I am getting tired of living with my husband.  we dated for 7 years before we got married but I never knew he had an alcohol problem. We are just married for over a year. He never stays at home. he will prefer to go and sit with other single men and drink, smoke and gist. He wont call t ask how we are doing. he comes home very late and leaves the house as early as possible.

I am an attractive chic,  even after a child, m still slim and can pass for a 16year old. He barely notices me. All he wants is to drink and smoke. I have picked quarrels with him and even threathened to walk out of the marriage. if he is sorry today, he gets worse tomorrow. sometimes he comes home at 2am and he is out again by 7.30am to return late at night. I need attention and someone to talk to most times. I cry at length and I am generally unhappy.

I am contemplating leaving the house for a week or so, if that will get his attention,  then maybe report him to his mum. I have spoken to him countless times and I am just TIRED. HELP ME PLEASE

Well suga, it sound like he doesn't love or respect you anymore. He is basically doing what single men do and letting you know otherwise.

The question remains what ARE YOU going to do about it? Are you going to insist on counseling or elder involvement? Are you going to separate for a month or two and see where you guys still stand?

There is nothing much you can do at this point since you both have a child. Are you involve in a church? If you are then see about getting the pastor to visit the home.

If your husband have a close friend or favorite cousin, see if they can talk to him about at least talking to you and working things out.

Hope these suggestions help chile! Good luck!

Seriously, why do you need attention?

Your husband isnt getting attention and he is not complaining?

What is it with women and attention for di-ckinson sake

HEy, get a job or something and everything would be fine.

This is not that hard to figure out.

@fstranger, I have a very demanding job but I need someone to share my thots and feelings with, i mean why did I get married in the first place.

@Mrs chima, we have had several discussions and he claims he loves and respects me but he just loves to drink and spend time with the boys. Its frustrating. M already contemplating going all out and having fun too, two can play the game!

funkee34:

@fstranger, I have a very demanding job but I need someone to share my thots and feelings with, i mean why did I get married in the first place.

Marriage is for baby making and intercourse and so you would have someone to share rent or mortgage with inorder to not end up on the rest

There are ups and sowns in relationships

Hey, dont you have friends, siblings, parents, coworkers,boss and proffesional bodies

Your husband is not there to listen to your sob story all the time, he needs his life too.

How would you feel if he comes home everyday dumping everyshyyt going on in his life on you, you'd feel miserable. He is tired and sick of your sob stories. What if he doesnt wake up tomorrow morning, what are you going to do, kill yourself?


Wake up from your slumber, take control of your life, he is not here to live for you.

How come you were not aware of his alcoholic problems this seven years you guys dated? marriage is menat to be a lifetime affair that's precisely where its beauty lies, when we stick through it all we become beautiful persons as we have lay down our life unconditionally for love. you DON'T HAVE TO MOVE OUT FOR HIM TO NOTICE YOU! HE WILL ONLY NOTICE YOUR physical ABSENCE. You may convert this period to verify the truth that you don't another human being to be fundamentally happy; i'd advise you take this time to draw closer to God, think on Him, Talk to Him let him be your Father and Friend in prayer and reading of the scriptures particularly the Gospels, leave all unto His hands and see healing and restoration happen. You will find your self having the strength and wholeness you need. God can change your husband in a split second but he will do it at his own pace not for an insufficiency of power but according to his wisdom and the sincerity and fervour with which you pray. H will definitely will wont to heal you you first cos you need it. Life is simple but not easy! God bless you!

49cents:

How come you were not aware of his alcoholic problems this seven years you guys dated? marriage is menat to be a lifetime affair that's precisely where its beauty lies, when we stick through it all we become beautiful persons as we have lay down our life unconditionally for love. you DON'T HAVE TO MOVE OUT FOR HIM TO NOTICE YOU! HE WILL ONLY NOTICE YOUR physical ABSENCE. You may convert this period to verify the truth that you don't another human being to be fundamentally happy; i'd advise you take this time to draw closer to God, think on Him, Talk to Him let him be your Father and Friend in prayer and reading of the scriptures particularly the Gospels, leave all unto His hands and see healing and restoration happen. You will find your self having the strength and wholeness you need. God can change your husband in a split second but he will do it at his own pace not for an insufficiency of power but according to his wisdom and the sincerity and fervour with which you pray. H will definitely will wont to heal you you first cos you need it. Life is simple but not easy! God bless you!

Do you think God has time for shyyt like this

There is more than one million planes in the air throughout the world at any given time, more than a billion cars on the road, more than 100,000 houses burning, more than 500000 women trying to give birth, more than 100000 high risk surgeries, wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, protests in Tunisia, Egypt, asteroids coming our way and a host of other things requiring God attention, and you think God's would have time for her when she put herself in that men.

Why do you ask for God's help for something you can do yourself, do you think she is the only one with problems. Leave God out of this matter ok! Let her solve her own problem and if she cant, she doesnt deserve to live.

fstranger6:

Do you think God has time for shyyt like this

There is more than one million planes in the air throughout the world at any given time, more than a billion cars on the road, more than 100,000 houses burning, more than 500000 women trying to give birth, more than 100000 high risk surgeries, wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, protests in Tunisia, Egypt, asteroids coming our way and a host of other things requiring God attention, and you think God's would have time for her when she put herself in that men.

Why do you ask for God's help for something you can do yourself, do you think she is the only one with problems. Leave God out of this matter ok! Let her solve her own problem and if she cant, she doesn't deserve to live.

God operates like one hell of a supercomputer just that in his case he never gets tired watches us like we are the only thing for him to mind. Jesus said that not even a sparrow falls to the ground without his knowledge and that we are worth more than sparrows. Even if this were not in the scriptures its fathomable cos the being that put the universe even as scientist have discovered is capable of minding every thing he created at the the same atime.

Prayer is the response to the reality that we were made by someone else and the meaninglessness of life even with all its satisfactions we may be deriving from it.

49cents:

God operates like one hell of a supercomputer just that in his case he never gets tired watches us like we are the only thing for him to mind. Jesus said that not even a sparrow falls to the ground without his knowledge and that we are worth more than sparrows. Even if this were not in the scriptures its fathomable cos the being that put the universe even as scientist have discovered is capable of minding every thing he created at the the same atime.

Prayer is the response to the reality that we were made by someone else and the meaninglessness of life even with all its satisfactions we may be deriving from it.

The next time you respond to my post and you put GOD or Jesus anywhere in your reply, I will personally 'gbebo' because of you and i will add to that by cursing you out in the nude for seven days.

May you and your God perish in circle 8 of Dante's inferno!

fstranger6:

The next time you respond to my post and you put GOD or Jesus anywhere in your reply, I will personally 'gbebo' because of you and i will add to that by cursing you out in the unclothed for seven days.

May you and your God perish in circle 8 of Dante's inferno!

Funny and sad that finite and created human beings can loathe the only thing that can bring happiness to their finite hearts, that is insatiable by infinite measure of finite things (bite this if you can). YOU are like the little bird (the size of the hummingbird the world's smallest bird) that Chinua achebe wrote of in one his classics, who challenged his chi(personal god) to a fight after a full belly. an ant daring an elephant does not even describe, what a human being does when he deliberately ignores his maker. GOD. now go and gebo and go unclothed for seven days. am too protected for your likes!

49cents:

God operates like one hell of a supercomputer just that in his case he never gets tired watches us like we are the only thing for him to mind. Jesus said that not even a sparrow falls to the ground without his knowledge and that we are worth more than sparrows. Even if this were not in the scriptures its fathomable cos the being that put the universe even as scientist have discovered is capable of minding every thing he created at the the same atime.

Prayer is the response to the reality that we were made by someone else and the meaninglessness of life even with all its satisfactions we may be deriving from it.

I don't think you are normal at all, you must be a cannibals.

lol

@funkee

I have friend that drink and smoke and their partner never knew. what i will advice yu keep to 49cent comment.

God he's the only one that can help yu out of this don't mind pple here telling yu to divorce or leave yur home.

and never follow that baboon that call himself fstranger, I think the guy was just release 4rm Yaba psychiatric hospital.

funkee laugh out loud now!

If your husband loves you and respect you then you wouldn't have wrote a thread complaining about him online.

The harsh truth hurts and do something about it.

fstranger6:

Seriously, why do you need attention?

Your husband isnt getting attention and he is not complaining?

What is it with women and attention for di-ckinson sake

HEy, get a job or something and everything would be fine.

This is not that hard to figure out.

Seriously?! Wait till u're grown!

funkee34:

I am getting tired of living with my husband.  we dated for 7 years before we got married but I never knew he had an alcohol problem. We are just married for over a year. He never stays at home. he will prefer to go and sit with other single men and drink, smoke and gist. He wont call t ask how we are doing. he comes home very late and leaves the house as early as possible.

I am an attractive chic,  even after a child, m still slim and can pass for a 16year old. He barely notices me. All he wants is to drink and smoke. I have picked quarrels with him and even threathened to walk out of the marriage. if he is sorry today, he gets worse tomorrow. sometimes he comes home at 2am and he is out again by 7.30am to return late at night. I need attention and someone to talk to most times. I cry at length and I am generally unhappy.

I am contemplating leaving the house for a week or so, if that will get his attention,  then maybe report him to his mum. I have spoken to him countless times and I am just TIRED. HELP ME PLEASE

I quite understand ur plight cos i hav a cousin wif similar issue.My advice is u look for someone he respects (it could be his pastor,mom or dad,uncle or any relative) then report the issue let them talk to him.U've not explored all the options yet so don't opt out of ur marriage.

Some women nag men out of the house, I hope this is not the case here. You guys dated for so long and I am sure these traits did not start a year ago. Why complain now
You guys should try to work issues out

Please just ignore that stranger up there
If you can't communicate with your husband, then what is the point.
So she should be telling her colleagues her personal thoughts? How old are you again. Shior.

@ poster
First of all, please don't have it in mind that your husband doesn't love you o, he probably does. He is just finding it hard to change from the single to "married" mentality

All this teaching him a lesson talk by moving out of the house usually backfires. Don't live your matrimonial home if you have any plans on going back.

7 years is a very long time not to know a dude well especially one that smokes so can't really blame him, he is just doing what he has been doing all along

His idea of marriage might be different from yours, so all you have to do is communicate with him you are his woman so you should know how what to do and how to talk to your husband.

//

chaircover:

Apart from his going out do you two get along in the home?

The reason I ask is because it could be that there are other reasons why the guy doesnt want to be round you. I know you mentioned your good physical features, but you need more than that to keep a man interested.

First point of call is to try and work out why he feels the need to drink and smoke away from the home rather than open a can of beer or whatever it is that he drinks in his own sitting room and in your company.

So you want him to drink and smoke away in their matrimony home, and have the child and wife inhale second hand smoke that result in lung cancer?

I am telling you, this attention thingy is going to kill some people


OP: dont mind these people jare, let him be!

fstranger6:

So you want him to drink and smoke away in their matrimony home, and have the child and wife inhale second hand smoke that result in lung cancer?

I am telling you, this attention thingy is going to kill some people


OP: dont mind these people jare, let him be!

laughing, This thread is becoming funny,,, see some drastical advice waooo, by their speach u Will know them.
OP becareful, dont do say becos ur Man. Is a thief then u Will become a thief line him.
This Will help nô matters, i am sûre u lovéd him befor getting married to him. Like some1 said, report him to some1 u know hé lové and respect. But dont Forget to pray about it. Remember hé is not just ur Hubby, but also thé father of ur child.
I am sûre u CAN Work things out without been aggresive. Is there nô Time hé is himself? Maybe that could be thé best Time to discuss with him about how u feel. May God rebuild ur home for u.

^^^^^

I dont get your point

So you support Chaircover's advice that the OP should make her husband smoke at home?

thnx all for your advice.

funkee34:

thnx all for your advice.

You are very welcome

NL is one big family

We love to ignore our problems and solve someone else's

Any other problem, please feel free to come back and ask for our input.

And may you always have reasons to come back here. Amen!

Your husband is a very young man and he goes out there in search of fun.
He loves you but he wants his fun.
All you need to do is have more fun waiting for for him at home.
You are a woman , and at you age i do not think I need to educate you on how to seduce a man and make him dangle out his tongue.
You may be pretty but frigid. maybe after years of marriage you take those things for granted and are living like an old married woman.
Drop this role of nagging wife and mother and take up another role.
Try opening the door in some sexy outfit and give him a night he can`t forget and watch him running home the next night for more.

fstranger6:

You are very welcome

NL is one big family

We love to ignore our problems and solve someone else's

Any other problem, please feel free to come back and ask for our input.

And may you always have reasons to come back here. Amen!

Warrior! Walahi you go kill pesin for NL one day, LOOOOOOL

@Poster,

i really do not believe that you and your husband dated for seven years.I say this because seven years is enough for you to know that at least he likes to drink.Even if he was able to hide his love for different 'skirts' from you maybe because you guys weren't staying together, you must have noticed his likeness for alcohol. Another good question is:This guy dated you for seven years and still found you attractive enough to marry. What happened after the marriage? I will advice that while you still try to bring him home - LOOK CRITICALLY AT YOURSELF AND SEE WHERE YOU MAY HAVE GONE WRONG! All the best

Mrs Chima, stop given advises that you're not qualified or trained for. What has sudden drinking after marriage has to do with not loving her. this's a woman that dated her husband for 7yrs, never see this part and never see anything wrong with herself except that she looks 16. You should have stoped at surgesting counselling. STOP,STOP, STOP!!! This woman maybe more than 16, but chronologically, she's still functioning at that age level

ofala:

@Poster,

i really do not believe that you and your husband dated for seven years.I say this because seven years is enough for you to know that at least he likes to drink.Even if he was able to hide his love for different 'skirts' from you maybe because you guys weren't staying together, you must have noticed his likeness for alcohol.

my thots exactly.How is it possible,that for 7 yrs you didn't even perceive alchohol on his breath?That's a blatant bare faced lie.Let's just say it got worse after marriage.

- LOOK CRITICALLY AT YOURSELF AND SEE WHERE YOU MAY HAVE GONE WRONG! All the best

Why must it be her fault.The bloke has simply become irresponsible.Once a habit takes control of you (except money-making habit)You loose all sense of direction & self-control.But then again,who knows might just be the op's fault.A lot of screws are missing here.
This thin called marriage sef don tire me,na by force to marry.Damned if u do,damned if u don't  

cold:

This thin called marriage sef don tire me,na by force to marry.Damned if u do,damned if u don't  

, This is quite amusing but the truth is that if getting married is because every other person do, i wouldn't but you really have to find THAT ONE PERSON you can accommodate no matter what. A friend, a lover and soul-mate. Difficult these days but easy if you have space in your heart.

Just put on ur mini skirt, go out and join him 4 a drink & smoke, nothing spoil.