs?
How often? Do you think seeing or maybe intimacy would help?

[quote author=Sheriman post=78494677][/quote]Fadalawd!


On top anoda person thread about this same thing. Not interested and I'm serious.

Hope you find someone.

Adviseasister:
Good evening Nairalanders,

I had to create a new moniker for this, but I believe my guy will know this is for him.

Sometime last year I received a PM from a nlder. After going through his posts, I was pleased and we started talking. One thing led to another and we started a relationship. I must confess he is everything a woman wants in a man, he brought out this part of me I never knew existed and he did it so easily. We started seeing a future, I was happy.

Fast forward to February this year, I noticed a decline in communication. I complained and he blamed it on work. It continued and I had to ask what the problem is, he maintained it was work.

By March, things got worse and I have not been able to concentrate at work. I send him voice-notes and he responds hours later. I send messages and he responds with one word. I must also add he doesn't pick my calls at night anymore, but his NL profile would be seen online, though he won't comment.

I do not know what to do as I can't bring myself to love someone else as I love him. It is a long distance relationship and I do not know what to do. Is it possible he is facing challenges there and doesn't want to share?

Should I wait for him to come around or move on? Has anyone been in this situation before, how did you manage it? I feel so heartbroken.

sorry dear

safarigirl:



Stop wasting your time.

I was ghosted by a Nairalander some months back. He equally seized communication after he had been talking to me for a period of time. Dude was cool as well, and I thought we were going somewhere .

I don't know what you thought you had, but you don't have a guy. Collect your L and move on, anybody that is too busy for you, is tired of you.

Anyway, his own might be different. No need to lump all NL guys together

I sware u deserve much beta dear

Adviseasister:


I have seen his picture. I don't know about the second question, lolz. He is good looking, I didn't have to be in that situation.

Adviseasister:


I have seen his picture. I don't know about the second question, lolz. He is good looking, I didn't have to be in that situation.

ok dis ur answer has answered all d questions.hmm but this one u said he is based in another country get as e be oo.if it was dat u guys were already in a serious relationship b4 he travelled out then dats different.but then u both met on d internet and he is now dodging ur calls.hm sista e get as e be oo.

jaksmillioniar:
him done chop u be DAT. na use and dump tins. is not evry relationship u open leg

Boss!


They've not even met! There was no "chopping" of any sort.

Adviseasister:


How did you get over it?
When you see his username, what happens?

I told myself he was a waste of my time and a learning phase as well. Some people are in your life to teach you, they aren't meant to stay. Take those lessons and apply them when you move ahead.

To be sincere, I don't remember his username and I don't browse on NL so much that I come across it.

I understand how you feel, because you're probably in the early stages. I saw this guy once, and he seized communucation immediately after, so, I had a lot to think about as to why he stopped talking to me. Stuff you won't have to think about, because you guys haven't met.

I assure you though, you will get over it eventually and you'll realize nobody is worth all of this worry. Just give him the cold shoulder he has given you and don't allow him to waltz back into your good graces whenever he likes.

You are worth so much more than being someone's hobby.

This might be a not so good time for you. Try to reach out to people close to him, especially family member. If you have no other contact than his; then he might just be ghosting you. People find love in great distance, but the relationship are built and supported by all and sundry. You are young don’t make your vulnerable or exposed. Nairaland is like a wider world. I am sure he his in the wind and can read your mind from your moniker. Don’t go private with anyone, in order not for prey or get worse.

Adviseasister:


He isn't a scammer, Ada.

Drop an email I can contact you with(my naira land email is no longer functional) Sounds like someone I know/knew. If he is the one, I’d like to give you a candid advice.

Adviseasister:


I knew they would say that, but it was never my intention. I didn't even know he was abroad from his posts. He types very "Nigerian". Most advices are saying almost same thing, move on. I think I will start working towards that.

I think you are simply fond of him due to constant communication. It happens to everyone. If you withdraw communication, the fondness will fade away gradually.

I don't know about you but for me, I will definitely be able to extract his level of interest based on how things are going, by asking specific questions.
By now, you should have a clue about why he's less interested. Confront those issues by asking direct questions. You shouldn't be left guessing about what the issues are when you are not dating yourself.
My guess will be...he’s probably weighing his options amidst other alternatives instead of an intercontinental relationship that probably cannot be funded to bring it closer. If he tries to come back closer to keep his option open with you, still reciprocate less until you see verifiable seriousness from him.

BTW, I have once left a perfect relationship before and the earth didn't stop rotating.

Adviseasister:
Good evening Nairalanders,

I had to create a new moniker for this, but I believe my guy will know this is for him.

Sometime last year I received a PM from a nlder. After going through his posts, I was pleased and we started talking. One thing led to another and we started a relationship. I must confess he is everything a woman wants in a man, he brought out this part of me I never knew existed and he did it so easily. We started seeing a future, I was happy.

Fast forward to February this year, I noticed a decline in communication. I complained and he blamed it on work. It continued and I had to ask what the problem is, he maintained it was work.

By March, things got worse and I have not been able to concentrate at work. I send him voice-notes and he responds hours later. I send messages and he responds with one word. I must also add he doesn't pick my calls at night anymore, but his NL profile would be seen online, though he won't comment.

I do not know what to do as I can't bring myself to love someone else as I love him. It is a long distance relationship and I do not know what to do. Is it possible he is facing challenges there and doesn't want to share?

Should I wait for him to come around or move on? Has anyone been in this situation before, how did you manage it? I feel so heartbroken.

When I saw the title, my heart cut. I thought my gf has finally *done" with me. I thank God it wasnt me. It has been six months since I last spoke with my girl; also two years we saw each other. I am the worst bf on earth—i won ur guy on this. Look, i don't even know my girl's birthday anymore. But despite all these, I love my girl. In fact I am keeping my distance cos I love her. I am damn broke I wouldn't want to be an extra baggage to her. Even though she doesn't mind, I do and I am not a fan of those testing a girl's patience and love by how willing she is sticking around when you are nothing. I want to make the money so that I can love her well.

So,you see. You have got a bf who may or may not be interested in you,or the one who is indecisive. Now the only way to know is to speak with him about your fears.

Op... Are u sure u are not asking too much money from him? Disturbing him to send you invitation letter? Those 2 things can change his mind about u....

[quote author=czarina post=78494787]Fadalawd!


On top anoda person thread about this same thing. Not interested and I'm serious.

Hope you find someone.
Our Own would work don't use this thread to judge.
You are the one I have been looking for
Thank heavens that I find you on this thread..
Let's make it happen btween us!!!
I really like you though we have never seen each other..

czarina:
Boss!


They've not even met! There was no "chopping" of any sort.

sorry dear didnt read it I quick type but I think d guy is not matured. why waste her time Wen he Neva plan to marry her. I hate guys like DAT pray not to meet dose kind guys. dey will live u frustrated. some girls too are like DAT.

Adviseasister:
Good evening Nairalanders,

I had to create a new moniker for this, but I believe my guy will know this is for him.

Sometime last year I received a PM from a nlder. After going through his posts, I was pleased and we started talking. One thing led to another and we started a relationship. I must confess he is everything a woman wants in a man, he brought out this part of me I never knew existed and he did it so easily. We started seeing a future, I was happy.

Fast forward to February this year, I noticed a decline in communication. I complained and he blamed it on work. It continued and I had to ask what the problem is, he maintained it was work.

By March, things got worse and I have not been able to concentrate at work. I send him voice-notes and he responds hours later. I send messages and he responds with one word. I must also add he doesn't pick my calls at night anymore, but his NL profile would be seen online, though he won't comment.

I do not know what to do as I can't bring myself to love someone else as I love him. It is a long distance relationship and I do not know what to do. Is it possible he is facing challenges there and doesn't want to share?

Should I wait for him to come around or move on? Has anyone been in this situation before, how did you manage it? I feel so heartbroken.

My sincere question before I can advise you properly... Is the guy abroad and you here in Nigeria?

Madam,please stop wasting your time.

jaksmillioniar:
sorry dear didnt read it I quick type but I think d guy is not matured. why waste her time Wen he Neva plan to marry her. I hate guys like DAT pray not to meet dose kind guys. dey will live u frustrated. some girls too are like DAT.

Maybe she saw him calling every "F" moniker "dear", and tagging them in his blogs.

Maybe, just maybe

safarigirl:


I told myself he was a waste of my time and a learning phase as well. Some people are in your life to teach you, they aren't meant to stay. Take those lessons and apply them when you move your head.

To be sincere, I don't remember his username and I don't browse on NL so much that I come across it.

I understand how you feel, because you're probably in the earky stages. I saw this guy once, and he seized communucation immediately after, so, I had a lot to think about as to why he stopped talking to me. Stuff you won't have to think about, because you guys haven't met.

I assure you though, you will get over it eventually and you'll realize nobody is worth all of this worry. Just give him the cold shoulder he has given you and don't allow him to waltz back into your good graces whenever he likes.

You are worth so much more than being someone's hobby.

if u think maybe u are not beautiful enough dont think DAT. I say u are intelligent too. wat is beauty witout brain? av seen ur pix and I think ur beautiful though u are black.

henrijin:
Lemme tell you truth. He get girlfriend already. If una finally meet, he go knack you and that will be the end of Solomom Grondy. My sister, fave reality. Face your job or school and when you are really ready, better boy go show. Forget this online nonsense. The rate of success is low.

and not to mention d scams wey full dese online dating

Long distance relationship is tricky. Visit him and check what is happening.
Don't dull

Nnaabros:
But how does one love a person they've never met?
You fell in 'love' just from his online post, texts, phone calls?

The word love has been so misused these days that it has become almost meaningless

Have u ever been so pressed before that you were willing to give the world just to find somewhere to release and when you finally had the chance to offload it,you fell in love with...wait! what did you fall in love with? yeah! That feeling you can't explain is how love works.

Adviseasister:


Thanks. I saw him viewing the thread, I am sure we will address all this.

I usually don't like commenting on stuffz like this in here,but I'll be frank with ya.
from this quoted comment,I believe you actually and genuinely wanna make things right between you two but the question you should ask yourself is whether or not he sees things from your perspective and not just his. cos to be honest the part where you were talking about him viewing the thread actually got me like you are trying to impose yourself on him which shouldn't be. self evaluation and worth is key in this trust me.

I once overcame this same issue, when d girl I love started showing attitude, tho it was long relationship like yours but thesame country, she won't call me, she won't pick my call after some hours she will now b telling me that she was busy, she just changed overnight, whenever I complain about her changed and attitude she will passed aggression on me, so one day I just decided not to call her for good two days, I just put my mind off her, since then am not interested in her anymore, she's d one calling and begging me now that that time she ignored me that her ex boyfriend came back..so whenever this changes shows up in relationship just know that he don see another girl over there.. am sorry to say this..you can DM me ur digit so that I can teach u how to overcome it ma

HolyTitus:
great advice there; but don't you think you should have privately messaged her cos the guy in question is a Nairalander too. You catch the drift.

I actually want him to see it.....

Tell me his moniker let me warn him.

austertee01:

My sincere question before I can advise you properly... Is the guy abroad and you here in Nigeria?

Yes. He is abroad, I am in Nigeria.

only in long distance relationship you will call your bae after telling her you miss her and wish she was here with you, fiam, you go and cheat in peace.

Kennydoc:


Don't say much about this cos you truly don't understand.

I met my fiancée on Facebook and fell in love with her within 4 days. Within 16 days, I asked her out and she accepted. We still hadn't seen face to face. We were and still are in different countries and continents. We finally met 9 months later and got engaged.

I can tell you categorically that she's the most amazing friend and partner I've ever had. I've had a previous relationship that lasted 3½ years, I have equally had a number of female friends in the past, but my fiancée beats them all hands down. I am talking from a personal experience.

4 days, 16 days.
Wow.
Nice to see it's working out.

DonaldTrump:


I usually don't like commenting on stuffz like this in here,but I'll be frank with ya.
from this quoted comment,I believe you actually and genuinely wanna make things right between you two but the question you should ask yourself is whether or not he sees things from your perspective and not just his. cos to be honest the part where you were talking about him viewing the thread actually got me like you are trying to impose yourself on him which shouldn't be. self evaluation and worth is key in this trust me.

You won't understand how much I want this and it has nothing to do with him being abroad as some people think. When you meet that man who defies all bad stereotypes associated with men. I guess good things don't last. How else do I explain this?

SoapQueen:


Drop an email I can contact you with(my naira land email is no longer functional) Sounds like someone I know/knew. If he is the one, I’d like to give you a candid advice.

Adviseasister, awon snatcher niyen o. Na dem