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Need Your Candid Advice ! - Romance - Nairaland

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Need Your Candid Advice ! by unclesamtech(m): 7:20am On Oct 12, 2010
A close friend of mine   married 5 years ago with a kid in which  they always have misunderstanding nearly every-time, they live in different State in  Nigeria.All the effort of this Man to see that they live together as Husband and Wife proves abortive. This so called Wife has packed out FOUR TIME out of her husband 's house .This Wife has  never been submissive to her Husband and has even packed out again since Feb;2010 and never showed any sign of coming back. here is the question; can my Friend marry another wife since he has never enjoyed the Marriage ?
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by InkedNerd(f): 7:35am On Oct 12, 2010
Submissive? Is she an animal or something? I think they should seek some sort of counseling. If that doesn't work then I suppose divorce would be a last resort. Anyway, why do they live apart? And what exactly is the man's issue with his wife? Please provide more info and a back story.
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by Nobody: 7:41am On Oct 12, 2010
I don't believe that submissive should apply in today's marriage. However, if both of them can find happiness apart, I see no reason why they can't go their separate ways.
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by slap1(m): 8:01am On Oct 12, 2010
Was the lady forced to marry him? Why/ how is the man's effort to make them live together proving abortive, i.e, who is jeopardizing the effort?
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by Ikedonn(m): 8:06am On Oct 12, 2010
I believe a woman should be submissive to her husband.Without submissiveness the marriage will crumble .You can see that there is no peace in their  marriage now because of misunderstanding.If the wife is not ready for amendment they should split.I can't die of heart attack because of a stubborn wife.
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by InkedNerd(f): 8:10am On Oct 12, 2010
Ikedonn:

I believe a woman should be submissive to her husband.Without submissiveness the marriage will crumble .You can see that there is no peace in their  marriage now because of misunderstanding.If the wife is not ready for amendment they should split.I can't die of heart attack because of a stubborn wife.

Why? And who said that without submissiveness that the marriage will crumble?
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by Specialist900(m): 8:21am On Oct 12, 2010
Inked.

Your western ideology doesn't work in africa. Nigeria is a different ball game, being submissive is part of a marriage.
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by InkedNerd(f): 8:27am On Oct 12, 2010
Specialist900:

Inked.

Your western ideology doesn't work in africa. Nigeria is a different ball game, being submissive is part of a marriage.

I wasn't throwing any of my ideas or beliefs at him. I just wanted to see how he'd answer. Please don't refer to it as "my western ideology". I know couples who are African [born and raised within the continent of Africa] and they don't "submit" to one another. Anyway, the question was based on curiosity.
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by MOBO444(f): 8:31am On Oct 12, 2010
^^^ You can never change, you will lead many married Black women to their doom with your unguarded comment, i urge you to take a deep breath and think serious of your actions and inactions, this talk of Black female equality wont take you far.

@ Poster i will urge him to send away the silly Black wife and bring in something new and sexy to replace the old bag that call herself a wife.
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by Nobody: 8:36am On Oct 12, 2010
[quote[b]]^^^ You can never change, you will lead many married Black women to their doom with your unguarded comment, i urge you to take a deep breath and think serious of your actions and inactions, this talk of Black female equality wont take you far.[/b]
   @ Poster i will urge him to send away the silly Black wife and bring in something new and sexy to replace the old bag that call herself a wife.[quote][/quote]

I am a full blooded black African man and I don't believe in submissiveness in marriage. Does the above comment also apply to me?
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by Tinksh(f): 8:37am On Oct 12, 2010
Sounds like the wife is not interested at all. He should move on. Does she have the child with her??

This submissive thing you guys talk of, if you look it up the wife is supposed to be submissive but only when the husband loves his wife as Jesus loves the church. So you guys that bleet on about submissive women, are you fullfilling your part in the equasion?? Or you just doing your thing and expect her to follow you. The man has to deserve the submission, and submission DOESNT mean door mat!
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by InkedNerd(f): 8:39am On Oct 12, 2010
kITA TITA:

I am a full blooded black African man and I don't believe in submissiveness in marriage. Does the above comment also apply to me?

kITA TITA, don't mind him. Besides, MOBO444 is sexist so he'll give some idiotic answer and say that it only applies to black women like me tongue

Tink_sh:

Sounds like the wife is not interested at all. He should move on. Does she have the child with her??

This submissive thing you guys talk of, if you look it up the wife is supposed to be submissive but only when the husband loves his wife as Jesus loves the church. So you guys that bleet on about submissive women, are you fullfilling your part in the equasion?? Or you just doing your thing and expect her to follow you. The man has to deserve the submission, and submission DOESNT mean door mat!

What do you expect? A lot of the men expect women to be sheep and just follow along.
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by Nobody: 8:39am On Oct 12, 2010
Marriage is partnership. It is not employment or slavery; submissiveness should not apply either to the husband or the wife.
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by Specialist900(m): 8:41am On Oct 12, 2010
Inked_Nerd:


I wasn't throwing any of my ideas or beliefs at him. I just wanted to see how he'd answer. Please don't refer to it as "my western ideology". I know couple who are African [born and raised within the continent of Africa] and they don't "submit" to one another. Anyway, the question was based on curiosity.
my bad. How does 'their western ideology' 'cos you're not part of them.

How sure are you that they don't submit to each other. The submission here doesn't mean you always bow down and worship him like a king.

Mobo don show.
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by MOBO444(f): 8:42am On Oct 12, 2010
Tink_sh:

Sounds like the wife is not interested at all. He should move on. Does she have the child with her??

This submissive thing you guys talk of, if you look it up the wife is supposed to be submissive but only when the husband loves his wife as Jesus loves the church. So you guys that bleet on about submissive women, are you fullfilling your part in the equasion?? Or you just doing your thing and expect her to follow you. The man has to deserve the submission, and submission DOESNT mean door mat!

Well if you knew the Black evil African women can get up to when they are married, you will weep for the Black African male, even the submissive Black female are the very evil creature, all they think about is how they will enrich and assist their brother, sisters, father and mother, this Black women have stone heart.
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by MOBO444(f): 8:46am On Oct 12, 2010
Specialist900:

my bad. How does 'their western ideology' 'cos you're not part of them.

How sure are you that they don't submit to each other. The submission here doesn't mean you always bow down and worship him like a king.

Mobo don show.

Specialist 900 i still respect your view a lot, but what is wrong to bow down and worship him like a king, do you know the golf legend Tiger Woods ex wife (Swedish lady) worship him like a king before they divorced.
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by InkedNerd(f): 8:47am On Oct 12, 2010
Specialist900:

my bad. How does 'their western ideology' 'cos you're not part of them.

How sure are you that they don't submit to each other. The submission here doesn't mean you always bow down and worship him like a king.

Mobo don show.

lol, I never said that I thought submission consists of bowing down and worshiping him like a king. And I'm very sure that the couples I mentioned don't submit to one another. They're very open minded and liberal in terms of their beliefs and how they live.

kITA TITA:

Marriage is partnership. It is not employment or slavery; submissiveness should not apply either to the husband or the wife.

Well said brotha wink


Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by 190: 8:53am On Oct 12, 2010
Specialist900:

Inked.

Your western ideology doesn't work in africa. Nigeria is a different ball game, being submissive is part of a marriage.

WORD **inkerd is sometin else** grin grin
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by unclesamtech(m): 8:53am On Oct 12, 2010
slap1:

Was the lady forced to marry him? Why/ how is the man's effort to make them live together proving abortive, i.e, who is jeopardizing the effort?

Anyway, the Woman was working  in a Government sector in another state while the Husband was insisting She should leave the Job and stay Me him ; 1st year,2nd year and when it was 3rd year , this Man got her a  private job, she worked there for a month   and left the job. She complained that she prefer staying in her formal place of work to working in a private sector that does not secured .

Now tell Me ; who is jeopardizing the effort?
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by InkedNerd(f): 8:56am On Oct 12, 2010
unclesamtech:

Anyway, the Woman was working  in a Government sector in another state while the Husband was insisting She should leave the Job and stay Me him ; 1st year,2nd year and when it was 3rd year , this Man got her a  private job, she worked there for a month   and left the job. She complained that she prefer staying in her formal place of work to working in a private sector that does not secured .

Now tell Me ; who is jeopardizing the effort?

Well, if she asked him to change to job would he agree? How would he feel if she suggested a career change for him? Would he be willing to do that? If she's comfortable with her old job then what's wrong with that?
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by Specialist900(m): 8:57am On Oct 12, 2010
Tink_sh:

Sounds like the wife is not interested at all. He should move on. Does she have the child with her??

This submissive thing you guys talk of, if you look it up the wife is supposed to be submissive but only when the husband loves his wife as Jesus loves the church. So you guys that bleet on about submissive women, are you fullfilling your part in the equasion?? Or you just doing your thing and expect her to follow you. The man has to deserve the submission, and submission DOESNT mean door mat!
great point there.

The problem here is we only have a one-sided story, we've not heard the woman's part.
MOBO444:

Specialist 900 i still respect your view a lot, but what is wrong to bow down and worship him like a king, do you know the golf legend Tiger Woods ex wife (Swedish lady) worship him like a king before they divorced.
just knowing that. Only slaves cow down to kings.
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by unclesamtech(m): 9:02am On Oct 12, 2010
Inked_Nerd:

Submissive? Is she an animal or something? I think they should seek some sort of counseling. If that doesn't work then I suppose divorce would be a last resort. Anyway, why do they live apart? And what exactly is the man's issue with his wife? Please provide more info and a back story.
kITA TITA:

I don't believe that submissive should apply in today's marriage. However, if both of them can find happiness apart, I see no reason why they can't go their separate ways.
Ikedonn:

I believe a woman should be submissive to her husband.Without submissiveness the marriage will crumble .You can see that there is no peace in their  marriage now because of misunderstanding.If the wife is not ready for amendment they should split.I can't die of heart attack because of a stubborn wife.

PLS read Eph 5 v 22
Wives , Submit to yourselves unto your Husbands,,
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by cousinavi(m): 9:03am On Oct 12, 2010
Submission is a wrong word in a marriage. I know what poster wanted to say, he just used the wrong word!!! However, a successful marriage should be based on mutual understanding, respect, love for one another i think. Asking the wife to be submissive is saying she should accept every thrash the husband says or does. That my friends, is not healthy!!
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by InkedNerd(f): 9:05am On Oct 12, 2010
unclesamtech:

PLS read Eph 5 v 22
Wives , Submit to yourselves unto your Husbands,,

Is everyone a Christian? You can't always apply Christian beliefs to everything and everyone.

cousin_avi:

Submission is a wrong word in a marriage. I know what poster wanted to say, he just used the wrong word!!! However, a successful marriage should be based on mutual understanding, respect, love for one another i think. Asking the wife to be submissive is saying she should accept every thrash the husband says or does. That my friends, is not healthy!!

Then the OP needs to go back and re-word his post undecided.



Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by SALady(f): 9:11am On Oct 12, 2010
Guys what happened to communication between two people?? Cant people just talk things out nje! (for what its worth)? No matter what the problem you know, aiyaya!
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by SAGoddess: 9:17am On Oct 12, 2010
@ OP, the man should divorce his first wife so he can marry another, doesn't sound complicated to me!
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by Specialist900(m): 9:22am On Oct 12, 2010
cousin_avi:

Submission is a wrong word in a marriage. I know what poster wanted to say, he just used the wrong word!!! However, a successful marriage should be based on mutual understanding, respect, love for one another i think. Asking the wife to be submissive is saying she should accept every thrash the husband says or does. That my friends, is not healthy!!
the word submission wasn't used wrongly its just how you understood the simple but complex word. Submission isn't saying she should accept every thrash being thrown on her by the guy.
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by InkedNerd(f): 9:26am On Oct 12, 2010
Specialist900:

the word submission wasn't used wrongly its just how you understood the simple but complex word. Submission isn't saying she should accept every thrash being thrown on her by the guy.

Hmmm, I get what you're saying but ya gotta admit some men take that word to heart. Even here in the US, there are some men [and women] who expect their spouses to worship the ground they walk on undecided.
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by queeneve: 9:30am On Oct 12, 2010
My granny told me that SUBMISSIVE is when you allow the partner to take the lead sometimes even when you can do it better than your partner and allowing the partner to teach you in your weaknesses by that alone is Submissive.  

Giving in when necessary is also submission,


To answer poster question, ACCORDING TO NIGERIA LAW, a dog can have as many bones he can afford,
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by InkedNerd(f): 9:32am On Oct 12, 2010
queeneve:

My granny told me that SUBMISSIVE is when you allow the partner to take the lead sometimes even when you can do it better than your partner and allowing the partner to teach you in your weaknesses by that alone is Submissive.  

Giving in when necessary is also submission,


To answer poster question, ACCORDING TO NIGERIA LAW, a dog can have as many bones he can afford,

Hehehe, which law is that? Abeg, show to me o grin
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by queeneve: 9:36am On Oct 12, 2010
Now that what my nigerian friends who are muslim said,
Re: Need Your Candid Advice ! by Specialist900(m): 9:38am On Oct 12, 2010
Inked_Nerd:


Hmmm, I get what you're saying but ya gotta admit some men take that word to heart. Even here in the US, there are some men [and women] who expect their spouses to worship the ground they walk on undecided.
maybe common among those who felt the picked the lady out of thrash and placed her where she is today. These people are over intoxicated by power.

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