well, first of i am not an expert on the reasons why men are hard to find but from my own point of view

There is a lack of trust between both sexes

Most of the men there are in JAIL (ok m not generalising but m just saying)

In the UK for example there is a problem of social exclusion for the black British people especially the men and i noticed on meeting people in the states that they never feel capable enough to provide for the women because they feel that the women would want soo many things they cant give, so they just stay single.

Another reason like i always state is that some women just want to be single, i know its hard to believe (most of the pple on this forum think its down to desperation or frustration), sometimes experience gets the better of a person,

The world is changing and there would be more single people and people co-habiting in a few years,

Its not difficult to find a man, finding the right man is Difficult,

@Cyber it's crazy here.  During the Nigerian @50 independence party in NY, there were about 3 different venues for the after celebn party that night, I attended one of the parties briefly and left for another one, in the second venue, I met 2 Nigerian ladies in their early 30s, I started a conversation with them after a 2 drinks.  Before I could say jack one of them asked me if I have a gf, I told her yes.  These ladies started lamenting, "that all good and matured men are taken! that they regret coming out that night for the party, that the hall is filed with children, one of them said that a guy worked up to her to toast her and she asked him his age, and the guy was bold to say that he is 24! that can you imagine a 24 year old guy coming to toast her? I told them that they could check the other party venue that we left, that their are significant mature guys their including some guys that flew in from Nigeria to attend the party. They broke out immediately and started rushing to the venue.  I was shocked by their reaction.

But the truth is that these ladies had one time or the other neglected an opportunity to get hooked up when they were younger, but they thought that tomorrow will never come.  I only pray that God will provide every one who sincerely needs a partner with one.

wksi:

@Cyber it's crazy here.  During the Nigerian @50 independence party in NY, there were about 3 different venues for the after celebn party that night, I attended one of the parties briefly and left for another one, in the second venue, I met 2 Nigerian ladies in their early 30s, I started a conversation with them after a 2 drinks.  Before I could say jack one of them asked me if I have a gf, I told her yes.  These ladies started lamenting, "that all good and matured men are taken! that they regret coming out that night for the party, that the hall is filed with children, one of them said that a guy worked up to her to toast her and she asked him his age, and the guy was bold to say that he is 24! that can you imagine a 24 year old guy coming to toast her? I told them that they could check the other party venue that we left, that their are significant mature guys their including some guys that flew in from Nigeria to attend the party. They broke out immediately and started rushing to the venue.  I was shocked by their reaction.

But the truth is that these ladies had one time or the other neglected an opportunity to get hooked up when they were younger, but they thought that tomorrow will never come.  I only pray that God will provide every one who sincerely needs a partner with one.

wow, you really thought that out, well i hope you don't mean a large population of ladies, well these ones you met were really on a PULL that night, i am in my 30's and no i don't run to every party that has bachelors there, i dont see how that makes sense. its a good thing you wished them luck but why would you assume they had opportunities before? are you saying every woman had an opportunity to be married and blew it, as in every woman on the planet? hmmm , well i do not agree with that but if you believe that, thats fine, its what you believe,

tpia@:




^^so if you reach maryland/dc/virginia side you'll faint then.

Tpia. . .tell me something: Are you (reasonably) sure "fainting" is guaranteed in these places? Next vacation stop. . .or my next couple of days stop-over

wksi:

@Cyber it's crazy here.  During the Nigerian @50 independence party in NY, there were about 3 different venues for the after celebn party that night, I attended one of the parties briefly and left for another one, in the second venue, I met 2 Nigerian ladies in their early 30s, I started a conversation with them after a 2 drinks.  Before I could say jack one of them asked me if I have a gf, I told her yes.  These ladies started lamenting, "that all good and matured men are taken! that they regret coming out that night for the party, that the hall is filed with children, one of them said that a guy worked up to her to toast her and she asked him his age, and the guy was bold to say that he is 24! that can you imagine a 24 year old guy coming to toast her? I told them that they could check the other party venue that we left, that their are significant mature guys their including some guys that flew in from Nigeria to attend the party. They broke out immediately and started rushing to the venue.  I was shocked by their reaction.

But the truth is that these ladies had one time or the other neglected an opportunity to get hooked up when they were younger, but they thought that tomorrow will never come.  I only pray that God will provide every one who sincerely needs a partner with one.

@Nubian. . .I must admit that I completely support Wksi opinion on the bolded part but the prayer, it is very hard to agree with that prayer. I have very good personal reasons for this and I am VERY sure it is the experience of a lot of men otherwise, the volume of the romance thread will probably be significantly less.

Wksi. . .you are so on point!! Look, it is IMPOSSIBLE for a lady (lets make it a lady only average in everything. . .which is the largest proportion of any normal distribution) NOT to meet at least a couple of "correct" guys from 18 - 2* that she needs to make a reasonable decision within acceptable bounds of error. But look, if God that we pray to and we believe provides for man, spent his time and resources to bring REALLY good men your way but you completely cast them off. . .why should God keep providing them and the lady squanders them perfectly each time?

I know a girl and the only things she has going for her is she is young, very pretty and hot! I am a guy, I know ladies well but I know this one VERY well, so it is just an example of the several that happens to people everyday. She is VERY ARROGANT (though she may seem humble to a stranger), CARES ONLY ABOUT PHYSICAL THINGS, MAKE-UP (specialist), VERY VERY DULL (though if you spoke to her you may think she knows something, total empty barrel!), ACCEPT CORRECTION (Impossible), LISTEN TO OTHER'S OPINION (never), WILL NOT REASON OUT ANYTHING, would rather someone do it rather than LEARN to do it herself, DRAMA, HOT TEMPERED, (areas of spectacular specialization), clothes, shoes, perfume, party, FACEBOOK (1000%) and she SPENDS HOURS DRESSING UP JUST TO TAKE PICTURES TO PUT ON FACEBOOK! Then she spends almost all her free time ("life" on Facebook. I KEEP OTHER TERRIBLE THINGS AWAY BECAUSE YOU'D NEVER BELIEVE IT!

Look, I am NOT God and who knows what God will do? But that is one prayer I will like to see what happens in her case. Most ladies less than her age have almost finished university but she HATES EDUCATION and will get mad that another person works so hard to get excellent results. But look, a woman like this has and will squander the best opportunities she would ever have. If the prettier, smarter and more purposeful ladies find it hard (sometimes), your guess is as good as mine.

[b]Digression: [/b]Ladies say they want "bad" guys but the baddest guys are never gonna announce it. They lose nothing and take no prisoners. . .'cos when everything goes kaput, all the loses will be heavily on your side (Women, this is a tip so be careful). All the men you may run after or runs after you will always be jealous of this guy (if they hear what you have done for and with him) but you may think he lost (loser)! He actually makes you think that way. . .it's all part of the game plan.

I give another example of another person (relative) who is way older than me, mixed, although has visited Nigeria before. It was the dad who used to make jokes about it (mind you she is a grandma now herself) before she mentioned some of those things to me. Kids from different men, never married and not married! She was very pretty nonetheless. She went with the "hip" guys, basket ball players, party, etc. She's totally changed now though but time can no longer be reversed!

@NubianQ:  Well, it may not be entirely true to say that every woman on earth or at least all the ladies that are of marriageable age now but still remain  single have had an opportunity to get married but blew it.  There is the possibility that some never had any real or apparent opportunity, but believe me, this set of people are insignificant.  The thing is that most ladies, while they are growing up (and men as well) have formulated a mental picture of the standard and or kind of man they will date and or marry.  They would be so fixated with these standards that they fail to realize when to do an appraisal and restrategize.  But, as time goes on, and the men with these standards fail to surface or surface, but have no intention of getting down, these ladies would still remain on their high horses till time seems to be running out.

One good quality of a good leader, and this also applies to individuals who plan, is the ability to deal with change. Any manager who does not recognize when to change his strategy or who cannot deal with change in line with the reality of the prevailing business climate is bound to fail!  Every thing on earth is subject to change except change itself. 

My point, ladies should, after setting these standards, be attentive to recognize the appropriate time to make a change and reconsider their priorities before it is late.  Time flies faster than anybody may think - the next 10 years is just by the corner, though it may seem too far in our thinking.

@Cyber: you write so well, and your analogy makes a lot sense.

Nasir Jones sang about "black girls lost"


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiWNjlhHjeg

Foxy brown sang same


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBDlpGuGUME&feature=related

Those are AA. They know what goes on in Americas Black Communities best

wksi:

One other issue is that most African/American guys have no plans to get married.  I have met a number of them and had raised this issue with them, but most of them take the view that tying oneself down with a woman is not worth it when you can make babies if you want with as many women as you want.  I have a friend (African/American guy) who has been living with his gf for more than 5 years, and the unwritten rule is that there can be no marriage in the relationship.    Many are like that.  Thus, my point is that real akata guys have no family values and do not have marriage in their agenda, and my little observation is that white guys do not find black girls as marriage materials.  Some want to test the African "puny" in secret but would not go further than that

A good number of Nigerian guys I know in the states are ready to get married but they can't just fined a good candidate.  Black girls are not helping matters.  In NYC where I live, I have met a couple of black ladies, some are Nigerians, born in America with clear knowledge of where they come from (I mean original root). These set of ladies are so full of themselves that a serious guy who is busy may not want to waste his time talking to them.  The first attitude they would give you when you talk to them with the intention of starting a relationship is that you are looking for papers.  Especially if you are a postgraduate student who may have just spent 1 or 2 years in America.  Black guys now ignore them and look the way of adventurous oyibo friendly ladies who are all over black guys.  One of my Nigerian friends here is getting married in January next year with his sweet white lady who adores him like a king.  I have decided that in the fullness of time, I will not patronize any of our black sisters in the US because some of them have very bad attitude, unless I become lucky to meet good one.  But for the ones I have met here in NYC, no way!.  It kills me when I meet a Nigerian girl with typical Nigerian traditional name, and you are like, your name sounds "Ekiti" or "Igbo" or "Delta", and her snappy response would be "No! am from here".  One day I nearly passed out when one of the current Nigerian governors came to our school to present a paper, and after the paper, some of us who are from "Africa" went to him to exchange pleasantries, and he sought to know our names and where we came from.  It came to the turn of one of such girls I am talking about, with a typical local Nigerian name she told the governor that she is from Long Island, the governor now responded swiftly in humor, "but you do not look like them".

My point is that if black ladies think that there is a problem, they should come down from their high horses and be more friendly towards their black brothers to enhance their chance of getting hooked up.    Desperate situation demands desperate measures, and it is so sad that the ones that seem to be a little friendly are in their mid 30s and early 40s, and I bigging to wonder if they had been this nice all these while and yet remain single.

Absolutely brilliant post. Kinda of stuff I would write.

In regards to the bolded. Fk them!!!

I am not one to say because you are born of Nigerian parents then you must be Nigerian. Hell, if you have never been there and not raised in the culture, you cannot be one. But hell, to be irritated because you are being simply identified with Nigeria means you are retarded. So fk them! A lot of AA would be grateful to pinpoint their exact village of origin before slavery, a retard is working hard to deny his/hers.

^^^
u just proved my point. U dint start this topic for any reason but to bash black women!

u just proved my point. U dint start this topic for any reason but to bash black women!

But the point is, "is there any truth in his bashing so far?"

Na wa for some of u black men oh! Me wey be only quater black, i stil get respect 4 black people. Some of my relatives wey be white hate black people no be small! And ena stil dey put am for ena head sey white women love ena so much!! Who u dey decieve?? GO AND ASK OBAMA!!

^^so if you reach maryland/dc/virginia side you'll faint then.

I couldn't agree more wiv tpia. Although in general Black American women are far more friendly that their UK counterparts. In fact last time I was there I nearly gotten be groom price paid for by one hot black chick.

@Saga, Try Maryland and I'm sure there wouldn't be much difference between yourself and Prince Charles in terms of the attentions/attractions. . . [size=2pt].but be careful oh, those chicks could easily break a man's head if u funk up[/size]

@yorisb

the link below confirms ur last hidden



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFPjK7c6yjk

excoba101:

@yorisb

the link below confirms your last hidden



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFPjK7c6yjk

The woman wan kill the guy and the cops no even send them

DO NOT MISTAKE BEING POLITE TO LOVE OR CARE!!! A WHITE PERSON IS NATURALLY/or TRAINED TO BE POLITE, BUT THAT DONT MEAN HE OR SHE LIKES U, I DINT SAY ALL WHITE PEOPLE OH!!! I AM NOT SAYING THIS OUT OF HATE!!! I MEAN CAN I HATE PART ME, BUT GROWING UP I LEARNT TO KNOW WHAT'S UP, U MIGHT NOT GET WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY!!!

A BLACK AA IS USUALLY THE OPPOSITE IF U KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT ANT THAT DONT ME HATE!!! Anyway i no fit type long tori, if u knw wetin i dey yarn, fine! If u no know, fine! I bera comot for here

wksi:

@Cyber it's crazy here.  During the Nigerian @50 independence party in NY, there were about 3 different venues for the after celebn party that night, I attended one of the parties briefly and left for another one, in the second venue, I met 2 Nigerian ladies in their early 30s, I started a conversation with them after a 2 drinks.  Before I could say jack one of them asked me if I have a gf, I told her yes.  These ladies started lamenting, "that all good and matured men are taken! that they regret coming out that night for the party, that the hall is filed with children, one of them said that a guy worked up to her to toast her and she asked him his age, and the guy was bold to say that he is 24! that can you imagine a 24 year old guy coming to toast her? I told them that they could check the other party venue that we left, that their are significant mature guys their including some guys that flew in from Nigeria to attend the party. They broke out immediately and started rushing to the venue.  I was shocked by their reaction.

But the truth is that these ladies had one time or the other neglected an opportunity to get hooked up when they were younger, but they thought that tomorrow will never come.  I only pray that God will provide every one who sincerely needs a partner with one.

CyberG:

^^^ Well said o Wksi! Look, it's the same thing over here, truth be told. But guess what? I have met several black ladies, from Nigeria and other places and they are NOT getting married after years of waiting. While some guys may need papers, it is not everyone that wants a woman to obtain any papers but the shakara they go take you do? You go wish you were in Nigeria where people still have some sort of family values.

I can honestly say that I know some Nigerian girls here and years since after I met them, I have seen them in clubs for hookups (I was there with someone else), I have talked to some as friends or when I was not dating but after all said and done, everyone goes their way. The funny thing is whenever I see any of them (and I can swear to it, although I don't in reality), they look totally different (you know what I mean, no offense)! Some were really pretty then and they were practically waiting for the "perfect" man to show-up while walking away from all the people in normal life. You see them and while some of them may even be older than you, how will they feel when they see younger guys and older guys bypass them and marry someone else (most likely younger) and they are looking old and fat while you are even looking younger??

Hell! I know what you are talking about. I feel you.

I used to feel very sorry for women before, now I have taken interest in studying them, I hardly do.

Personally, I know men have been asses for years but recently, with the advent of feminism, I feel a lot of women are just badly behaved now. They really do not have the benefit of the better behaved of the sexes anymore. I might not be old enough, but I can confidently say, in the last 20 years, the quality of qualities of women has drastically degraded. Me, I waka before any girl give me some disgusting attitude.

I COMPLETELY get your bolded part. COMPLETELY!!!

I have observed same several times. I have even mentioned it a few times on NL about women and prime.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-431830.32.html#msg5911915
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-427811.32.html#msg5945176

If you know the amount of extremely FINE looking girls I know and see years later that have lost it and still single, you will bow.

They waste their prime, sometimes with bad guys they know they have no future with, sometimes just being big-headed and rude, and then in later life end up struggling to find a man.

Even on NL alone, the tone and pride of some of the girls are irritating. Mostly the younger ones, not the more mature ones. They talk with so much pride and behave like if men don't mean shyt. Are those the people I am suppose to feel sorry for when they grow older, have lost their youthfulness and plumbness that was shacking them and leading to their nauseating attitudes, and now they are far less attractive, they don't get the attraction that was fueling their arrogance anymore but are now seeking companionship?

lovemoi2:

^^^
u just proved my point. U dint start this topic for any reason but to bash black women!

How the hell . . . . .

I repeat, how the hell did you come to that conclusion from that statement?

It is only black western-raised women that repudiate their origin? The guys don't do it also?

How the FK did you come to that conclusion from that statement? Paranoia?

ell! I know what you are talking about. I feel you.

I used to feel very sorry for women before, now I have taken interest in studying them, I hardly do.

Personally, I know men have been asses for years but recently, with the advent of feminism, I feel a lot of women are just badly behaved now. They really do not have the benefit of the better behaved of the sexes anymore. I might not be old enough, but I can confidently say, in the last 20 years, the quality of qualities of women has drastically degraded. Me, I waka before any girl give me some disgusting attitude.

I COMPLETELY get your bolded part. COMPLETELY!!!

I have observed same several times. I have even mentioned it a few times on NL about women and prime.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-431830.32.html#msg5911915
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-427811.32.html#msg5945176

If you know the amount of extremely FINE looking girls I know and see years later that have lost it and still single, you will bow.

They waste their prime, sometimes with bad guys they know they have no future with, sometimes just being big-headed and rude, and then in later life end up struggling to find a man.

Even on NL alone, the tone and pride of some of the girls are irritating. Mostly the younger ones, not the more mature ones. They talk with so much pride and behave like if men don't mean shyt. Are those the people I am suppose to feel sorry for when they grow older, lost their youthfulness and plumbness that was shacking them and leading to their nauseating attitudes, and now they are far less attractive, don't get the attraction that was fueling their arrogance anymore but are now seeking companionship?

We pray God to assist scientist in building remote controllable men in favor of women maybe we will realize that we have lost "the fight".  

@lovemoi2

Life would be more better if our AA sista fall back to "THE TRADITION" which African sister at home and abroad neglect.

excoba101:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFPjK7c6yjk

I looooooove this woman.

Well done!!!

Who the fk is he to punch her?

I enjoyed the beating she gave him so much, and it was done with so much confidence and guile. 

She disappointed me a bit by not stumping on his head whilst he was on the tarred road.

Shocked The woman wan kill the guy and the cops no even send them Grin  Grin

She said "fight back", "come on"  


NB: Guys quit drinking too much, quite too much sex and no replacement with enough eating and lastly create time for yourselves to be happy(too much stress is not good, it kills).

excoba101:

@lovemoi2

Life would be more better if our AA sista fall back to "THE TRADITION" which African sister at home and abroad neglect.

Nah!

It is the AA men that are more fked up and need to get their acts together.

Na the women say make dem no study?

Na the women dey do things wey dey send dem to jail?

@Sagamite

Owing to the fact that AA chic(kens) are on the search light here. Nigger get their own for body. They should follow the tradition like Nasir Jones said.

lovemoi2 said white people are trained to be polite. I believe she watches our local vids, from there she could tell that typical Africans are trained to be polite. Everybody at home is trained to be polite. The confusion comes from inter-mingling without balancing.

[quote="davidylan"]
i lay the blame squarely at the feet of:

1. the US welfare system - spawned a generation of black men who feel the society owes them and thus have no need to make themselves useful. You can always see this clueless boys/men at bus stops, barber shops e.t.c.

2. Breakdown of the family - how many of these men have any family structure to guide them growing up? Had to understand what responsibility means if your father was non-existent and your mother was hooked on crack, dressing like a teenager at 45.

3. The man himself - nuff said. Get an education and find a job.

4. The women - Most of them dont know what they want. They start out with irresponsible men just because they are attracted to the bling, the fun, the bad-boy image and completely forget they shld spend time planning for a future. By the time they are ready to settle down, the few good men have already disappeared.
[/quote]
As they say on Nairaland, GBAM!

davidylan:

I have tried to answer the question but i come up short all the time. Its quite sad . . . i find it so hard to wrap my head around a man having a child and being ok with the child living miles away and only getting to see him/her once in 3 months.

This is one madness I can never get.

Finding a man is one thing, keeping the man is another --- with so many men who think that have lots of choices, confusion takes precedence and these men begin finding fault in every minuscule thing until they marry the wrong choice ----- i know of a man who married a Nigerian - American girl, complained about her a lot, left her to marry a village girl, 2 years later, divorced again ---- he doesn't plan to get married again but knows that he's the one with the problem. He has three children with two different women --- many choices about --- to me, finding a man is not the issue here.

obowunmi:

Finding a man is one thing, keeping the man is another --- with so many men who think that have lots of choices, confusion takes precedence and these men begin finding fault in every minuscule thing until they marry the wrong choice ----- i know of a man who married a Nigerian - American girl, complained about her a lot, left her to marry a village girl, 2 years later, divorced again ---- he doesn't plan to get married again but knows that he's the one with the problem. He has three children with two different women --- many choices about --- to me, finding a man is not the issue here.

Honestly, a lot of guys are pathetic.

exobar:




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFPjK7c6yjk

@CyberG and Wksi,

I agree with you guys,  to be honest i cant argue and say you are wrong.

i wonder why women are always the ones that find it hard to find men,  dont we have  desperate men too??

well, i see your points and yes,  some people throw it all away,

now i have to go check my archives and look for the ones that got away lol

i am going to be very straight and say, as much i think marriage is a fantastic thing,  i have never thought of as something i must do,  when i was in my teens i wanted to get married like it was some jackpot i had to win, 

then something happened and i found that in my mid to late 20's i just didnt want to get married,  some people put it down to experience, some say its denial, some agree with me when i say its just a decision i made years ago. well,  whatever one feels is within ones self,  i can say i really want kids but a husband? not really,  having a partner i live with suits me well.

Men are important, same as women,  its just the drama relationships bring that make loads of people not bother,

Like i said you guys  really did make a point,

CyberG:

Tpia. . .tell me something: Are you (reasonably) sure "fainting" is guaranteed in these places? Next vacation stop. . .or my next couple of days stop-over

very true.

many nigerian men have gotten lost after landing in a hitherto unknown sea of stunning women with the americo slang.

quite literally speaking.

by the time their eyes opened, water don pass garri.




see yorisB's response for more details.

if you're a player, you go play well well and wake up later.

[flash=400,350]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBhz1cK_f9A&feature=related[/flash]

Sagamite:

[flash=400,350]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBhz1cK_f9A&feature=related[/flash]

Has to be the fakest looking cartoon I've ever seen.

@Wksi. . .thanks for your compliment and it was nice reading your experience on that side too! It's nice to have 1 More friend on here! and yes, I will be reading your posts from time to time too.

@Nubian. . .I tell you there are so-called "desperate" men (so I think) only that needs to be qualified. For starters, there are several posts on NL that highlights this point immediately. But, desperate for what? Marriage? Sex? Companionship? Either one of these or all, including more as people are always looking for different things.

Real life story: I have a friend and this guy is really GOOD! Look, he is one of those kind of guys that ladies say they want (at least in theory) but this guy could not get a girlfriend for years before he got married. He practically went home and got married to someone he knew, not that they were dating or anything like that. . .at least this was what he told me. He did not have to tell me he was "desperate" and you know a lot of people ever admit something like that but yes, he was! I have more friends who just went to Nigeria and got married to someone else after a lot of disappointments with ladies over here. Why would anyone want to travel approximately 2 days (plus stop-over time) anytime you want to see someone and get to know someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with? If the person was just some blocks away (5-10 mins drive) and as Nigerian, as female, etc and you could get to really know the person, why the stress of going to Sokoto to get what is in the pocket of his sokoto? In the meantime, a lot of guys decide to start "playing the game" and they would date a lot of girls they will NOT marry! In more situations than not, these girls do *everything* to make this guy not to make-up his mind for them and finally, they will break-up.

Personally, and with the kind of family I grew-up in, I cannot imagine not getting married and living a "normal" family life. I have never seen a marriage as good as that of my parents and how do I de-educate my mind from it? If I wanted to be westernized, I would have gotten some baby mamas but it is so hard to wanna go down that route for lots of reasons! Why would a man work so hard to be very successful and then dissipate all that success with multiple baby mamas and children who will never have a full family experience?

Nubian, would you be able to put your decision not to get married to life's experience or something? You know decisions like that never jump out of the blues. . .it has to be something that has to inform such a profound decision.

@Tpia. . .na wah o . Goodness, why did I move to where I am now? I should be smacking myself upside down now that na white full everywhere I dey cos chances of marrying white is very slim for me. Time to re-strategize! LOL