my wife is hell fire for me ,i just discovered some many error code after 8 years ,i should have been a player plus cheater which is a normal thing for men   then when ripe go for marriage anyway it is not too late i can still flirt to take off the stress in marriage

His right hand is sort of "defaulted" to my booobs, 

His right hand is sort of "defaulted" to my booobs,

iyeayo:

His right hand is sort of "defaulted" to my booobs,

WHy are you exposing me in public?

It seems your booobs defaulted to my right hand

I came running to nairaland just to check out this thread best thread of 2010.

Going back to read what I've missed.

tEsLim:

1. She doesn't laugh at anything I say. And always keep straight face that is emotionless 95% of the time I've known her.
2. Doesn't say JACK! I taught she was reserved back then and that htings will get better. HELL NO! she dont talk tooooo quiete and got 1billion things on her mind she will never say
3. Forgetful and doesn't pick phone most time. And sends very annoying repetitive text messages due to her insecurities. "You are out there again abi? With another woman abi?"
4. Too suspicious
5. Used to scratch her legs while sleeping (fixed this it was medical)
6. Complains of no attention knowing fully well she's the one that doesnt talk or want to have conversations. She can reply a 5hrs talk with YES or NO and thats it
7. Never logical. Emotion and sentiment first.
9. Very boring person too cold in nature, routined and not dynamic. Very predictable. She the same yesterday, today, tomorrow and ,
10. Only woman I know that want s.ex and no pre-intimacy. And will complain of rush job cos i gotta logout from the boring bed chore

aminalib:

1. my boyfriend plays video games (2010 FIFA) like its going out of style, he gets home at 12am, once he rushed throught the door that i thought someone was running behind him, he rushed to the tv and put on the game, i asked is it that seerious that u can't even put your bags down or take off your work clothes before you play this game? and he will get so mad when he loses a goal yet he plays this same game every night,

2. he farts and it smells so bad, one time we were argueing and he farted so silent, it smelled like rotten garbage and he has the nerve to ask me why i farted it just made me so mad cuz he knows he is the one that did it,

5. he complains about what food i should cook, if i say i wan cook chicken he will pout and say no no no, but once i make it he will eat it like he never ate before,

If I do not die laughing on this thread, then I sure do have a long life.


slymm post is also very very funny but I couldn't quote it.

dayokanu:

WHy are you exposing me in public?

It seems your booobs defaulted to my right hand

Who you be do you even have a right hand at all?

this thread is madt

And by the way some ladies complain isn't complain

1. I ask her if she found my car keys, or other items because sometimes we both use it. Is there a crime in that ? Plus she's meant to always get my back
2. Farting hmmmm, she cooked the food na. Is that my fault or did I eat outside? Plus I do my farting discreetly but once once na i gats just free myself. Plus THIS IS MY HOUSE!
3. PS3 and PES2011 is the bomb I have a separate room for gaming in the house with my wide screen TV. Nothing you can do about this! Marriage could be very boring without PS3 because the TV station is always on AfricanMagic by default and I can't watch that bullshit with her. Illogical movies about witchcraft everyday.
4. And yes I'm NON RELIGIOUS mess that! The old scripts dont make sense anymore in today's world. They're practically non-applicable.
5. And I don't ball with the in-laws because too much balling with them will always result in unsolicited bull.sh.it
6. I smoke good ol' maryuana , she never said something about it. I do a little discreetly but I bet she knows. When I be up in the balcony early AM . Medical maryuana twice a week.
7. Someone recommended me talking about bags, fashion with her in one of the post. I did. But she only replies with one word. And sometimes says I'm to critic so I dont talk fashion. She thinks anytime i open my mouth its a critic.


Yes I forgot to add.
1. Turning her bedroom to laundry+drying room. Spread kids cloths all over her bed. I heard that shit causes pneumonia. I've always told her to wash cloths that the lines downstairs could take. Yes we have separate bedrooms incase of we fight seriously we just stay out of each other way till we reconcile.
2. Always emptying my bedroom fridge. Thank God she doesn't do alcohol so i only load alcohol in it now. No juice, milk, cheese,
3, Pretended she couldn't operate the generator for two years. LAME so that she doesn't go down to turn it off when nepa brings light midnight lol.

@Slymm, that's a handful, lol its good you knew earlier,

I can't stop laughing since yesterday

iyeayo:

Who you be do you even have a right hand at all?

LMFAO,
@all above-- funny creatures really.


my gurl is too big for me, i dont like to go out with her but she has never thought of breaking up while i always think about breaking up at her every time we are to meet. s
he likes sex but i can't just do any acrobat with her.
she's rich and wants to spend the money on everything, everywhere but im not the lousy type. she wasts to go everywhere at all times while i just prefer staying back home, chill and watch movies,

worst of it all, her laps are just too big for my sight and she won't stop eating like a pig

Mennnnnn, all the posts are funny! I've been laughing like a mad woman all throug the five pages. Makes one think twice about marriage. After all the formings! And I've a short fuse,hope I'll tolerate him when time comes. *sighs*

blank:

@ Tinax, r we married 2 d same guy? He's snoring is something else. Sometimes it sounds like he is fighting 4 d next breath with his mouth open n saliva flowing. It at those times dat I wonder, how did I ever find this dude attractive.

Also, its always darling, where did u keep my keys? Its right there where other keys r. I can't see it, pls help me look or do u want me 2 be late? I will come n see it right where I said it was, in plain sight. Baby, look 4 my boxers na, d one with white n blue stripes. Wear any boxer. No, I want dat one. Where did u keep it? he can so scatter n den wants me 2 look 4 everything.

We both av our annoying habits but still love ourselves 2 bits.

maybe!, Nairaland would be a ery good place to work it out, lol

hollars:

LMFAO,
@all above-- funny creatures really.


my gurl is too big for me, i dont like to go out with her but she has never thought of breaking up while i always think about breaking up at her every time we are to meet. s
he likes sex but i can't just do any acrobat with her.
she's rich and wants to spend the money on everything, everywhere but im not the lousy type. she wasts to go everywhere at all times while i just prefer staying back home, chill and watch movies,

worst of it all, her laps are just too big for my sight and she won't stop eating like a pig

LAMO una go kill somebodi here ooo,ur gurlfriend is too big,her lap too big,yet she de chop lik pig .ur man snores and enuff saliva fallin lik river niger,yepa,fartin drama,i one die ooooooo cheiiiiiii

i laffed till 1am yesternite and i woke up, 1st thingy i did was to pop open opera mini to check out update, my xmas is falling into places with this thread.

hollars:


my gurl is too big for me, i dont like to go out with her but she has never thought of breaking up while i always think about breaking up at her every time we are to meet. s
he likes sex but i can't just do any acrobat with her.
she's rich and wants to spend the money on everything, everywhere but im not the lousy type. she wasts to go everywhere at all times while i just prefer staying back home, chill and watch movies,  

worst of it all, her laps are just too big for my sight and she won't stop eating like a pig

i no go die laffn, guy imagine not being able to lift your chick

tEsLim:

@ teslim, this is one union men, geez, thank providence for your PS and happy hour with M  leaves, but my brother you have to find a way to spice up your union ooo, how long will this continue, meanwhile if your kids accidentally run into you during your early happy hour one day, you may not like it, lol

iyeayo link=topic=568948.msg7352499#msg7352499 date=1292562193:

His right hand is sort of "defaulted" to my booobs, 

another classic, i bet his hands will be cupped shaped  

We are very opposites:
1. Sometimes I feel My Wifey ain't human, I'm always delighted on the rare times I catch her pass the gas, as she always seem to never do it, and it never smells. Even her poo doesn't smell, I wonder if she downs perfs with her food. I'm gutted cos she opens d door wide while doing it, so most times I pretend it stinks to heavens.
For me, no matter how I let go silently, she smells it even before it comes out of mah hole.
She has an hyper sensitive nose. And when she complains, I'll ask if its my fault that her farting hole is blocked. Now she's been nagging I go see the GP that I have a bug in my tommy, can you imagine?  

2. She's damn too efficient. No complacency at all. The way she keeps appointments amazes me. I hardly ever get the opportunity to hurry her up like other men do their wives. Instead its the other way round. Each time I secretly try hard to beat her to time she ends up getting ready before me. Gawd knows how much I hate this.

3. Fights nko? She just loves to pick fights on anything. I'm the quiet type. But to make the house alive, we must fight. And when I say fight, no be small fight ooo, After the fights we seem to get more love. Cos we must sleep together, even if I try to sleep in the guest room, she'll come pull the blankets, pillows and sheets off me and take them to our room. With temperatures below sometimes 3 degrees, 'I no get choose.' And I can't sleep in the kids rooms, cos I wouldn't want them to know we are fighting.

4. She believes we must do every single thing together. I'm not against this. But it is really annoying when it comes to me having to wake up so we breast feed the baby, Haba!

There are a lot more. Will share more as I remember.

I had another ex who couldn't or didn't know how to do house work. I do all the cleaning, sweeping and dusting while she watches TV (she doesn't even offer to help). One day she pissed me off so badly, i was sweeping my sitting room and as usual she was sitting on my couch watching TV. When i got to where she was, she lifted up her feet for me to sweep under them.

On the other hand though she more than made up for those inadequacies in the bedroom. She gives the best "head" on the planet. Just remembering it now is giving me an erection in the office.

teslim and liyola,u guys hav the gold and the silver for amazing posts on this thread.

teslim are u for real ur woman is all dat negative?mennn peleeee  oooooo,maybe u could get her a wringer and drier for the clothes,cos damp clothes in the room would really freak me out,unfortunately driers are not too fabric friendly so u are better off taking ur work and important clothes to the drycleaners.

messing, and farting in public

axeman10:

2. She's damn too efficient. No complacency at all. The way she keeps appointments amazes me. I hardly ever get the opportunity to hurry her up like other men do their wives. Instead its the other way round. Each time I secretly try hard to beat her to time she ends up getting ready before me. Gawd knows how much I hate this.

Guy, your wife is one in a million, I know lots of guys (myself inclusive) who'll give an arm and a leg for a woman who is always punctual.

2. She's damn too efficient. No complacency at all. The way she keeps appointments amazes me. I hardly ever get the opportunity to hurry her up like other men do their wives. Instead its the other way round. Each time I secretly try hard to beat her to time she ends up getting ready before me. Gawd knows how much I hate this.

People who are annoyed about good things annoy me. Instead of being happy you're annoyed.

tEsLim:

And by the way some ladies complain isn't complain

1. I ask her if she found my car keys, or other items because sometimes we both use it. Is there a crime in that ? Plus she's meant to always get my back
2. Farting hmmmm, she cooked the food na. Is that my fault or did I eat outside? Plus I do my farting discreetly but once once na i gats just free myself. Plus THIS IS MY HOUSE!
3. PS3 and PES2011 is the bomb I have a separate room for gaming in the house with my wide screen TV. Nothing you can do about this! Marriage could be very boring without PS3 because the TV station is always on AfricanMagic by default and I can't watch that bullshit with her. Illogical movies about witchcraft everyday.
4. And yes I'm NON RELIGIOUS mess that! The old scripts dont make sense anymore in today's world. They're practically non-applicable.
5. And I don't ball with the in-laws because too much balling with them will always result in unsolicited bull.sh.it




6. I smoke good ol' maryuana , she never said something about it. I do a little discreetly but I bet she knows. When I be up in the balcony early AM . Medical maryuana twice a week.
7. Someone recommended me talking about bags, fashion with her in one of the post. I did. But she only replies with one word. And sometimes says I'm to critic so I dont talk fashion. She thinks anytime i open my mouth its a critic.


Yes I forgot to add.
1. Turning her bedroom to laundry+drying room. Spread kids cloths all over her bed. I heard that poo causes pneumonia. I've always told her to wash cloths that the lines downstairs could take. Yes we have separate bedrooms incase of we fight seriously we just stay out of each other way till we reconcile.
2. Always emptying my bedroom fridge. Thank God she doesn't do alcohol so i only load alcohol in it now. No juice, milk, cheese,
3, Pretended she couldn't operate the generator for two years. LAME so that she doesn't go down to turn it off when nepa brings light midnight lol.

@Teslim accept my sympathy Oo, you dey try abeg if that woman is just as you claimed. Haba!

Seun:

People who are annoyed about good things annoy me. Instead of being happy you're annoyed.

Seun, please help me tell am.

***subsribed***

^^^Talk your own na

after a quarrel she once told me dat didnt i realize the jazz i used in making her jaa me face had an expiry date.
and on the expiry date dat my eardrums will tear by the time i hear everything she has kept inside for me.

i was sooo livid i stormed out of her place.the next time i saw or heard from her was in 3 weeks at church and she thought hard and long before she said hi to me.wicked woman.

1759:

I had another ex who couldn't or didn't know how to do house work. I do all the cleaning, sweeping and dusting while she watches TV (she doesn't even offer to help). One day she pissed me off so badly, i was sweeping my sitting room and as usual she was sitting on my couch watching TV. When i got to where she was, she lifted up her feet for me to sweep under them.

omg, , afta that, i will switch off the telly

kushe:

after a quarrel she once told me dat didnt i realize the jazz i used in making her jaa me face had an expiry date.
and on the expiry date dat my eardrums will tear by the time i hear everything she has kept inside for me.

i was sooo livid i stormed out of her place.the next time i saw or heard from her was in 3 weeks at church and she thought hard and long before she said hi to me.wicked woman.

you and your partner are so funny mehn

been reading your posts and i couldnt stop laffing

na wah. my hubby hmm! plenty. plenty habit sha.  


He sleeps too much.  I normally feel so lonely at home cos we leave so early and once he is back he has just 5 mins and then straight to bed.  If the food is not served within the five minutes u will have to wake him. Even if its in the afternoon.

He complains too much about people the reason we have lived with six house helps in six years.  No one can meet his  standard.

wheneve he talks, it looks like fighting. he may be advicing you but someone may come to ask what the problem is cos he would be shouting.

farting and running his palm on his forehead while scratching his eardrum. when i complain, he would strech his legs and hands and then release a goodnite fart and would run into the bedroom.

Hahaha!!Laughin real hard, Keep em cominin,