safarigirl:
I have never experienced such a thing, but I can NEVER endorse such a behavior

I Am FIERCELY protective of children, I can't even stand to see them being shouted at. I am even more careful with kids that are not mine, so, for anyone to theink this behavior is right in any way, or it teaches any sort of lesson, or there is one light at the end of the tunnel, is highly manipulative

The Truth is that abuse begets abuse, and the abused will one day, become the abusers. People who have been abused have rationalized it as normal, they have convinced themselves that it builds character, so, they become what they most loathed as adults, and abuse their own kids. Only few abused people actually release themselves from that vicious cycle.

This is not normal behavior. Nobody's kid should be reduced to a help because of unfortunate circumstances. Nobody deserves to be used by relatives, they did not bring themselves to the world, and shouldn't be made to suffer for it.

Let God bless somebody in this life, that is all we pray for. May our children not suffer for something that is not their fault

SweetCunt97:
Guy don't b silly. It's definitely normal for a visiting relative to help around the house.. U simply painting a picture that is non existent of that girl's character. Let's call a spade a spade. If na me, I for do about turn return to my papa house,... Who she eep

Tripitaka:
Yesterday I read a post on FP about a girl who went to live with the aunt because things were difficult at home.
https://www.nairaland.com/5730436/living-aunt-pastors-wife-hell

It was a very interesting thread and while perusing the thread and seeing all the people especially women sympathizing with the lady, I couldn't help but keep wondering if all the tales we read on the internet about women and madams meting out inhumane treatments to their househelps were all fictitious or if these women and their accomplices are not on nairaland.

On the post in question, the girl made it clear that when she came in, the whole house was a mess and her aunt asked her to clean to which she vehemently refused, in her own words " I told her I can't do them". Now I ask, if that OP had gone to visit her grandparents and she was told to clean the house, would she have declined? If she met her own father's house a mess, would she decline cleaning It? I doubt. The fact that the aunt has a grownup daughter is inconsequential here after all the OP wasn't the one cleaning the house prior to her visit. What if the OP was not asked to clean the house, same house that will shelter her for a long time, would it not be a wise move to clean the house without being told? Again, the fact that she just came, is inconsequential.

She probably went there with the mindset of "I know I'll be maltreated, but I won't tolerate shìt, so I have to show them straightaway that I'm no pushover".

We are also ignoring the little manner of manner of approach and first impressions. You could ruin a beautiful prospect from the beginning. It would have been a masterstroke for the OP to clean that house out of her own volition or do it humbly when she was told or simply asked for the cleaning to be deferred till the next day. This singular act would have set the pace for a more conducive stay, but no she already had the mindset that she would not get "mummy and daddy treatment". In all honesty, I thought the OP to be rude and entitled. I could be wrong, but that's what I thought.

Now, my mom is a teacher, the old school type with over 25yrs experience and it would be an understatement to call her strict. My mom could starve you for a whole day if you threw away food, she does not tolerate the slightest of nonsenses. Growing up, we had househelps and my mom treated them same way. On the outside, you would think she handles them differently, but no. At a point, my dad stopped bringing maids, as he said it's better for my mom to tackle us in a particular way than another person's child.

On the internet, we all claim to be humanitarians, human rights activists, crime fighters, child right activists and all that, but most importantly, we are all human being open to all sorts of vices and tendencies. I make bold to say that no one would treat their help same way they treat their own children. It doesn't mean they are mistreating the help, it just means that there are certain privileges open to their kids which the help may not enjoy. Your kids attend a 200k per term school, the help attends a 100k per term school. All are good schools, but ...

I had a neighbour who was childless for 11 yrs, eventually they had to adopt a 2yr old child. The child was their crown, the wife could take a bullet for her. After some years, they had their own child. That moment, the wife remembered that the other kid was adopted. Then everything changed.

My point, do not go to someone's house and expect to be treated like their own child or family. Why? Because you're not their child or family. There are so many privileges you may not enjoy. It is what it is. This fact means that you have to put in the extra yards and also understand that the children of your host may get away with certain things, but you can't.

There is no justification for mistreating someone, absolutely none, so anyone who wants to argue must stay on course.

LordKO
Sisisioge
Dominique
Franchasng
Safarigirl
Mizwisdom

grafixdon:


Me and u no dey the same category, don't ever use the word silly for me. Whatever rock your boat. I'm done with u

Mariangeles:


Your long useless epistle still does not change the fact that child exploitation and abuse by adults is wrong.
Every child deserves to be HAPPY and FEEL SECURED.
No child deserve to live in unnecessary fear of the unknown.
That your mother did it to you does not make it right.
Jesus Christ condemned abuse of children in the bible.
He says it were better the abuser's neck be tied to a stone and drowned than cause a child to be offended. ( IT IS DANGEROUS TO OFFEND A CHILD'S SPIRIT)

franchasng:


Men hardly maltreat maids, house helps, their drivers, etc. Even in Nigerian workplaces, its always the female bosses that are the baddest and unapproachable.

Only very few married ladies are exception and if you go figure out, such ladies probably grew up in midst of guys or their husband have been fighting them about the issue.

Tripitaka:


Oge, you do not know my story. I'm actually speaking from a place of personal first hand experience. I too lived with an aunt and if i told you tge number of years, your mind will be boggled. Yes. But she was a typical Nigerian mother who would never spare the rod.



I'm sure you know that the OP was being hyperbolic when she talked about the maggots perhaps to add credibility to the story. Heck, That's the family kitchen. They certainly don't cook in a kitchen filled with maggots.

I maintain that no woman will treat a help exactly same way they treat their own kids. This may not amount to maltreatment, but their is always a difference.

grafixdon:


I'm very wicked, I know. But stop being emotional. Put yourself in her sister's shoes, you have a sister inlaw who does absolutely nothing than to seat and watch Telemundo, no help whatsoever, just to wake up and eat your food, how would u feel? I'm sure you'll never take that shit.

PrimadonnaO:
Kindly clarify your main points @OP, because it would seem you're speaking from both sides of your mouth.

Did you say your mum mistreated her maids, too?

The girl in the initial story, yes she obviously lacked tact for refusing to clean the house when she was asked. But if we have to be objective here, would it have been so hard for them to treat her like a guest on the first day? The aunt simply isn't a good person. The girl in the story was childish and entitled, but she'd have learnt. If her refusal to clean on day one was what set the tone for her maltreatment, then her aunt who's a pastor's wife is such an unforgiving person.

The children of the house will always have more privileges than the non-biological children, but it doesn't have to spell ill treatment for those kids.

Growing up, my cousins lived with us. The last of them moved out when I was 13... They are all married or abroad right now. My oldest bro was 18. So, you see, they lived us, with my mum raising them for nearly 18 years. Some were brought in as infants. They were all way older than even my eldest sibling. My mum having her own children changed nothing. Yes, they did more chores (probably because they were older), but we did chores, too. They sent us on errands without restraints. These cousins could beat us up or punish us when we did wrong stuff and we dared not report to my mum, because it would make no difference. Instead, she'll add to the beating. My cousins were that free. Two of my male cousins were nicknamed "bulldozers" because they could eat up a whole pot of food in two seconds. Our food! Free access to the kitchen. To eat to their very fill. Their visitors were free to visit. The could take us out on special occasions without thinking twice about it.

So yes, even if kids aren't your biological children, an inability to love them and treat them with kindness and consideration is wickedness. It's not a natural phenomenon that should be sucked up.