Ujujoan:

You didn't read her post well . . . .

She didn't leave the first guy, he married someone else while she was waiting for him.

There's nothing wrong with a woman setting a target for herself and working towards achieving it. If she wants to get married at 30 and is not 33, I'd assume that all her relationship efforts will be towards settling down . . . no?

Try and be a little more sensitive to her case . . . a woman of 23 losing a 6-year relationship will not feel the same way a woman of 33 will.

She doesn't need one year to tell when a man treats her right . . . maybe she dosen't really 'love' him, but she could . . over time.

Thank you. I knw aint desperate and i believe God will compensate my wasted years

@uju
The guy was married for convenience and was trying to get a divorce THUS asking her to be patient MEANING when he gets a damn divorce from wifey numero uno.
He specifically ask her to wait for him and SHE is the one who decided there was no point waiting. Only someone desperate to marry quickly will dismiss such man. What stopped her from waiting if she LOVED that man? Oh sorry, of course she doesn't know what the word LOVE means.

@OP
IMO, you are playing a high risk game.
Most men below 30's prefer to test water before taking the leap. Ask yourself the question if you can afford to wait only to be disappointed.
dating an older woman surely isn't a problem but marrying one is a whole lotta different ball game.

Guy u just speak my mind. I was going to ask her if she has been 'hit' by dis guy but decided to reserve it cos it might be sensitive to her. "Most men below 30's prefer to test water before taking the leap" I had to re-quote this phrase for u poster. most times, they keep on bleeping u till u com 2ur senses.

bloody hell mr brown, wait for a man who for years have been trying to get a divorce?a man who refused to tell his gurl of 6yrs that he is married? And pls dont tell me he was so scared of losing her hence his reason for keeping it to himself

MRbrownJAY:

@uju
The guy was married for convenience and was trying to get a divorce THUS asking her to be patient  MEANING when he gets a damn divorce from wifey numero uno.
He specifically ask her to wait for him and SHE is the one who decided there was no point waiting. Only someone desperate to marry quickly will dismiss such man. What stopped her from waiting if she LOVED that man? Oh sorry, of course she doesn't know what the word LOVE means.

I shld wait for another hw many years. A guy i didnt meet his parents in 6yrs. A guy his brother told me to  move on and he was sellfish i for telling me to wait for him. A guy his friend told me culd never make me happy but despite all these i waited.
I loved this guy so much so thats y i waited for him but wot of if she didnt give him divorce? This is a question he culdnt find answer to when i ask him. And u knw wot he didnt tell me directly to move on but i have to stand on my feet.
He told me he has made the biggest mistake of his life cos of impatience. WOts trying to do wit papers whn he has a very good job.
Dnt blame me for anythg please and see me as  ur sister as well

jennykadry:

bloody hell mr brown, wait for a man who for years have been trying to get a divorce?a man who refused to tell his gurl of 6yrs that he is married? And pls dont tell me he was so scared of losing her hence his reason for keeping it to himself

Jenny u r a real woman. Mayb he was using me as nigeria sex machine. Some men are inconsiderate.

MRbrownJAY:

@uju
The guy was married for convenience and was trying to get a divorce THUS asking her to be patient  MEANING when he gets a damn divorce from wifey numero uno.
He specifically ask her to wait for him and SHE is the one who decided there was no point waiting. Only someone desperate to marry quickly will dismiss such man. What stopped her from waiting if she LOVED that man? Oh sorry, of course she doesn't know what the word LOVE means.

Abeg oh . ,  if you as a man want to marry 'for convenience', won't it be fair to discuss it with your gf of many years first    

The fact that she found out from someone else is already enough grounds to doubt him. . . .

How long will a lady continue to be 'dumb' for us to say she's in love? Till when his first son become old enough and he offers him to her to marry? Can we then say she knows what love means?

It's very important for us to be wise in everything we do. If  a man lies to me about something as important as marriage, I will not stick around to hear why . . . . and I'm not even 30!  

She waited for him for 6 years . . .  tell me how long she has to keep waiting before we know she's not desperate    

@Jenny
LOVE will have anyone go through/wait for way more than that.
I will not discuss the reason why or not he got married but the OP didn't know jack about him but yet "supposedly" loved him. If she truly did then she would have waited, married or not. Let's forget about this time frame of 6yrs because we can clearly see that they didn't know each other well enough from this LDR!

MRbrownJAY:

@Jenny
LOVE will have anyone go through/wait for way more than that.
I will not discuss the reason why or not he got married but the OP didn't know jack about him but yet "supposedly" loved him. If she truly did then she would have waited, married or not. Let's forget about this time frame of 6yrs because we can clearly see that they didn't know each other well enough from this LDR!

ROTFLMAO

MBJ is talking about 'LOVE'!

LMAO

Abeg six years is six years . . . . LDR or not!

be sincere
Be wise with this new guy and like i said don't give yourself to him fully. If he wants you and cherishes you let him make a marital move

Once bitten twice shy

@uju

Mba, they want her to wait for another 6 yrs. I must commend her for walking out. No woman whether na arrangee marriage or not should date a married man

who knows if this present guy was just sent to  dry away all the tears she's shed morning afternoon and worst of all @ night before going to sleep.

jennykadry:

be sincere
Be wise with this new guy and like i said don't give yourself to him fully. If he wants you and cherishes you let him make a marital move

Once bitten twice shy

@uju

Mba, they want her to wait for another 6 yrs. I must commend her for walking out. No woman whether na arrangee marriage or not should date a married man

who knows if this present guy was just sent to  dry away all the tears she's shed morning afternoon and worst of all @ night before going to sleep.

Don't mind them . . . . MBJ will be the first to call her desperate if she came here to say her boyfriend was married!

mr brown six years is 365 multiply by 6. LDR or not he would have told her even when he visited naija that he's married.

And to think that he was working to get her a visa ,what would she have done if she got there? Be left to live on the streets or sell her body to earn a decent living? A man whose brother and friend saw him for the manipulating arsehole that he is and told to her to run with her slippers on her head but she still stayed praying that things work out well.

what else do you peeps want her to do?

jennykadry:

be sincere
Be wise with this new guy and like i said don't give yourself to him fully. If he wants you and cherishes you let him make a marital move

Once bitten twice shy

@uju

Mba, they want her to wait for another 6 yrs. I must commend her for walking out. No woman whether na arrangee marriage or not should date a married man

who knows if this present guy was just sent to  dry away all the tears she's shed morning afternoon and worst of all @ night before going to sleep.

its just to much for me. My family and friends actually left me to bear the pains cos they believed that they had said enuf.

@sincere
The fact that MARRIAGE is what you seek at all cost proves that you've no idea what love means. You asked ME how long you should have waited?!?! For how long as it takes, if you loved him!!!
If the wife didn't give him divorce then you would have acted ACCORDINGLY then, the fact that you planned ahead and decided that you were too old to wait shows how desperate you were. Now you ended up with nonsense r/ship and need advices! Here is my advice to you: go back to your first guy! Lol

@Uju
What makes you think she met him before he left?! It sounds more like they met here while he was already married there. . . . You know the holiday romance?
Btw the guy was down and feeling miserable and shiit about the whole divorce issue(that's when he needs her SUPPORT) but this OP's concern was only about getting married. . . . . and that's when Cinderella decided to leave.

BeSincere

abeg don't worry jare you've found someone who holds you ,confides in you expresses his love for you physically and emotionally. No be that one that was busy doing phone intimacy half of the time with you and spanking the arse of his oyibo wife

You have been liberated.

MRbrownJAY:

@sincere
The fact that MARRIAGE is what you seek at all cost proves that you've no idea what love means. You asked ME how long you should have waited?!?! For how long as it takes, if you loved him!!!
If the wife didn't give him divorce then you would have acted ACCORDINGLY then, the fact that you planned ahead and decided that you were too old to wait shows how desperate you were. Now you ended up with nonsense r/ship and need advices! Here is my advice to you: go back to your first guy! Lol

@Uju
What makes you think she met him before he left?! It sounds more like they met here while he was already married there. . . . You know the holiday romance?
Btw the guy was down and feeling miserable and shiit about the whole divorce issue(that's when he needs her SUPPORT) but this OP's concern was only about getting married. . . . . and that's when Cinderella decided to leave.

Are u in the same shoes wit theis guy?I shld wait till am 40yrs all in d anme of love? This is ridicoulous!!! Dont u think the guy will even blame me after that i shld hv used my  brain and moved on? I acted ACCORDINGLY becos teh wife has refused to give him divorce which is wot he told me whn i confronted him. So i shld still wait for love sake right? I dont think he  needs me now cos he shld hv told me wot he was going into then i could used prayer and fasting to scatter them but he didnt open up to me for 6gd yrs and u said am desperate.
Most of u men dont hv hearts
THis was the same guy that told me to try to apply for student visa to join him but didnt give me any document. The 2 times i applied, i used pple's documents. He works with an multinational coy and his papers wuld hv helped me alot but i didnt knw he was just posting me. Thank God dey didnt even give me d visa then cos it wuld be worse after i got the shock of my life there.

the dude might not even want a divorce sef and only God knows if kids are involved.

Abeg let the guy go with him wahala

@Jenny
Why do you want to flog a dead horse?! YES, the guy made a few mistakes then came back to 9ja and is trying to better himself.
All you ladies making mouth, I want you to look at your husbands and children and tell me HONESTLY that you wouldn't have waited, even 10 yrs, for you spouse?!

The poster had NO PROBLEM with him being already married, her problem was that he didn't want to marry her NOW. People marry multiple people all the time.
Women are quick to talk about:" there aint no good men left"!!! Here is one but she walked away from him to go settle for spring chicken looking for sugar mummy fun or 40 year old divorcee.

@sincere
Since you believe love is irrelevant here then go marry any he-goat out there for MARRIAGE sake, and be done with it!
Some guy you are dating is ashamed of your age and asks you to lie about it and you are considering him?! Oh lawd!

wait 10 yrs for a spouse am I NUTs? Pls don't give me a high blood pressure with that 10 yrs stuff.This poster  tried . If a man is financially capable of taking care of his gf why on earth can't he marry her?

I met kadry and married him within a yr of knowing him. I was very young when i got married way before 23 sef and actually finished my schooling(tanx for his support) in his house. Talk less of if i be 28 yrs old,ten years gbakwa oku.

i wont lie to you, there is big deal, but it not comparedd since he said no problem, when i move to the usa when i was 16, the ppl i live with, the wife was older than the husband, she talks sumhow, but the man simply ignore this thing and move on since he knew this be4 they were married, now she just celebrated 50years old recently, and they live together like they just get married, nd their first child is 22years of age no divorce no nuttin, follow ur mind

So Jenny
Are you saying that if Mr Kadry wouldn't have married you, within let's say 5yrs, you would have left to seek for better man?!
Also you made a good point in saying FINANCIALLY ready but don't forget to write EMOTIONALLY ready too.

wel i tink u sk hm shld a

Will you be ready to cope with that divorced man with kids? I doubt so, However at 33, if you want to settle with a man older than you, mature and all (35 and up), well it'd be a man with a family situation already, either married or else

If the younger guy has no issue with age, you should go for it BUT I don't think you should lie about your respective ages! What if you guys get to the point of going official? Will he introduce you as a 26/27 y.o
Also if you mind the age gap now, it'll become totally uneasy in a couple of years ahead

MBJ

I cannot date a man for 5 years.  2 years sef is too much . If you find me sweet enough to sleep on your bed on weekends or sleepovers why am I not good enough to be in there permanently? The words of kadry a few months after i met him was ''i wanna date you in marriage'' . when I was in high school,i set out goals for myself to be achieved by the time i turn 30 i.e have my kids,first degree, masters/Specialise in a particular field and Phd(if required). Although my academic goals changed and I went for a very difficult course.

Some people can date their partners for years. Their choice but me?naaaa

MRbrownJAY:

@Jenny
Why do you want to flog a dead horse?! YES, the guy made a few mistakes then came back to 9ja and is trying to better himself.
All you ladies making mouth, I want you to look at your husbands and children and tell me HONESTLY that you wouldn't have waited, even 10 yrs, for you spouse?!

The poster had NO PROBLEM with him being already married, her problem was that he didn't want to marry her NOW. People marry multiple people all the time.
Women are quick to talk about:" there aint no good men left"!!! Here is one but she walked away from him to go settle for spring chicken looking for sugar mummy fun or 40 year old divorcee.

@sincere
Since you believe love is irrelevant here then go marry any he-goat out there for MARRIAGE sake, and be done with it!
Some guy you are dating is ashamed of your age and asks you to lie about it and you are considering him?! Oh lawd!

MBJ, u a heartless human being!! u hv a sister right? And dont say this culd never happen to ur sister cos it could.
Thats d problem wit u guys trying to reap where u didnt sow.
Whn he went to get married to d girl for papers did he inform me that he was going to do that for the sake of the 2 of us? NO
He got married to her, they were living in the same house, he denied me from coming over by n ot giving me his potential documents becos he knw i wuld want to stay wit him. He lied to me.
I discovered from his brother that he was married and i asked him abt it, he denied it. Pple including pastors told me he was married, i confronted him, he denied it. what & why was in still waiting for? LOVE!!! .
I finally did my finding last yr to knw the nam eof the MRS and after i confronted him , he had the gut to confess that he did it for papers. WHY?!! This is somebody that has a residential & work permit. Must u be a citizen? AAnnd the woman he used is not a fool so she stayed in dre as she is in her late 30s too.
You r now raising the roof that i left him after the lies, deceit and wasted time . You are just too selfish
He told me to wait without telling me why? Whao gave me the impression that they will finally divorce? At this age and time after hearing such case, i shld still way.
Look u can call the new guy any name u like spring chicken or chicken spring, i dont care. All i care for is my happiness oo. If that word is not in ur dico, u can add it now.
I want to be happy cos i deserve to be happy. And if God is ready to compesate with this younger guy, so be it. so far am comfortable wit him.
And if i didnt bring my case here, wuld u ever knw diff if u met us outside? NO!!
So please keep ur stupid advice to urself.

^^ Ouch!

@ OP no need to get temperamental,if you love this man and he loves you in return --- then be hopeful.

I guess you expect everyone to be telling you what you want to hear but, sorry, this is my views. If you don't like them then go and pay a therapist and have a one on one. . . . But if you come on a public forum then best be ready for anything.

Yes this could well happen to my sister and I would have given her the same advice. You couldn't wait due to your body clock being in its final phase and now want to blame others. . . . blame yourself!

You are so desperate for MARRIAGE that even your standards are all gone out the window and you are here contradicting yourself. In your first post you were uncomfortable with this boy's age but now you say you are comfortable with him because its "god's" calling (then why open this thread if you are so comfortable? duh!). Sorry babe, god's calling may have been your ex, a way for baba god to TEST your strength. FAILED!

So you want to bring religion in the matter, ok!!!!!!
This boy is ashamed of your old age AND ASKS YOU TO LIE while your ex was all about FORGIVENESS/REPENTANCE and you have the audacity to believe that this baby boy is god's calling?! I suggest you pick up your nearest bible and educate yourself, lady!

You would have more luck with any Lagos okada driver but as we can see, a man is a man, right? Happiness is coming, don't despair.

MRbrownJAY:

Is it just me or does OP sound desperate to get hitch?! (hello, body clock alert!!!)
Ok let's analyze this RAW:
First you think that dating someone for 6yrs was wrong BUT we can clearly see that you didn't know jack shiit about this STRANGER.

Second he ask you to wait for him but you were in such a hurry to get married that you left . . . I guess you had your body clock in mind.

Third only to meet a new guy that you have NO CLUE ABOUT and claim to "fall for" within a month, yeah right!!!
Haven't you learn anything from the past 6yrs?!

Fourth You would have normally "jumped out the car" when you heard he was so young (you even said you couldn't cope with it) but since you are SO desperate to get hitched with just about anyone, you continued this charade.

Fifth AND TO TOP IT ALL, while you are with this spring chicken, you are MEETING and CONSIDERING some 40yr old divorcee, damn how desperate are you?!
Here is a clue: if you keep on searching, while dating this young guy, it means he is NOT what you seeking for, so do yourself and him a favor and let him go.

As for the icing on the cake, you wrote: "it is so painful AT MY AGE to lose out just like that". Honey, I am sorry to say that thinking the way you do, you will probably NEVER find happiness!

Let me be the bearer of bad news: the fact that you don't have the discipline/time to focus on ONE PERSON and truly get to know them (desperate people tend to act this way) will end up in A) never truly knowing who you are dating B) ultimately marrying a stranger C) end up a miserable bitter wife when the honeymoon period is over.

Well said,i want to point out that being with some body for 6yrs and never knew he was married for what ever reason was fake,she was being materialistic collecting gifts from overseas for 6yrs and never thought of status with the guy. I think she should come clean about what she wants in her life because there is lots of deception in her and when a relationship is based on lies it is destined for doom.

endmoll:

Well said,i want to point out that being with some body for 6yrs and never knew he was married for what ever reason was fake,she was being materialistic collecting gifts from overseas for 6yrs and never thought of status with the guy. I think she should come clean about what she wants in her life because there is lots of deception in her and when a relationship is based on lies it is destined for doom.

Why is it that once someone talks about a bf abroad people just assume there were gifts involved

And even if there were, what the heck is the big deal

People sef!

MRbrownJAY:

I guess you expect everyone to be telling you what you want to hear but, sorry, this is my views. If you don't like them then go and pay a therapist and have a one on one. . . . But if you come on a public forum then best be ready for anything.

Yes this could well happen to my sister and I would have given her the same advice. You couldn't wait due to your body clock being in its final phase and now want to blame others. . . . blame yourself!

You are so desperate for MARRIAGE that even your standards are all gone out the window and you are here contradicting yourself. In your first post you were uncomfortable with this boy's age but now you say you are comfortable with him because its "god's" calling (then why open this thread if you are so comfortable? duh!). Sorry babe, god's calling may have been your ex, a way for baba god to TEST your strength. FAILED!

So you want to bring religion in the matter, ok!!!!!!
This boy is ashamed of your old age AND ASKS YOU TO LIE while your ex was all about FORGIVENESS/REPENTANCE and you have the audacity to believe that this baby boy is god's calling?! I suggest you pick up your nearest bible and educate yourself, lady!

You would have more luck with any Lagos okada driver but as we can see, a man is a man, right? Happiness is coming, don't despair.

Like I said earlier, you are not being sensitive or objective. Like every other man, you believe women should stick with anything a man throws their way . . . a sure sign of love you think?

Well I disagree . . . . . . . Destructive love is not real love.

Despite what we feel and think, one should do what is best for him/her self. I doubt if you would do any different is you were in her shoes.

@OP, you were in a 6 year relationship in which was mased on a lie. Well sh!t happens. Now you ended the relationship and you are searching, no crime in that.

My advice go with the one you love. There is no point wondering if it will last or not there was never a formular to predict these things.

If you must know ask the guy/girl who got married to the love of his/her life, in the end they probably has a different story to tell.

Moral of the story, no one will make you happy only yourself will and love with your mind and protect your heart with all you can for its your source of life.

I cant remeber where I got that last line from but somehow i believe it.

@Uju
I rather be practical. You date a guy for 6yrs on a LDR basis, things happen(good and bad) then when he is trying to make things right, she leaves. Fair enough but don't make HIM look like the devil while we can clearly see by her actions that she aint no better.

I certainly don't believe a woman should stay regardless of the r/ship at hand but I would surely like to know what was so "destructive" about this one.