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Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? - Romance (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by adim2(m): 5:04am On Jan 14, 2011
In the case of infidelity both male and female don't forgive and definitely forgetting is not an option most especially when you were caught in the act. in Africa female tends to pretend like they forgive because of the patriarchy system being operated in the family and also the environment makes it very easy for a married woman to forgive the husband than for a married man. my assumption still remains that if you say you forgive somebody it shouldn't be a reference point whenever an issue comes up. you can forgive other sins but this sins listed below are unforgivable
murder
infidelity
steal(at gunpoint and bankruptcy)
backstabbing
We can only claim that we have forgiven but when being hit with a situation my dear you will not that truly you have not forgiven the person.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by lightest(m): 2:15am On Jan 15, 2011
@ all
it is better imagine than experienced. have been dating a girl for 3 years and i love her so much that i choose not to mingle with girls unnecessarily. but behold i caught her while she was lying to me that she bought a contraceptive drug which in 3 years she had never buy herself. In summary, she confessed her sin mention the guy that i almost arranged a death warrant for the guy cos it touches my @ so much. i forgave her and its had for me to forget so i choose to Bleep around now and it pains me that am doing that becos am not the type. Note am only doing this to easy myself the pain or something but the truth is i love the girl that i can't even let go becos of her action. may be am wrong i can't say but i can tell you its not easy breaking that trust in a good relationship.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by adim2(m): 3:27am On Jan 15, 2011
what we usually do is let things be.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by Orton10(m): 3:33am On Jan 15, 2011
I can't forgive her o.
[s]The only infidelity i may condone or forgive is the one wif vibrator or dil*do.[/s]
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by afokstoomuci(m): 9:52am On Jan 15, 2011
How can you forget sure a thing.The girl you want to spend the rest of your life with is cheating on you and you expect men to forgive and forget.2009 december my girl that i have been eating for 4 years now cheated on me and she apologises i forgive her but i did not forget.So last year dec 2010,i left her without telling her what she has done.I left because i cannot trust her and she is so selfish
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by koolchicco: 10:24am On Jan 15, 2011
Orton1_0:

I can't forgive her o.
[s]The only infidelity i may condone or forgive is the one wif vibrator or dil*do.[/s]

PMSL grin
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by Orton10(m): 12:01pm On Jan 15, 2011
^
Lol. nna ee.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by Jenifa1: 12:26pm On Jan 15, 2011
adim2:

In the case of infidelity both male and female don't forgive and definitely forgetting is not an option most especially when you were caught in the act. in Africa female tends to pretend like they forgive because of the patriarchy system being operated in the family and also the environment makes it very easy for a married woman to forgive the husband than for a married man. my assumption still remains that if you say you forgive somebody it shouldn't be a reference point whenever an issue comes up. you can forgive other sins but this sins listed below are unforgivable
murder
infidelity
steal(at gunpoint and bankruptcy)
backstabbing
We can only claim that we have forgiven but when being hit with a situation my dear you will not that truly you have not forgiven the person.


I agree. but I think people can forgive. but it's definitely very difficult to forget.
and to think women forgive and forget easily is wrong. they just pretend to, like you mention, because they may have no other choice.

you definitely hit the nail on the head.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by harakiri(m): 1:02pm On Jan 15, 2011
Males and females are opposite sides of the ying yang. As much as i don't condone cheating, i'll say this. . .whilst men see cheating as a physical thing, it's much more than that for the females. Most times when a woman sleeps with a man, it means much more to her than just sensations (and guys know that). Men have always been seen as the worst culprits in the cheating "sector" but time and tide has shown that women cheat as much as men (if not more). The thing is while men advertise their escapades for the whole world to see, women are more discreet and cover their tracks judiciously. It's easier for a woman to juggle 5 guys at once than for a guy to juggle 2. Women are more emotionally inclined and even before the guy makes up his mind to cheat on her, chances are there that she would have seen the signs unlike a guy would think he has a "good girl" whereas he's guy No.6 on her list.The post is directed at men but from my experience, it's women who are more vindictive and can hold grudges and mistrust for years! ! ! In a heated misunderstanding, a woman can bring up an issue that happened EIGHT YEARS AGO! How many guys do that? I think this thread is pointing to the wrong direction.

You can look up more on this on :

www.womensinfidelity.com
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by lightest(m): 1:33pm On Jan 15, 2011
@harakiri

u are 100% right. they have a very large @ to keep those shit unlike a guy. i think in short " words speaks louder than action" on their own part
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by megletters: 2:33pm On Jan 15, 2011
smileyThe truth is men have fragile egos(r easily insecure), but notwithstanding, if a man truly luvs his woman, he'll forgive her but NOT immediately. Why? His ego, he has got to repair that before looking on to the outside, kinda sad, really.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by Orikinla(m): 3:26pm On Jan 15, 2011
Forget all the hypocritical clichés on forgiving and forgetting.

To forgive is possible, but to forget is impossible, except you are suffering from amnesia.

Your brain keeps records of the experiences of your life and you cannot delete them by wishing them away.
You have to learn to live with them for life.

Honestly, I can only forgive if the offender is truly repentant.

There is no forgiveness without repentance.
That is why our Lord and Messiah Jesus Christ warned us to REPENT OR PERISH.
So, except you really repent, you will perish.
Only God knows when, where and how.
So, the sooner you repent the better, healthier and safer you would be.

Personally if I catch my woman or wife in adultery and she repents, I will forgive her. But there is no way you can delete it from your memory.

The grave consequences of infidelity are life-threatening, because the offenders can go as far as plotting to eliminate you to cover up and continue their infidelity.

The woman is to blame in infidelity, except she is a victim of violation.

There is no excuse for infidelity if you truly love your partner.

[size=28pt]If you no longer love your partner or you are tired of your relationship or marriage, the wise thing to do is QUIT.
QUIT AND THEN YOU ARE FREE TO DO AS YOU WISH AND NOBODY CAN ACCUSE YOU OF INFIDELITY.[/size]

But when you are stabbing your partner in the back, you are actually killing him or her.

To save your life, get rid of the offender before he or she kills you.

The world is a battle field, and we are all fighting for survival in a hostile planet.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by IyaBasira: 4:47pm On Jan 15, 2011
I don't know who said that women forgive more easily, becuase they actually don't.

I had a bf who cheated and I wasn't able to forgive.

On the other hand, I have a friend whose bf has cheated on her in drastic ways. And they are still together.

If a girl is still with a guy after he's cheated on her more than once, she has issues. Its not because she doesn't have as much of an ego as guys do. Loads of people say that men have big ego's thats why they cant forgive . . .  sometimes a woman's ego is worse than a guy's.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by Nobody: 4:56pm On Jan 15, 2011
I don't know much about men, but I as a woman WON'T EVER forget!
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by delicious1(m): 2:55pm On May 26, 2011
Maybe. Maybe not. undecided
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by 190: 2:59pm On May 26, 2011
MzD@rkSkin:

I don't know much about men, but I as a woman WON'T EVER forget!

smh
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by Genius100: 8:15pm On May 26, 2011
The consequences of a woman cheating is worse than the consequences of a man cheating. If a woman cheats on her husband, she can get pregnant by the other guy and pass off the kid as her husband's kid. The man will now unknowingly raise another man's kid. If a man cheats on a woman, he can't pass of the kid conceived by the woman as his wife's kid.

Double standards are a fact of life. Get used to it. There are millions of things women get away with but men cannot.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by bamaiyiO(m): 9:52am On May 27, 2011
Men do forgive but never forget. There's every tendency to revenge.
My 1st gf cheated on me and stil claimed to love me. I forgave her sha,but, after a while i discovered i couldn't 4get so i had to break up with her.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by 49cents(m): 11:18am On May 27, 2011
This thread is bringing up the fact that we all crave exclusivity in devotion and affection and believe me its not limited to sex , thats our nature as humans. The truth is that your partner is not enough reason to be faithful, you are, think about cheating husbands whose wives are human goddesses or the unfaithful wife whose husband 'has it all' fidelity most include a personal decision independent of your partner cos most times it is the change or even lack of change in our partners that spur people inte unfaithfulness. Love makes us human, makes us become bigger. The thing these days people enter relationships hurriedly with another without policies, standards except dont have sex with someone else, Thats not sufficient
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by chiozor: 11:49am On May 27, 2011
Genius100:

The consequences of a woman cheating is worse than the consequences of a man cheating. If a woman cheats on her husband, she can get pregnant by the other guy and pass off the kid as her husband's kid. The man will now unknowingly raise another man's kid. If a man cheats on a woman, he can't pass of the kid conceived by the woman as his wife's kid.

Double standards are a fact of life. Get used to it. There are millions of things women get away with but men cannot.

spot on
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by Nobody: 12:22pm On May 27, 2011
Women also don't forgive and forget. Don't generalize and be deceived.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by Nobody: 1:19pm On May 27, 2011
i don't know about it being a man or woman thing like some persons will like us to believe.
to err is human but to forgive is divine,
except our women have suddenly become saints then i think the same principle applies to everyone.

no one likes being cheated on,

if i catch my girlfriend or wife cheating it does not matter for how long we have been together, she berra know the way to the door.
i can take anything but infidelity is a no no, period.

and lets face the truth, no relationship can ever be the same once infidelity has been established.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by BloodShed1: 3:14pm On May 27, 2011
I'm not a forgiving person. Once someone wrongs me, they've already shown me their true colours, so why should I accept that?

If someone stabs me in the back and I survive, then leave hospital and run into the person who stabbed me, am I really gonna be like "OH, I'M HAPPY TO SEE YOU AGAIN".
Oh yes, I'll be happy to see them, but for other reasons i.e. revenge.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by 2buff4Mods(m): 5:11pm On May 27, 2011
Unforgiveness has landed more people in hell than you can count.
Ask God to help you when you know you cannot forgive with your own power/mind.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by 49cents(m): 7:21pm On May 27, 2011
True Love is stronger than infidelity
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by sexylogan(m): 8:14pm On May 27, 2011
Men may forgive, but they never forget.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by ShyOne(f): 8:27pm On May 27, 2011


I read these comments and smh

Forgiveness is owed to ACCIDENTS - that's what I forgive

INFIDELITY is not AN ACCIDENT - that is an intentional act that the sinner needs GOD TO FORGIVE - NOT ME.

I can't forgive it - for me it is UNFORGIVEABLE - if you cannot pledge your loyalty to my camp - we aren't evenly mated and YOU AND I NEED TO MOVE ON.

This i say with a very clear conscience.

People - I tell you - if you don't stand for something you will FALL FOR ANYTHING. You serve God OR YOU DON'T - there is no gray shaded area - it is black and white.

If you are sexing more than one person why are you in a relationship? I had a female friend who loved to sex different men and used me as an alibi - telling people she was spending the evening at my home or was with me at different events and she actually was with the different men. I had to disengage and cut my ties with her. I don't date or befriend cheaters - neither MALE OR FEMALE.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by Nobody: 8:30pm On May 27, 2011
depends on the situation and the person. bottom line.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by ShyOne(f): 8:31pm On May 27, 2011
GUESS WHAT

If TRUE LOVE - really existed from both partners

There wouldn't be infidelity to forgive.  Because both partners would be the only ones with the key to the other partner's secret place.  They wouldn't be cheating on each other.

THAT "True Love" that you speak of @ 49cents - would have brought that other partner home.  True Love is not a one way street and it also puts the brakes on acts of infidelity BEFORE THEY OCCUR.

so ONE PARTNER is suppose to "truly love" the other partner who is cheating?  smh

I do definitely agree that "true love" is stronger than "infidelity" as long as true love stops one being unfaithful to the other
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by 2buff4Mods(m): 8:35pm On May 27, 2011
Shy-One:



I read these comments and smh

Forgiveness is owed to ACCIDENTS - that's what I forgive

INFIDELITY is not AN ACCIDENT - that is an intentional act that the sinner needs GOD TO FORGIVE - NOT ME.

I can't forgive it - for me it is UNFORGIVEABLE - if you cannot pledge your loyalty to my camp - we aren't evenly mated and YOU AND I NEED TO MOVE ON.

This i say with a very clear conscience.

People - I tell you - if you don't stand for something you will FALL FOR ANYTHING.  You serve God OR YOU DON'T - there is no gray shaded area - it is black and white.

If you are sexing more than one person why are you in a relationship?  I had a female friend who loved to sex different men and used me as an alibi - telling people she was spending the evening at my home or was with me at different events and she actually was with the different men.  I had to disengage and cut my ties with her.  I don't date or befriend cheaters - neither MALE OR FEMALE.

There's a difference between forgiving and continuing.
You should forgive them, otherwise you make yourself and anyone else you meet later on a slave to what he did.
However, you don't have to continue in the relationship.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by ShyOne(f): 8:45pm On May 27, 2011
2buff4Mods:

There's a difference between forgiving and continuing.
You should forgive them, otherwise you make yourself and anyone else you meet later on a slave to what he did.
However, you don't have to continue in the relationship.

Thanks for straightening that up - I completely agree. I had a cheater once in my life. It was devastating for me. It took a very, very long time for me to forgive that person. But I did and I did forgive them thoroughly and when I forgave them "really forgave them" - it was a HUGE CLEANSING that I experienced spiritually and physically. There are many people that Say they forgive someone. Then they find out later when put in a similar situation or faced with verbal scenarios such as this - they find out that they "really didn't forgive that person - though they tried - deep inside they still harbored ill will and they came to realize that they still were upset behind the acts of that individual."

That IS THE PURE REASON that I can't deal with a cheater. A cheater takes too much ENERGY, EFFORT AND WASTES THE TIME EACH PERSON HAS ALLOTTED to the relationship. Who has time to investigate, accidentally find out they are sleeping with a liar, allow themselves to go through a litany of emotions involved with dating a cheater? Who has the time? NO ONE - cheaters waste time. They don't pull their own weight in a relationship. We all get bored, we all get tempted, we all at times feel a form of attraction for another. But we are required to "pull our weight" by being loyal in the relationship and turn our backs on playing traitor to our mate. That's what vows are for - they link you to your significant other. Be it BF or Husband. That's how I see it.

I went down that road before - I won't allow myself to visit it again - consciously (knowing I have a cheater and I have to keep forgiving the louse) or not knowing he cheats. Because as soon as I find out he cheats. IT is GOOD BYE. I pay allegiance to those that pay allegiance to me.
Re: Do Men Really Forgive & Forget? by 2buff4Mods(m): 8:47pm On May 27, 2011
^^ There we go baby smiley

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