cimag:
For me,that lady is a very unforgiving type.Had it been that you haven't married her,you should let her go.I have said worse things to my wife and even slapped her two times since we married 7yrs ago,but she always forgave and we move on.How can you be begging and begging and begging,yet it doesn't touch her heart.What if she was the one who hurt you,does she expect you to carry the grudge for months?And I want to remind you that you have a w upife who CAN NEVER forgive you if she catches you with another woman or even suspect you.If you do,your marriage is over forever.

Must you comment on every post you see on Nairaland? Especially, the sensitive one like this that requires mature minded people to give their kindy advice?

Must you allow people to know that you're a wife beater?

She will soon divorce you and your eye will clear...
You even said she wouldn't forgive him if she eventually caught him with another woman...
Are you encourage cheating?
Mr Man you have nothing reasonable to say, you should have moved on after reading the comments.

Your marriage is on time bomb, it will soon explode.

involve a clergy man both of you respect so much

usernamepass:
Bla bla bla..
Op shut da Vuck UP and hold your mount pim..
You are simply not man enough to discuss marrage talkless of getting married.
Real men dont talk too much..
I bet your mouth will leak again and you will repeat the same okpata yaRn again..
You have succeeded in keeling the woman in your wife and now that shes gone..
Bear your cross and dont you ever... I repeat dont you ever come on here to disturb our peace again.
Abi SA Xenophobia never do??
SHOOO

you are one d biggest fools to exist in humanity....

omotola224:
A woman loves unconditionally but when you cross boundaries she can decide to unlove you with the same energy.

In that case, you don't know what "unconditional" means. If the sustenance of love depends on some circumstances, it's no longer unconditional.

healthserve:





The summary of everything is he destroyed her ego, esteem, confidence and intact he built the marriage on deceit.


The only way to get Op out of this is that he goes back to the basics, foundation and start rebuilding.


As of now, the previous template was destroyed. Trust shattered, marriage picture completely done with too



The way out is like you pointed revisiting the basics


He has a lot of work to do first on her, before the marriage. Word damages, word can rebuild, albeit with time.


He's gotta invest energy, words, moments and speak even foolishly how he loves her and wouldn't trade her for someone else, as of the moment her body maybe there, but the psychological effect has dealt a serious blow to her. She's damaged psychologically, and her actions, though mentioned by a few as passive aggressive is not hers, but the aftermath of the broken spirit. Her spirit is broken and needs to be attended to.


Dude needs physical,spiritual, thereputic healing for his wife.

I recommend he reports he gets both himself and his wife a counselor and then a spiritual aauthirity she won't take offense if he tables the matter to, to help the healing process. If she finds cause to regain her spark in the marriage, then She'll come out of the shock and better. Otherwise the woman in question is to shocked by the event to want to find pleasure and joy again in the relationship. And God help him she isn't planning something beneath the niceities. Dude got himself served big time.





Dude has to start all over. The previous marriage ended with those words.

Make una stop to dey overhype these nonsense na!

Women say worse in dating and marriage than men and men still move on.

The lady is just a a sensitive and manipulative little prick. What happened to the oath of "For better for worse"?

Na was for una, ndi broken self-esteem and spirituality.

Acidosis:
Women say similar thing to men everyday and we get over it. A woman will insult you today, tell you hurtful things but after a while, you get a yes. Some even go to the extreme by giving you a thousand reasons they won't date you. We have seen women who told us they can never date us in this life but turned out as wives (some as one night stand).

Some women never thought they could date a short man but las las, they married short men. Your wife needs to come out of that euphoria and embrace the hard reality.

Truth is we don't always get that flying specs we all had at infancy. Maturity and experience have played a major role on our choices. This is the message she needs to hear. Words spoken cannot be unsaid but a lot can be done to win her over.

This is not a time to beg please. Begging at this point will drive her further away from you. Just tell her that while her type was never your choice years ago, meeting her changed your life and perception for good. Make her realize she made you the man you are today, and you wouldn't wish for any other. When you sink in this kind of message to her subconscious with all sense of seriousness and truth, her love for you authomatically doubles.

You are mouthed!

The lady is on an ego-trip and being manipulative and the guy is playing to her gallery revealing his weakness

Show her that she is the best woman for you, if you believe that. Do it everyday. If you continue that way, she will add one plus one and know that though you didn't love her in the beginning, that you have come to love her now( if really you do).

Take her out on vacation and complain about the lack of joy you're feeling in your marriage. Apologize again, if she still doesn't want to love you fully again, then ask her if she wants a divorce. You deserve way more happiness. Na she go suffer las last.

My own advice is dat.. Just sit her down tell her you speak out of anger you didn't mean it,. That she too can do the same if the frustration is too much... Always tell her that and keep begging everything will be fine

Charles1888:
I had to create a new account for this

I don't know how to get through to my wife anymore, of which the fault is mine, when we were dating, she showed that she was committed to me and loved me wholeheartedly but I was reluctant to marry her cos she was of age, I wanted someone younger, say under 25, but something important that i have to acquire made me marry all of a sudden and she was the only one available, don't get me wrong, I loved her then, her peaceful and humble soul but for some reason I simply can't understand I felt she wasn't enough, but I was wrong, she was perfect, the best I can ever wish for and more, she is everything,

After we got married, you know newlyweds now, the quarrels about every little thing, it was much then, so this particular incident made me so worked up and angry I made a statement I shouldnt have said, during the heated argument I told her that she was never who I would have married, that she wasn't my specs, she was too old (31 lol) that if someone younger was available I wouldn't blink twice before I'll marry the person.

After saying all that, I wasn't sober about it, she held on to that statement, I knew she cried that night, since then we don't talk, play, gist anymore, we became distant, though I apologised the next morning but things isn't just the same anymore, communication isn't there, she only talks to me when she wants to ask or say necessary things, nothing more, though she still cooks, we still have sex, infact every other aspect is fine except for communication, anytime I come back from work and I'm in the sitting room, she doesn't stay there, she either goes to the room or dinning room, I have begged and begged and I don't want to involve third party cos I obviously caused this, when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me till I saw the strip, when I asked why she said she forgot, and we had plans to celebrate when she takes in, I was sad that day, I begged and asked to tell me anything she wants and I'll do it, I'll make it up to her,,she said she wants nothing that she is fine, I love her, she is my baby, we use to be gist buddies, I missed that and I want it back.

I don't know what to do anymore, it's my fault I know that and I'm sorry I ever said that cos it hurt her deeply, I told her to tell me more evil things so that we will be even, she said she can't that she loves me, we are drifting apart, I can feel it,

Pls help me folks, I came here becos I want anonymous advise, what else can I do to make the hurt go away?

Aaaaa!!! Op. Hmmm.... She's my kind of person o! And you know what? You have killed that rapor in her. She'll now see you as a pretender and will never take you for your words because you spoke those words out of the abundance of your heart which will now make her to start reminiscing on the circumstances surrounding when and how you married her making her feel you've been pretending all along simply because of what you wanted to achieve or get from her

The only reason she's still with you is so people will not say......
But OP, how could you?

Shes badly hurt and will never be close to you again cos she will see all your pleas as fake as long as she remembers those words which constantly makes the hurt ever fresh and keeps her further apart.

Wetin you wan tell her ? You really meant those words and she knows.

You just better turn to mumu for house if you want her attention back. I'm sure shes The laughing type like me. By the time you begin mumu about, she'll melt down back. Thats the only way out. Try it!

usernamepass:
Bla bla bla..
Op shut da Vuck UP and hold your mount pim..
You are simply not man enough to discuss marrage talkless of getting married.
Real men dont talk too much..
I bet your mouth will leak again and you will repeat the same okpata yaRn again..
You have succeeded in keeling the woman in your wife and now that shes gone..
Bear your cross and dont you ever... I repeat dont you ever come on here to disturb our peace again.
Abi SA Xenophobia never do??
SHOOO

Bros calm down, he had made a mistake and he wants a solution, that's why he's here, please don't add salt to injury.

Oga stop begging, try something romantic, 4-4-2 no work for you try 4-3-3 do something romantic to her, am very sure she wont resist that, thats if you did something unique


Check my signature, if you know, you know

omotola224:
A woman loves unconditionally but when you cross boundaries she can decide to unlove you with the same energy.
Men can often be insensitive through their actions but when you say it to their face then it's a confirmation of what you have been thinking. Never get to this point with a woman who genuinely loves you. That being said
You have to keep trying...
When she leaves you alone in the sitting room go and meet her. Gist with her.
Take her out on dates
Surprise her
You have to do things like you are just asking her out all over again.
Over one of your dates tell her you are sorry and would love to be the love of her life once again. Pls let it show that you are truly remorseful.

She will forgive you only you might have to reassure her over and over again.

Note: watch what you say henceforth .

Goodluck!

Just the truth... And we... Keep on making this mistake with good women

shamecurls:
Use her for money rituals

She still dey give u sex, she try oo

Bro.... let me advise you. Just apply for leave from work and don’t tell her. Wake up in the morning and just hold on to her and cry till she accepts your apology...Tell her you ain’t going to the office until she accepts you and open up to you.

Don’t involve third party yet, I believe you can resolve this your own way. It just involves wisdom in getting into her.

Thank me later bro

phew @ some comments.


@ op, if you get her back this time, be careful next time with your utterances.

Women are so flexible in narure.
They're like eggs that you need to hold with maximum respect.

They're very dangerous too because I wonder how a woman will cum during sex with her husband and still be able to hold grudge after the sweet sex.

Op, your wife is hurting deeply inside, women are very emotional but all hope is not lost, in order to win her back, you have to show her that you are sorry, there are little things you can do to show her how much you love her and that you are sorry, such as calling her from work just to know how she's doing, end each call with I love you even if she doesn't reply, she would feel good inside, drop little love notes where she can see, send love SMS from time to time ,as much as you can look at her and tell how much she means to you, she's pregnant now and would need a lot of support, help her out at home while you're at it, tell her you love her so much and can bear to see her stressed, cuddle her whenever you Have the opportunity, buy her little presents from time to time, you don't have to break the bank for this, with time she will start warming up to you, don't worry everything will work out, wishing you the best.

dublaino:
Bro.... let me advise you. Just apply for leave from work and don’t tell her. Wake up in the morning and just hold on to her and cry till she accepts your apology...Tell her you ain’t going to the office until she accepts you and open up to you.

Don’t involve third party yet, I believe you can resolve this your own way. It just involves wisdom in getting into her.

Thank me later bro

You're making a good point here.

I think this is the final answer, op over to you.

omotola224:
A woman loves unconditionally but when you cross boundaries she can decide to unlove you with the same energy.
Men can often be insensitive through their actions but when you say it to their face then it's a confirmation of what you have been thinking. Never get to this point with a woman who genuinely loves you. That being said
You have to keep trying...
When she leaves you alone in the sitting room go and meet her. Gist with her.
Take her out on dates
Surprise her
You have to do things like you are just asking her out all over again.
Over one of your dates tell her you are sorry and would love to be the love of her life once again. Pls let it show that you are truly remorseful.

She will forgive you only you might have to reassure her over and over again.

Note: watch what you say henceforth .

Goodluck!

truth be told he refused to hide under pretence, he should be appreciated for his courage

LilMissFavvy:
Only 31 smh...... I pray that lady heals. She married a man who does not value her.

Only 31? How old are you?

GrabHisBalls:
There's nothing anyone on Nairalander could help you with. You were actually not ready for marriage before you delved into it. If you've ever attended marriage seminars/relationship talk shows, you would have known that words are very powerful. No matter the provocation, there are things you don't utter. People forgive, but those words live with them. Most times, not consciously 'cause even subconscious keeps to information. There are certain "truth" you don't say if it's going to cause emotional damages even if it's the truth. I laugh when people blab things to hurt people, then tag it "the truth". You're simply being insensitive. It' s not every truth you should say in the open. Maturity has taught me to keep quiet when provoked.

Your wife may have forgiven, but those words can never be erased even though she desires to.

he has gotten what he wants from other comments here, which I know very well that is going to work

franchasng:
Don't involve anyone just carry your cross. I wish she could just abandon you after she bears a child and maybe relocate abroad and go enjoy her life, I wish I could help her achieve that cos u were honestly foolish and stupid


It is foolish boys like you running after small girls that are making it seem like marriage is not sweet.

If you are a guy reading this listen up, don't ever marry any girl below 27 years if you want peace of mind.


In Nigeria, girls start having sense from the age of 27yrs, and they become very lovely from 31yrs because at this age they now understand the difference between daydreams and reality.

They will become true help mate. They will become true partner not sex mate and trouble mate.

Girls below 27yrs are just sex mate, party mate, trouble mate, money milking machine and demanding robots who are very selfish and are only after what they can get from men and not what they can give back to men.

Anybody telling you that ladies start having child bearing issues or difficulty from the age of 32yrs is a mad person don't listen to them.

If I have my way, only ladies above 27yrs can get married.

Girls below 27yrs don't know what they want from life, they just want money and material things for free. They don't know what marriage is all about, or how to be a wife to a man. To them being a wife is living with a man, having sex with him at night to get pregnant in order to have babies, cooking for him while he provide them with all their life fantasies and if he fails to provide their fantasies, they start to give him trouble and start to compare with their friends and those they watch on TV and God rescued you from that disaster and u had the gut to tell that lady this stupid thing.


Had it been I knew your wife I would have told her to start making plans to leave you once she gives birth, and possibly find a way to travel out of Nigeria and leave u to enjoy the young girls u crave for cos u will definitely be cheating on her with those small girls, I can bet on that, wicked guy

Hmmm......

Spoken words are like egg, once it falls to the ground, it breaks and you can't redeem it again.

Good you are sober and now you are realise that you really love her.

My advice, keep telling her sweet words every day.
Keep pampering her now that she's pregnant
Start praying together
Involve her in your plans and give her room for advice

Above all involve someone she respects, she is wounded though healed cos she has forgiven you but the scars the wound left is still there.

I pray for you, the love you seek in your home will return in Jesus name, amen.

GrabHisBalls:
There's nothing anyone on Nairalander could help you with. You were actually not ready for marriage before you delved into it. If you've ever attended marriage seminars/relationship talk shows, you would have known that words are very powerful. No matter the provocation, there are things you don't utter. People forgive, but those words live with them. Most times, not consciously 'cause even subconscious keeps to information. There are certain "truth" you don't say if it's going to cause emotional damages even if it's the truth. I laugh when people blab things to hurt people, then tag it "the truth". You're simply being insensitive. It' s not every truth you should say in the open. Maturity has taught me to keep quiet when provoked.

Your wife may have forgiven, but those words can never be erased even though she desires to.

U said it all. He has to court her over again.

iPrevail:
Stop begging. Change tactics. Just tell her everyday that you love her and she means a lot to you.. Say it every single day, no matter what happens.
If she remains that way till the year ends, just know you married a very vindictive person you should actually be wary of.
If you can't forgive a person or look past their flaws, then you don't love them

I concur to this. Women needs to be pampered. But I don't understand why she is so hard

happney65:


You dey mind them..If you dont have sense,women will manipulate you in ways you cant imagine..They always want their own ways to be and nothing else..she also said hurtful things to you which you overlook..OP has begged times without number and she is still behaving as if she is Allah wey no dey hear word

If I were to be OP,I would come home one day and tell her point blank if she is not ready to accept my pleas and forget about my mistake,you are asking for a divorce..How long will he continue to plead?A year,two,three or more?Which type of Iberism is that.. No wonder she was an evening newspaper before she got married

Nonesense!

I dey tell you.

All these evening vanguard newspaper with plenty emotional baggages. One of them who is 32 years of age tried that manipulative nonsense with me after a call where I bore out my mind on certain issues. It wasn't even up to what the OP said.

The lady started to play this manipulative, ego-tripping game. I ignored and dumped her ass for good. She came begging. I was gone.

The OP is matured, begging her but begging her too much may even make the lady further lose interest. Women love men that can challenge their "power", not a weakling.

Fine..

You have made the statement and the mistake but one thing is Certain she will never forget.

You have laid that precedence that you doesn't love her even now. So your wife is now living on the marriage not love that she was thinking that existed before.


Also , she has forgiven you as a husband but one thing remains valid she will never forget.


Both should live on the marriage not love. You created the scene.

As Children continue to arrive in your home, So are all affections transferred to them as she will see them as her love, marriage and now hope.


That's the blunt truth.


Situations like this demands not advice but truth you have to live with while usimg your own mouth and hands to organise what you scattered.

Thanks.

Do what this man says...

If you are married and she loves youWhen sorry has been said with intent not to happen again,we should learn to forgive and forget.let by gone be by gone and let peace rain but if after al your sorry and all and she still keeps to her self?till end of yearMy brotherPerson weh get strong bitterness as wife wit deh put slow poison inside food for person oo or sleep and slide dagger inside your chest oooo...Na truth i deh tell you..dont involve anybody,my trigger the flame again..

she is hurt..yes you caused it...but if she had said worst things to you and asked for forgiveness,would you because of that not gist with your wife again?not girlfriend?after just a kid?

iPrevail:
Stop begging. Change tactics. Just tell her everyday that you love her and she means a lot to you.. Say it every single day, no matter what happens.
If she remains that way till the year ends, just know you married a very vindictive person you should actually be wary of.
If you can't forgive a person or look past their flaws, then you don't love them

The truth is thr is nothing u can do to take that scar away. It hurts bro. What you need to do is try and do those things that makes her happy. You know her better, so there is a spot u need to touch that will make her happy. When u are angry, either u keep quiet or walk away because words spoken can not be retrieved.

Mistake already made and lesson learnt.
We should be careful about the things we say to our loved ones when we are angry or when in full excitement.

@op, don't stop begging till all becomes well. Be buying her nice things as surprise packages. With time, her wound will heal.