lex-
For some reason, I just dont believe you. Can I get some pics of the family resemblance? Haha

PS - I dont have a problem finding guys that WANT to date me, the problem is finding GOOD guys that I want to date as well! Alot harder than it sounds

Hello, A little about me. I have lived in Europe for a few years and have seen and been acquainted with many cultures in our world.

I have made friends here in the us from Africa. I have recently met several Somali's that have been very good people. Katar (His nick name) Married a Somali lady and as he has said according to his culture is allowed another wife. I will say that this of course conflicts with American culture (and Laws) It is a part of African cultures. To me one woman is enough. I wouldn't want to have to share the attention I have for the lady in my life with another woman. To much trouble in my oppinion.

The Nigerians I have met here have been interesting Some very nice, others not so nice and having problems with local law enforcement here. So are some Somali's. It just goes to show that there are good people and bad people everywhere.


I don't understand why a Lady from anywhere weather it be Nigeria or some other African Nation have a problem meeting people while the live here in the US. Unless of course she is limiting herself to one type of guy or a guy from her own country.

Well thats my thoughts on this subject.

Take care everyone,

Tim

I agree with you completely. Nigerians in the US should feel free to find love with Americans.

Reading this thread had been soooooooo depressing.

I may be moving to tha States soon. What I am reading here is that Nigerian men andd women there are fighting each other.

You guys need to really work this out. The vehemence with which the women are claimimg not to be lonely looks , well, suspicious to me. Most of the guys seem to agree the women are lonely, most of the women dont. Something's wrong.

Leads me to suspect that the women who are likely to be Internet forum posters (and are thus on nairaland) are aready extroverts and unlikely to be in this mess of loneliness. Or that the men who are posting here lie that "nigerian women are lonely" to justify certain things to themselves.

Either way its sad that we cant all get along in a foreign land.

There's nothing like "foreign land". Any land that accepts me and gives me opportunities is my home.

Seun, you want us to start posting off -topic.

t4cash:

Reading this thread had been soooooooo depressing.

I may be moving to tha States soon. What I am reading here is that Nigerian men andd women there are fighting each other.

You guys need to really work this out. The vehemence with which the women are claimimg not to be lonely looks , well, suspicious to me. Most of the guys seem to agree the women are lonely, most of the women don't. Something's wrong.

Leads me to suspect that the women who are likely to be Internet forum posters (and are thus on nairaland) are aready extroverts and unlikely to be in this mess of loneliness. Or that the men who are posting here lie that "nigerian women are lonely" to justify certain things to themselves.

Either way its sad that we can't all get along in a foreign land.

I honestly don't know where these people are coming from. I'm not lonely. Most of my friends aren't lonely. They'll always be someone going through a lonely patch but that doesn't mean most or all people are. Don't be suspicious of me; I come in peace.

You've hit the nail on its head. I honestly don't know why men would come on this thread & speak for WOMEN sha! Do they have sisters or very, very close friends who are lonely? I think not. Its as you said: a misinterpretation and/or sad justification. As this thread indicates many Nigerian men like to date non-Nigerian women. This is their prerogative and I duly support them. But I guess they must feel guilty and that guilt is inspiring this response. In America, black men, esp the educated, well bred ones, are really sought after by non-Black women who are willing to bend over backwards. In response lots of people try to make Black men feel guilty for dating them. In response to that, some "Black" men come up w/ superfluous reasons when they needn't. (Imagine having to justify having a dinner w/ someone in a free country! )

I posted a positive reply which everyone ignored. Yes, I am an extrovert but, ironically, not with men I do not know or men I have crushes on. But, I still get on well and have positive responses from "Black" (Nigerian) men in the States. In fact on St. Patty's day I went downtown, was at this club, lost in a sea of white people (incl. my friends) and the only 2 "Black" g.u.ys there asked me to buy me a drink etc. etc. One of the g.u.y.s was a Naija & I can tell!

I don't think that men & women fight (more than in other cultures/countries of origin) but I do think the problem is with the ladies. Sorry, ladies. . .Most women are raised to believe they should marry men "like their fathers" which means they should date men "like their fathers". Problem is there are no/scarcely any men "like their fathers" or how we were raised to believe our fathers were. I mean Nairaland is the most liberal interpretation of African-ness/Nigerians I've EVER SEEN w/ people talking freely about sex, divorce and the like. Never happens in the Nigierian community I grew up in.

That means when you turn 18, 20, or whatever and start dating it's a complete cultural shock, even if you were raised in America. (Thank our parents. ) So young women go off to college and the potential boyfriends, who are "like their fathers", are (seemingly) interested in is sex & "White girls" etc. and if you're not "down", if you think you'll go to hell if you step foot inside a nightclub, don't date interracially, or if you've ingested the "all the Black men are either in jail, gay or w/ white girls" philosophy that "native" African-Americans are raised on then, yea, you're going to feel lonely. If you accept this fate & upbringing then why complain; you obviously like it. We need to understand that ones upbringing is basically indoctrination. Did our parents mean well? Yes; but that doesn't mean that the way we were taught to think as women is correct or beneficial to women. As Seun has suggested, women have to learn to navigate the terrain (i.e., be themselves and serve themselves) while being true to themselves and broaden their horizons. DATE NON-NIGERIANS. (I don't know why people keep ignoring this in my posts? )

I always wonder: if a man must be A t/o Z & black to date you, then what makes you fit such a "perfect" man's profile yourself? Only playing Devil's advocate. . .If you like "dark" or "Black" men fine, do you. . . hold your breathe. But if you've never tried anything else, how can you be sure? In truth, men, like caviar & expensive wine are an ACQUIRED TASTE. . .see you at the next wine tasting.


[center]***Thinking: Now, what am I going to wear out tonight?***[/center]

Chinani

I have been to the States a couple of times, mostly on short trips. I confess that many of my male cousins/friends there were always after the Akatas and other non-Nigerian women. We men are built on visual attraction (which is why there are many porn movies for men but few for women). Women are turned on less easiy by just looks and possibility for easy sex. But i digress.

I can not speak about the Us-based Nigerian ladies as the ones i met were my cousins or friends, so we did not have romantic liaisons for me to see wht they were like as partners.  But honestly, at first I was tripped to see all these mixed race women (I stay in Atlanta) who had benefited from the races they derived from: imagine a face with filipino eyes and latino pouted lips sitting atop a slender white frame that happens to have black hips- lovely mixes of nice liittle sumpn sumpn,  many of them were far better looking than even what I see on MTV. I was like a kid at the chocolate factory. i had some wad so naturally I pursued some  .

However, as time went on, i realised that character-wise most of these women were a culture-shock. Even the professional ones had very lousy characters when the chips are down. I would never take any of them to my mom. Perhaps I am a bush Igbo man.

Definitely I could not see any of these ladies agreeing to go back to Nigeria with a Nigerian man FOR ANYTHING. Even if they did agree, I did not see any of them agreeing to stay.

I had thought that most of my male colleagues in America must feeel the same way, and could not possibly take those women serious. Reading this thread makes me realize that the situation is different.

But how did our parents do it?

Many of our parents went abroad to school. The women they saw there must have also "tripped" them with their looks, sexual gymnastics, and submissiveness. yet they did not despise our women. Most of them still married Nigerian women. 

With what I saw and see here, i am tilting towards the judgement that this thing is the fault of both sides but more that of our men. Our women are not the ones running away from the men, its the other way round. If I live in the States I will be in a better situation to confirm who is more at fault. But please if we all date outside our nationality our traditions, language, culture and identity will just fizzle out within a generation in the US.

Brothers, try to lower your standards when it comes to our ladies, for the sake of our parents and future children. Let our generation not break the chain.

t4cash:

But please if we all date outside our nationality our traditions, language, culture and identity will just fizzle out within a generation in the US.

Brothers, try to lower your standards when it comes to our ladies, for the sake of our parents and future children. Let our generation not break the chain.

Well, you're right. We shouldn't all marry outside b/c then things will "fizzle", but dating is a slightly different story. There's a learning curve to relationships and dating can be a learning experience. Also women have a smaller window. I don't see why I should be waiting, looking around at 30 if I find a suitable match at 25.

Furthermore, what does "lower your standards" mean I know many, many beautiful Nigerian women. Do they have the "benefits" "derived" from many races. No & that's ok since there are many types of beauty in this world. But, I don't want to be w/ a man who's thinking, "What a nice character and personality my girlfriend has. Good thing I lowered my standards." I'm not 2nd best. I'm best. Maybe not to you, but to someone and so are you. Who wants to be thought of or treated as a consolation prize?

The blame should be shared. Yes, men are suckers for the physical and visual. So let follow everything that glitters, perhaps it will be gold. I might still be available when they come to their senses but it won't be b/c I was "waiting".

Chinani

I was addressing the men not you.

Ok "they should try to raise their standards when it come to our women"

See? It sounds silly.

Vikki email me ur yahoo addy and i will show u the pics.

If u lookin for hookups with good guys or ladies, holla at lexi.
I just started a company called , Hookdemup Inc.
So if u interested holla at me email "my nairaand ID"@yahoo.com , now am serious abt this

hey
well there are so many Nigerian girls in u.s.a that are lonely i can testify that,i have been there times wthout numbers and i saw them some are even planning to come back to Nigeria and get thier selfs a husband.well is good for them.

@disney who told u guyz in yankee really want naija babes,me benosh i dont give a Bleep about them,is is what they use them for,if i need naija babe for a wifey i will rather go to naija myself for a good girl any girl dat chase naija girl for yankee na mumu,COS THEM NO WHAT AM

e be like babe do this guy something for yankee

@lioness
I think sey na only me notice

benosh wetin she do u?

The Nigerian population is non-existent compared to the general population abroad. Nigerians don't run into each other on their daily activities. This argument of loneliness borne out of the fact that Nigerians don't date enough of each other is very deceiving. These girls might as well be getting their groove on, in circles available to them or just their choice.

Well i wouldn't say all nigerian girls here are lonely, but the person that started this blog must have had a point to make cuz i dont think they dreamt it up.

Some Nigerians are lonely not just the girls the boys as well, the girls being lonely could be because they do not want to go out with the akata, or white or hispanic boys and want Nigerian men only, while most of the nigerian men they want have realized that they dont have to make as much effort as they do with Nigerian women, with other women. I know what i am saying cuz i have a friend who is Nigerian but doesn't go out with Nigerian girls because he says they front too much.

There are some places where Nigerians still date each other, and some places where u come across lonely nigerian men because the nigerian girls have too high standards of what they want in a man.

This is just a few of the many reasons to attribute to their loneliness but then again they are also the reasons why the rest of the world is lonely. Whoever wrote that Nigerian men only want to mess with white girls because they will not get married to them should think twice, i have a nigerian friend who recently got married to a white girl. . The person who wrote nigerian girls put too much pressure on their man also has some thinking to do if you think you can date any woman for a yr or more and she won't put marital pressures on you. Then someone must be wiling because women will always be women black, white, asian, etc. The only time a woman won't pressure you is if the woman is not interested in marriage and likes the relationship to just be at the same level.

I am not here to state that Nigerian men and women should work things out and start seeing each other, nope we don't have to date because we come from the same place, people should learn to be open minded, the world is moving at a very fast pace. The more we spend time being very picky and high maintanance we won't realize when a good thing passes us by.

If you see someone you like go for it, you don't limit yourself in life so why should you limit yourself to whom you date .

This is just my own 2cents, we don't see things through the same eyes so not everyone would agree with me, but some of u get it.

Yemstar, 2 cent's ke that was like a whole dollar, anyhue, i agree with u o. Nigerian women don't HAVE to date Nigerian Men. There is a whole smorgasbord of men out there. whatever happened to the "there's a lot of fish in the sea" philosophy?

I've met loads of Nigerian men.

Some of the lonliness may be due to stats. Like, it seems that most of the men were raised in NAIJA and expect one thing while loads (most) of the girls were born/raised in yankee and have a diff. idea of life/different goals.

I'm getting so tired of this "fronts too much" business.

chinani:

Some of the lonliness may be due to stats. Like, it seems that most of the men were raised in NAIJA and expect one thing while loads (most) of the girls were born/raised in yankee and have a diff. idea of life/different goals.

erm, you are going to have to explain that. Since when did guys raised in the US not want one thing as you put it. Guys raised in the US have even more sexual partners. Are you saying the girls of other races have radically different life goals from Naija girls?

Sorry. I was really vague. "One thing" was actually a stand in for "they have a different idea of how a relationship should go". "One thing" can mean sex, yes, but what I mean to write was that even though we're all from NAIJA, growing up in different countries has created some cultural differences.

On the contrary, I think African men exert less sexual pressure (coercion) than their American counterparts.

, I'll reserve my comment

Why do you reserve your comment? I agreed with you. If you have something to say, say it.

chinani:

Why do you reserve your comment? I agreed with you. If you have something to say, say it.

well I got you on cultural differences, still doesn't explain why naija guys would go after other women _{leaving the Naija women "lonely"}. Seems to me Naija women behave differently from other races in relation to Naija guys.

mochafella:

well I got you on cultural differences, still doesn't explain why naija guys would go after other women _{leaving the Naija women "lonely"}. Seems to me Naija women behave differently from other races in relation to Naija guys.

OIC. Well, I wasn't attempting to explain why Naija guys "go after other women" b/c I don't know the answer. Honestly, I don't know that that even happens. My persceptive is still a college one b/c I'm 21 etc. but I don't think Naija guys run from Naija girls. It doesn't happen to me or my friends. Maybe it'll happen in the "real world". Me no sabi.

In what way do Naija women behave differently to Naija guys? I assume you mean the girls aren't given the men a chance.

chinani:

In what way do Naija women behave differently to Naija guys? I assume you mean the girls aren't given the men a chance.

yep, the "hard to get" syndrome

So it's a syndrome? No, really, I don't know what to say about this. I'm just starting to realize that this must be a big deal for men. I'm glad I got an XY! Anyhow, you're idea of "hard to get" might be her idea of "puttin herself out there" so I don't know what to say. _{Maybe Naija girls are no longer meant for Naija men}. **Flees the forum**

Hehehe SOLANGE!!! Ko,

So i figured you out, you know what am talking about and yours was really easy to find too your stupid stewie gave you away even before your name. Glad i got u hooked on another thing.

Have fun

why are they?lonely

is there no mne there

Yep, they're men. Have you read all the responses to the thread eve? It'll give you some insights & the wide range of opinoins.

no 'havn't read them

good for them