I have a problem and I will try to be as straight forward.
I am Igbo and my girlfriend is from cross river. We have dated for 3 years in the university and after our final exams on the verge of going for NYSC, she got pregnant for me. I made her understand that I will not marry her but she still insisted on keeping the pregnancy. I think she loved me so much and wanted to use the pregnancy to make me marry her; but in my mind I do not have a problem with that because I loved her and would have no problem marrying her (personally).
During our service year she gave birth to a baby boy, we still talk and I send her money for hospital bills and food as much as I can. Through all this while, my parents were never aware that I had a child. Towards the end of the service year, they became aware. Initial reaction, they were so disappointed in me and all sorts. I apologized for me mistakes and made then understand that I would wish to marry the girl. They were not ok with that considering the tribe and all, but when they saw the child, there heart melted. I have to play some serious politics especially on my mum and finally they started accepting that I can marry her. (Note: In my place, it is of utmost important that your mother approves of your wife to be.)
During my girlfriend’s visit, (she and her family stays in Kaduna) I advised her on the things to do so that my family will accept her. She did them and they were really seeing no problem with us being together. I also made her understand that because we did not seek approval before jumping the gun; our union will be based purely on her acceptability by my family. After her visit we (I and some members of my family) travelled to see her parents and indicated our interest in marrying their daughter as our culture demand. They (her parents gave us a list of the things we need to do)
Then something happened, we (me and her) after much discussion decided that it will be good for her and my son to move and start staying with me. She left her job and moved to my location. I made arrangement for our accommodation but along the line, there were issues. I had to start looking for other accommodation and in the mean time she had to stay with my parents. It was during this time that they started complaining about her.
She is always antagonist whenever she is cautioned, she argues too much even with my mum example while cooking, they try to guide her on how it is being done in our place but she always picks offense and will start keeping malice. I have talked, advised, persuaded her to try and blend into the family but the truth is that it’s not working. The whole thing is stressing me out and I’m beginning to tell myself that am not ready for the whole stuff. My family members are already condemning the union and they are waiting for me to just say so.
What do I do? I am also considering the wellbeing of my son whom I wish to have a better life with a stable family.

New culture, New environment, don't worry, its only a matter of time before you guys fully understand the babe

You have to make them compatible because you are the constant in that equation.

@Op
You dont have to rush the marriage, just take your time and see if your family will accept her, most importantly if she will change her attitude. If your gal is not compatible with your family it is not really advisable to marry her IMHO, cos you never can tell what will happen in the future. In the case of where you are no more(God forbid) these are the people she ought to live with as a family. Secondly, I look at a gal with the way she treats others and not me, cos the way she treats others is her real self, thats who she is. Just pray, with God all things re possible

You dated for three years and throughout those years you saw no future between you and her? Wasting the girl's life because of s.ex? How do men do this?   Tomorrow now they will start a thread like Why do girls wake up at 27? And begin to count her eggs for her in the womb. Urrggghhhh.

Anyway, did you ask her what the problem was? Was she like this were you were dating? I know how Nigerian people say they are cautioning someone, meanwhile they are insulting you in the process. Some girls would keep mum, some would not. If I were her I would not quit my job to come and live in your parents house but rather make you get yourself settled first before shipping me all over the place.

Living with in-laws no matter how kind and patient each party will be, There will always be a conflict that will arise considering the fact that you don't belong to the same culture background or the same place .Even here,that problem usually happens.My advise to you is that,Try to find a way for you, your wife and son to stay in a different roof with your parents.In this way,we avoid such problems in cooking,housework and etc.Your wife will do things of her own without the pressure from her in-laws.Just try and see if It will work.

@High Chief, Thanks for your comments
@Stillwaters,

stillwater:

If I were her I would not quit my job to come and live in your parents house but rather make you get yourself settled first before shipping me all over the place.

Thats the point, arrangements were made but there were issues along the line, I was nearly duped cos of the house thing, I never wanted them to stay together like that but she too was in a hurry to come over somehow.
@ Mediatrix8
Thanks for your comments, thats exactly what am trying to do thanks