queensmith:

why should the fact she doesnt want your name reflect on your marriage? its a choice! im sure you discussed this before you married

its certainly not a big deal- she hasnt refused to wear the ring, she isnt galavanting as if she isnt marrried- she just simply wants to keep her name
respect that decision and stop acting as if its the end of the world im sure there are more important things to be thnking about that getting hypertension over a name!

samtoye:

Its such an irony where most African women would readily downgrade the traditonal marriage values as achaic and oppressive but still want to hold on the the traditional sanctmony of marriage. They have forgotten that under such values their parents lived and thrived together in matrimonial bliss.

aloy/emeka:

Tradition and culture demands she adopts his name after marriage besides, it helps the family unit maintain one last name. Not husband is Adelaja, wife is Ademola and their children have Akinade and Ogunlesi as their last names.

WackyJ1:

Why did you bother to reply. See how she turned marriage to slavery and men to cavemen because of a simple change of name. She might be a feminist

spikedcylinder:

Culture demands a lot of things, not all of them feasible. One just has to find a right blend and know what works. She wants her name, as an independent human being, she has that right. Any right thinking man, who does not have trust issues or even issues generally will not see it as a big deal.

@ Aloy Emeka, I'm a realist. In life we don't know what tomorrow will bring and I apply the same principle to everything I do. I'm not saying I want to get divorced or I wish for for it but I am not living and refuse to live in a fairy tale world where I expect the rest of my life to be a happily ever after. Despite problems I've faced in my marriage, I can still proudly say that I've got 8+ years under my belt.
So don't go trying to read a whole lot of meaning into my statements and please GET OFF MY BACK! It's like you enjoy trying to poke holes or find fault with things I say. Jeez!!!  Angry

spikedcylinder:

Culture demands a lot of things, not all of them feasible. One just has to find a right blend and know what works. She wants her name, as an independent human being, she has that right. Any right thinking man, who does not have trust issues or even issues generally will not see it as a big deal.

dayokanu:

Examples of which are not feasible? Name change is just the norm when getting married

aloy/emeka:


True but name change is very very feasible. I don't see why the man is accused of having trust issues when the woman is the one who gave him the reason to be insecure. If Wale visits whorehouses and strip clubs everyday and his wife complains that he may be doing some nasty things there and he claims that she has trust issues and that is why she is complaining, will you agree with him?.

WackyJ1:

The name the woman wants to keep is her father's, the most important man in her life,  Now she's married, she should don the name of the current most important man in her life, all things being equal.

WackyJ1:

She should remember that she couldn't have kept this name she trying to keep if her mother didn't accept to change to her husbands name

dayokanu:

How would a woman be married and want to still go with her fathers name?

Welcome to twenty helehun.

dayokanu:

How would a woman be married and want to still go with her fathers name?

dayokanu:

How would a woman be married and want to still go with her fathers name?

jennykadry:

If she spent part of her money on the whole wedding ceremony thingy ,then she has a right to keep her papa's name

meexteriox:

Marriage demands so much, even name changing on the woman part. It's either she bears her maiden name alongside
her husband name or she bears the husband's name. I don't understand it when women begin to throw up issues that could bring
discomfort to both parties, what is the essence of the marriage then?

Ujujoan:

Tell them my sister . . .      

These men they want to eat their cake and have it. They waste no time to quote 'tradition' when it suits them and when it comes to money, they remember women empowerment! SMH!  

dayokanu:

Examples of which are not feasible? Name change is just the norm when getting married

jennykadry:

That is the way I see it. If a woman helped the man sponsor the wedding, then she has a right to certain decisions , if I was still single, I will send a packaged slap to any man that wants me to change my father's name after I used my own hard earned money to buy the cartons of star, gulder, maltina,coke,mirinda,amstel malt,small/big stout, harp e.t.c we used on our wedding day and a death warrant will be issued if I went further to buy the Nama(Cow) we used as well

Now back to the traditional thingy,If a man proposed to a woman, and wants her to come live with him, that man has to 100% cater for her., a womans money shouldn't come in at all.No sane man(yes dayo isn't )will wait on his wife's paycheck every fortnight/month to make ends meet.

I love my career and even with my career I still tif from baba kadry.   .Lol just reminded me of sthg that happened recently, I actually took ten dollars from his wallet (you know how our(we women) hands itch naaa The dude seized something of mine and told me to give him back his money or lose the thingy, anyways we finally came to an agreement, I agreed to pay him back installmentally for a period of 10months at 1dollar per month

Am I going to tif again, YES but I need to step up my game from 10 dollars to 15